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“So, Kiibo-kun, what brings you here today?” Shinguji paused briefly from working at the second layer of polish he’d been applying to his nails. Amami had been doing them for a while now, but Shinguji had recently started practicing in turn. A simple coat of glittery black paint this time. He tilted his head down – gently blowing air across his fingers.
“Ah, well…it’s nothing in particular this time. Talking with you has already been helping me a lot, so I…” Kiibo trailed off, not exactly sure where he was going.
Over the past few months, ever since Shinguji had finally decided to stop commuting from home – to live in the dorms permanently – he’d been changing. Amami had been helping to gradually pull him out of a shell that most of them hadn’t realized was there in the first place. It wasn’t as if he was a different person entirely now, but. He seemed more at ease. More expressive. And more like he was beginning to really open up to them all.
Above everything else, there’d been one change in particular that had especially started to draw Kiibo in.
In the past, Shinguji had always kept his face hidden away behind a mask – constantly obscuring everything but his eyes from everyone else. At the time, it’d felt like that was…just the way that he was. Like there was nothing more to it. But somewhere along the line, in the midst of all the other changes, he’d discarded it entirely.
Then with the mask gone, Shinguji’s skill with makeup, in caring for his hair, and his overall appearance came forward with such a force that it put everyone else in their group to shame. Even though Kiibo had long ago figured out that he was attracted to both men and women, he’d never realized --- realized that he thought a man could look so strikingly beautiful too.
Though it wasn’t until a few weeks ago, when Shinguji had been saying he might ask them all to try new pronouns for him sometime in the near future, that it really clicked into place in Kiibo’s mind. The reason he found himself wanting to approach Shinguji.
He’d realized – he’d grown so used to his friends, his classmates, his teachers…gotten used to everyone calling him a boy without a second thought. It had never exactly bothered him. It still didn’t. But Shinguji had been the first one to make him even begin to question it all. If he wanted to be a boy, or, if he did, how did he want to be one?
At the time though, neither of them had been particularly close. They were two people who happened to be friends because they were in the same group. They were never unfriendly with each other, but… Back when he’d first decided to approach him on the subject, he’d never expected it to be anything but uncomfortable.
He never could’ve guessed just how warmly Shinguji would’ve welcomed him. Invited him to come to his dorm room whenever he wanted to talk. Answered every single one of Kiibo’s ever-growing laundry list of questions. Loaned him books on gender that he’d long accrued both for research in his anthropological studies and to satisfy his own curiosity. Offered to look into ways to help him alter his own appearance, if he ever wanted to try.
“In that case, were you just looking for some company?”
And now, in the past few times he’d visited, Shinguji had also indulged him in exchanges like this one. As much as Kiibo was still interested in learning, he’d found that he’d hit a roadblock. A roadblock in the form of wanting something more out of their time together. It was stupid, really. Kiibo knew he didn’t need an excuse to visit someone who was supposed to be his friend. Someone who had already been such a good friend to him recently.
“…I guess you could say that.” Kiibo tried to busy himself by raising one of his hands, turning it over and pretending to examine it.
This time, he really had ventured over without any plan at all, without anything he could even offer for conversation. An oversight that’d left him standing awkwardly in front of the dorm room door for the past few minutes while he fumbled over something to say.
Shinguji tilted his gaze over towards Kiibo and smiled gently. It was a sight that was almost startling, in its own way. Shinguji had smiled in the past, but the smiles he gave now held a world’s worth of sincerity compared to the ones from before. It was a subtle curve to his lips, but there were traces of genuine kindness behind it too.
“You know, there’s no reason to be so shy. We are all in an open relationship, are we not?”
The question passed through him like lightning. It was there, in that exact moment, that Kiibo finally understood why Shuichi had been so flustered the first time he’d so bluntly asked him for a kiss.
“A-Ah! I, umm…T-that is…that’s not what I-“
Kiibo was plenty used to Shinguji being able to see through him rather easily. After all, the other half of his talent was being able to read people. But being called out like that was a bit much.
“Oh? Was I wrong, then?” His chair swiveled around until he was facing Kiibo fully – crossing one leg over the other with an expectant look on his face. As if daring him to come up with a lie that was believable enough to convince him otherwise. The smile hadn’t vanished from his face, but it looked almost playful this time. Teasing. Once again he felt himself being struck with the thought of – ‘He really has changed’.
