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Tim had kind of lost his head, he is willing to admit that. It was just, everything had been so bad. Kon, Bart, Cass, Bruce, and his dad had all been died. Damion had been as vindictive and evil as ever through all of it, and Dick had chosen him over Tim. Dick had wanted Damion to be his Robin over Tim.
Then suddenly some of his heart ach started to lift. Bart came out of the Speedforce, Cass was alive. And Tim had been right, he was right about Bruce, and he could prove it. Then Kon had come back to him, the League had found Bruce.
His people had come back to him, he was a Titan again. He was Red Robin now.
And his feelings where all so fucked up and twisted, but he was improving. It all was improving.
Then he completely blew it.
Kon was sitting next to him, they had been watching some romantic comedy about Zombies falling in love? No wait, only one of the main characters was a Zombie, the girl was not. That doesn’t make sense.
He hadn’t really been giving it his full attention anyway. He had been having one of those moments he tends to get, the one where he can’t believe that anyone is alive. That everyone is actually okay.
The last time this had happened he had been at the manor, and it embarrassed the shit out of him but the only thing that had calmed his ragging anxiety was seeing Bruce, listening to his heartbeat under his T-shirt.
Anyway, Bruce had allowed a seventeen-year-old kid that wasn’t even technically his, to cling to him and listen to his heartbeat for about six hours before Tim had finally fallen into a rough sleep. Bruce had been kind, but he was still too embarrassed to even talk about the melt down. Despite Dicks best efforts.
Maybe once upon a time Dick could have helped Tim talk through the worse of his feelings and embarrassment, then he had taken Robin away.
Now Kon is sitting next to him, warm and laughing, because apparently this movie isn’t bad? And that should be enough. Enough proof that his friend is here with him. Expect Tim can’t think about how many of those dreams he had. Dreams where Kon and him sat next to each other watching a move like a normal Friday night.
Then he would wake up, alone and destroyed. Making another questionable attempt to clone Kon.
He still can’t believe Kon forgave him for that so easily.
Kon looked over at him and gave him a questioning eyebrow raise.
Tim’s breath had risen, just slightly. His heart rate was probably elevated as well, though it hadn’t started banging relentlessly in his chest yet.
Tim couldn’t even look over at him. He couldn’t see that face, only waiting for this dream to turn to a nightmare. Or worse, stay nothing but a dream.
He didn’t let the tears welling in his eyes fall, he refused, but it didn’t really matter Kon saw them anyway.
“Shit, Tim! Tim what’s wrong?”
Kon was here. Kon was here. He was…
Tim needed to hear it; it was the only way he would be able to convince himself.
He leans towards Kon slowly, he needs to hear his heartbeat but not if Kon doesn’t want Tim to touch him.
Not that Kon had ever been adverse to his touches before. But that had been before he tried to Clone Him.
Kon doesn’t move or flinch as Tim comes closer, just watches as Tim awkwardly brings his ear to Kon’s chest to listen.
Kon is rim rode straight and still, but his heart is beating.
Tim lets out a shaky exhale and rest his head against his chest a little more.
Kon slowly reaches a hand around his back. Resting it on his hip. Tim responds by wrapping his arm around Kon’s middle and melting.
He melts down into Kon’s hold, breath easing.
Kon relaxes too and starts moving his hand as he rubs Tim’s back.
“I just needed to hear your heartbeat for a minute.”
Tim feels the need to explain, even though Kon didn’t seem to be asking.
“Okay buddy. It’s okay. I’m here.”
The drum beat of his heart in his chest proves it, backs his statement with every thub-dub.
Thub-dub
I’m here.
Thub-dub
I’m-here.
Kon doesn’t say anything else. He just settles completely, with Tim in his arms, watching as the climax of the movie plays out. Love can heal Zombies, did you know?
Doesn’t matter. He’d watch the move again and again if Kon liked it.
