Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

037 has added 036, 038, 039, 030, 031, 032, 033, 034, 040

037: GREETINGS 

031: the fuck is this?

038: who are you people? 

039: Hey! Language! 

037: SHUSH

       YOU ARE ALL PROBABLY WONDERING WHAT THIS IS

       MY NAME IS TOBY, THOUGH YOU ALL MAY CALL ME TUBBO 

       THIS IS MY NEW SOCIAL EXPEIREMENT 

       I CALL IT: MAKING FRIENDS USING OLD TUMBLR METHODS 

040: Wait, like Number neighbors? 

Tubbo: YES 

038: wasn’t this like a thing 5 years ago? 

Tubbo: :( Did you miss te old part? 

031:  this is still stupid. 

039:  idk I think it’s kind of fun!

040: Yeah! I mean we’re all in the same area code….don’t know if any of you are creepy old men or bigots though…

Tubbo: that is a good concern….

031: well you’re in luck because I’m both of those things 

034: No you’re not

       Actually i take that back, you have the face of a creepy old guy 

031: what the fuck are you doing here

034: Did you seriously forget my phone number? Schlatt it’s literally one number off of yours and has been the same since you were 12 

031: I don’t even know my own phone number sooooo

Tubbo: PEOPLE KNOW EACH OTHER ALREDY!!!! 

034: Unfortunately. 

031: Unfortunately.

       Bitch.

034: Douchebag.

033: I actually also know 036. 

Tubbo: epic. Ok let’s do introductions, I already said, but I’m Tubbo, I’m 17 

031: Schlatt, 23, single, 

033: You all can call me dream for now, I’m 21

039: I’m Badboyhalo, feel free to call me Bad or Halo though. I am 24

034: I’m Cara, but everyone calls me Puffy, I’m 23, Schlatt is my brother, and a pain in the ass, so I apologize for him ahead of time.  

032: The names Alex Quackity, 19, professionally hot and sexy. 

040: I’m Karl! I’m 23

036: yooooo just woke up, Dream tf is this

Dream: scroll up dumbass

036: ooooooo sick. I’m Sapnap, I’m 20

041: uh why are there only two 04 numbers? 

038: Yeah and why is 035 not here 

Tubbo: 035 didn’t want me to add him so i added 040 as a replacement but i didn’t want them to get lonely so i threw in 041

Karl: So thoughtful! 

041: ok that makes sense. 

041: well I guess I’m Fundy I’m 20

038: I was just asking because I work with 035 how the fuck do you know him? You’re like 12, he’s 24.

Tubbo: 17*** and his brother is my best friend How do YOU know him?!?!?

038: he’s my coworker

Tubbo: 038! Name now! Or I’ll ask Wilbur! 

038: Fine, its George, I’m 22. 

Bad: Where’s 030?

030: wagchong 

Dream: huh

030: Wachig 

Bad: watching?

030: thats wjat i saof 

030: im Skeppy in 21

George: ever heard of autocorrect? 

Skeppy: who

George: nevermind.

Chapter Text

7:04 AM

Tubbo: I just realized you all are adults lol

Karl: omg that’s right you’re just a teen. 

Schlatt: fucking hate kids

Sapnap: Damm imagine still being a teenager couldn’t be me

Dream: You’re literally not old enough to drink. 

Quackity: UM BITCH 

Tubbo: Oh yeah I’m not the only teenager! Quackity is too! 

Skeppy: I miss nieng s cate ferr team 

Schlatt: Um translation?

Bad: I miss being a carefree teen**^^ 

Skeppy: Thx Baddddd

Bad: no problem! 

Schlatt: how the fuck did you understand that? 

Bad: 1, Language. 2, Skeppy and I talked a little more last night. He just types too quickly sometimes. 

Tubbo: Am I a matchmaker? 

Quackity: I’d ship it 

Schlatt: If you are than where’s my fuckbuddy 

Bad : LANGUAGE!!! 

Puffy: Pretty sure even with the help of a matchmaker no one would be into you.

Schlatt: I was about to make a your mom joke but then I remembered so I’m just gonna call you a bitch.

Puffy: Wow, I’m so hurt. At least I GET bitches. 

Quackity: DAMMMMM

Skeppy: YOOOOOOO

Dream: PUFFY POPPING OFF? 

Karl: DRAG HIS ASS 

Schlatt: I literally hate you. 

Puffy: Like I care 

Bad: Guys language there are kids here. 

Puffy: Sorry Bad, I’ll try not to swear as much 

Schlatt: I wont 

Tubbo: FUCK 

Dream: Bad: there are children. The child in question: 

Bad: :/ 

Tubbo: LATE CLASS FUJCKFINEFIW BYE 

Bad: Goodbye Tubbo, Have fun at school. 

Quackity: have fun at class loser

Dream: Bye Tubbo 

Schlatt: Does anyone wanna see my gun? 

Quackity: Your WHAT? 

Sapnap: Is it legal? 

Schlatt: Does that matter? 

Fundy: Do you actually have a gun? 

Schlatt: Yes

Dream: what the fuck 

Schlatt: I’ll prove it bitch 

<{ photo sent: Schlatt with gun }> 

Quackity: WHAT THE FUCK 

Fundy: Is that really what you look like?

Quackity: damm ugly ass bitch

Schlatt: Like you’re so attractive

Quackity: I am so hot and sexy

<{ photo sent: Quackity }> 

Schlatt: ugly 

Puffy: He’s better looking than you 

Quackity: Are you hitting on me? 

Karl: Wait are we doing face reveals? 

Tubbo: sure why not 

Puffy:  Tubbo shouldn’t you be in class? 

Tubbo: We’re doing indepenbent wor it’s finnnnnne 

Karl: Well….I’m gonna take this as an excuse to do a fit check because I got a new sweater and I look good in it

<{ photo sent: Karl fit check light blue sweater collared undershirt ripped black jeans }>

Quackity: DAYUM KARL GOT DRIP 

Fundy: I like your sweater

Dream: I think you all should know Sapnap just said and I fucking quote “hooo-hottie hottie dammmm” 

Quackity: LMFAOOOOOO

Tubbo: BAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Sapnap: DREAM STFU 

Karl: You really think I'm a hottie? ;) 

Sapnap: UH- DEPENDS 

Dream: he totally does

<{ photo sent: Sapnap sitting on couch blushing at phone}> 

Sapnap: DREAM COULDN’T HAVE LET ME PICK A PHOTO WHERE I ACTUALLY LOOK GOOD? 

Dream:  what like one of your football pics? 

Karl: I think you look cute in that photo though I didn’t know you played football I’d love to see pics of that 

Sapnap: ANYTHING FOR YOU KARL 

<{ photo sent: Sapnap in football gear}> 

Karl: You have the audacity to call me a hottie when you’re looking like that 

Sapnap: UH-SJVERIVEI

Dream: he just threw his phone

Tubbo: I really am a matchmaker 

Bad: I don’t know if I’m ready to show my face yet but here’s a picture of my dog…

<{ photo sent:Rat }> 

Tubbo: DOG 

Bad: this is lucy Lucy but her nickname is Rat 

Quackity: A part of me really wants to dropkick rat into the fucking sun 

Tubbo: OK WAIT MY TURn LEMME TAKE A PICTURE 

<{ Photo sent: Tubbo selfie with Tommy in the background}> 

Puffy: I’m about to go for a run so before I go 

<{ photo sent: Puffy mirror selfie in black leggings matching sports bra and a rainbow bandana headband} >

Quackity: how can someone that hot be related to Schlatt like HOOOO MAMA 

Schlatt: **Cocks gun** The fuck you say about my sister?

Quackity: AHAHA NOTHING 

Puffy: I’m flattered Quackity, but I already have a girlfriend, and you’re really not my type. And Schlatt and I are fraternal twins. 

Quackity: COMPLETELY UNDERSTANDABLE MY APOLOGIES 

Schlatt: Since when do you have a girlfriend??? 

Puffy: two years? I literally brought her to Thanksgiving last year? How do you not remember this, She literally kicked you in the balls because she was annoyed by all your flirting attempts. 

Schlatt: To be fair…..I was probably wasted 

Tubbo: ok! Who hasn’t shown their face that wants to? 

Karl: George, Fundy, Skeppy, Dream, and Bad said he didn’t want to yet. 

Skeppy: I guess o coils gtdxr you wit my imaj 

<{ photo sent: Skeppy}> 

Dream: Yeah I’m not showing my face 

Fundy: Yeah, idk if I’m comfortable enough yet  sorry

Karl: No need to apologize! 

Sapnap:  Where tf even is George? 

Dream: Who knows 

____________________

10:53 AM 

George:  the Fuck? I just woke up  but this is me  

<{ photo sent:George }>

Sapnap: morning sleeping beauty… though I wouldn’t call you a beauty

Chapter Text

3:45 PM 

Tubbo: HELLO BITCH BOYS 

Karl: Tubbo? 

Dream: we’ve only known him for a week but I don’t think that’s Tubbo 

Tubbo: YOU’D BE CORECT BITCH 

Bad: hey!!! I don’t know who you are but I’d appreciate it if you could watch your language

Tubbo: MMMMM NO THANKS FUCK 

Schlatt: I think I like this kid

Tubbo: I DON’T CARE RIGT NOW I WANT TO KNOW WHY YOU ADULTS HAVE STOLEN MY BEST FRIEND 

Dream: uh what? 

Tubbo: HES ALWAYS TEXTING BUT NEVER ME 

FUVK HES COMING BACK 

Karl: Huh- 

Tubbo: Hey sorry about Tommy, he’s a little clingy, and he stole my phone when i went to the bathroom

Dream: Don’t be sorry 

Tubbo: He’s demanding to be added, would you all mind? 

Karl: Not at all!

Schlatt: more children to bully

George: Idgaf

Dream: it’s your gc don’t gotta ask us. 

George: I’m at work rn and Wilbur says if you’re adding Tommy add him and Techno too

Tubbo: Ok!!!

Tubbo has added: Tommy, Wilbur, and Technoblade 

Tommy: FUCK YEAH BITCH

  WAIT WHY ARE THEY HERE 

Wilbur: Hello gremlin 

Tommy: OI FUCK YOU WILBUR FUCKING BITCHBOY GO CRY OVER JARRED OR SOMETHING FUCKING BITCH!!!!! Tubbo how could you.

Wilbur: whatever child 

Drem: well this is going to be entertaining 

Fundy: Wait Wilbur is here now? 

Wilbur: FUNDY MY FURRY SON HOW ARE YOU MY BEAUTIFUL  BOY

Fundy: for fucks- why why are you like this 

Wilbur: wait i misspoke, How are you, my HANDSOME boy :) 

Fundy:  **sigh** I am fine, how are you Wil 

Wilbur: GOOD FURRY I am doing wonderfully 

Dream: Wait Fundy’s a furry? 

Schlatt: Fucking loser 

Fundy: I AM NOT ISTG LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE WIL I FUCKING HATE YOU 

Sapnap: What’s your fursona? 

Fundy: I DONT HAVE ONE BECAUSE I AM NOT A FURRY ASFJWEBFEW

Wilbur: It’s a fox 

Fundy: WHY WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT I AM NOT A FUCKING FURRY 

Dream: awwwww no need to be embarrassed 

Schlatt: does this mean you have all sorts of weird furry sex 

Fundy: I'M NOT A FURRY i hate you all 

Technoblade: Blood 

Dream: huh? 

Technoblade: Wilbur why am I here 

Wilbur: Because Tommy doesn’t want us here 

Technoblade: ah, ok

Chapter Text

10:25 AM 

Karl: Heyyy Sapnap

Sapnap: yes my beloved Karl 

Karl: Are you doing anything this friday? 

Sapnap: this friday as in tomorrow, I have a game tomorrow night but other than that I’ve got nothing I can’t miss. Why do you ask 

Karl: OOO WAIT CAN I GO TO YOUR GAME I WAS GONNA ASK YOU OUT BUT I WANNA SEE YOU PLAY 

Sapnap: UH OK I CAN TEXT YOU THE DEETS 

  WAIT YOU WERE GONNA ASK ME OUT!?!?!?

Karl: UH YEAH….. HEY MAYBE WE CAN GO OUT AFTERWARDS IF YOU’RE NOT TO TIRED 

Sapnap: I WOULD LIKE THAT VERY MUCH YES 

Dream: who else just watched that happen 

Tubbo: me

Fundy: me 

Wilbur: me

Tommy: me 

George:  me

Schlatt: me

Skeppy: me

Sapnap: ya’ll are just jealous 

Fundy: Yeah I kinda am 

Skeppy: Rip 

_____________________

12:47

Fundy: HOLY FUCK 

Wilbur: What happened? 

Dream: yeah what’s going on ?

Fundy: SO I WAS AT A COFFEE SHOP OFF CAMPUS 

Wilbur: uhuh

Fundy: AND THESE GIRLS I WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL WITH WERE THERE AND THEY CAME UP TO ME AND JUST KEPT MISGENDERING ME AND SAYING THEY WANTED TO “CATCH UP” AND THEY JUST WOULDN’T LEAVE ME ALONE NO MATTER WHAT I SAID UGH AND THEY DEADNAMED ME MORE THAN MY PARENTS 

Quackity: huh?

Wilbur: Give me names Techno and I will destroy their bloodlines 

Fundy: I APPRECIATE THAT BUT THERES MORE

Bad: Wait what’s happening?

Fundy: oh yeah I forgot Wilbur is the only one who knows…. I’m trans ftm btw 

Wilbur: god I love my trans furry roommate son

Dream: oh Epic!!!

Fundy: ANYWAYS 

Sapnap: Just got here- what’s happening? 

Fundy: SO ALL THIS IS HAPPENING AND THEN THIS GUY SHOWS UP AND THIS GUY IS HOOOOTTTT LIKE HOLY FUCK HIS JAWLINE AND OMG HIS EYES HE HAD THESE STRIKING GREEN EYES AND FRECKLES AND HIS HAIR LOOKED SO SOFT IT WAS DIRTY BLONDE AND KINDA SPIKEY GOD HE WAS SO PRETTY 

Sapnap: ok total dreamboat got it….

Fundy: RIGHT ANYWAYS SO- HE WALKS IN AND APPARENTLY SEES THESE GIRLS AFTER HE ORDERS AND HE SWOOPS IN WITH TWO LATTES IN HAND AND STARTS ACTING LIKE WE’RE DATING AND IS ALL DEFENSIVE WHEN THESE GIRLS KEEP MISGENDERING ME AND OH MY GODDDDD HE WAS SO SWEET AND FINALLY GOT THEM TO LEAVE MY TF ALONE AND WE JUST SAT AND TALKED FOR LIKE A HALF AN HOUR I FOUND OUT HIS NAME WAS CLAY AND HE GAVE ME HIS DISCORD AND AGREED TO GO ON A MINECRAFT DATE WITH ME TONIGHT 

Wilbur: awwww look at my little man getting bitches 

Sapnap: I actually think I know Clay…. 

Dream: Yeah me too! He’s a good guy! 

Schlatt: how is the furry getting laid before me 

Dream: can you shut up and be happy for him? Or are you incapable of being happy 

Schlatt: well damm what’s up your ass? What’s wrong with a little furry slander? 

Fundy: still not a furry...

Puffy: Don’t mind Schlatt he’s just being bitchy because he’s lonely

Wilbur: rip 

Bad: I hope things work out for you Fundy! He seems nice! 

Wilbur: Fundy have I ever told you the story of your mother and I 

Tommy: Since when do you have a girlfriend? 

Fundy: oh dear god not again- 

Wilbur: You see, Sally was a salmon. And she was the love of my life

Tommy: OH WILBUR WHAT THE FUCK 

Technoblade: Tommy, is this really all that surprising? Wil is 23 years old and frequently eats sand.

