Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Everything is going well; too well when he thinks about it. Killua didn’t really have a reason to suspect anything was seriously wrong, though.

After Gon had won Greed Island and received the Accompany card, Killua was certain that Gon was going to use it the moment they were out of the game to find his estranged father. However, the spiky haired Hunter surprised Killua—as Gon is prone to do—and decided that he wanted to go back to Whale Island to see his Aunt Mito before using the card. Killua didn’t really have any disagreement with this. After all, the longer it takes for Gon to reunite with Ging, the longer Killua gets to stay with Gon—not that Killua doesn’t want Gon to find Ging; Killua just doesn’t want Gon to find Ging so soon, preferably. Killua isn’t sure what he will do after they find Ging, anyways, so the longer it takes, the less he has to think about it.

They had bid farewell to Bisky, who wished them luck, and the duo took the next airship to the docks where they would find a boat travelling to Whale Island. Killua and Gon had both stayed on the deck, watching as the crewmates walked to and fro completing their duties, with Gon talking every now and again about what the two of them were going to do once they got to the island. Gon insisted that there were still many places he hadn’t been able to show Killua last time, and Killua made a show of teasing Gon about holding out on him last time, as if Gon didn’t trust him or something. Killua laughed when Gon started pouting, saying that he wouldn’t be mean to Killua.

Once they arrived on the island, though, a nervousness had spread through Killua. Gon had departed almost immediately, waving and shouting greetings at the townsfolk lingering around the docks, but Killua had found himself rooted to the spot next to the railing. It was like he couldn’t take the few steps to leave the ship, but he didn’t know why. It wasn’t until Gon had paused and turned to look at Killua with a questioning gaze that Killua found his feet moving. He gave an easy smile as he walked over to stand beside Gon, who returned Killua’s small smile with one of Gon’s beaming ones that always causes Killua’s breath to leave his lungs suddenly. He followed along slightly behind Gon as they travelled the path to the exit of the town, stopping every once in a while when Gon either started up a conversation with a person or saw something interesting that he had to point out to Killua. Along the walk, Killua had forgotten about his nervousness until they crested the hill that hid Gon’s house from view, confirming his slight theory that he was just nervous about seeing Gon’s family again; he didn’t want to mess up and cause Gon to hate him.

Gon’s Aunt Mito was once again hanging laundry outside when Gon yelled her name. Even from the space separating them, Killua could see how her shoulders had tensed momentarily before she had whirled around to face them, the sheet in her hands falling forgotten to the ground. A smile formed on her face—a beaming smile that reminded Killua of Gon—before she was running towards them, meeting Gon halfway as Killua watched, slowly walking over to stop awkwardly beside them.

“Gon! You’re back!” Gon’s Aunt had said as she leant back from the hug with Gon, looking him over, before she turned her eyes to Killua, who will not admit to tensing slightly at the attention, and looked him over, too. “You’re back, too, Killua!” Killua inwardly yelped when she grabbed his arm and forced him to join her and Gon’s makeshift group hug. He bit his lip as he waited for the hug to be over, uncertain, as always, as to what to do with his hands, beside leaving them straight by his sides. She hadn’t seemed to mind, though, when she pulled back, and Killua was shocked to see tears sparkling in her eyes and rolling down her flushed cheeks. She looked between the both of them before removing her hands from their shoulders to wipe at her tears. “I’m so glad to see you both again!”

Killua found his mouth suddenly dry at the thought that she was actually happy to see him. Gon, he understood. After all, Gon was practically her son, but Killua…Killua was just Gon’s friend. He couldn’t understand why she would possibly be so happy to see him that she had cried—although, those were probably only tears for Gon, and he just happened to be there for the private moment; that does make more sense. No one has ever been so happy to see him that they cried, and he couldn’t find any reason as to why Gon’s Aunt would. On second thought, his mother would cry to see him again, but he shoved that thought out of his mind; his mother was insane.