Kiibo clenched his fists in frustration. There really wasn’t any point in hiding things if Shinguji was going to tell him to his face how obvious he was being. “I…I wish you wouldn’t be quite so direct about it! It’s embarrassing!”
The chair creaked as Shinguji leaned backwards, arms crossed now. “I’m only trying to help. You don’t need to make things so difficult for yourself.”
“Still, open relationship or not, the two of us have never- …have never engaged in any sort of act like that. It would be rude to be too presumptuous, don’t you think?”
It seemed like it shouldn’t be possible for Shinguji to be as laid back as he was. His posture in the chair was relaxed, his expression tranquil. He extended a hand towards Kiibo and beckoned him closer. “And I’m simply cutting to the chase and telling you that you aren’t being presumptuous. Now, why don’t you come over?”
Another jolt passed through Kiibo, just as strong as the first. Even after his experiences with his other partners, he still couldn’t get used to this. The start of a new relationship always brought on its own set of anxieties. Wondering how things would go, wondering how he should act. No matter how much he thought he’d learned about human romance, it was never enough to cover how vastly different things went from person to person.
Whether it was the tender, loving way that Shuichi would hold his hands. The bright, lively look on Akamatsu’s face as she laughed fondly over his shy kisses. The relentless onslaught of teasing from Ouma whenever Kiibo actually dared ask to spend time with him. Even Iruma’s barrage of increasingly dirty jokes had started growing on him bit by bit.
Kiibo had been nervous enough to enter one relationship, let alone this many. But in the end…it was always worth it.
He ducked his head down, staring at the ground as he spoke. “J-just like that?”
Shinguji nodded patiently, content with waiting until Kiibo saw fit to make a move on his own. It was simple, really. All he had to do was make those few steps forward, take the hand that rested palm open in offering. It was easy, but that ease brought with it a speed that was still nerve-wracking all the same. All of Kiibo’s previous accrual of knowledge on love told him that he must be missing something – making some sort of mistake. Even within polyamory…a lot of the other typical rules seemed as if they must still apply.
And yet, once Shinguji had Kiibo’s hand in his, there wasn’t a trace of hesitation in him as he pulled Kiibo close – helping him settle onto his lap.
Kiibo felt his inner circuitry going haywire, as it often did whenever he found himself in any sort of intimate situation. It was like a buzzing, unbridled energy that rushed through him over and over in a constant loop.
Sensing his nervousness, Shinguji steadied an arm around Kiibo’s waist to help keep him balanced on the chair, the other hand pressing softly against the collar around his neck. All at once, they found themselves with their faces a mere hair’s breadth apart – closer to each other than they’d ever been in all the time they’d been friends. Kiibo pressed his legs down on either side of Shinguji’s, his hands holding the arms of the chair.
As much as he’d admired the changes in his looks, Kiibo had never really had the chance to do it up close so unabashedly. The long curls of mascara on his eyelashes, the bold strokes of eyeliner that curved along the corners of golden eyes, the deep, dark red of his lipstick. All of it was applied with an expert precision and thoughtful care. Even the hair he’d cut – still long now, but shorter than before – seemed to perfectly fall into place around his shoulders. It really…was no stretch at all to say that the person who sat in front of him was exceedingly beautiful.
With some caution, Kiibo shifted one of his hands from the chair. His fingertips brushed gingerly against Shinguji’s hair, testing for any sort of reaction. In the past, he’d seemed so guarded over his hair. So adamant about protecting and maintaining it exactly as it’d always been. But Kiibo’s hand was met with no resistance – Shinguji simply blinking at him curiously, maybe surprised by his sudden initiative if nothing else. Feeling emboldened, he let fingers slowly curl into loose strands of his hair, brushing against the skin of his neck.
Now that he was here, so close to this person that he’d come to admire - to love in such a short span of time, it felt like he was being drawn into a daze. When he spoke, his voice sounded small to his own ears. “Shinguji-kun…I really love how you look now.”