Dream: I’m sorry he does what? 

Fundy: I can unfortunately vouch, I’ve seen him do it. 

Wilbur: it’s very nutritious, anyways back to that time I married a salmon.

Private messages: Sapnap&Dream 

Sapnap: so….Fundy? 

Dream: ok to be fair, I didn’t know it was him till he was talking about it in the gc, his name is actually Floris. 

Sapnap: what does he look like? 

Dream: He’s ginger, he has silver streaks in his hair, apparently they’re natural, his face is kinda long? I guess is the word? idk , he’s got a bit of a stubble, BIG blue eyes,  

Sapnap: Hm, Are you gonna tell him? 

Dream: Maybe...not right now though… 

Sapnap: fair enough. Part of me thinks this won’t end well….the other part just wants to see where it goes.

Dream: Guess we’ll have to wait and see

Chapter Text

Wilbur: And that is the story of how I fucked a salmon and we adopted a fox and why sand is perfectly fine to eat. 

Fundy: I sleep in the same room as that…

Tommy: Techno….do you think dad will pay for my therapy? 

Technoblade: He should pay for Wil’s first

Wilbur: Technoblade please, call me by my real name. 

Technoblade: Ok, William 

Tommy: TUBBOOOOO 

Tubbo: Yeah? 

Tommy: Can I add Phil? Wilbur is scaring me

Tubbo: Sure! I love Phil!

Tubbo: Does anyome else wanna add someone. 

Puffy: I do have two people in mind but they can wait…. at least until Schlatt says the wrong thing :)

Schlatt:  what are you plotting madwoman?  

Tommy has added Philza 

Tommy: PHILLLLLLL

Philza: Tommy? what the fuck is this?

Tubbo: Hi Phil! These are my friends!

Phil: hey mate. Glad to see you have friends other thant Tommy and Ranboo

Tommy: Philllll Wilbur’s bein weird again 

Wilbur: Oh hello father, how are you today :) 

Philza: Is it the anteaters again? 

Tommy: No I’m on board with kill all anteaters, Wilbur’s eating sand, and having sex with a fish apparently

Wilbur: she has a name!!! It’s Sally. God even her name is sexy. 

Philza: mate…..what in the actual fuck? 

Wilbur: Do you not aprove of my wife father? 

Philza: I’m more concerned that my oldest son is eating sand? 

Wilbur: Tommy ate mud! Why can’t I eat sand 

Philza: I’m sorry… Tommy did what? 

Tommy: Wilbur I thought I said I didn’t want to talk about that….

Philza: Why can’t i have one normal fucking kid….just one

Technoblade: Ahem-

Philza: Don’t even, you eat full potatoes raw and call yourself “the second worst thing to happen to those orphans” You are also the reason Tubbo has that big ass scar across his face

Technoblade: ....You know what…. Understandable.

Schlatt: what the hell did you do to my son to give him a scar across his face? Technoblade be warned I fucking carry

Tubbo: dw! It was like a long time a go! I got hit in the face with a firework! Also since when am I your son? 

Schlatt: since I decided to adopt you. 

Tubbo: o. oki! 

Wilbur: This is boring, can we talk about sand again? 

Philza: Wilbur… Why are you eating sand? You are an adult. Also it’s going to fuck up your teeth. Can your stomach even digest it? 

Wilbur: 1) it’s yummy, 2) and? 3) no it’s not it only fucks with the enamel and I gave up that up for lent 4) there are actually many high end meals where sand is an ingredient,  

Philza: When have we ever practiced lent? And how would you even do that? 

Wilbur: Did you know there’s a sand mafia? 

Philza: I would ask if you’re high…. But I know you’re not...and I know this isn’t drunk Wil. God why are you like this? 

Wilbur: I dunno you raised me? 

Schlatt: Most of the time I hate my sister but right now… I am so glad she’s not like them. 

Puffy: awwww you haven’t gone soft have you? 

Dream: Rare soft Schlatt? 

Schlatt: I take it back fuck you, you left handed colorblind bitch 

George:  Uh fuck you I am all of those things too

Philza: Ok im just gonna mute this…. Tubbo text me if the boys start again

Tubbo: Got it! 

Sapnap: Goddam George you just cant win huh at least Puffy is jacked you’re a fucking twig like anyone here could snap you in two, Tubbo could snap you in two

Tommy:  that's not that big of a deal. Tubbo is actually surprisingly strong  despite being 4’11. Wilbur however is 6' and a fucking twig 

Tubbo: 5’5*****

Sapnap: oh. My. god. HES SO SMOLLLLLL

Tubbo: i hate it here 

Dream: He is like whole foot smaller than me….

Tubbo: ha ha… I will fucking skin you and sell your organs on the black market :) 

Wilbur: Vouch don’t fuck with Tubbo  

Technoblade: Yeah. Even I avoid fighting him now….

Tommy: just today he drew blood on this kid in our math class

Wilbur: What do you mean “drew blood” he didn’t bring a weapon to school again did he? 

Tubbo: Are my teath considered a weapon? 

Dream: I am now terrified. 

Tubbo: Good.

Schlatt: I’m so proud of my son 

Tubbo: :) 

Skeppy: Are we not ginna talk  abt how Tubbo bit someone

Chapter Text

Fundy had just settled in at a table  at this coffee shop Wilbur had recommended. It was a ways off campus, closer to the other college in the area, but Wilbur said it was worth it. Fundy had ordered a raspberry pastry and a black coffee, two of the cheapest menu items. 

He was about to take a bite of his pastry when a group of  four girls approached him. He looked a little closer at them and…. oh...fuck.

“Fiona!” One of them said “Is that you!? 

Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

“Uh, it’s Floris….actually”

“Haha are you still in that whole ‘i'm a boy’ phase?” another one said.

“It’s not a phase. And I AM a boy.” Fundy set his pastry down. 

“Come on Fiona, you’ve been on this for what four year? It’s time to grow out of it.” The first girl said. 

“Wait who is this?” asked A Girl Fundy didn’t recognize. 

“Oh this is Fiona, shes a girl we used to go to school with, she used to pretend to be a boy all the time, clearly she hasn’t stopped pretending.” The first girl answered. 

“I told you, my name is Floris, I am a boy, I am not pretending.” Fundy was beginning to get really upset. 

“Sure whatever. Anyways we should totally catch up! What are you doing around here? You don’t go to UMT Do you? I don’t think I’ve seen you around.” The second girl said. 

Why can’t they take a hint and leave “N-no, I go to UNX,”  Fundy replied, annoyed by the whole situation not just the question. 

“ so are you seriously gonna stick with the whole being a boy thing? Not gonna lie Fiona, it’s kinda selfish of you to just do that.” 

“Selfish? What? Why do you even car-” 

Just then his hero arrived. “Hey babe sorry I’m late, Here I got you a latte to make up for it.” A Boy in a green hoodie with dusty blonde hair and the most gorgeous green eyes said as he took a seat next to fundy, shooting him a wink as a way to clue him in on his intention. 

“Oh-uh hey, Thanks babe!” Fundy tried to play along. 

“Clay! Since when are you dating someone!” one of the girls Fundy didn’t recognize said. “Is this why you didn’t wanna go out with me last year! You have a girlfriend!” 

“Oh uh- hey Sara. I-” Clay was interupted

“Wow Fiona you weasled your way into the boys inner circle and stole one of the hot ones, how cute, you’re not even pretty.” The first girl said. 

“For the last-” Fundy muttered, about to correct her again.

“His name is Floris. And he’s not pretty, he’s handsome, and kind, and funny, and clearly you aren’t actually his friends so if you could kindly get lost so we can enjoy our date, that’d be great.” Clay defended before Fundy even had the chance. 

“Hmpf fine.” They all started to leave. 

When they were out of earshot, Fundy leaned over to say “Thank you…” 

“Of course, I’m uh sorry if you’re not actually gay I just couldn’t stand by and listen to them anymore. And hey you get a free latte out of it.” Clay chuckled. 

“Uh-thanks. And I am actually… you know.” Fundy tumbled over his words a bit. “It’s Clay right?” 

“Yup, and you’re Floris? I heard you say that was your name. I just hope I didn’t mishear.” 

“You didn’t! Floris yeah, that’s my name!”

“I like it, it’s a good name.” 

“Thank you, chose it myself.” 

The pair laughed. They sat there and just talked for a while, ended up splitting Fundy’s pastry. They bonded over their love of coding. Fundy found out Clay played minecraft so they exchanged discords. Eventually they both had to get going to class, but before they did Fundy asked clay something. 

“Hey, so If  I can code the entirety of Treasure Planet into Minecraft, will you go on a minecraft date with me?” 

“I mean I would’ve been down without all the extra effort, but sure, if you can code an entire movie into minecraft I’ll go on a Minecraft date with you. But only if you go on an irl date with me sometime.” 

“I’d like that.” Fundy replied smiling.

Chapter Text

Private messages: Karl & Sapnap

Karl: I’m sorry to report but I do not have any UMT swag and I feel like it would be offensive for me to show up to your game in UNX apparel even though we aren’t playing you 

Sapnap: Does UNX even have a football team? Isn’t it like an art school

Karl: Yeah kinda, it’s arts and science. I don’t think  we have any sports teams actually i think theres some roller skating thing but thats like connected to something off campus idk 

Sapnap: Huh, well if you want some swag i can send Dream to find you in the stands and give you one of my shirts or something 

Karl: That’d be epic! Do you have any like sweatshirts? 

Sapnap: I will send dream with the hoodie I’m wearing right now 

<{ photo sent: Sapnap selfie}> 

Karl: Cutie 

Sapnap: ur cuter

Karl: mmmmmmwuah <3

Sapnap: MWUAH <33333

The groupchat 

Tubbo: I just realized we don’t have a name for this chat let’s fix that everyone give me a name and I’ll pick my favorite 

Dream: gaymers 

Quuackity: Sex havers 

Tommy: Women enjoyers

Bad: Number neighbors

Karl: cool people 

Schlatt: My bitches 

Tubbo: Ok thats enough. Dream, I love it but I know at least Tommy and Phil are straight. Quackity, Tommy and I are Minors and Techno is asexual. Tommy, I’m 78% sure over half of this chat likes men.  Bad, it’s literal...but not bad. Karl, I love you but we’re not 12. Dad….no 

Schlat: HE CALLED ME DAD 

Puffy: don’t worry Tommy I am a fellow women enjoyer 

Wilbur: I enjoy women! I just enjoy everything else too. 

Schlatt: I like men

Puffy: Schlatt you are literally homophobic

Schlatt: And? 

Puffy: You wonder why you’re single 

Bad: So what are you naming the chat? 

Tubbo: Probably Gaymers 

Is everyone comfortable with that? 

Tommy: Will it make you happy? 

Tubbo: yes?

Tommy: If I say yes will you ditch Ranboo

Tubbo: no 

Tommy: worth a shot, do whatever will make you happy

Tubbo: Great! Any other objections?

Skeppy: I am steaifht as a rulwrf bit go fir it 

Bad: <{ Photo sent: bendy ruler }>

Skeppy: I KMEW I OULD REGRET INTRODUCIN U TO TEM  

Bad: Sorry skeppy… but it had to be done… 

Tommy: ugh it’s the two lovebirds of the groupchat

Dream: You clearly haven’t  had to deal with Sapnap freaking out over if Karl actually likes him or if he’s just being nice 

Sapnap: ahaha Dream you forget I could potentially fuck so much up in your love life in just. One. text.  :) love youuuu

Dream: …. Fuck you 

Skeppy: BADBOYHALO IS SHORT 

Bad: I AM NOT 

Skeppy: SHORTBOYHALO 

Bad: GRRR YOU MUFFINHEAD!!!! 

Schlatt: Dont worry Puffy is shorter than everyone here I can guarantee 

Puffy: Schlatt your boobs are bigger than mine

Schlatt: At least I have tits your chest is flatter than Quackity’s ass

Quackity: OH COME ON 

Puffy: ..It’s time… Tubbo, Am I still allowed to add my friends, well...girlfriends rather 

Tubbo: Yeah lol go ahead

Schlatt: Wait I thought you just had the one pink one? 

Puffy: No, she just didn’t have anywhere else to go for  thanksgiving, our other girlfriend was already out of town for other reasons that week :)

Schlatt: welp… the one i met was nice so cant wait to meet the other

Puffy has added Minx and Niki 

Puffy: Oh you’ve met her before. 

Schlatt: Oh. Balls. 

Minx: SCHLATT 

Schlatt: Hey Minx 

Minx: THE FUCK DID YOU SAY ABOUT PUFFY YOU FUCKIN CUNT 

Niki: Yes please do tell… 

Schlatt: Hey Minx send me a pick of your tits 

Minx: Why the fuck would i do that 

Niki: I forgot how much I do not like you 

Wilbur: WAIT 

Niki: WILBUR 

Wilbur: NIKI 

Niki: hi UwU

Wilbur: Hi :) 

Puffy: anyways these are my girlfriends, it appears some of you already know each other  and well you both have had the displeasure of interacting with my brother 

Tommy: WAIT WILBUR I THOUGHT YOU WERE DATING NIKI? 

Wilbur: Uh no? Why would you think that? I have literally been going out with Sally for four years

Tommy: Not the fish again

Wilbur: Sally isn’t actually a fucking fish dumbass

Tommy: BUT YOU SAID YESTERDAY

Niki: Did you try to convince everyone Sally was a fish again 

Fundy: It was worse this time a bit more graphic too 

Niki: Wil…

Technoblade: Hello Niki I am only here to ask if you will be joining us tomorrow

Niki: Of course! 

Technoblade: Good. 

Minx: You’re not in a cult are you? 

Schlatt: weren’t you in  a cult?

Niki: No! Don’t worry about it! 

Minx: Weren’t you gonna go fuck yourself 

Schlatt: Probably

Chapter Text

Karl had never actually been to a football game, he was never one for sports, and his father was more of a baseball man. He arrived early-ish and got a seat in the middle of the stands. He sat there for around a half an hour before someone came and sat next to him. 

“Hey!” the mystery man said. Karl turned to see who was sitting next to him, the boy had a freckled face, green eyes and dusty blonde hair, kinda looked like how Fundy described that Clay guy he’s been hanging around. “Sapnap told me to give you this.” He handed Karl a folded red hoodie, Karl unfurled it to reveal the hoodie Sapnap had been wearing earlier that day.

“So you must be Dream?” Karl asked, slipping the hoodie over his head. 

“Haha, yeah.” 

“Wait! I’m in the face reveal club now!?” Karl smiled at his friend. 

“I mean… I guess, it’s really just you Sapnap and… nevermind.” 

“And Fundy?” 

“How do you know? Did Nick tell you?” 

“You do know he described you to the chat?” 

“Oh...yeah.” 

“Good to know though.” Karl smiled smugly. 

A few more minutes of smalltalk and the game began. Karl didn’t understand most of what was going on but he cheered at the appropriate time. Sapnap’s team ended up winning, they were all on the field celebrating and shaking the hands of the other team. Dream lead Karl down to the sidelines to wait for Sap. As soon as he saw the pair Sapnap sprinted over. 

He lifted Karl into a hug, he laughed. 

“Hey.” Sap said when he put the taller boy down.

“Hi” Karl said shyly 

“Nice hoodie.” Sapnap left his hands on Karl’s waist.

“Thanks,” Karl tried to keep a straight face but covered his face as he burst laughing, Sapnap quickly joined in. 

“Ok, this is my cue to leave you two newlyweds.” Dream said. 

“We’re not married yet, if anything we’re engaged” Karl corrected. 

“Whatever, Don’t stay out to late or text me if you’re not coming back and all that.” 

“Bye dreamy-poo!” 