“I’m sure you two are hungry,” she said as they had walked back over to where Gon’s Aunt had dropped the sheet. She picked it up and shook it out but continued looking at them. “Dinner will be ready in a bit after you two wash up.”

“Aunt Mito!” Gon had whined before balking when she leveled him with a glare that caused Killua’s lips to twitch as he forced himself not to chuckle at Gon’s reaction. “Okay! Come on, Killua!” Gon had ran towards the front door, and Killua watched him fling the door open, yelling a greeting to his grandmother before he felt Gon’s Aunt’s gaze still on him. He turned back to her and stiffened.

“Thank you for having me again on short notice, ma’am” he had formally said, looking down at the grass by her feet. Her next response had caused him to suddenly look up at her, his eyes wide.

“I’m always happy to see you, Killua,” she said with a smile. “Don’t consider yourself a stranger. You’re always welcome here.” He had merely nodded before he turned and fled after Gon, biting down on his lip against the strange tightness in his chest at her words.

He and Gon had bathed and then ran down the stairs to find that, as Gon’s Aunt had said, dinner was ready. Killua and Gon had sat, and Killua remembered to wait this time, as Gon and his family did their thanking before eating.

 In fact, everything was perfect until the sun set which, after finishing their meal and Gon’s Aunt waving them away from helping clean up, led to him and Gon racing up to Gon’s bedroom to see who could get there first (Gon only won because Killua let him, obviously). After a short play argument over who won, ended by Gon’s Aunt calling up that they better be getting ready for bed, they changed into their sleeping clothes and slipped under the blanket on Gon’s bed, both of them barely fitting and earning a few laughs as they struggled to find comfortable positions without shoving each other off said bed. Eventually, they settled and bid each other goodnight before Killua heard Gon’s breath even out. Killua won’t ever admit to being envious of Gon’s uncanny ability to fall asleep almost instantly; although he might, just maybe, be slightly jealous.

However, after laying in the bed, staring out the window for seconds and then minutes and then an hour, counting his and Gon’s breaths, he realized something is wrong. He can’t sleep. He shifts a bit before closing his eyes. The only sounds he hears are his and Gon’s breathing, not even the house creaks. A cold sweat starts to form on the back of his neck, his breath catching in his throat as he forces his eyes to stay shut. The sudden, overwhelming quiet reminds him, though, of that…that place. (He refuses to call it his home, as it can barely even classify as a house. At least, not after he first got to stay here at Gon’s home.) It was always quiet in that place. He almost feels like he is back in the room that used to be considered his, staring at the roof and counting his own breaths in the dead silence as he waits for sleep to overcome him. There were never any sounds there, either.

With a sharp inhale, he simultaneously opens his eyes and slips off the bed, landing softly on the balls of his feet. As he straightens, he casts a quick glance at Gon, and his lips twitch slightly at his sleeping figure before he turns towards the door, his body tense and his face serious. He doesn’t make a sound until he opens the door, wincing as it makes a low groan. He pauses, listening, but the silence is still deafening, excluding Gon’s even breaths, and he creeps out of the room, managing to shut the door quietly this time.

He sneaks down the stairs, his bare feet hardly making a sound, and slips out the front door. It isn’t until the door shuts behind him that he lets out a deep breath, realizing all at once why he is having trouble sleeping. The sounds of the night now surround him, causing his stance to relax. Ever since he left that place, he has been surrounded by some type of noise as he slept.

During his first Hunter Exam, he only slept once, and it was in that ship with the sounds of the ocean surrounding him and Gon; and in York New City, the sounds of the city that never slept filled the rooms, and in Heaven’s Arena, he would sometimes fall asleep with the television still on whatever channel he had been watching; while on Greed Island, the noise of the wilderness or Bisky’s quiet humming had helped him fall asleep. But now, in the winter of Whale Island, he and Gon can’t sleep outside, and it won’t feel right to open a window when Gon’s Aunt Mito is trying to keep the house decently warm for Gon’s grandmother. He can’t feel a difference in the weather, not really, but he remembers Gon complaining that the night always got colder during the winter months.