Kon smell was filling his nostrils, his heartbeat filling his ears, the sight of his chest filling Tim’s sight as he continues to look down at it as it rises and falls with each one of Kon’s breath. Proof he was alive.
The feel of him wrapping Tim up in his arms.
Kon was filling his senses, filling him with a relief so powerful it was dizzying.
It clouded his mind. Fucked up his judgement.
Because Kon was alive and real and here.
And when he looked up, looked up to ask Kon what the fuck was actually happening in this movie, Kon had looked down at him.
His face was close, there had barely been any distance to close between their lips in the first place.
And without warning, Tim had closed it.
For about two glorious seconds he was kissing Kon.
Two second before his brain had caught up with his actions and he remembered this was Kon.
His friend, who didn’t want to kiss a fucked-up train wreck like Tim.
Who probably didn’t even want to kiss men?
Who Tim just forced himself on. Fuck.
Tim pulls away like Kon has burned him. His lips tingle and he wonders if Kon actually had.
He is standing up before Kon even opens his eyes.
And that’s when Tim realizes that Kon had closed his eyes.
He is backing up, stumbling out of living room with none of his normal grace.
“Kon. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
Kon is standing now too. He is walking towards Tim. He doesn’t look mad, simply confused and concerned.
Tim would have preferred mad.
“Tim, just wait a second.”
Kon could tell he was fleeing, but Tim was already a few steps away from the Zeta tubes.
“I can go. I’ll just go.”
Tim doesn’t mean to have tears; he doesn’t want to make this worse for Kon. He just is so embarrassed. And tired.
“Tim, please.”
But Tim had already set the Zeta for the one right outside the Cave, stepping through.
He looks back long enough to see Kon’s face fleetingly.
He has a hand reached out, a soft look of concern and sadness on his face.
Tim wishes he hadn’t turned to see it before the Zeta is whisking him away.
Of course. Of course, Dick is in the Cave.
Tim needs just one fucking second to gather himself and of course Dick is in the Cave during dinner time.
He looks up when Tim enters but doesn’t seem particularly concerned about the intrusion.
That is until he spots the tears streaming down Tim’s face.
“Timmers? Sweetie, what’s wrong?”
Why does Dick have to talk like a middle-aged mom all the time?
Why does he have to call him Timmers and cute pet names and give him hugs and care about him when Tim is trying to me mad at him.
He wants to be mad at him, not this sad, tired, feeling he feels all the time.
“I fucked up.”
Is all Tim is able to get out. Why bother hiding it. Dick already knows how much of a worthless fuck up he is, that’s why he took Robin away right?
Well, no. That isn’t what Dick said.
Dick had said that Damion needed Robin. That Tim was strong and ready to move on.
Something like that.
Dick has his arms around him in a crushing hug before Tim can get anymore words past his sobs.
God, he missed Dick’s hugs.
He wants to be stronger; he wants to not need this comfort. He wants to hate Dick. But its hard, so hard when Dick seems to be the only person that always loved him. Always wants him, even more then his own father did.
Thinking about his dad, the only person that Tim hadn’t gotten back, was probably a mistake because he cries harder.
“I ruined everything” Tim sighs out.
Because that’s what he did, and he knows it. The hitching breath and the sobs make it hard to get the words out.
“I’m gay.”
Dick doesn’t even flinch, doesn’t move away or do anything but continue his steady hold on Tim. And Tim had wanted to tell him. He’s wanted to for so fucking long, then Kon had died, and his world had ended and this rift between them seemed gapping and never ending.
But he had decided a year ago he wanted Dick to know.
“I kissed Kon.”
Dick still just holding him in a hug, rubbing his back and kissing the top of his head.
It felt so much better to let Dick in, just this once, just this little bit. Then to keep pushing him away.
“It’s okay baby-bird. It’s okay.”
Dick calling him baby bird makes him cry harder. Fuck he had missed that nickname. He missed Dick.