“Bye Pandy-wandy! Bye Karl.” 

“Bye!” 

Dream walked off and Karl and Sapnap turned to face each other again. Before either of them could speak one of Sapnap’s teammates approached. 

“Yo Nick, we were all gonna go get changed and head over to the DQ for celebratory ice cream if you wanna come. You can bring your friend here along, I’m sure Hannah and Purpled are gonna come with, even if they’re not invited.” He said

“As much as I love a chance to see your siblings embarrass you, we’ll have to pass on that.” Sapnap started to explain. 

“If you wanna go we can, it’s not like I made dinner reservations.” Karl interrupted. 

“No, it’s cool, I wanna spend time with you! I’ve been looking forward to this date all day!” Sapnap insisted. “I do nee dto go change and run through the shower real quick though. Think you can wait here for like five minutes?” 

“Sure!” 

“Alright. Well Punz, let’s hit the showers then I’m gonna ditch you guys.” 

“Aight.” Punz said, and the two sauntered off. 

Gaymers + Tommy and Skeppy

Karl: Guess who’s in the I’ve seen Dream’s face and know his real name club 

Tubbo: YOOOOOOOOOO YOU TWO MET UP? 

Dream: No he went to Sapnap’s game and Sap made me sit with him 

Karl: hehe :] 

Fundy: So you gonna tell us what he looks like? 

Karl: mmmmmm nahhh

Dream: Thx 

Karl: Anyways just wanted to let yall know I’m better than you 

Skeppy: Damm you may have seem drems face but ave u heard Bads voice? Its like an angle 

Bad: SKEPPY YOU MUFFINHEAD >///< you’re too sweet

Quackity: WAIT BADDD WHY CANT I HEAR YOUR VOICE AM I NOT SEXY ENOUGH? 

Bad: Wh- Huh? Wait language! Also Skeppy only got to hear it because we’ve been playing Minecraft with some of his friends. 

Quackity: I CAN PLAY MINECRAFT hes got me on the friends part… BUT I DO KNOW THE CRAFT 

Karl: Dude why are you tryna get in the middle of their ship? 

Quackity: Just tryna spice things up, who doesn’t love a love triangle. Like Skeppy and Bad are Edward and Bella but I’m Jaccob, They’ll end up together, but I’ll sleep with both of them and their kid

Karl: Ok I’m on board now

Tubbo: Omg wait is this that vampire movie? I wanted to make Tommy watch them all with me but he said no :( 

Karl: Everyone should watch the Twilight saga at least once, they are true classics 

Dream: I was team Jacob tbh 

Wilbur: Tf is wrong with you Edward all the way

Quackity: that pasty mf no way dark and handsome all the way 

Puffy: Alice Cullen was part of my Bi awakening. I was uninterested in the main plot Schlatt was team Edward though.

Karl: At least he has SOME taste

Fundy: I have a confession, I have never even seen a trailer for Twilight.

Wilbur: Tubbo what are you doing this weekend

Tubbo: Nothing big man 

Wilbur: Ok tell Phil I’m coming home and I’m bringing Fundy, we are marathoning Twilight. 

Fundy: huh! Wait I had plans with Clay tomorrow! 

Wilbur: I don’t give a fuck we are watching every Twilight movie 

Dream: Can’t you just kick your plans till sunday? I’m sure Clay would understand, This is important. 

Fundy:....fine I’ll talk to him

Sapnap: Omfg I remember when Dream made his sister and I watch all those movies. 

Dream: remember when Hannah turned them on to tell everyone the party was over

Sapnap: And you sat there with her discussing the finer plot of the films and I couldn’t fucking leave because you were my ride home so Punz Purpled and I just sat there for two hours… yeah

Dream: Good times

Sapnap: no it fucking wasn’t?

              Btw Karl I’m on my way to you.

Karl: Sweet :] 

Bad: I’m so confused 

Skeppy: Samy

_______________

Karl ended up taking Sapnap to his favorite dinner. It had a 50s theme and all the wait staff was on roller skates. They had a lovely meal and spent most of it making akward passes at each other and laughing. 

At the end of the night Karl drops Sapnap off at his dorm building. 

“I had fun tonight.” Sapnap says as he unbuckles. 

“Me too, we should do it again sometime.” Karl  smiled at the boy in the passenger seat. 

“Oh and one more thing.” Sapnap leaned over, cupped the other boys cheek, and pulled him into a soft passionate kiss, Karl quickly returned. As soon as he pulled away he got out of the car leaving a flustered boy to drive home still thinking about the soft lips of the handsome boy who’s sweatshirt he was still wearing.

Chapter Text

9:10 AM

Fundy: I can’t believe Wilbur is actually making us watch Twilight he literally kidnapped me and Tubbo 

Tubbo: Im excited! 

Wilbur: not kidnapping if it’s willingly

Fundy: you literally put me in your car while I was sleeping? how is that not kidnapping? 

Wilbur: Because I’m your dad 

Fundy: NO YOU’RE NOT I DO NOT SEE YOU AS A FATHER FIGURE  

Wilbur: :( 

Niki: Fundyyyy you made him sad 

Fundy: Look sorry Will I just… you’re not dad material....

Wilbur: that’s it. FUNDY GET YOUR ASS IN HERE WE ARE STARTING

Fundy: Uh-ok 

11:30 

Fundy: someone please fucking save me 

Wilbur: Shut up we’re turning on new moon, you’ll like this on, furry 

1:45 

Fundy: Ok both of these relations are so terrible and toxic and the poor dad 

Dream: Yeah but what team are you? 

Fundy: I think I’m gonna go Edward just becausei think he’s hotter than Jacob however i think both of these relationships are terrible and Bella is an obnoxious protagonist

Puffy: My thoughts exactly 

4:13 

Fundy: Ok Eclipse wasn’t the worst… i actually thought that one was ok 

8:30 

Fundy: Welp. that was a waste of my entire day. 

Wilbur: You loved it 

Tubbo: Yeah! You cried! 

Fundy: I DID NOT SHUT UP TUBBO

Tommy: THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY TO HIM I WILL HIT YOU 

Tubbo: Don’t worry Tommy, no need, I took pictures and a video, 

Fundy: Of what? 

Tubbo: :) 

Fundy: No…. 

Tubbo: You have been warned :) 

Dream: Why is Tubbo the scariest mother fucker here? 

Karl: wdym he’s adorable 

Schlatt: Yeah he’s the best 

Tommy: I hate everyone but I hate Tubbo the least

Wilbur: I agree 

Tubbo: awwww you guys are so sweet 

Tommy: I am not sweet i am a big man I AM THE BIGGEST MAN 

Wilbur: You are a gremlin and a child 

Tommy: IN THE ORDER OF MEN IT GOES: PHILZA, ME, TUBBO, EVERYONE ELSE, DREAM, wilbur 

Dream: WHAT THE FUCK? 

Wilbur: HOW AM I BELLOW DREAM? 

Puffy: Where do me Niki and Minx place on your scale 

Tommy: you are all women so you are automatically above except for Minx, she is below Tubbo. 

Wilbur: AND YOU PUT FUCKING MINX ABOVE ME? THATS IT 

Fundy: Wilbur just ran up the stairs. 

  I hear screaming, Tubbo and I are going to investigate

  Wilbur threw Tommy out the window

  Tubbo threw Wilbur out the window 

  Tubbo jumped out the window 

  Tommy and Tubbo are beating Wilbur up in tne bushes, 

  TECHNOBLADE JUST JUMPED OUT ANOTHER WINDOW WITH A FUCKING SWORD!? 

  Phil and Kristen are back 

  Kristen made them all stop instantly 

  WHAT IS THIS WITCHCRAFT????

Philza: The power of Mumza, now come help set the table while the boys get cleaned up, I do not care if you are a guest, if you’re here you’re helping. 

Fundy: Yes Mr.Minecraft. 

Philza: Phil is just fine mate, now get down here 

Chapter Text

4:45 PM 

Wilbur: WHAT IS EVERYONE DOING NEXT SUNDAY NIGHT? 

Sapnap: probably Karl 

Fundy: nothing? 

Puffy: Niki Minx and I have a bout that Saturday but nothing going on sunday 

Dream: I am forever alone

Karl: I don’t have any plans

Tubbo: YOU ALREADY KNOW I WILL BE THERE I AM SO HYPE 

Bad: Wait be where? 

Skeppy: idk 

Tommy: Wait what’s going on? Why does Tubbo know? 

Wilbur: Tommy you and Techno have no choice in the matter 

Technoblade: Heh? 

Schlatt:  What matter? 

Wilbur: OK SO I AM IN A BAND AND WE ARE HAVING OUR FIRST CONCERT NEXT SUNDAY DO ANY OF YOU WANT TO GO? Also Puffy, I will be at your bout as it is Sally’s first rostered bout and I can’t wait to see my girlfriend kick ass on roller skates. 

Tubbo: I WILL BE OPENING!!!! 

Fundy: WAIT LOVEJOY CONCERT IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING!?!?!?!

Niki: OMG Will this is so exciting! Puffy Minx and I will definitely be there 

Bad: I didn’t know you were in a band! I definitely wanna see!  

Fundy: Can I invite Clay? I’d really like for you to meet him!

Wilbur: Please invite him I’d love to meet my future son in law 

Sapnap: I guess I can move around some stuff

Karl: I’ll definitely be there! 

Puffy: I’ll make sure Schlatt goes

Skeppy: If Bad going I’m going 

Schlatt: I will go so I can see my son perform… oh and I guess to see Wilbur too 

Dream: Idk…

Wilbur: :( Dreammmmm

Dream: I just uh you know...face 

Bad: Oh yeah… I think I’m ok with showing you all my face in person 

Fundy: Yeah idrc anymore the main reason i didn’t “face reveal” was because I was scared of you guys thinking I was a girl… but i think I’m comfortable enough now. 

Dream: um...I am not… for uh reasons…

Sapnap: OH RIGHT HAHAHAHA KARL LAUGH IN KNOWING WITH ME 

Karl: oh shit that’s right- 

Dream: guys shut up. 

Wilbur: :( 

Fundy: Dreammmm come on we wanna see you

Dream: mmmmm ok tell you what I’ll be there… but I won’t be near you guys… 

Wilbur: I mean fine but if you wanna get in for free you gotta be with us

Dream: Just give my free ticket to Clay. I can pay. I am secretly loaded

Fundy: That’s very kind of you, thank you Dream. 

Dream: no need to thank me, maybe one day you’ll all see me. 

Chapter Text

7:34 AM (Monday) 

George: The fuck is a bout? 

Sapnap: GEORGEEEEEEEE

Dream: YOU’RE ALIVEEEEEE 

Tubbo:   WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN? 

Wilbur: he’s gonna fucking say asleep

George: asleep? Tf do you care 

  Goddammit Wilbur shut up 

Wilbur: called it. 

Tubbo: FOR 2 DAYS? 

George I mean...well….yeah pretty much. 

Dream: What.the.fuck.

Sapnap: how? 

Technoblade: makes perfect sense to me. I once slept for two months 

Wilbur: Technoblade that was a coma we  all thought you were dead

Technoblade: best rest I’ve ever gotten

George: Your family is so fucking weird

Tommy: you’re telling me 

Tubbo: I dunno I love the Minecrafts! So does Ranboo! 

Tommy: That’s because you are as weird as they are and Ranboo is a bitch 

Tubbo: :( stop being mean to Ranboo behind his back

Tommy: I’m not just mean to his back, I’m mean to the front too. 

Tubbo: :( You know I was thinking about just adding Ranboo, but since you’re gonna be mean. 

Tubbo has added Ranboo, Drista, and Purpled 

Tommy: Oh shit- wait why’d you add Purpled? 

Tubbo: Didn’t want him to feel left out idk

Ranboo: wh-huh? 

Drista: Hello Tommy :) 

Tommy: ahahaha h a hello Drista 

Dream: Oh fuck wait Drista how do you know them? Your like three years younger?

Drista : Hello brother, and it’s only two. 

Dream: OH WAIT SHIT YOU’RE HERE LET ME DM YOU REAL QUICK 

Purpled: Thanks for including me in this Tubbo….I hate it.

Sapnap: YOOOOO WAIT PURPLED? WAZZZAAAAP 

Purpled: SAPNAP! WAZZZAAAAP! Ok i hate it a little less now

Sapnap: AND DRISTA HELL YEAH MY TWO FAVORITE PEOPLE UNDER 18 

Drista: Dream you’re a fucking idiot 

Dream: WHAT 

Drista: But I will respect your boundaries

Dream: I-Thanks dris 

Tubbo: SO WAIT DREAM IS YOUR BROTHER????

Drista: Unfortunately 

Dream: Oh yeah doesn’t mom hate it when you swear?

Drista: Uh- 

Dream: Bad I give you full permission to “Language” my sister as much as you want  

sapnap: where is dad anyways? 

Quackity: “DAD” ??? 

Sapnap: wait shit- 

Quackity: GUYS I FOUND MY RENESME 

Skeppy: Bad is currently kicking everyone’s ass in mario kart. 

Tommy: You’re not Skeppy! 

Skeppy: how do you know already? 

Tubbo: You can actually spell

Skeppy: Omfg you’re right, Like I fuck up sometimes because of my nails but he fucks up every other word like what the fuck is wrong with him and how is Bad able to perfectly understand him? I’m Finn by the way

Tubbo: Nice to meet you Finn

Skeppy: you too

  Welp gonna go put Skeppy’s phone on the top shelf now, their race is almost over. 

Sapnap: Thank god that got covered up

Bad: Finn said you guys needed something when he stole Skeppy’s phone? 

Sapnap: NOPE

Quackity: SAPNAP CALLED YOU DAD

Sapnap: SHUT UP QUACKITY 

Bad: awwww you can call me dad owo 

Quackity: FUCK YEAH THAT MEANS SAPNAP AND I WILL END UP TOGETHER AFTER MY ADVANCES ON BAD FAIL 

Bad: Hug?

Karl: OH YOU BEST STEP OFF Q ISTG IF YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT TRYING ANYTHING WITH SAP I WILL ROCK YOUR HONKING SHIT 

Quackity: ....understandable

Karl: :] 

George: I’m going back to sleep 

Wilbur: You literally have work 

George: Fuck you

Chapter Text

2:43 AM 

Tubbo: can someone here ples proof my essay it’s due tomorrow and i did it all tonight and i want to make sure its not too shitty 

Ranboo: is it the one for Ms. M? I thought that was due next week? 

Tubbo: no this is the one for Mr. Herran B)  

Ranboo: but- Tubbo that was due last thursday? 

Tubbo: u h - nope DUE TOMORROEW DEFINITLY HAHAHA FUNNY JOKE RANBOO

Ranboo: Tubbo am I going to have to start doing homework check ins with you? 

Tubbo: NOPE  You’ll probably forget anyways 

Karl: Wait you need something proofread? Send it to me 

Tubbo: THANk YOU KARL!!! 

Ranboo: This doesn’t get you off the hook, Tubbo you need to be better about this 

Tubbo: ughhhhh you sound like my parents I’m trying I just it’s harrrrd Ive just been so focused on getting my math grade up so my parents get off my ass about that that i just put everything else on the back burner and it’s not bad enough that my teachers have started emailing so im just gonna keep doing what im doing and figure it the fuck out I csn do the history stuff no problem Ms. M is totally ok when i turn things in late it’s just this stupid book its SO BORING and every three chapters we have to summerize and talk about symbolism and all this boring shit and its not like im doing anything else but i would literally rather do anything else than my fucking english homework Spanish PE and Art are the only classes i am actually competent in because we do fucking nothing in them I AM TRYING TO BE BETTER it’s just so exhausting i am so fucking tired Ranboo I just want to sleep for an eternity 

Ranboo: Tubbo… I-im sorry… i didn’t know you were struggling this much. I suppose this explains your recent symptoms of narcolepsy 

Tubbo: It’s finnnnnne not like i really talk about it its whatevs 

Dream: This is not whatevs! This is a problem that im positive has some kind of fix 

  I used to be a lot like that when I was a kid 

Tubbo: God just don’t ask me what I think I should do 

Dream: No i fucking hated that like if i knew what to do i would have fucking done it already

Tubbo: IKRRRR like do they think im fucking stupid because im dislexic? 