With a sigh, he plops down on the edge of the porch, pulling his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around them, and looks out over the island. The wind whistles, rustling his hair, and he can hear a few animals moving about in the woods, and without the sounds of insects that seem to be everywhere but Whale Island at the moment, he can hear the call of the ocean as it laps against the land. Almost without realizing it, his chin droops to rest on his knees and his eyes slip shut, listening to the natural lullaby the island makes.

It is only when he registers a different, unnatural noise in the back of his mind (a small metallic click) that he tenses at the presence that appears out the door behind him. He whirls around, shifting to a crouched position and comes face to face with Gon’s shocked Aunt. He blinks slowly at her, his mind whirling, and she relaxes, a smile stretching on her lips as she looks down at him. When she squats down in front of him, he relaxes his position and forces himself to sit cross legged in front of her.

“Did I wake you?” he asks, guilt gnawing inside him, before she can even answer. She shakes her head, a smile still on her lips.

“I was in the kitchen,” is all she says before she holds out a steaming cup that he hadn’t registered before, causing him to stare blankly at it. “I heard the door shut and figured you might like some hot chocolate.”

His cheeks warm at the gesture, and he takes the steaming cup without meeting her gaze. She watches him for a moment before shifting to join him at the edge of the porch, sitting more comfortably as she looks towards the town hidden behind trees and hills. He turns so he is facing the trees again and takes a hesitant sip of the beverage. It’s liquid gold on his tongue, and he hums contently at the deep chocolate taste.

“Having trouble sleeping?” she randomly asks, and he flinches, hissing as he almost spills some of the delicious liquid. He doesn’t miss the chuckle that she barely holds back, though, and it certainly does not make him pout. She doesn’t seem affected by his lack of verbal response, though, seemingly content to continue sitting beside him with nothing but the sound of the island and his staggered sips between them.

He waits a few more moments, turning the confession and its consequences in his mind a few times, before quietly speaking into the cup, “It’s too quiet.” She hums in acknowledgement, and he is thankful that she doesn’t look over at him. He doesn’t think he could go on if she had. He continues speaking as he stares at the dark brown liquid swirling in the cup, “I haven’t…slept in the silence…for a while.” He doesn’t tense when he feels the warmth of her hand cover his shoulder, but he can’t force his gaze away from the patterns forming on the liquid.

“When he was younger, Gon also used to have trouble sleeping in the silence. I’m sure it’s from Ging sleeping outside with him before he was brought here.” He gazes at her, then looks away when she glances over. “I used to have to hum him to sleep.”

“He doesn’t seem to have that problem anymore,” he grumbles before he can stop himself causing her to chuckle.

“No, he sleeps like a rock now,” she agrees. They fall silent, and he sets down the empty cup on his other side. She doesn’t move, and he is certain he doesn’t either, but he finds himself leaning against her shoulder as she hums, the hand once on his shoulder combing through the hair at the nape of his neck in a way that causes him to relax and sigh, his eyes slipping shut.

He is dimly aware of arms slipping under his knees and back before the front door creaks open and the warmth of the house envelopes him. The humming continues as he is carried up the stairs, snuggling closer to the person holding him. He gets placed on something soft—Gon’s bed, he realizes when Gon’s steady, deep breathing joins the quiet humming. He is certain that she will leave now, and the silence will surely drag him back to full awareness, but there’s a dip in the bed beside him, and a hand goes back to combing through his hair while the humming softens. He blearily forces his eyes open and Aunt Mito smiles at him, leaning down to kiss his forehead. A warmth blooms from his cheeks, but unlike the usual warmth, this warmth is comfortable and not embarrassing.

“Goodnight, Killua,” she says as she continues humming. He smiles and nuzzles against her hand as his eyes slip back shut.

He mumbles a reply, not noticing the slight hitch in her movement and hum before they’re back, lulling him into a comfortable, warm, and deep sleep.