“It will be okay. I’ve got you.”
Tim believed him. Believed Dick had him.
“I ruined everything. He is going to hate me.”
Tim whimpers, because its true. Kon is his best friend, the best thing he has in his life. And Tim just fucking ruined everything.
“Oh Timmy, you didn’t. It’s okay. Kon will understand. And if he doesn’t, I have a Kryptonite bat-a-rang and Little D has anger problems.”
Tim snorted at that. The mention of Damion for once, not causing that pull between them.
“D doesn’t give a shit, he’d probably think I’m disgusting anyway”
For the first time Dick tenses in his arms.
“That isn’t fair Tim. He has come a long way. And you don’t know his views on this matter.”
Tim goes to pull away, he’s so fucking sick of Dick defending this kid.
But Dick is holding fast, and although he could probably break the hold, he doesn’t really have the energy or heart to pull away.
Besides, Dick may have a point. The fucking little gremlin has seemed less horrid since Bruce has come back. He hasn’t even tried to kill Tim recently.
“M’sorry” Tim sighs out.
It’s the most he is willing to give on the subject, but it’s enough.
Dick pulls back and looks at his face with a beaming smile.
It’s been a while since he had that sun of a smile directed at him, and he missed it.
“I know there is a lot of history there, bad history, that is mostly Damion’s fault. But I think on this one specific thing, you are being a little unfair. To him and yourself. You aren’t disgusting.”
Dick looks serious as he says the last line. And Tim wants to argue, argue that something is wrong with him.
His dad would have thought so anyway.
“You aren’t. You are accepted and loved here. I love you sweetie. Okay?”
Tim just nods his head. It’s not like he expected rejection from Dick…. but fear is irrational and it’s nice to lay this one to rest.
Footsteps on the stairs warn them the moment is about to be broken up.
Tim gives Dick once last squeeze as Damion and Bruce come into view.
“Drake is here?”
Damion is saying, his voice still sounds haughty but also, confused.
Bruce sees Tim’s distress and is instantly infuriated.
“What did he do to you?”
Tim is confused, he didn’t understand why Bruce was so angry. Dick was just hugging him?
“What?” Tim stutters out.
He hears Damion’s little Tsk, from over by the vault. The vault where they keep the Kryptonite.
“The clone did not tell us what he had done to you.”
Wait? He thought Superboy had done something?
Oh, that was a Kryptonite bat-a-rang
“Wait, wait! No no no. Kon didn’t do anything guys. It was me. My fault”
Both Damion and Bruce were looking at him now, waiting for them to continue.
“I’m gay.”
“I did not believe the Kent’s to be homophobic, I know the clone is technically not one of them but…”
Damion looks pissed, and about ready to use that bat-a-rang anyway.
“That’s not…there not.”
Tim is looking down, Bruce is looking at him, giving him his full attention and it’s too much. He hates the attention.
“I kissed him.”
Silence.
“I didn’t mean too, and I backed off right away. Then I left, I didn’t want him to feel weirder than he already did.”
Bruce hasn’t said anything, at all. And Tim is terrified.
“That explains why Conner wouldn’t tell us what happened.”
And yeah, that kind of makes sense. Because Kon wouldn’t out him. Even if he was mad at him, even if Tim fucked up. Kon just wasn’t that type of guy.
Tsk
“Thank you for telling me. I love you, nothing will change that.”
Tim is pretty sure all the oxygen in the room just suddenly came rushing back in. He takes a grateful deep inhale.
“Thanks B.”
Is all he is able to get out with a shaky voice.
Bruce just nods his head and gives him a small smile.
Damion is looking at him, with a tilt to his head. Then he seems to come to a decision.
“I appreciate your honesty Drake. It will not affect the way I see you or work with you.”
Tim is almost touched. And maybe this whole day is getting to him because he couldn’t stop the words if he tried.
“Love you too Little D.”