Dream: gotta love when teachers don’t honor the accommodations for no good reason 

Tubbo: Fucking sucks 

Karl: OK I FINISHED I only edited the grammar and spelling directly I did add some notes for to make it a bit stronger I would’ve written it for you but My writing style is very different from yours and I haven’t read enough of your writing to replicate so uh hope that helps 

Tubbo: Thank you Karl!!! How do you know so much about writing? And this book? 

Karl: Creative writing major, and I read this book when I was in high school, it's  still one of my favorites.

Tubbo: cool!!!

Ranboo: Tubbo, now that your essay is all squared away, please get some sleep, I can help you with anything else you need tomorrow, but you need to sleep

Tubbo: Okkkkkk finnnnnnne

George: If you need math help ever let me know that’s the ome thing I’m good at 

Dream: omg he’s awake! 

George: omg literally shut the fuck up I’m going back to bed I just want Tubbo to know I’m here if he needs help 

Tubbo: thank you george 

Ranboo: tell you what Tubbo go to sleep now I’ll let you tell me all about whatever weird dream you have tomorrow

Tubbo: OK GNIGHT GUYS

Dream: night Tubbo

Karl: goodnight Tubbo 

George: goodnight

Chapter Text

7:45 PM

Wilbur: On todays episode as I love my girlfriend Sally just clocked a guy that was hitting on her while I was getting our drinks  god They are so attractive 

Schlat: ew 

Fundy: Sally really is the best 

Drista: Who’s Sally 

Wilbur: An absolute goddess, and a salmon, and the best partner literally ever 

Fundy: god i want what they have

Dream: you haven’t seen what Karl and Sapnap have that is what I want

Quackity: Fundy literally shut up you have a whole plotline with that Clay guy 

Fundy: yeah but like i want it now 

Quackity: **sigh** ok yeah fair enough 

Sapnap: Lmao imagine being single i could never right babe

Karl: lol rip 

Tubbo: i'm jelous too…. RANBOO WERE MARRIED NOW 

Ranboo: huh? what! why marriage? 

Tubbo: so we’re better than just dating 

Ranboo: ok then 

Sapnap: two can play at that game… Karl lets get engaged 

Karl: ok im down 

Quackity: WHY AM I SINGLE UGHHHHH WHERES BAD I NEED SOMEONE TO HIT ON 

Dream: probably with Skepy or smthn 

Bad: I'm not right now actually. 

Quackity: Are you a dilf bad? you seem like you’d be a really hot and sexy dilf 

Bad: THAT IS HIGHLY INAPPROPRIATE LANGUAGE OH MY GOODNESS 

Quackity: Sapnap called you dad but can i call you Big Daddy? ;) 

Bad: ABSOLUTELY NOT NOPE WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT 

Quackity: Just sayin what i feel **lip bite** 

Sapnap: not the lip bite 

Tubbo: Ranboo what’s a dilf 

Ranboo: uhhhhhh…..oh god… ok remember when you asked me what a milf was? 

Tubbo: yes 

Ranboo: its like that….but a guy…

Tubbo: OHHHHHH wait Bad do you have kids? 

Bad: uh- im only 24 so…no i do work with kids though 

Tubbo: but that means you’re not a dilf

Bad: I- sigh- no i am not…that 

Quacky: ughhhhh you’re close enough though

Bad: : / 

Quackity: hey bad how bout you send me a selfiie ;) 

Tubbo: WAIT YEAH SINCE WE'RE GONNA MEET YOU THIS WEEKEND CAN WE SEE YOU

Bad: MMMMMM FINE 

<{ photo sent: BadBoyHalo holding Rat }> 

Tubbo: AWWWW

Purpled: Wait you’re in the PP Squad right? 

Quackity: Ok yeah I’d hit that 

Bad: what!? Why do you wanna hit me 

Puffy: Oh bad you poor sweet thing… never change 

Bad: huh- 

Puffy: Nothing Bad… hey you’re a part of the PP squad? Foolish is forcing me to go in his place on saturday, he mentioned you go a lot 

Dream: PP squad? 

Bad: Oh you know foolish! And yeah! I’ll probably be there this weekend

Sapnap: Wait I’ve heard that before

Purpled: It’s a Punz thing he invites a bunch of people over every saturday to get wasted and play Pumel Party  

Bad: We don’t always get drunk 

Quackity: Are you a heavy drinker Bad? You seem like the type

Bad: What! No! Why would you say that 

Quackity: Do you wanna go out drinking with me sometime 

Bad: Aren’t you 19? 

Wilbur: He’s legal in Britain 

Quackity: and Texas but everythings legal in Texas

Schlatt: Fucking love Texas I went there for a summer and rented a flamethrower and shot a lot of guns 

Wilbur: I would liaksnsoger

Quackity: Wilbur? 

Schlatt: he fuckin dead man 

Bad: Language. 

Wilbur: Sorry Will will not be available for the next few hours :) -Sally 

Minx: WAIT SALLY BEFORE YOU GO I HAVE TO KNOW DO YOU PEG HIM 

Schlatt: God this is why we would never work 

Wilbur: Minx… what do you think….

   Bye! 

Minx: Wilbur is so getting pegged tonight 

Tubbo: What’s pegging? 

Schlatt: Goddamit Minx now I have to explain to my son what pegging is. 

Minx: You have a son?  Who’s the unlucky girl that was dumb enough to not abort something made with your sperm 

Schlatt: um he’s adopted? I am a single parent by choice. 

Minx: Imagine not getting bitches

Sapnap: Imagine 

Puffy: Imagine 

Karl: imagine 

Niki: Imagine 

Tubbo: Imagine 

Schlatt: Tubbo...my son… you fucking betrayed me 

Quackity: You all fucking suck

Bad: I- I’m not even gonna bother…I-I give up

Chapter Text

5:45 PM  (Thursday) 

Tommy:  TUBBOOOOOOO 

Ranboo: Why are you calling for him like we haven’t both been privately messaging him and spamming his name in other chats

Tommy: SORRY I AM TRYING TO FIND MY BEST FRIEND

Drista: this isn’t helping guys I doubt he’ll respond here 

Purpled: Guys I’v said it multiple times but you don’t seem to listen Tubbo is probably fine, he’s probably asleep, or busy, or maybe working on homework and turned off his phone to avoid distractions. 

Tommy: literally shut up Purpled Tubbo doesn’t do that. 

Schlatt: Wait Tubbo is missing? Let me get my glock 

Ranboo: Ok there is no need for a gun we just haven’t heard from him for a few hours  

Bad: Guys I don’t think this situation calls for violence yet 

Purpled: thank god someone is on my side

Tommy: nope I’m about to start stabbing shit Techno where’s the blade 

Technobade: I’m not giving you the blade 

Tommy: How about the Orphan Obliterator? 

Technoblade:   how about a helmet to start you off… 

Tommy: PLSSS can I have something???? 

Technoblade: mmmmm fine… I’ll let you hold onto The Axe of Peace 

Schlatt: I’m sorry what the fuck Is an “Orphan Obliterator”? 

Technoblade: a firework launcher I built a few years ago 

Tommy: OK I HAVE THE AXE OF PEACE LETS GO FIGHT TUBBO’S KIDNAPPER 

Wilbur: Or let’s not because Tubbo is with me we had to do some setup and rehearsal for the concert and his phone died. He’s fine we’re all fine we’re getting ice cream then I’m taking him home. 

Tommy: awww I was really excited…. 

Ranboo: that’s a relief

Schlatt: So no glock? :( 

Tommy: no glock :( 

Schlatt: Tommy would you like to come to the shooting range with me sometime 

Tommy: ABSOLUTLEY 

Phil: Tommy no guns until you learn the classics. 

Tommy: UGHHHH FINNNNNE 

Ranboo: Hey Wilbur not to be a bother, and it’s totally fine if you don’t want to, but could you let Tubbo call me real quick or tell him to call me when he gets home, I need to talk to him.

Wibur: I’m just gonna tell him to call me when he gets home, he’s telling everyone all these bee facts and I’ve never seen him this excited 

Ranboo: Oh yeah let him bee 

Tommy: BOOOOOOOO

Ranboo: I’ll see myself out. 

___________________________

6:34 PM

Tubbo’s phone was finally charged enough to look at. He scrolled through all the messages of Tommy shouting his name. He saw some messages from Ranboo

4:13

Ranboo: Tubbo I messed up 

      I need help

    Can I stay with you for a little while? 

    Please

So this is why he wanted to call. Tubbo immediately dialed Ranboo up, 

“Tubbo? Hello”

“Yeah, Where are you right now?”

“I-I’m at the bench”

“I’ll be there soon. Of course you can stay with us.”

“Thank you”  

“I won’t push on why unless you want to tell me but my parents will ask, so what should I tell them?”

“Well… uh… My parents kicked me out again…. This time for good. They said i’m old enough, and they threw all of my belongings out, and Tubbo…. I can’t protect the others anymore… they’re all so much younger and they’re gonna be stuck in there alone with them and no one to protect them-”

“Hey, hey, It’s ok. Take some deep breaths. Boo, Edward is only two years younger, right? He can take care of the rest, it’s gonna be okay. You can still see him at school to check in on everything. And you have his phone number right?” 

“You’re right, Thank you.”

“Of course Ranboo. I am always here. I’ll be there soon, I’m grabbing my keyes and I have to tell my parents where I’m going.” 

“Ok….see you soon, Bee.” 

“See you soon.” 

Tubbo hung up. He ran downstairs  and quickly filled in his parents a little bit on what was happening, leaving a few of the details out. He got in his car and rushed straight to the park he Tommy and Ranboo usually hung out at, possibly breaking a few speeding laws on the way. 

There he was. Ranboo was sitting at the bench with a backpack and a duffel bag. Tubbo quickly pulled over and put the car in park. He got out and walked to the boy on the bench. Ranboo’s head was in his hands he was shaking and crying. 

Tubbo sat next to him and quickly pulled the taller boy closer into his chest. 

“Hey...it’s gonna be okay. I got you.” he tried to comfort

Ranboo sobbed into Tubbo’s chest. They sat there for a while as the sun finished setting 

“Let’s go home Ranboo.”

Chapter Text

10: 45 PM ( still thursday)

Ranboo: A fair warning to all of you… do not give Tubbo caffeine. Not even a sip, all he had was two sips of my dr pepper two hours ago and he is currently in a tree reciting what im assuming is black magic.

Tommy: Ranboo you fucking idiot how do you not know about Tubbo and caffeine 

Ranboo: HIS PARENTS SAID HE COULDNT HAVE ONE THEY DIDNT SAY HE COULDNT HAVE A SIP OF MINE 

Tommy: caffeine is like crack for Tubbo we once made the mistake of letting him drink a whole monster…. he then proceeded to climb the side of the house onto the roof then jump of the roof into a tree, fall out of said tree, Technoblade tried to restrain him, but was no match. He was like that for two days. Then slept for 12 hours

Tubbo: THE ARCHIVES WILL HAVE THE ANSWERS  

Tommy: oh god not the Archives again 

Wilbur: Is Drubbo back? That’s one of my favorite Tubbo

Tubbo: ART IS DEAD 

I HAVE SPENT SO LONG IN THE MINES THE ROCKS ARE IN MY LUNGS

Ranboo: I’m scared 

Tubbo: your feelings will be recorded in the archives 

Dream: what in the actual fuck 

Tubbo: THE ART IS IN THE ARCHIVES IT IS THERE FOR THE ROMANS 

YOU HAVE TO GO TO THE ARCHISNFSDVNWEFNW

Ranboo: He just fell out of the tree.... He’s not moving

Tommy: He’s fine he probably just cracked he’ll sleep for at least 5 hours 

Dream: Every day I get even more scared of Tubbo 

Tommy: You don’t even know about project Snowchester yet…. That’s a reason to be scared… 

Ranboo: how is he not on an FBI watchlist by now tbh 

Tommy: he is he’s just able to smooth-talk his way out of situations, his parent’s positions also don’t hurt. 

Ranboo: yeah fair enough

Dream: I am terrified of four people three of them are in this chat and one of them is my brother

Drista: Lmaoooo I always forget how scared of XD you are 

Dream: With good reason… have you met him? 

George: Wait I know XD… He’s you guys’ brother? 

Drista: yup 

George: He’s been like… putting the moves on me for like weeks and idk how to respond 

Dream: WHAT 

Drista: HUHHHH

Dream:  HE’S CAPABLE OF HUMAN ATTRACTION ????

Drista: HES INTO TWINKS???

Dream: DRISTA 

Drista: WHAT 

George: I mean idk he always calls me pretty and handsome and kinda flirts 

Dream: He knows how to flirt? 

Drista: Do you flirt back? 

George: I mean sometimes, He’s hot, and nice to me, not really to anyone else, and um…whatever. 

Dream: How did you even meet him? 

George: I was visiting home in London last year and went to a pub and He was there I heard the american accent and was into it , so I went and sat with him and we got a couple rounds and… we’ll leave it at that. Anyways we went on a few more dates before we both had to leave, but we decided to be friends for now. ig he’s ready to change that. 

Dream:   you had a one night stand with my older brother…. This… how… I… XD isn’t charismatic… he’s fucking terrifying and i thought he was Aromantic or at least Asexual...

Drista: Dear god Dream you did not have to actually say that it happened now I have to think about it  

George: In my deffense we were both fucking wasted and he was really hot and his hotel was nearby.… and we're adults we shouldn't have to justify anything to you. also he’s very charismatic what are you talking about? 

Dream:  um you hooked up with my brother and he's trying to court you. also he had literally no friends

George: It was a fucking year ago and tbh I do not regret it

Dream: ew

Drista: Dream… Are we gonna have to pretend we’re meeting George for the first time when XD brings him home. 

Dream:  We might. We are never telling mom or XD about this conversation

Drista: oh god no

Chapter Text

5:43 PM (Friday)

Fundy:  oh my fucking god. I am in love- I am in love with Clay oh my GOD.  I told him I was craving chipotle earlier, then exactly 24 minutes later he just appeared outside my dorm building with a burrito bowl- 

Quackity: Marry him. 

Wilbur: he didn’t bring me any >:| 

Fundy: This isn’t about you Wilbur this is about me and the gorgeous guy that brought me food. 

Tommy: gross 

Dream: god shut up Tommy 

Tommy: The fuck you say to me 

Wilbur: the fuck you say to him 

Tubbo: The fuck you say to him?

Technoblade: what did you say to him? 

Dream: Uh- sorry- didn’t mean it im sorry- 

Wilbur: uh yeah that’s wha i thought stupid bitch 

Technoblade: No one gets to tell Tommy to shut up

Tubbo: pull that shit again and I’ll fucking take your left eye and make you eat it 

Dream: OK SERIOSLY I AM TERRIFIED OF THIS 5’5 17 YEAR OLD LIKE WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS KID  

Tubbo: :) 

Sapnap: yo lay off Dream he’s just has no sense of humor 

Dream: i have a sense of humor i just find Tommy’s insistence that romance is gross annoying 

Sapnap: Yea no other reason why you were so quick to tell him to shut up 

Dream: I’ll tell you to shut up 

Puffy: Ladies you’re both pretty  now what’s the issue? 