Chapter Text

She is hanging the laundry out to dry when she hears it. A voice that she didn’t think she would hear again so soon. “Aunt Mito!” She gasps, whirling around to see her boy running towards her. The sheet slips from her grasp as she moves towards him, scooping him up in a hug when she gets close enough.

“Gon!” she cries, tears welling up in her eyes. “You’re back!” She pulls back from the hug to look him over. Besides appearing slightly taller and muscular, she cannot see any injuries. She then turns her gaze to the boy standing slightly away from them, watching the scene. She looks him over, as well, noticing that he also got taller, but still looked the same way he had the last time she saw him months ago. “You’re back, too, Killua!” The tears start to make her vision blurry, so she grabs ahold of his arm and Gon’s arm to pull them both into a tight hug. She notes that Killua still has the same reaction to her hug that he had last time, though he does seem to relax faster, even if he doesn’t move to hug her back, but she doesn’t mind; she’s just glad that they both decided to come back and are unharmed.

She pulls back, removing her hands to wipe away the tears rolling down her cheeks. “I’m so glad to see you both again!” she admits with a wet chuckle. Gon beams up at her, and Killua seems to freeze, his eyes widening, but she makes no reaction, as she turns to walk back over to the laundry she abandoned. “I’m sure you two are hungry.” She leans over to pick up the dropped sheet and starts shaking it out but watches the two boys as she says, “Dinner will be ready in a bit after you two wash up.” She almost laughs when Gon’s nose scrunches, his lips falling into a pout, but no matter how much she missed him, she cannot allow him to continue walking around smelling like a swamp.

“Aunt Mito!” Gon whines, and she watches as Killua’s lips twitch when he looks over at her pouting son, even as she levels the best glare she can manage at Gon. “Okay! Come on, Killua!” She watches him run towards the house, smiling and shaking her head as he flings the door open, shouting a greeting at his grandmother. She then turns her gaze to the other boy and finds herself smiling as she notices that he was also watching Gon. His gaze then moves to her, and he stiffens. He turns to face her, and his eyes drop to the ground.

“Thank you for having me again on short notice, ma’am,” he says, and it’s almost painful to her how formal he sounds. He’s just a child. She understands that children should have manners, but they shouldn’t sound like a robot doing so. In hopes of easing him, she smiles at him, shaking her head slightly.

“I’m always happy to see you, Killua,” she says, and his head snaps up to look at her, his pale cheeks gaining some color. “Don’t consider yourself a stranger. You’re always welcome here.” He seems frozen for a moment before he nods and sprints into the house. Once the door shuts, she turns to hang the sheet over the clothesline, a sigh escaping from her lips. She wishes there was some way to ease him. She wants him to feel comfortable here, and, maybe even slightly selfishly, she wants him to feel comfortable around her, too. She can tell how close he and Gon are, and she will not deny that the white-haired boy has a place in her heart as well. She picks up a shirt from the basket and hangs it on the line.

Once she finishes hanging the laundry, she picks up the basket and carries it into the house. She can hear the splashing and yelling the moment she opens the door and doesn’t stop the laugh that bubbles out of her lips.

“They have a lot of energy.” She turns her gaze to her mother and nods as she set the basket at the base of the stairs.

“I’m almost envious,” she agrees. Her mother’s chuckles follow her into the kitchen where she ties on an apron to prepare dinner. Though she wishes Gon had told her that he was coming back home, she doesn’t mind it as much as she just enjoys teasing him about it. She hums as she starts to prepare dinner, just barely remembering that Killua doesn’t like red peppers and deciding to forego them this time.

Once she finishes setting the table, and her mother has seated herself, she can hear feet padding down the stairs. They both swing around into the kitchen, stopping on the threshold. She grants them both a smile, waving at them. “Take a seat, boys. Tea, Killua?” At his nod, she prepares herself, her mother, and Killua some tea while she gives Gon juice, since he doesn’t like the supposed bitter taste of the tea. She then takes a seat, and they say thanks before Gon dives in. She notices that Killua had waited until they said thanks before beginning to eat, and warmth blooms in her chest at the thought of him remembering.