With such a small distance between them, Kiibo could catch the brief flash where Shinguji’s eyes widened, heard him suck in a soft breath of air. The fingers that’d been resting on his collar twinged against it, then gripped down harder onto it. For once, he seemed at a loss for how to answer. Then, in lack of any worded response, Shinguji pulled him in – pressing their lips hastily together in a kiss.
The nervous energy buzzing throughout his body still hadn’t faded, although the kiss brought with it something new. Something that felt more akin to what Kiibo imagined must be like an adrenaline rush. Even in the fair share of first kisses he’d experienced by now, there was a stark difference from this one that he only just realized. Everyone else – whether well intentioned or not – had always been somewhat unsure of themselves in what to do with him. How to handle a metal body, how to kiss one. It was always a strangely awkward hurdle to overcome before they’d been able to find their footing together. But Shinguji didn’t seem to falter at all – winding both arms comfortably around Kiibo, deepening their embrace and eagerly easing into the kiss. His lips moved with a sense of quiet confidence, of self-assuredness.
It was easy, so easy to let himself get caught up in that sort of confidence. To get pulled in deeper, and deeper – moving in reaction to what was happening to him now rather than trying to flounder through any sort of checklist based on his past experiences. For once, Kiibo felt that he could let that type of rational thought drift away from the foreground of his mind. His legs pressed tighter against either side of Shinguji’s – hands moving to grip onto shoulders while he returned the kiss with his own fervor.
He was rewarded with the sounds of sharp gasps and quickened breaths, of soft moans humming against his mouth. His partners all being human meant they were always naturally noisier than he was and, though it wasn’t entirely guilt-free, he found himself starting to enjoy that fact more and more as time went on.
But Shinguji was the first who wasn’t shy – wasn’t deterred by it at all. If anything, he seemed eager to spur Kiibo on, daring him to draw out as much as he could.
In a sudden rush of recklessness, a thought occurred to him. One that was, perhaps, brought on by the exact same eagerness that was exuding from Shinguji.
Kiibo switched on his internal audio recording function – a resounding beeping sound played to announce its activation. It was a function that all his friends were more than familiar with by now. He could feel Shinguji’s surprise in the slight flinch from his body, and in the fingertips that shuddered against his back. In an instant, Kiibo wondered if he’d made a mistake, maybe gotten a little too daring. But just as quickly, he could feel Shinguji’s lips curling into a smile against him. He chanced opening his eyes, only to be met with a sharp gaze, glittering dangerously with a mix of amusement and intrigue.
The apprehension must’ve been clear in his own expression, because Shinguji seemed keen on giving him no room for second-guessing. He quickly moved his hands up to rest on either side of Kiibo’s face, then leaned further back into the chair – pulling Kiibo on top of him. He already must’ve noticed how easy it was to draw Kiibo out of his stupor by simply powering through it. And to his credit, it did work.
Kiibo let his eyes draw closed, delving back into the kiss, leaning further down into the warm body underneath him. He felt Shinguji grab at one of his hands – moving to press Kiibo’s his fingers hard into the side of his neck until he could feel the rabbit pulse in his throat. It really was…like there was no room left for him to bother with any self doubts. Like it was all being shoved to the side, forced into the background.
The chair rocked and creaked slightly from the sudden extra force. The wheels rolled back an inch at a time until it’d knocked into the edge of the desk. Shinguji wasn’t the type to exaggerate for the audio recording, but he didn’t hold anything back either. He let loose freely any ragged breaths or soft sounds that Kiibo managed to drag out of him.
With every kiss, every tug on his hair, every touch to his face, he was surprised to feel himself growing bolder. Almost without even realizing, he’d moved from Shinguji’s mouth to his neck. The same thought from earlier hit him again. That this really was - - - a first kiss that he wanted to remember forever. To keep saved and tucked away for the rest of his life.
But a sudden sound cut through the hazy cloud of bliss that’d started fogging up his mind. A sharp hiss and intake of breath that was different from the others. Kiibo rushed to pull himself back enough to check on Shinguji, only to see his face twisting up in pain - jaw clenched and eye squeezed shut.