Dream: there is no issue. 

Sapnap: pfft- not yet 

Dream: literally shut up 

Sapnap: nah I’m bored of this though I wanna talk about how beautiful Karl is  

Dream: and suddenly I have the urge to go do homework 

Karl: or you could put your phone down and watch adventure time with me 

Sapnap: I guess I can settle for that.  

Schlatt: why do we let them get away with this shit stop making me want a relationship 

____________________

5:54 PM (Saturday) 

Brothers +Dadza and Tubbo: 

Wilbur: HOLY SHIT ALL OF YOU CLEAR SATURDAY THE 17th OF NEXT MONTH YO ARE ALL GOING TO A  ROLLER DERBY BOUT WITH ME 

Philza: alright that can be arranged 

Technoblade: Why? 

Wilbur: YOU DONT GET IT NOT YET HOLY FUCK THIS IS SO COOL 

Tommy: Why do I have to go 

Wilbur: BECAUSE ITS ONLY LIKE AN HOUR AND A HALF AND IT INVOLVES A LOT OF BADASS WOMEN AND OTHERS BEING BADASSES AND THERES ALCOHOL  AND FOOD TRUCKS 

Philza: glad you’re enjoying yourself mate 

Tommy: WOMEN AND DRUGS POG IM IN 

Philza: nope no alcohol for you

Chapter Text

4:30 PM : Saturday

“HELLOOOOO EVERYBODY” The announcer’s voice boomed from speakers “WELCOME TO DERBY NIGHT AT BADLANDS SKATE RINK!!! WE’VE GOT QUITE THE NIGHT AHEAD OF US DON’T WE? SO WHY DON’T WE GET STARTED. 

“TONIGHT TO KICK OFF THE HOUSE SEASON WE’VE GOT THE FERAL FLOCK VS TEAM ADORABLOODTHIRSTY!!!” 

“WHY DON’T WE BEGIN WITH OUR NEWEST FORMED TEAM START. 

“COMING IN FIRST FROM THE FERAL FLOCK, AN EX- RIOT AND ONE OF THE BEST GIVE IT UP FOR NUMBER 11 TEAM CAPTAIN PUFFDADDY THE GREAT”  

Puffdaddy (the great) sped onto the track, donning her classic rainbow tights and bandana. She skated about a half-lap before doing a jump pivot and skating backwards the rest of the way. Then swerving into the center of the rink, taking a seat on her team’s designated bench line next to the coach. 

“FOLLOWING HER IS NUMBER 26, THE ADORABLE, NIHACHU!” 

Nihachu skated her lap and waved at the audience. She was wearing a pink skirt with white fishnets underneath. She took her seat next to Puffdaddy. 

“NEXT WE GOT PERHAPS THE MEANEST PLAYER ON THE TRACK TONIGHT, NUMBER 69,  MINXING “

Minxing took her lap much faster than the others and flipped off the audience before taking her seat. She wore black fishnet tights with purple sparkly booty shorts and knee high tube socks. 

“THAT’S ABOUT WHERE THE LEAGUE VETS END BUT HERE COMES A PROMISING NEW FACE NUMBER 17,  ROSE’S THORNS” 

Rose’s Thorns skated elegantly around the track, doing a few turns and a bit of backwards skating. She had on a hot pink skirt with black rose pattern lace tights underneath. 

“OUR NEXT FRESH MEAT FRESH OUTTA THE WATER, NUMBER 23, SOCKEYE” 

There she was, Sockeye, Sally, love of Wilbur’s life. Her tattoo sleeves on full display, her curly red hair pulled back into a braid, white fishnets covered her legs allowing the tattoos on her legs to be seen as well, she also had on a pair of green shorts with a scale pattern. She waved to the audience as she completed her lap, blowing a kiss when she saw her adoring boyfriend in the crowd. 

Wilbur didn’t pay much attention to the rest of the team, only catching the name of the last girl, Mammacita, a blonde wearing some VERY bright green socks. 

He snapped back when he started hearing the other teams names. 

“AND THE BELOVED TEAM ADORABLOODTHIRSTY WE’VE GOT

“EVERYONES FAVORITE RECOVERED ALCOHOLIC TEAM  CAPTAIN NUMBER 16 TIPSY TURVY”

“THE BAKING BADASS NUMBER 413 OFF HER CROCKER”

“I THOUGHT SHE DIED, BUT APPARENTY NUMBER 0 CROSS BONES IS STILL ALIVE AND INTENDS TO STAY THAT WAY”

“THE WICKED WITCH HERSELF, NUMBER 4, TENTACLE TERRORIST

“SPEAKING OF WICKED, EVERYONES EX GIRLFRIEND, NUMBER 53 WICKED WAIFU”

“THE VAMPIRE QUEEN, NUMBER 9, BLODDY MARYAM”

“MAYBE  THE SECOND MEANEST ON THE TRACK TONIGHT, MAYBE THE MOST VIOLENT, NUMBER 8 LUCKY STRIKE”

“AND HER TRUSTY DERBY WIFE NUMBER 13 JUSTICE SLAMMER”

Wilbur stopped listening as closely to the names but he continued watching the girls make their laps, until he spotted someone a row ahead of him. A side profile with facial hair he’d recognize anywhere. 

“Oi! Schlatt!” He tapped the man on the shoulder. 

“Music man!” He greeted with a handshake. “I knew you were gonna be here, didn’t think you’d end up a row behind us.” 

“Yeah, funny how things work out. You never said you were gonna be here.” 

“Ha! Never in the six years Puff’s been doin this have I missed a bout, I’ve been here since her name was Bubbles.” Schlatt explained. 

“Good for you mate, love a supportive brother.” Wilbur smiled. “I didn’t know roller derby existed until a few months ago when Sally was training for tryouts.” 

“So this is your first bout? You’re in for a treat, The Flock is new but Adorabloodthirsty has been here for ages, Puffy even played with them for a few years before getting traded to the Riots. She formed this team herself. Minx and Niki also played for them until this year, the three of them formed this team with the help of some Hanna chick, I think her derby name is Rose something, I dunno. But I’m looking forward to seeing how this one goes.” 

“You’re really into this huh?” 

“Yeah man, I wanna be supportive of my sister, she’s done a lot for me. If you mention any of this to her remember I carry. That goes for you too Foolish.” Schlatt turned to a boy next to him. 

The boy laughed awkwardly, “aha, uh y-yeah, n-noted.” 

“Oh how rude of me,didn’t see you there,  I don’t believe we’ve met, I’m Wilbur” Wilbur extended a handshake. 

“Foolish!” Foolish accepted.

“Alright now both of you shut up and watch, they’re about to start.” 

________________

They were about 20 minutes in and Wilbur was hooked. He was loving every second. He admired the persistence, the strength, the quick thinking, everything about it, these girls would get hit and knocked out by each other and still get right back in and go straight back to hip and checking. 

_________________ 

<This bit describes a Jam, Idk how much sense it'll make to the average reader>

There were about 15 minutes left of the second half, Lining up at the jam line was Puffdaddy and Lucky Strike, the two seemed to have some kind of tension, and from what Schlat said the two have been rivals of sorts for a while. An official blew their whistle and the packs were off, the jammers soon followed. Minxing went straight for a hole in the middle of the pack, she was caught between Justice Slammer and Tentacle Terrorist. She was stuck until Sockeye came out of nowhere and hit Slammer out. Puffydaddy slid past her team's pack, which had already been blown through by strike. She sped up as much as she could to catch up with Strike, they were neck and neck. They were going in too hot, Strike started plowing and preparing to take the pack, when Puffdaddy had an Idea. The opposing pack was turning, Puffy sped up even more, passing Strike, she got to the corner, she gave it a shot, she jumped, she landed, she passed. 

The crowd lost it. 

“FUCK YEAH!!!! THATS MY SISTER BITCH!!!!!” Schlatt shouted. 

Strike didn’t take Puffy’s successful apex jump well. She sped right towards the pack, and slammed right into Minxing. The refs called her on the foul use of elbows as Puffy signasled to call the jam. Lucky Strike, still upset, didn’t like that and continued to attack Minx, Minx retaliated. They both fell and continued beating on each other until the refs physically removed the two. They were both removed for the rest of the bout after being visited by the grumpy medic. 

_________________

Afterwards Schlatt lead everyone down from the bleachers to the side of the track where all the players were mingling in a crowd. He saw Puffy with a little croud surrounding her. He pushed everyone out of the way to lift his sister into a hug. She laughed. 

“IM SO FUCKING PROUD OF YOU YOU BITCH YOU DID IT!” He shouted. 

“Thanks Schlatt,” Puffy was still laughing as she spoke.  She then turned to Foolish and the three slipped into conversation. Wilbur decided to go find Sally. 

They were over near the medic station chatting with some people from the other team and the medic. 

“WILBUR!” She shouted when she saw him. She skated over bumping into him to stop.  Hi,” She said quickly before pulling him down into a quick kiss. 

“Hey.” Wilbur said after, “you are incredible.” 

“I know, now come meet my new friends.” She pulled him over to the group she was with before. 

“Hey Will!” Niki waved, she was kneeling next to a grumpy Minx. 

“Hello,” He replied. 

“Will, this is Karkat, Dave, Strike, Slammer, Dirk, Tipsy, Terror, and Mary,” Sally pointed to each person introducing them starting with the medic, then some blonde guy next to him, then the girl that got into a fight with minx, then a girl kneeling next to her, then on the other side of Niki and Minx another blonde guy in strange sunglasses, a buff pink haired woman, a much smaller lavender haired girl, and lastly a tall thin woman with strikingly green lips.  

“I’m Wilbur, a pleasure to meet you all. You all were incredible!” He complimented “Except for Minx,” He had to ruin it.

“Oh fuck off you fuckin cunt ill kill you!” 

“Aw waa I’m so scared. Ow!” Sally elbowed the taller. 

“Anyways we were just talking about what’s going on for an after party, I think everyone’s going to some 50’s diner. I’m sure you’re welcome to tag along, but I know you have a big day tomorrow so if you wanna go-” Sally was interrupted 

“What kind of big day?” Tipsy interrupted, “fuck wait, Sorry, probably shouldn’t have asked, might be private, nevermind” She laughed awkwardly. 

“Oh don’t worry love it’s not private at all, my band is just performing live for the first time tomorrow. And Sally love, I will be fine staying out late, you know my sleep schedule.” Wilbur explained.” 

“Wait are you in that love band or whatever? I was planning on dragging Karkat to that tomorrow night, are you guys any good?” Dave asked. 

“Haha, no.” Wilbur said

“Willlll, you guys are great! They’re actually really good! And it’s good dancing music!” Niki corrected. 

“Fuck you still, but Niki’s right” Minx agreed. 

“Whatever.” 

____________________

The back of the dinner was packed with derby players and their friends and family, all laughing and having a good time. They may have seemed like they were gonna kill each other on the track, but off everyone was nice to each other, except for strike she was just a 8itch. Wilbur didn’t get back to his dorm till around 1 AM, but as soon as he did he flopped down, and passed out on his bed.

Chapter Text

4:00 PM sunday

Tubbo: <{ Photo Sent: selfie backstage }> 

  WOOOO ALMOST TIME!!!!

Puffy: can’t wait to see! Is everyone here btw 

Fundy: Clay and I found Sapnap Karl Quackity Skeppy and Bad! We’re at a table by the bar if you wanna come over. 

Tommy: You’re gonna do great Tubbo!!! We are right front and center! 

Tubbo: epic!!!! I’m being told I have to go on see you guys soon!!!!

___________

3:00 PM

“So you’re sure you two can  can pretend you don’t know me and not blow it?” Dream asked his roommate and his boyfriend as he grabbed his keys.

“Yesssss. god it would be so much easier if you just told him, but whatever. how are you gonna explain your phone going off at the same time as ours every time we get a message in the chat?”  Sapnap  asked. 

“I turned it on do not disturb.”  Dream explained, “Now I gotta go pick him up, I’ll see you two there, remember don’t-”

“Blow this for you we know” Karl finished. “Now go, or you’ll be late.”

“Right!” 

______________

Dream  Clay waited in his car for Fundy to come out of his dorm building. When he did he was wearing a white Tshirt and black ripped skinny jeans, with a black leather coat covered in patches and pins. He made his way over to Clay’s car and got into the passenger seat. 

“Hey!” He greeted, as he buckled his seat belt. 

“Hi!” Clay smiled. “You look amazing!” 

“Haha, really? It’s nothing special, just some hand me down jeans from Wilbur and a Tshirt?” 

“Shut up and let me compliment you.” Clay started his car. “Do you know how to get to this place?”

“I have the address, yeah, I’ll put it in the nav.” 

______________

3:34 PM 

They arrived and imeadiatly went towards the bar. Fundy wasn’t technically old enough to drink, but Clay ordered him something anyways, he was only a few months away afterall. Fundy spotted some of his friends over at a table. 

“Hey! Sapnap! Karl!” He greeted. 

“Fundy hey!” Karl waved.

Fundy pulled Clay towards the two at the table with the two boys, one in a white Tshirt with a flame printed on it, and the other in a rainbow block hoodie. “Hey guys! This is Clay, Clay this is Karl and Sapnap.” Fundy introduced them. 

“Hello, nice to finally meet you, we’ve heard so much about you.” Sapnap smirked trying to hold back a laugh. “This is my boyfriend Karl. I told Quackity to meet us over here, he said he was here I dunno what’s holding him up.” 

“I’m right here Sappy Nappy.” A voice came from behind Fundy and Clay everyone looked to find a short boy in a white button up with the sleeves rolled up, a beanie, and black slacks. “ And look who I found at the bar on the way.” He gestured behind himself to a slightly taller man in a blue hoodie and ripped jeans, and an even taller man with glasses, a black hoodie with red accents and spikes, and loose shredded black jeans with chains. 

“So this must be Bad and Skeppy, Bad you’re a lot taller than I expected.” Fundy observed. 

“It’s the stupid shoes!” Skeppy said, pointing to bad’s combat boots.

“They only add two inches, Even without them I’m still taller than you, Geppy.” The three joined the group already at the table. 

“Well uh, this is Clay, Clay tis is Skeppy Quackity and Bad.” Fundy introduced his friends to Clay, pulling the blonde a little closer. 

“Hey can I ask a weird question… Why is your name ‘Bad’? Like Skeppy, Sapnap and even Quackity could feasibly be just weird nicknames, but ‘Bad’?” Clay asked. 

“Well uh, it’s short for Badboyhalo. We all met kind of online and that’s just the name i use for online stuff. My real name is Darryl, but I uh don’t really like when people not in my immediate family call me that so uh just call me Bad or Halo, please.” Bad explained. 

“Oh, alright that makes sense.” Clay smiled. 

“Ok enough boring shit. Hey Bad do you have plans after this?” Quackity changed the subject. 

“Well no, I don’t know yet.” 

“Well how about this, you me midnight Mcdonalds, we’re going home, you need gas, you get gas, i rob the conveinience store, we’re running from the cops, we lose them of course, you’re driving like a madman, we eventually get to the lake, skinny dipping at one am you and me what do you say?” Quackity proposed his master plan to the taller boy, he just stood there in shock. Sapnap, Karl and Clay broke out laughing, Fundy chuckled, Skeppy started glaring at Quackity.

“I-uh- well-” Bad was at a loss for words. “I- uh- I’m- flattered? But I think I’ll have to decline…” 

“Goddammit Bad! Why not?!” Quackity pouted. 

“Huh! Language! Look I just, how bout we do something that doesn’t involve a car chase?” Bad offered. 

“I thought we were gonna hang out after this!” Skeppy sounded betrayed. 

“We were?” 

“Nope! Bad is gonna hang out with me!”  