However, the warmth grows cold when she notices him hesitantly pick at his food, his blue eyes glancing between their plates. It isn’t until they have all taken a few bites that he raises some to his lips, pausing there momentarily, before taking a bite. She pretends to not notice, but she does wonder what kind of childhood he must have had. She is grateful that he doesn’t seem as tense as he had last time.

“Huh? Where’s the red peppers?” Gon breaks the comfortable silence at the table, pausing long enough to look at his plate and then around at the other plates. Killua’s hand freezes, and she can feel his eyes turn towards her. She takes another bite before she answers.

“I haven’t been to the store in a while,” she lies. She then levels a mock glare at Gon who gulps. “If someone would have told me they were coming, I would have been better prepared.”

“I’m sorry, Aunt Mito!” Gon insists. He continues to defend himself, but her attention goes to Killua who continues to stare at her. When she looks over at him, he looks down at his plate, taking a bite, but she smiles at the pink on his cheeks.

“What adventures did you two have this time?” she asks. Gon’s eyes light up as he starts off on a tale that really makes Mito want to keep both him and Killua here on the island where they will be safe and not kidnapped by criminals and threatened by adults! Curse Ging! How dare he set up such a dangerous game for his son! She inwardly sighs but keeps the frustration off her face as she listens to Gon. She knows that’s just how Ging is, but she swears that the next time she sees that man, he is going to have a piece of her mind and maybe a good punch to the jaw. How dare he put her son in danger like that!

When everyone finishes eating, she starts to clear off the table. Killua tries to gather the dishes too, but she waves him off with a smile. “I’m certain you two are tired after your trip. I’ll clean up while you two get ready for bed, okay?” He looks conflicted before Gon elbows him.

“Bet I can beat you to my room,” Gon challenges. She smiles as the taller boy stares Gon down.

“You’re on,” he says, setting down the plates before they both dash off. She hears the thudding of feet and laughing as they make their way upstairs. She shakes her head in amusement while gathering the rest of the dishes. She and her mother wash the dishes in silence, listening to the two boys argue over who actually won. The share a laugh at the two’s shenanigans, at least until there is a loud thump and yelp from one of the boys. She isn’t sure which one it is, but she decides to break it up before they get too wild.

“That doesn’t sound like getting ready for bed!” she calls towards the stairs and hears them pause before it Gon calls out an apology, and there’s quiet shuffling. She shakes her head as there are a few more laughs. It isn’t until she finishes putting up the dishes, and her mother retires to her room that there is silence.

She hums as she starts to prepare herself another cup of tea, planning on reading in the living room for a bit. The teapot whistles, and she takes it off the heat before she pauses. She could have sworn she heard a creak upstairs. She sets the teapot down and watches the stairs. Killua slowly sneaks down them, his bare feet eerily silent, and walks out the door. She tilts her head before turning towards the cabinets, taking out a cup. She can do without her tea for tonight. She gets a feeling that Killua wouldn’t want tea right now. She isn’t sure that he will even be happy to see her, but what kind of mother would she be if she just left him outside?

After preparing the hot chocolate—she remembers Gon gushing over how much Killua likes sweets even though Gon cannot stand them—she slowly walks over to the front door and looks out the window. His back is to the door, and it looks like his may be asleep, his head propped on his knees.

She hesitates only a moment before deciding to open the door. She doesn’t miss the way his shoulders tense, nor the way he turns faster than she can follow, crouching down in front of her. His eyes are wide, but there is something in them that makes the cold creep into her chest again. He really must have had a bad life. She may not know the details, but he is not like Gon.

She smiles, shutting the door behind her before she crouches in front of him. Once he relaxes, sitting cross legged in front of her, he bites his lip, asking, “Did I wake you?” Her eyes soften at the broken tone of his voice and hopes to reassure him with a shake of her head.