Damion tsk and goes tomato red in the face, but he doesn’t refute the love.
“You should talk to Conner. We sent him back to the tower, saying you weren’t here.”
Bruce has a small smile on his face, he seems a little awkward.
“I ruined everything. He is going to hate me.”
Tsk
“You don’t know that Tim. You should talk to him.”
With that Bruce and Damion leave to go suit up.
Dick goes with them, Tim debates going too, even though it supposed to be his night off.
“Talk. To. Him” Batman says sternly as Tim goes to suit up with the others.
Tim rolls his eyes but sees that Bruce wants him to take the night off, anyway.
He still puts his comm in his ear, so he will know if they need him.
It makes him feel a bit better when he doesn’t go out with them.
“Hey Red, Superboy is freaking out asking where you went.”
Barbara sounds annoyed.
“Hey O, did he sound mad?”
Tim doesn’t mean to sound like a huge ass wimp over the comms, but he just wanted a little bit of a warning if Kon was going to be mad at him.
“I’m not mad, but I would really love to not do this over the comms. Can I come meet you?”
Of course, Barbra had patched him in, the fucking asshole she is.
“Seriously O!”
“Sorry, not sorry”
“Hey, fuck off replacement, bring your drama somewhere else.”
Oh, Jason had been patched into this comm conversation…lovely.
“Cut the kid some slack Hood, its young love. You remember what that’s like don’t cha boo.”
Oh, and Roy.
“Fuck of Arsenal.”
“Red…” Kon’s voice comes out softly in the comm system. Barely there.
Tim sighs and pulls out his phone, because Kon is right, no need to have this conversation on the open Comm system with his brothers and Bruce.
Tim: Skate Park?
Kon: Yeah.
Well, better to get this over with, he supposes.
He goes up to his room at the manor hoping one of his old boards are still here. The RedBird is a touch too conspicuous to blend-in, in one of the poorest areas of his city.
And he is NOT asking Alf for a ride.
Plus, after he is devastated by Kon, a few minutes on his board might be a nice way to ease his pain, clear his head.
He almost grabs his camera knowing that would help settle his nerves too, but he doesn’t really want to look that much like a hipster cliché right now.
Tim is skating towards Kon, in his ‘jhorts’ and a ‘See you space cowboy…’ sweater and Kon just aches.
He aches for this lovely dweeb who is so fucking sad in his eyes. Even as he tries to smile and laugh and be with the team again.
He had heard the horror stories from Bart. Heard how he looked, how he was when Bart had first reemerged from the Speedforce.
He knows this version of Tim is him healing. Knows the fact that even though almost everyone who died is back, that isn’t going to take away from the months of pain Tim lived through, alone.
Because Fuck Dick Grayson and Damion Wayne.
He is almost positive he would let them burn in fire… Okay… Maybe not…
But still, fuck them.
Tim looks up at him like he is expecting Kon to behead him. Looking up at Kon like he would let him. Would just kneel down and let Kon dole out some punishment he has convinced himself he deserves.
He doesn’t realize Kon has wanted to kiss him since before he had even died. Back when it would have been way less cool because he was still dating Cass.
Kon had wanted him for so long, he’s pretty sure his longing is more a part of his DNA then whatever Lex had contributed.
Tim is standing right in front of Kon. One foot still on his bored for a quick get away Kon is sure, looking up at him with his stupid fucking puppy dog eyes.
God, Kon would destroy the world if for those eyes if Tim asked him too. And Tim didn’t even fucking know.
“I’m so sorry” Tim chokes out.
And Kon wishes he could just kiss Tim. Kiss him and cut off this conversation. A conversation they needed to have. They had needed it the moment Kon had come back.
Kon kind of feels like shit for pushing it off this long. Choosing instead to just, enjoy being around Tim. Enjoy the return of an easy friendship, filled with trust and love.
“Tim. I love you.”