Skeppy and Quackity began to argue. Everyone turned their attention to other things, Karl and Sapnap were chatting Fundy was on his phone, and Clay was just kind of there. 

“Tubbo is going on soon!” Fundy told everyone. 

A few minutes later a short, brown haired boy, in a red hoodie and blue jeans was on stage with a ukulele. He got up onto a stool and adjusted the mic stand so it would pick up his instrument as well as his voice. 

“Helloooo everybody! My name is Tubbo and I have been sent to lower your expectations so you’ll be blown away by the headliner.”  only a few people in the crowd laughed. “I’m kidding, I’m just not someone you’d think would open for a pop-rock band. Anyways! Let’s get started with some tunes!” 

Tubbo played a few covers of songs then an original song as a finale. He didn’t really fit the vibe of most people attending but everyone enjoyed the performance nonetheless. 

By the time Tubbo had finished the party at the table grew by four. Puffy, Niki, Minx, and Schlatt had made their way over to their friends. Everyone was just hanging out and chatting, Tubbo even stopped by before running off to find Tommy. 

Then the show began. The lights wentout, then some chords form a guitar. 

“She’s always asking “am i Alright?””  Wilbur’s voice rang through the venu as the lights turned back on. 

By the time the song hit the chorus Puffy had already dragged Niki and Minx to the dance floor and was spinning them around. They were all having the time of their lives. 

By the second sond Bad and Skeppy went to dance, Quackity followed. And Karl was trying to convince Sapnap to go dance, he succeeded by the end of the song. 

“Know she's not there, I know shе's going to his flat.” Wilbur sang the chorus of the third song. 

Fundy wanted nothing more in that moment than to ask Clay to dance with him, or better yet Clay grab him by the hips and pull him towards the dance floor. But alas, that didn’t seem to be what was happening. 

“They say sex sells, I know that” 

Clay grabbed Fundy’s hand and whispered, “Come on,” And pulled him to the floor. There they danced. Clay spun Fundy a few times, but mostly he kept his hands on Fundy’s hips, gently swaying them to the music. 

“I’ve been scared of sleeping with the lights off.” 

At the last chorus Clay spun the ginger and pulled him into a dip. When he pulled him back up he pulled him into a kiss.

It was warm and soft, it tasted like alcohol and mint. It was the thing Fundy had been daydreaming about for weeks. 

The concert continued, and Fundy and Clay continued to dance and laugh, exchanging small pecks here and there.

_________________

“That’ll be $20.” Karl whispered to his boyfriend as he returned to they’re table with two glasses of water. 

“For water? You’re literally making me dance, I am not paying for water.” Sapnap complained 

“No not that dummy, guess who I saw making out on the dance floor.” 

“Bad and Skeppy.”

“Nope” 

“Bad and Quackity?”

“No but Bad is getting really tipsy so maybe soon to either of those.” 

“Wait, Don’t tell me? Dammit! I was counting on Dream’s lack of social skills.”

“Fundy and Dream, or Clay rather.” 

“Wait, Dream is Clay?” Schlatt asked, surprised. 

“Fuck, don’t tell anyone.” Sapnap pleaded. 

“He’s had like 15 drinks he’ll probably forget,” Karl reasoned. 

“Um scuse you, this shit is so watered down it’s like baby juice, the only reason Bad is getting shitfaced is he’s been having beers and Mike’s Hard. and don’t worry becaus this is not gonna end well and i love drama.” Schlatt explained. 

Sapnap sighed, “Alright whatever, good enough.”

Chapter Text

6:43 PM 

Tubbo: WOOOOOOO WILBUR YOU DID GREAT!!!!

George: wait wut….

  OH FUCK 

Wilbur: THANK YOU TUBBO 

  And George…. You didn’t…

George: WILBUR IM SORRY I HAD AN ALARM I SWEAR 

Wilbur: THAT MAKES IT WORSE GEORGE YOU FUCKING IDIOT 

George: IM SORRYYYYYYY  

Wilbur:  >:( I have to go now but im still angy! 

  Tubbo we’ll be out in a few minutes then we can all go find the others. 

Tubbo: Oki!!!!

_______________

6:57 PM

As soon as they saw him, Sally jumped to wrap her arms around her boyfriend’s neck. He grabbed them by the waist and spun them around. They pulled the taller man into a kiss. 

“YOU WERE FANTASTIC!!!” she complimented . they then turned to the rest of the band “You all were dreat too! I loved it!” they kept her arm around Wilbur. 

They all thanked her and decided to go their separate ways and regroup later. 

“They all did great you were a bit shit though Will,” Tommy told Wilbur. 

“Pfft- You were cheering his name the whole time.” Phil teased, putting a hand on his ypungest sons shoulder. 

“not bad Will, not bad.” Technoblade  nodded. 

“You did lovely” Kristen smiled at her son.

“Thanks guys,” Wilbur replied. “I believe we’re all gonna lurk around before going out 

for post-show ice cream. And I mean I don't know about you, love, but I'd like to investigate Fundy’s new boyfriend.” 

“His WHAT!” Sally exclaimed.

“Has he not told you about that Clay fellow?” 

“No he has not.” she crossed her arms. 

“Wait, can we go meet everyone now? We were waiting for you.” Tubbo interjected

“I wanna fight Dream!” Tommy added. 

Phil sighed. 

“What? He’s a bitch. and I hate him.” 

“Ok Tommy.” Wilbur chuckled. 

“Alright come on, I’m going to investigate this Dirt guy. Come on Will,” Sally grabbed her boyfriend’s arm and started walking away, she then turned back to sy “I have absolutely no idea where they are.” 

Wilbur laughed and directed her towards the bar. The rest of the group followed along. 

When they got to the table  Fundy started to greet Wilbur with a congratulations but was quickly interrupted. 

“HOW DARE YOU! NOT EVEN GONNA TELL ME HUH, WILL HAD TO BE THE ONE TO TELL ME! SO WHICH ONE IS HE!” Sally exclaimed, scanning the group surrounding him.

“Wh-huh?” Fundy stared at the small girl confused. 

“Those two look dating so not them, it better not be J-shit, hi girls, that leaves the green one, the short one, the blue one, and the one with style, please tell me it’s the one with style or the short one.” 

“What?” 

“Which one is sand?” 

“Clay, I believe his name is Clay.and i think he’s the green one” Wilbur whispered. 

“Which ones Dream. I’m gonna kick his ass.” Tommy cut in. Sapnap started to chuckle.

“Shut up child we will get to your weird grudge after Sally and I formally meet our son’s new boyfriend.” Wilbur shut him down. 

Fundy hit himself in the face and dragged his hands down his face. “Why are you two like this? Why?” 

Clay laughed a little. 

“Look, sorry I saw you making out with some guy in a striking green hoodie in the middle of my show, I just wanna make sure my handsome little boy is being safe and mking good decisions. Now who’s a good furry?” 

“I’m just upset that Wilbur knew before I did. I mean come on I’ve told you about every partner I’ve ever had before anyone else.” 

“Oh, my fucking, god. This is why I haven’t told you yet-” 

“Uh- how about we just um- I’m Clay, I am Floris’s, um, we haven’t really put a label on it yet.” Clay tried to cut in and save the situation, 

“Hm, well at least he’s polite, he needs better shoe game though. I mean come on, are you gonna go play tennis with your mom after this or something? What the fuck are those.” Everyone burst out laughing at Sally’s remark. “You all think I’m joking don’t you? Well I’m not, do better. Fucking loser. Flo, you have good taste, make him take you shopping.” 

“I happen to like my shoes.” Clay defended.

“Uh yeah just because you like them doesn’t mean they’re good,” Sapnap added from the table, Clay shot him a look. 

“Let’s just hope he’s got a likable personality.” Sally sighed. 

“Or money, money is good.” Tubbo added. 

“That’s right Tubbo!” Quackity agreed with the boy. 

“Ok, now can I fight Dream?” Tommy asked again. 

“Fine, but I’m not taking you to the hospital.”  Phil sighed. 

“Don’t worry if anyone’s going to the hospital it’s him, I have a knife.”

“Damm as much as I’d love to see Dream get beat up by an oversized child, he’s not here.” Sapnap explained. 

“Fuckin pussy.” Schlatt added. 

“You can fight Clay? He’s close enough.” Karl said, causing Sapnap to nearly spit out his drink laughing. 

“What! No! The Fuck! Who even is this kid? And who’s Dream?” Clay panicked. 

“Don’t worry about it, and that’s tommy, he’s one of Wilbur’s brothers,” Fundy whispered.

“And Wilbur is roommate dad right?” Clay whispered back. 

Fundy sighed, “Yeah.”  

“Noted.” 

“So who’s up for ice cream?” Wilbur asked everyone.

“I took the bus here so I don’t know if i’ll be able to,” Bad said.

“I’ll drive you!” Skeppy and Quackity said in unison.

“Schlatt can pay for everyone.” Puffy offered. 

“I didn’t agree to that but I know you stole my wallet earlier so I have no choice.” 

“That was me actually.” Minx pulled a brown wallet out of her purse. 

“I would love to, but I have a lot going on tomorrow. Karl if you wanna stay and see if anyone else can drive you home you’re more than welcome to, but if you want me to take you we have to go sooner rather than later.” 

“I’ll stick with you, sorry guys.” 

“Don’t be sorry mate. I’m gonna text Ash and get the name of wherever it was he wanted to go.”

Chapter Text

9:47 PM 

“I had fun tonight,” Clay told Fundy as he drove. 

“I’m glad,” Fundy replied from the passenger seat. 

“Your friends are cool….Can I ask a weird question?” 

“Sure?” 

“Why do Wilbur and his girlfriend call themselves your parents.” 

Fundy chuckled, “Oh god… Um well, I’ve known Sally since I was nine. We were neighbors and-um- I didn’t have a mom, so I guess she was kind of a motherly figure, she was always there for me, and uh when I started… transitioning… she helped me a lot. She actually was the first person to cut my hair the length I wanted. When my dad wasn’t supportive and uh she was just there, her family was there, She’s only two years older than me and we ended up going to the same college. She had been dating Wilbur for like a year before I started going there, it was totally by chance that we ended up being roommates. He’s the one that really pushed the family dynamic, and Sally loves all his ideas. I guess they’re the closest thing I have to a family….so….” Fundy sighed. “I guess I’m staying their… Trans furry gay son....”

Clay laughed. “Cute. I think they were lovely.” 

“So what’s your family like?” Fundy asked. 

“Well… I have an older brother, but he’s been studying abroad for a few years now, and only comes to visit every once in a blue moon. Then I have a sister still in high school, She and I have always been close. I dunno,we’re boring, we’re your typical white suburban nuclear family. We even have a beach bathroom.” 

Fundy laughed. “Well, they sound lovely, I hope I’ll get a chance to meet them sometime.” 

“I’m sure you will.” 

Clay pulled up in front of Fundy’s building. 

“Well, I guess this is my stop.” 

“Hey Floris,”  Clay looked at the ginger, his blue eyes reflecting the small bit of light peeking through the windshield. 

“Yes Clay?” Fundy looked at the other boy. 

Clay put a hand on his cheek and pulled the boy closer, causing him to blush.

“I really like you,” he whispered. He looked at Fundy’s pink lips. 

“I-” Before he could finish, Clay closed the space between their lips. 

The kiss was soft and warm. Fundy ran his fingers through Clay’s hair, before griping it by the roots to keep him there. Clay put his hand on Fundy’s other cheek. Eventually Clay pulled away. He looked at Fundy once again, his pupils were dilated, his lips now had a deeper reddish tint to them and were glazed with spit. 

Fundy cleared his throught. “I-uh-I-um- I really like you too...um- I- uh-” He stumbled over his words before stumbling out of the car and running to the doors of his building. 

Clay smiled. He took the car out of park and began to drive back to his campus.

Chapter Text

10:00 AM Wednesday

The perfect nuclear family

Wilbur: So how’s everyone feel about a family dinner tonight? 

Sally: Olive Garden? 

Fundy: I was gonna say Culvers 

Wilbur: Chile’s it is 

Fundy: No i hate Chilie’s 

Wilbur: Well we had Culvers last week 

Sally: We’re going to Olive Garden and that’s final.

Wilbur: Alright sounds good

Fundy: Finnnnnne

Sally: Excellent, I’ll pick you boys up at 7:30. Are we going overdressed or underdressed?

Wilbur: can you be underdressed for olive garden? 

Fundy: Will have you ever been to an Olive Garden?

Wilbur: No? 

Fundy: HOW?

Sally: Omg are we gonna take your olive garden virginity tonight???

Fundy: that was always where we went when my dad had a new girlfriend he wanted me to meet 

Sally: your parents never forced you to get kind of dressed up and go to Olive Garden for bottomless breadsticks and shitty alcohol then proceed to get totally wasted and make the whole restaurant uncomfy by discussing private issues way too loud then almost get divorced at least once?

Wilbur: I’m not sure I want to go to Olive Garden anymore

Sally: Too bad. Hey Fundy, why don’t you invite Clay? Tell him I’ll drive

Fundy: I dunno….. I don’t think he’s ready for family dinner. 

Sally: Well you seem to be really into him, and I’m really happy for you, but, if you’re gonna get serious with him you’re gonna have to be ok with him getting comfortable with us and all our crazy.

Wilbur: That means letting us get to know him and him getting to know us 

Sally: like it or not, We love you 

Fundy: Ok fine i'll invite him  jesus you guys really are like parents sometimes. 

Sally: YAYYYY!!!!!! Tell him to wear whatever the fuck he wants, Will wear your suit, Fundy also wear whatever the fuck you want. 

Wilbur: Why do I have to wear a suit? 

 Sally: Because you look good in one, also I’m gonna wear that dress you like.

Wilbur: The blue one or the black one? 

Sally: I was gonna wear the blue one but if you like the black one better ;)

Wilbur: go with whatever feels right baby, you look good in everything. ;) 

Sally: ;))))

Fundy: gross

Wilbur: like we dont constantly hear your squabbling “meehhh Clay this Clay that bleh kissy kiss Clay hot guy”

Fundy: I do not do that!

Sally: Yeah you do.

____________

10:43  AM 

Sapnap and Karl: 

Sapnap: Hey babe you doing anything tonight? 

Karl: Not that I know of :]

Sapnap: Well Dream is out tonight so….wanna come over and watch Black Widow with me? 

Karl: I would love nothing more

Sapnap: Epicccccc So wanna come over round 8?

Karl: 8 sounds good! See you then! 

Sapnap: perfect!

Chapter Text

9:22 PM  

Sapnap: Yo you’re not on your way home are you? 

Dream: I don’t know what we’re doing we just got kicked out of Olive Garden I think we’re going to get ice cream or to get explosives from Tubbo and Wilbur’s brother

Sapnap: So you won’t be home for a while? 

Dream: probably not? Why? 

Sapnap: Dude…. Why do you think? 

Dream: OH FUCK RIGHT YOU HAD KARL OVER OK I WON’T BE HOME FOR AT LEAST THREE HOURS IF AT ALL 

Sapnap: cool… Have fun with explosions or ice cream or whatever you end up doing.

Dream: Will do… 

______________________

Crime boys 

Wilbur: Tubbo do yohave any diy nukes left?

Tubbo: Funny you should ask I was just working on some new designs!

Wilbur: Think I cpdc steal a fes? Also Techno can I broe sum firdwerks 

Technoblade: Wilbur are you drunk 

Wilbur: NOOOOOOOO 

Tubbo: Probably 

Tommy: definitely

Wilbur: wfjrfjeosv

Hi, Sally here, ignore everything he just said we’re going to get Ice cream, we are not blowing up an olive garden. 