It wasn’t immediately clear what’d happened, but it was still enough for Kiibo to realize he’d forgotten something important. That Shinguji’s confidence didn’t mean he was used to someone with a body like his. That, even if he didn’t have the overabundance of strength of someone like Gonta, he was still more than capable of hurting someone in such an intimate setting if he wasn’t careful. That maybe he shouldn’t let himself get so carried away when he was full of cold, hard, sharp edges.
Wasn’t that at least part of the reason? The reason he was always so nervous about starting a new relationship? That the parts of himself he loved became a roadblock for the people he loved to overcome? Even if they didn’t mean for them to be?
“Sh-Shinguji-kun! Did- did I hurt you? I’m sorry, I- I got too carless, I-“
Kiibo moved a shaking hand towards Shinguji’s face, thinking to check him over for an injury. Before he could even get close, another hand shot up – catching his wrist in a fierce grip. Kiibo froze, letting his arm stay perfectly still. There was intensity to Shinguji’s expression that made Kiibo feel like his body was going cold.
But then he heard the soft breathy sound of a chuckle.
“Ahhh, Kiibo-kun…I think that I would, in fact, not mind at all if you were to give me a few more bruises today.”
Shinguji let the words hang in the air for a moment before another smile slowly began to spread across his lips. It took too long for him to really register what he’d said. But still, soon enough, Kiibo felt his eyes widening as the words and their meaning began to sink into his mind.
The movement from the smile drew his attention back again - to the red lipstick that had been smudged across his lips. Red that was likely also blotted against his own mouth now. Kiibo let his eyes wander - to the flush on Shinguji’s cheeks, to his half-lidded eyes. To the slight tangled mess of hair from where Kiibo had run his hands through. He felt himself shudder, saw the slight quivering of his hand that was still in Shinguji’s hold.
In that instant, Kiibo felt like he was being paralyzed from both the words, and the sight of the person before him. Not out of fear, but out of—
“Well…? What do you say?”
Shinguji seemed satisfied by whatever he saw, easing up the tight grip on Kiibo’s wrist, then pulling it back towards himself. His voice already sounded strained from trying to catch his breath, but all the same there was a demanding presence in his tone. “If you agree, then…I don’t want you to stop again.”
…
In that paralyzed state, Kiibo felt a familiar thought pattern ringing out in the back of his mind. There was still time enough, wasn’t there? To make sure he was making the right decision. Time to think things through. There was still time to check Shinguji over. There was time to make sure it really was ok to continue. There was time…there was always time. There was always plenty of time, and it had always worked out well for him in the past.
But Kiibo already felt himself moving forward.
***
***
***
At some undiscernible point, they had moved from the chair over onto the bed, but Kiibo was grateful for whatever had led them over earlier. It gave him the chance to lay there now with his arms wrapped loosely around Shinguji’s waist. It was hard to be sure exactly how long they’d gone on, aside from the orange glow of a setting sun that was pouring in from outside. He was surprised by just how mentally exhausted he felt. Even with his battery at half charge, it was like he was running on empty.
Kiibo looked up towards Shinguji, who looked equally worn out even with his eyes closed. But there was a sense of a pleasant peacefulness to his face too.
“Are you sure you’re comfortable enough? Wouldn’t it be better if you had a little more space?”
Shinguji’s eyes flicked open just enough so that he could guide a hand down towards Kiibo’s face, brushing fingers along his cheek. “I think I’ve taken quite a few lengths to make it clear that I’ll let you know if and when you cause me any discomfort. So please try to trust in me a little more now.”
He tilted his head slightly, as if to remind Kiibo of the traces of scrapes and bite marks all down along his neck from earlier, leading down to–
“A-alright, alright…! …Okay.” Kiibo ducked his head, feeling his face rapidly heating up again. “I will.”
It was harder to let himself get into that sort of mindset when things were more casual and relaxed between them. But…it was also something he did want to get used to. He let himself squeeze his arms tighter around Shinguji’s waist, burrowing his face into his chest. True to his word, he was met with no complaints, and so Kiibo didn’t make any move to stop.
“Shinguji-kun, could I ask you for a favor?” The words were muffled into the fabric of his shirt.
“Of course.”
He let his legs curl upwards slightly, and felt their knees gently bump into one another’s. “Would…you mind keeping this between us for now? I don’t think that I could act this way with any of the others. At least…not yet.”