Kon probably should have eased into that a bit more. But Tim had tears in his eyes and fuck if Kon knew what to do about that.
To his completely amazement Tim just nods his head and looks down, letting a tear slip past his cheek.
“I love you too. And I would do anything to keep you as a friend. I will get over this, I’ll move on. Please. Don’t stop being my friend over this. I know I don’t deserve it… but…”
Tim tapers off.
Kon knows there is a lot to unpack there, but he wants to focus on the part where his idiot of a best friend doesn’t understand what he meant.
“No Tim… you aren’t hearing me.”
Tim’s breath hitches, he hears him trying to push now a sob. Kon curses himself, he is fucking this up.
“I hear you... It’s too much. I get it.”
Tim sounds absolutely miserable the self-sacrificing fuck face.
Tim stands likes he’s going to push off on his board to make that quick getaway, but Kon intercepts him.
He steps down on the board so hard he almost snaps it.
He thinks he may just snap it, just to stop Tim from running away before he understands. Because he hasn’t been understanding Kon at all.
“You. Aren’t. Hearing. Me.”
Kon is actually going to get angry soon.
Tim shoots his head up to make eye contact, because Kon hasn’t really used that tone of voice with him.
Not when he wasn’t possessed anyway.
“I love you Tim. I love you in a gay way.”
If Tim wasn’t looking at him like a deer in headlights, he probably would be laughing his ass off at Kon right now.
I love you in a gay way… Come on man…
Well, it seemed to get his point across at least.
He’s still preparing himself for the ruthlessness Tim is going to show him when he is feeling himself again.
Eloquent as ever Superdude
He can hear it now.
“Really?”
God, Tim sounds so unsure. It makes something hot and protective fill Kon’s gut.
Red Robin is never unsure, never second guessing. Strong and competent.
And he had always known that Tim and whatever version of Robin he is… are not the same person. They never had been.
It still leaves him feeling warm and gooey when he thinks about how he is one of the few people that is allowed to know both.
Allowed to know this unsure hurt Tim.
Don’t get it twisted, it breaks his fucking heart. But it’s a heart-breaking honor for sure.
“Really really.”
Tim just nods his head again, looking shy and blushing.
Wow, he really loved him. Ohmygod.
“Okay. Okay. That… That’s honestly a little unbelieve to me right now. But I know you wouldn’t lie about something like that. So, I’m just like kind of stuck right now.”
Tim is talking fast and mumbling. Looking embarrassed and shy and Kon wants to kiss him again. Wants to kiss him so fucking bad.
“Well, can I kiss you?”
Suddenly Tim’s very cute and sweet shy face twist a little and Kon is terrified he had somehow miss stepped here.
“I’m sorry I didn’t ask…”
Kon throws his head back and laughs. Tim just looks on at him regretfully.
Fine then.
“Okay, yeah as a whole, that is kind of a shitty thing. But like, you can always kiss me Tim.”
Tim is blushing so hard.
“I will keep that in mind…”
His smile looks pretty close to sincere now.
“You ummm, you can kiss me too. If that’s like a thing… A thing you want to do?”
Oh, if Tim only knew the half of it.
Kon can explain to Tim later, how very much that is a thing he always wants to do. For now he settles for leaning in, pulling Tim gently with hands cupped on his cheeks, giving him a soft chase kiss.
He doesn’t even finish it before he feels Tim’s smile mess it up.
That’s okay, he loves when Tim smiles.
“Can I bring you back to the Tower now?” Kon ask softly.
“Yeah I’d…”
“Hey Red, you still in Gotham? They may need you down Crime Ally.”
“Replacement I swear, don’t step a fucking foot in my territory.”
“Hood, I’m bleeding bad…” Arsenal sighs out.
“Get your skinny ass here right now Replacement.”
Tim sighs, but when he looks up, he as a wicked glint in his eye.
“Wanna go save Hood’s ass then never let him live it down?”
“With you? Anything.”