Tommy: awwwww

Tubbo: LAMMMMME

Technoblade: Understandable

9:47 PM 

Clay sat in the backseat of Sally’s car, next to Fundy, and behind a rather drunk Wilbur. This evening had been a wild ride, and it wasn’t over yet. The evening began with them all sober driving down the freeway with Wilbur and Sally, and even Fundy at some points belting Hamilton. They eventually made it to the Olive Garden where Clay finally saw what the couple was wearing and felt severely underdressed in his blue jeans and green Tshirt, but at least he wasn’t alone, Fundy was wearing black jeans and a white Tshirt, and a black trenchcoat for some reason. Once in the Olive Garden they had only gotten through appetizers before Wilbur had had two cocktails of his own and half of Sally’s. He then thought the waiter was flirting with Sally, when he was just taking her order, so he  tried to challenge the poor guy to a duel of words. They quickly got kicked out after that and Wilbur started going on about how they should blow the place up. Fundy suggested ice cream instead. 

The group is now in the car, listening to some girlband Sally likes, on the way to Fundy’s favorite ice cream place. 

“Hey, Floris, so-uh my roommate is kinda kicking me out till at least one AM so do you mind if I stick with you guys for a while?” Clay whispered to Fundy

“Not at all! Sally will probably stick around to babysit Will till he falls asleep, but you’re more than welcome to stay.” The boy smiles at him. 

“Thanks,”

2:43 AM

Dream: Yo can I come back yet? My ride home is leaving soon.

Sapnap: huh

  Oh yeah you’re good just be quiet when you come in Karl is asleep

Dream: Got it see you soon if ur still awake 

2:53 AM 

Now Clay was sat in the front seat of Sally’s car while she drove him home. The music was quieter now, they sat in silence for a few minutes. 

“So….. you and Fundy….” Sally spoke with an inquisitive tone. 

Oh god “wh-what about us?” Clay replied. 

“He really likes you. I haven’t seen him this smitten since 6th grade. He was ass over tea kettle for Colter Collins, he was the douchiest guy in my grade.  No matter how much I tried to convince him to go for someone in his grade or someone that would be nicer to him he wouldn’t listen.” She laughed a little “when He was a freshman Fundy finally asked Colter out. Colter said yes, then stood him up like the asshole he was, not only that he told the whole school they slept together and that he was easy and desperate.” She paused for a moment. “The next week the craziest thing happened! Colter had broken both of his legs! And his arm! Karma’s a bitch huh?” 

Clay laughed awkwardly. “Haha- uh- yeah-”

“Look, what I’m getting at is hurt him, and not only will you have Wilbur’s violent and explosive habits to watchout for, but you’ll have crazy accidents involving baseball bats and ex-teen delinquents that can be blamed on trees, to worry about.” She warned.

“Y-you uh- won’t have to worry about that.” Clay cleared his throat to hide the nerves. “I do’t plan on hurting him. I really like Fundy. He’s sweet, and funny, and smart, and handsome, and he has the best smile, and you and Wilbur may terrify me slightly, you’re his family, and I can see how much it matters to him that I like you guys and you like me. I’m sure he’s told you how we met. It was completely by chance, but- god -I am so lucky the stars aligned and decided he should be a part of my world. I really just want him to be as happy as he makes me.” 

Sally smiled. She pulled up to the curb by Clay’s building. “You do. You’re good for him. I can say for now I approve. But don’t think I won’t be watching you still. Wilbur certainly will be.”

“Good to know.” 

“Have a goodnight.”

“You too.” Clay got out of the car and headed inside. 

Chapter Text

12:34 PM thursday

Schlatt: yo it me? Or cannibalism kinda sexy? 

Quaickity: Like vore?

George: what in the actual fuck 

Schlatt: I’m just saying…..the idea of someone straight up just cutting a chunk of flesh off my bare body then just gnawing on that? Kinda hot 

Quackity: Not really 

Schlatt: Don’t knik shame me 

Quackity: kink shaming is my kink 

Schlatt: Are we bout to kiss rn? 

Quackity: Depends Do you wash your ass

Schlatt: Wtf no? I aint into that gay shit.

Quackity: I don’t kiss men with unwashed asses 

Bad: An I instantly regeret opening my phone while eating lunch 

Quackity: Bad do you wash your ass? 

Bad: Ok first language second...I just care about my hygiene idk I make sure to wash every part of myself.

Schlatt: that’s gay 

Bad: Are you trying to insult me? Becaus I mean I would technically be considered gay, I have dated mostly guys, but I don’t really care much about the gender of my partner, I don’t really care much for looks either, You  know your brain will actually start to see someone as more attractive the more you like them as a person. Anyways I digress, Gay should not be an insult and I know this is part of your whole persona but I’m getting really tired of it. I quite honestly do not care what you or anyone thinks of me, but I would greatly appreciate it if you stop implying negativity with that word. Thank you. 

Quackity: Pop off? 

Schlatt: Alright i make no promises but I will try 

Bad: You know a big difference between you and me Schlatt? I’m licensed to carry my gun on me at all times if I so please. Keep that in mind. 

Quackity: WHAT? HUH? QUE? SCUSIE? 

Schlatt: Ok… do not cross the muffin man…. Good to know…

Bad: Sorry, I’m just not in the mood today. I didn’t sleep at all last night :/ 

Quackity: Well uh sorry you didn’t sleep well are you like ok? I always assumed you go to bed at like 6 

Bad: Quackity I am trying to get a masters degree in Nursing and have a side job editing….. I haven’t slept a healthy amount in over 3 years I also have trained myself to only be able to run on one hour of sleep 

Dream: Wait Bad you’re studying nursing? 

Bad: y u p can’t tell if it was the worst or best decision in my life. 

Quackity: Best! Nursing will be a great field for you!!!

Bad: I was originally going to go into high school education. I even did two years of schooling for it before I decided to switch to nursing.

Quackity: That was a good choice man, High school kids would tear you to pieces. 

Dream: Yeah dude, besides you’re gonna be a great nurse! 

Bad: Awwww thanks guys!!!

Tommy: WAIT WHAT KIND OF VIDEO EDITING DO YOU DO??? 

Bad: Huh-oh-uh usually youtube gaming stuff for some friends of mine sometimes music videos

Tommy: YOUTUBE EDITING IS MY PASSION I AM MARRIED TO THE GRIND 

Bad: Wow uh I just do it as more of a side thing but you could totally make a career out of editing if its your passion

Tommy: That’s the plan 

Bad: I hope it works out for you!

Chapter Text

3:47 AM 

Wilbur: I am once again watching Bo Burnham’s Inside instead of sleeping. 

Tommy: wait me too…. 

Ranboo:  Tubbo and I are watching Starkid Musicals…

Schlatt: I’m watching porn

Wilbur: Wait Tommy you should be in bed 

Tommy: I am in bed

Wilbur: go to sleep 

Tommy: No 

Wilbur: Yes

Tommy: No 

Wilbur: Yes

Tommy: No 

Wilbur: Yes

Tommy: no 

Wilbur: Yes. 

Tommy: No.

Wilbur: GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP YOU FUCKING GREMLIN CHILD 

Tommy: MAKE ME BITCH 

Wilbur: TOMMY ISTFG GO TO SLEEP 

Tommy: ITS SATURDAY

Wilbur: ITS 3:56 AM 

Tommy: FINE ITS SUNDAY 

Wilbur: GOD YOU INSUFFERABLE PRICK GET SOME SLEEP YOU ARE STILL A GROWING BOY 

Tommy: I DONT WANNA

Wilbur: You leave me no choice….

  You know if you don’t get enough sleep you’ll be stuck at 6’1 forever 

Tommy: I. AM. SIX. FOOT. THREE. 

Wilbur: You’re literally not. But get some sleep and maybe you will be 

Tommy: FUCKING FINE 

Wilbur: I love you Tommy, sweet dreams <3

Tommy: Fuck you…. <3 

George: Is this what having a brother is like? 

Ranboo: I mean…. I have a big and difficult family…. But none of my brothers ever really acted like that….

Dream: No.

Schlatt: Nah, 

Puffy: I don’t think so 

Tubbo: I just have two sisters, so I wouldn’t know 

Dream: Speaking of brothers though, My brother is apparently visiting soon… so I’m you know thinkin bout fleeing the country while he’s here. 

George: Oh yeah, he said something about me being invited to some meet the family dinner thing 

Dream: FUCK 

Tubbo: WAIT DOES THAT MEAN GEORGE GETS TO SEE YOUR FACE

George: WAIT YEAH IT TOTALLY DOES

Dream: mmmm actually I think I’ll be in Canada that day

Drista: Don’t you dare leave me

Dream: why are you up? 

Drista: Idk just woke up?

Dream: Go back to bed

Drista: You go to bed 

Dream: I’m going to soon…

Drista: Good 

Chapter Text

4:25 PM  Friday

Tubbo: I have so much power…. 

Wilbur: Oh no 

Tubbo: Do I ruin a man’s day…. Or do I let him continue his day

Dream: What the fuck is he talking about? 

Tubbo: Oh hello Dream :) 

Wilbur: Dream what did you do? 

Dream: I dont know…

Tubbo: Dream you’ll never guess who I met today

Dream: huh

Tubbo: You were right when you said your brother looked just like you but hotter

Dream: wait but you’ve never- OH SHIT 

Tubbo: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH 

Dream: PLEASE

Tubbo: don’t worry…. I shall allow it for now…. Maybe I’ll use it as blackmail later…. Maybe I’ll use it to convince you to pull your shit together and tell everyone before I do

Dream: Please…. I’m working on it 

Tubbo: I’m assuming Sapnap and Karl know? 

Dream: George will tomorrow...unfortunately

Sapnap: Context clues says now would be a good time to say Schlatt does too…..

Dream: SCHLAT WHAT

Schlatt: I what? 

Sapnap: lol it was an accident ok 

Fundy: Wait what’s happening? 

Dream: NOTHING DO NOT WORRY YOUR PRETTY LITTLE HEAD IN FACT WHY DON’T WE JUST MAKE A WHOLE SEPARATE CHAT FOR THOSE WHO KNOW 

Wilbur: Wait what do they all know? 

Knowers 

Dream: ok so if any of you tell anyone shit Istg i don’t know what I’ll do but it won’t be pretty 

Drista: Is this about your secret identity? 

Dream: yes…. 

Schlatt: This is what zero pussy does to a mother fucker 

Dream: I still get more than you. and I’m still pissed you know how the fuck did that even happen

Drista: And I’m putting my phone down see you tomorrow Clay

Tubbo: So you know the longer you keep this a secrt the more upset Fundy will probably be and the more upset Fundy is the more likely Wilbur and Sally are to get involved and well… I hope you’re not too attached to your legs… or your house…. Anyways there’s your motivation to pull your shit together big man :)

Gaymers +Tommy and Skeppy 

Wilbur: Uh hello? 

Dream: Don’t worry about it 

Schlatt: Dream is just dramatic and really fucking gay 

Sapnap: I mean yeah pretty much

Dream: Thanks guys 

Chapter Text

2:45 AM 

Sapnap: Bad wanna get matching lip piercings with me 

Bad: you know what im in the mood to make bad decisions so fudge it why not 

Sapnap: epicccc ima google piercing and tattoo parlors 

Bad: don’t bother i already know where we’re going I’ll text my friend that did my cartilage 

Sapnap: aight gimme a time and place 

Quackity: I really thought Badboyhalo was gonna say fuck right there

Bad: nope i may want to make bad decisions rn but i still will not swear

Sapnap: wait is this a bad idea? are you not sober? 

Bad: I am sober enough to get a lip piercing not sober enough to think if getting a tattoo is a bad idea or not 

Quackity: Bad…? you doin okay? 

Bad: oh im great haha im just great! definitely haven’t been crying for the past 2 hours after- nothing because i am totally ok 

Sapnap: Bad seriously, are you safe? 

Bad: I told you im just Great im making tattoo designs! 

Sapnap: Bad what’s your dorm building? and what room are you. I’m coming over

Bad: nonono no need nope we’re all good

Sapnap: Is Skeppy there? are you alone? 

Bad: Skeppy left hours ago haha 

Skeppy: hes in the south building….room 231 on the second floor

Sapnap: thanks 

______________

Sapnap immediately grabbed his keys, he rushed out the door not even bothering to tell Dream where he was going 

ok the south building is just a quick walk i dont need to drive and bother with parking. he ended up running. he scanned his student ID on the door to get in. he ran up the stairs and down the hall. 

Sapnap hammered on the door labeled 231. 

“Bad open the door!” he shouted. 

“go away…” a muffled voice came from the other side of the door. 

“I am not leaving until I know you are okay.” Sapnap wouldn’t budge.

“fine…” there was a click and the door opened a crack, just enough to reveal a tear stained Bad in a black hoodie and loose torn red jeans, his hair was a mess, his glasses were crooked, and he was refusing to make eye contact. “Seeeee Im fine.” he foced a smile.

“your clearly not.” Sapnap said as he pushed through the door. bad groaned in protest. “dude….what happened?” everything was a mess, Bad’s bed was unmaid the blankets were all on the floor, there were at least six empty hard lemonade bottles scattered on the floor it was clear one of them had spilled, a half bottle of vodka was also on its side. 

“yknow stuff! had an off day…Skeppy came over for drinks! then he left……” Bad sniffled and started crying again. 

“ok….” Sapnap quickly fixed up Bad’s bed, “ok sit here.” he patted the mattress. “and tell me everything. I’m gonna clean up a bit while I listen ok?”

“ok….” Bad made his way to the mattress and sat down.

“so what happened with Skeppy?” Sapnap grabbed a trashcan and started picking up bottles.

“I mean it started like our friday night hangouts usually start….we got dinner…then came back here for drinks, we finished the six pack… and I guess we were both drunk….and i didn’t mean it but i did but he was just there and pretty oh he’s so pretty….god he was so fucking pretty and i- oh my gosh i didn’t mean to- darnit- anyways i just i think im in love with him- ive been in love with him….so i kissed him…and he kissed me back and….and then he freaked out about not being gay… and then he left….” 

“oh….and then you got this out im guessing?” Sapnap picked up the vodka bottle. 

“well…. it’s better than my old habits….” Bad looked away, fidgeting with his sleeve. 

“Bad…. that doesn’t- ok look….we are going to talk about this whole Skeppy fiasco when you’re a bit more sober. where are your cups?” 

“there are water bottles in the mini fridge…” 

Sapnap grabbed one and tossed it to his friend on the bed. “drink all of that, get some sleep, I'm gonna finish cleaning up. when you wake up we’ll talk.” 

Bad took a long sip of water “thanks….Sappy Nappy.” he sniffled and smiled at his friend. 

____________

11:35 AM

Bad woke up with his head pounding, he sat up and immediately felt sick to his stomach. He rushed to the small bathroom in his dorm. He sat at the toilet for a little while before he felt well enough to stand. He grabbed a pain killer from the medicine cabinet on his way out. He noticed Sapnap was fast asleep on his floor. his dorm was almost completely spotless. He grabbed a water bottle out of the fridge and swallowed the pill. 

A few minutes later Sapnap woke up. 

“Hey…” He said. “Sorry for kind of crashing on your floor… I just didn’t feel like walking back to my dorm.” 

“D-don’t worry about it. Uh- thanks for cleaning…. And taking care of me…. You really didn’t have to.” Bad replied. 

“Oh yeah… how are you feeling? That’s gotta be a nasty hangover.” 

“My head hurts…. And I threw up this morning…. But other than that… I’m okay, I think.”

“Good. do you think you’re ready to tell me more about what happened last night.”

“I wish I could say I don’t remember…. But I remember every detail…”

“So You kissed Skeppy. We got that far.”

“Right…”

“Is he at least a good kisser?” 