Shinguji hummed thoughtfully, letting his hand curve around from Kiibo’s face to glide gently down along his neck towards his back. There was a slight shakiness to his fingertips, likely from how tired he was. “I have no problem with that. But I’m surprised to hear you say it. You’ve been with Saihara-kun and the others for quite a while now, haven’t you?”
“I have, but…well…none of them are as intense as you are. I think that made it easier for me to…to…” Kiibo let the sentence trail off, unfinished. There was no way to end it that wouldn’t be overly awkward to put into words.
This time, Shinguji reached for Kiibo’s face again, carefully tilting his chin up until their eyes met. As he looked up, he was met with a smile that was surprisingly…so, so fond.
“I’m sorry if that was a little too much for you, Kiibo-kun…But I assure you that you surprised me just as much. I hope you wouldn’t mind me saying I’d like to see you like this again.”
“O-oh! No, I-…! I would really like- to see you again too…!”
Kiibo was surprised to notice something like relief that flickered across his face, but it didn’t do anything to deter his smile. Shinguji angled himself downward, shifting closer so that he could wrap his arms more easily around Kiibo in return.
“Then…may I ask you for a favor as well?”
Kiibo nodded eagerly. Maybe a little too eagerly. But it wasn’t often that Shinguji really seemed to ask for anything from anyone. “Please, you’ve already done so much for me lately. I’d love to do anything that could help you. Just tell me whatever you need.”
For the first time that day, Shinguji seemed somewhat hesitant. His eyes drifted down to the side, almost unsure of himself, and unsure of how to phrase his next words. Even once he finally began to speak, his voice had dropped down – hushing to a quieter volume than Kiibo was used to hearing from him. “Your recording function from earlier had reminded me. You have a camera that you can use as well, yes? Would you…be willing to print out any pictures of me? Any from how you saw me earlier, and up until now?”
“Ah, um…P-print…them out…?”
Shinguji’s gaze softened even more, seemingly understanding Kiibo’s confusion. “I don’t want you to misunderstand my intentions. You’ve made me very happy, Kiibo-kun…Even before now, I was happy that you sought out my help, and my company.” He paused, the hesitation returning onto his face again, but only for a moment. “But hearing you say that you like how I am now…It means a great deal to me – “
The remaining space between them slowly closed as Shinguji leaned in, pressing a kiss to Kiibo’s mouth. One far more delicate than any other they’d shared that day. Even as they pulled apart, Kiibo felt like there was a lingering sweetness left on his lips.
“And you are truly the only one I could ever ask this of. Please – …please show me how you see me through your own eyes.”
Everything about the moment – the words, the expression on his face – were all full of such a tender fragility, that Kiibo felt himself stunned speechless. He’d seen glimpses of this softer side to Shinguji. When he was resting his head on Amami’s shoulder while they were all studying together. When he and Angie were catching up on their favorite shows while they sorted through their lockers. When he let Gonta guide him by the hand towards the rooftop for their lunch breaks. It was a side to him that had been gradually coming to light more and more often. But Kiibo had never witnessed the full force of it. Never had it directed so fully towards him.
He felt his shoulders bunch up – his hands clenching tightly against the fabric of Shinguji’s shirt. “I- …I understand! But-”
He cut himself off, releasing his grip and turning abruptly to face the wall. “B-but, please! Please just don’t watch while I print them out. I don’t think I could bear it if you watched that after asking something so important…So, I’ll show them all to you at once. As soon as I’m finished.”
There was a hushed sound behind him – something like a light, affectionate laughter. Not a moment later, he felt arms slowly wrapping tighter around him again. Shinguji curled up against him, pressing his forehead into the back of Kiibo’s head.
“It’s a deal, then. Thank you…Kiibo-kun.”
The words were barely above a whisper. But they were filled with a happiness that he was not used to hearing so plainly from that voice. Knowing that Shinguji couldn’t see the smile that was forming on his own face, he instead reached down – taking one of the hands that’d wrapped around him and guided it up towards the warmest plates on his chest.
With that feeling of gentle pressure anchored against him, Kiibo closed his eyes and carefully began to lull himself into the depths of his memory banks.