“I was in the kitchen,” she replies before she holds out the cup. She watches the way his unfocused eyes suddenly focus on the cup. “I heard the door shut and figured you might like some hot chocolate.” Even in the dark, she can see the way his cheeks darken as he reaches out and slowly takes the cup from her, frowning down at it. She moves to the edge of the porch and sits down, spreading her feet out in front of her as she looks at the woods.

She’s always loved the island at night. The noise of the wildlife moving through the underbrush, the song of the ocean as it washes onto the land, the smell of the salt stronger at night than the day. As he haltingly moves to resume the position he was in, minus his feet now on the ground, she keeps her gaze towards where she knows the town to be, hidden by the hills and trees. When he sips the hot chocolate and hums, she decides to speak.

“Having trouble sleeping?” she asks and then tries to hold back a chuckle when he jerks, then scrambles to not spill the beverage on himself. His gaze hardens as he glances over at her, but the slight pucker of his lips shows that he was pouting rather than mad, and she manages to choke back another laugh. She then turns her gaze back to the landscape, willing to wait for him to answer on his own. He almost seems like an injured animal, as he sits beside her, tense, and sipping the beverage, and she knows the only way to handle injured animals is with patience and understanding.

It isn’t until the moon has started its ascent over the horizon that he answers. “It’s too quiet.” She doesn’t look at him, but hums to let him know she is listening. He doesn’t seem like the kind of person that likes to be watched as he talks about himself. He slowly continues, his voice stuttering a few times, “I haven’t…slept in the silence…for a while.”

Before she can help it, she places her hand on his shoulder, looking over at him. He sounded in pain when he admitted that. Does he not talk about things that bother him much? She looks away and she mulls over her next words. “When he was younger, Gon also used to have trouble sleeping in the silence,” she admits. “I’m sure it’s from Ging sleeping outside with him before he was brought here.” She then looks over at him, and he quickly glances away, missing the fond smile that forms on her lips. “I used to have to hum him to sleep.”

He huffs, dragging her attention back to him. “He doesn’t seem to have that problem anymore,” he grumbles, and she laughs.

“No,” she agrees, “he sleeps like a rock now.” She keeps her hand on his shoulder, lightly rubbing her thumb back and forth. They sit in silence as he finishes the drink and sets the empty cup beside him. She continues to look out at the woods and starts humming the same song she used to hum for Gon. She notices his head drop once before he jerks it back up. She smiles and lightly tugs on his shoulder. He falls against her, curling into her side as she continues to hum and starts running her fingers through the hair at the back of his head, like she used to when Gon was too scared from a nightmare to relax. It has the same effect on him, as he sighs and relaxes more into her.

She waits a few more moments before moving to pick him up. When he doesn’t stir, she moves into the house, humming under her breath, despite the fact that she doesn’t like how little he weighs for his height. She pushes those troubling thoughts aside as she carefully walks up the stairs and quietly slips into Gon’s room, a smile easily forming when Killua shifts closer to her in his sleep.

She lays him down on the bed beside Gon and pulls the covers over him. She sees the way his fingers twitch, his mouth pulling down into a frown, and sits on the bed beside him. She starts humming again, pushing his bangs away from his face. When he cracks open his eyes, she smiles at him and leans down to place a kiss on his forehead. Warmth envelopes her when he smiles, his cheeks blooming pink.

“Goodnight, Killua,” she says, moving her hand to run through the hair on top of his head. He nuzzles into it like a cat, and she has to stop herself from cooing. He mumbles under his breath, but in the silence, she can make out the words that cause her to pause, and moist warmth to flow into her eyes.

“G’night, mom.”

She restarts humming and smoothing down his hair as she forces her tears away. She stays sitting on the bed beside the sleeping boy for a few minutes longer after his breathing evens out and his face relaxes, making him look more his age than the guarded look he always seems to wear around her, before she slowly rises and walks to the door. She pauses in the doorway, looking back with a smile on her face and a blurriness in her eyes at her two boys. Killua’s lips twitch slightly into a frown before he is cuddling closer to Gon’s warmth, his face once more relaxing, and bringing a silent laugh bubbling in her chest before she shuts the door quietly.