Bad chuckled “I mean…. It didn’t last long before he remembered I’m a guy….. But… yeah he was pretty good. His lips were so soft, I mean like I knew he had a skincare routine but oh my goodness.”

“So it was great… And then-”

“And then nothing. He’s straight! He told me! Then he just fudging left me.”

“It’s just us you can say fuck, in fact you did say fuck last night.”

“Oh gosh- don’t tell anyone, please!” 

“Don’t worry dude, I won’t.” 

“So uh… yeah he left… and I found an old bottle of vodka.”

“How do you even drink straight vodka? Like that stuff burns.” 

“You’re still young…”

“Whatever…. Do you still wanna get matching lip piercings? Might take your mind off stuff.” 

“You know what…. Fuck it… lets do it… I also think I’m gonna get a tattoo…I actually like some of the designs I made last night.” 

“Alright bet lets go!”

_____________

5:54 PM 

Sapnap: <[ Photo sent: selfie of Sapnap and Badboyhalo with right spider bite piercings ]> 

We are so hot. 

Quackity: OOOOO YEAH GET IT 

Karl: UM HELLO HANDSOME oh sapnap’s there too 

Sapnap: am I not handsome?

Karl: No you are incredibly hot actually and I love you 

Dream: lookin good 

Bad: Thanks guys :)

Sapnap: WAIT BAD SHOW THEM YOUR TATTOO!!!!

 Quackity: YOU GOT A TATTOO 

Bad: It’s nothing big 

<[ photo sent: small stick and poke style Tattoo of a demon with a halo on Bad’s wrist]> 

Karl: THATS SO CUTE OMG

Quackity: YOOOOOOOO

Chapter Text

6:32 PM

“They’re here!” Drista shouted looking out the window.

Dream groaned. The day he was dreading since he found out his brother, XD, knew and wanted  to date one of his friends, George. After all, XD always gets what he wants. Now he and George may not have technically met in person, but George has seen his face...he just doesn’t know it’s him yet, as far as he knows the guy in the pictures is Clay, Fundy’s boyfriend….

The door opened. XD entered first. Drista and Dream’s parents went to greet the two at the door. They made it to the living room. Dream waved at George, he stared for a moment. 

“Hold on a minute.” He said. Drista chuckled. Dream sighed. “Aren’t you Fundy’s boyfriend or whatever?”

“You have a boyfriend?” XD Raised an Eyebrow at his younger brother. 

“Ok. Says you? Like how the fuck did this happen? You have no social skills.” 

“I have plenty of social skills now, you see some people actually learn and change after high school. I may have not had friends when I was 17, but I’ll have you know my charizma has gone up quite a bit in the last five years.” XD argued. 

“Jesus, then why do you still talk like you’re not human.” 

“Oh my god wait now what Tubbo said makes sense!” George interrupted. 

Drista cackled. 

“Wait, does Fundy know?” 

Dream sighed. “No…. I haven’t told him yet”

“Who is Fundy?” Dream’s mother asked. 

“Clay’s boyfriend!” Drista piped up.

“You have a boyfriend and you didn’t tell us!?” His father said. “Your brother told us about George a few days after they first met.”

“That’s nice. I haven’t talked to you guys since he and I started going out. Also tonight isn’t supposed to be about me! Tonight is about XD and George. So can we invade my personal life another night?”  Dream said, exasperated. 

George gave him a concerned glance. 

“You don’t have to get so defensive,” XD rolled his eyes 

“XD is right, watch your additude too.” His father instructed.

“Well, everyone go sit, dinner is ready, Drista help my bring everything out.” His mom said

Looks like this night is going to be even more hellish than originally thought.

9:07 PM 

George: Well… interesting developments all around tonight. 

Dream: if you dare say one fucking thing that will be what pushes me over the edge and makes me kill my entire family, warning you now. 

Drista: Oh come on it wasn’t that bad….

Dream: YES IT WAS 

George: Look how was I supposed to know you didn’t tell them

Dream: BECAUSE I DO NOT TELL ANYONE ANYTHING ESPECIALLY MY PARENTS THEY DIDNT KNOW I WAS BI UNTIL THEY WALKED IN ON ME KISSING MY BOYFRIEND OF THREE MONTHS AT THE TIME

George: dude that’s really unhealthy 

Dream: YOU THINK I DONT KNOW THAT 

George: God is this why you haven’t told Fundy? You just don’t tell people things? 

Fundy: Told me what? 

Sapnap: George you fucking idiot. 

Fundy: What’s he talking about? 

George: Shit…

Sapnap: shit is right. You done fucked up 

Fundy: Seriously guys? Dream? What haven’t you told me? 

Drista: Dream is currently in the midst of a panic attack… thank you George thank you so much! I’m going to go take care of him now. Fundy, Dream will probably talk to you tomorrow… 

George: I’m sorry-

Chapter Text

12:20 AM Sunday

Dream: hey…..

Fundy: hi

Dream: so um about last night…..

Fundy: Yeah what’s this about you not telling me something? Like we barely talk? 

Dream: Yeahhhhh- uh ok so um it’s less I have to tell you something and more Clay has to tell you something…

Fundy: What do you mean? 

Dream: I mean…. That I am Clay....

Fundy: I’m sorry I’m confused… What? 

Dream: I am Clay. I am your boyfriend. 

Fundy: Are you fucking with me right now? 

Dream: No. I am being one hundred percent genuine. If you want proof Facetime me right now. Ask Sapnap, Ask Karl, Ask George, Ask Drista, ask Tubbo, hell ask Schlatt because somehow even he found out. 

Fundy: so hold on… You are my boyfriend… and….. Oh my god you’ve seen all my texts about you. OH MY FUCK YOUVE SEEN ALL THE TEXTS WHAT THE HELL AND YOU DIDNT TELL ME 

Dream: I did yes… 

Fundy: So… what? Did you just like watching me thirst over you so you didn’t tell me? Was it some kind of weird praise kink? Watching me say how much I wanted to fuck you without me knowing you could see it? What the fuck? 

Dream: No! I mean sure I liked seeing it…. BUT IT WASNT INTENTIONAL I SWEAR!!! The only reason I didn’t tell you was just…. I don’t know actually…. I just don’t like telling people things…. I don’t know… I’ve never felt this way about  anyone…. You make me so happy and I want to make you as happy as you make me I am so maddly in love with you that I was scared telling you the truth would make you hate me would make you want to leave would make you realize how fucked up i really am I'm not perfect like my brother I’m not young and cute like Drista I’m the fuck up I’m the accident I don’t want you to realize what i am… I a, not good enough for you I lie I keep secrets I don’t deserve you 

Fundy: You’re in love with me? 

Dream: Fuck. Of course that’s what you focus on… look I know we’ve only known each other for a few months and I completely understand if you are not ready to say it back and I understand if you want a break or if you want to break up because you can’t trust me…. I just want you to be happy

Fundy: Shut up. 

  You’re right I’m not ready to say the L word. But I do know that I haven’t been as happy as I am when I'm around you in a long ass time, and I don’t want to lose that… As long as I can trust you not to cheat…. I want to stay together 

Dream: I would never dare to even think about cheating on you 

Fundy: Ok… I still really like you, this is just…. Wow… 

Dream: I’m sorry…. I wanted to tell you…. 

Fundy: I know. 

Gaymers+Tommy and Skeppy

Dream: Guess it’s finally face reveal time :) <[ Photo sent: Dream post cry selfie]> 

Yes I am Clay, No Fundy did not know. George, Fuck you, but thanks also? Probably would’ve kept it a secret for months longer if you didn’t fuck up. 

Sapnap: glad everythings ok now…. But thank FUCK I don’t have to pretend I don’t know you anymore that was excruciating 

Wilbur: So wait You lied to him? And were going to continue to lie to hime? I thought Sally said she had a chat with you….. 

Dream: Oh she did…. 

Fundy: Will lay off. I want to stay with him. Also you really don’t get a say in my dating life, you’re not actually my dad ffs I have only known you for three years like you don’t get all the same rights as Sally since you’re dating. 

Wilbur: Ok then… fair enough….

Chapter Text

5:47 PM Wednesday 

Wilbur: GUESS WHO JUST SIGNED THE LEASE TO AN APPARTMENT THATS RIGHT ME AND MY GIRLFRIEND LOOK AT US FUCKING ADULTING WOOOO 

Tommy: No one cares bitch

Fundy: Wait, you did what? 

Wilbur: Sally and I are moving in together off campus :) 

Fundy: Oh….

Wilbur: Oh yeah… I talked to the administration already You’ll have a new roommate come friday.

Fundy: You’re really moving out in two days? Did you drop out too? 

Wilbur: no! I just…. I’m graduating come June and I still like the city and as far as I know Sally wants to stay here too and we had been talking about getting an apartment together for a few months now we even went and looked at a few and the stars just kind of aligned today 

Fundy: and you guys didn’t think to tell me? 

Wilbur: sorry... I mean it kinda literally just happened…

Fundy: you guys didn’t even tell me you were talking about it? Like I’m your roommate? This is the kind of thing you should tell me about 

Wilbur: Again I’m fucking sorry. 

Fundy: It’s fine...I just would’ve liked to know sooner i guess…. 

Wilbur: ok then… Anyways, Sally and I will be having a halloween party there next week. If you are here and over the age of 18 is invited.  

Quackity: FUCK YESSSSSSS

Sapnap: Bad has no choice in the matter, he is going with me and  Karl 

Bad: uh- ok… 

Fundy: You know I’ll be there…..

Dream: If Floris is going I’m going 

Niki: Sally already invited me and the rest of our team :)  

George: I have a feeling you are going to drag me from my bed if I don’t go 

Skeppy: I think I’ll sit this one out…. 

Schlatt: will there be alcohol? Or maybe strippers? 

Wilbur: Definitely alcohol. no strippers 

Quackity: Wait am I not invited then? 

Wilbur: One stripper. 

Tommy: WHAT ABOUT MEEEE

Wilbur: The only child I’d even consider inviting is Ranboo.

Ranboo: I don’t really like parties

Chapter Text

Fundy: Maybe Wilbur moving out was for the best because my new roommate is the fucking best 

Wilbur: Glad  they found someone good for you….

Karl: Who is it? Anyone I’d know? 

Fundy: Maybe, Their name is Alastair but she goes by Eret 

Puffy: ERET MY BELOVEDDDDDD

Karl: Everyone on campus knows Eret! 

Fundy: They do? 

Wilbur: Even I know Eret…. Traitorous bastard… 

Puffy: Eret is King of the knights of the queer table 

  Karl: And just a total fashion icon 

Wilbur: AND A TRAITOROUS BASTARD I SHALL NEVER TRUST AGAIN

Fundy: What’s knights of the queer table? And Will what the fuck did she do to make you hate him.

Puffy: Knights of the queer table is our gay fantasy and YA novel  book club Eret started it so they’re the king then the rest of us are knights 

Wilbur: In high school they betrayed us they betrayed freedom the revolution fell because of them 

Philza: Mate Eret told me and your teachers about your plans to burn down the house of the kid that beat you in the student council election. They were doing us all a favor.

Wilbur: ERET BETRAYED THE REVOLUTION AGAINST THE UNJUST LAW OF A MAN THAT CHEATED IN THAT ELECTION

Philza: Whatever you say mate… still doesn’t mean go burn a kids house down. 

Fundy: Welp I still think Eret is neat

Tubbo: OH I REMEMBER ERET!!! HE WAS THE COOL ONE 

Tommy: I hated that bitch 

Tubbo: Tommy you hate everyone

Tubbo: FUNDY ASK IF HE WANTS TO JOINNNN 

Fundy: He says why not 

Fundy has added Eret 

Wilbur: fuck you 

Eret: Hello Wilbur, good to see you again too. 

Wilbur: Fuck you. You’re a traitor. And your voice isn’t even that hot. and i hate you

Eret: fair enough 

Tubbo: HI ERET!!!!

Eret: hey Tubbo! 

Chapter Text

Bad and Skeppy 

Sunday 12:47 pm 

Bad: Hey, i'm sorry about the other day I overstepped my boundaries. we were drunk! i know you’re straight.

Tuesday 11:15 am

Bad: i see you still haven’t responded….i know it’ll take time to repair our friendship, but just know i still want to be friends with you. I miss you

Wednesday 5:58 Pm

Bad: if im the reason you aren’t going to Wilbur’s party i know you’re avoiding me but please don’t let me stop you from having fun 

Saturday 1:24 AM

Bad: clearly you still don’t wanna talk so im gonna stop trying…..I hope you’re doing well….Goodbye i guess……

Chapter Text

Sunday 11:12 AM 10/26

Tubbo: QUICK WHATS EVERYONE BEING FOR HALLOWEEN IMA BE TWEAK FROM SOUTH PARK

Karl: Finn from adventure time! I’m making Sap be Flame Princess

Quackity: you’ll see ;)

Ranboo: an enderman! 

Fundy: I haven’t actually thought about it yet… 

Eret: Fundy I got you don’t worry. And I promised a friend of mine I’d be in their halloween drag show so whatever they decide to put me in 

Dream: I was just gonna steal some of Sapnap’s Techware and call myself a spy or something

Puffy: Pirate >:] 

Schlatt: I lost a bet with Minx and now she gets to pick

Wilbur: Sally and I are dressing as Alexander and Eliza Hamilton 

Technoblade: Technoblade. 

Tommy: I don’t wanna talk about it 

Wilbur: Mum’s making him dress as a raccoon bandit. 

Tommy: I JUST SAID I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT

Bad: I’ll probably something basic like a vampire or something 

Minx: Schlatt I’m thinking you and me dress as each other

Skeppy: I haven’t dressed up for Halloween in like years

George: Me neither but XD wants to do some stupid couples costume since he’s in town till end of november

Niki: I might dress up like a pirate with Puffy, or a cat  

Chapter Text

4:37 PM Friday 10/31

“I dunno Eret, it seems a bit much…” Fundy continued to stare at himself in the mirror. He never really wore fancy clothes anyways…. But this? Was a whole nother level. Eret had given Fundy a frilly white blouse, a red corset, a pair of black slacks, and an assortment of jewelry, including one of Eret’s apparently many crowns, to wear for Wilbur’s Halloween party tonight. 

“Nonsense! You are going to be the most handsome prince at this party.” Eret told him as they adjusted the crown on Fundy’s head. 

“Look I doubt anyone is gonna go this all out, it’s just gonna be a bunch of college students and friends hanging out, drinking, Sally will probably make us play cards.” 

Eret laughed “Sure some of them won’t put in effort, but isn’t it fun to be one of the few that does, and you look so good while doing it. Maybe you’ll find a princess,” she winked. 

Fundy blushed. “Well I mean- I- um- I kinda already have a Prince, He’s probably gonna be my ride home.”

“Oh! Lovely!” Eret smiled. “I have one more thing to add to your look, then we’ll go.” They pulled a small black bag out from his nightstand, he then pulled out a jar with a holographic label from the bag. “Gold or rose? I think gold matches everything bitter but the rose is very pretty too.”

“Uh- Gold?” Fundy replied, unsure of what his roommate was planning. 

“Perfect!” 

Before he knew it there was gold glitter highlighting his cheekbones and blended in towards his eyes. 

“Ok I think that’s enough, can we go now?” 

“Absolutley.” 

________________

5:02 PM 

Fundy entered his friend’s new apartment and was immediately met with Wilbur gushing over “How perfect his favorite little furry looked as a prince” Sally was not much better.

He was the first to arrive, of course, but luckily he wasn’t too early. Schlatt, Minx, Puffy, and Niki arrived soon after. Then Sapnap, Karl, and Bad. Then George and who Fundy assumed was Dream’s elusive brother XD. And finally, a few minutes later,  the man Fundy had been waiting for, Clay, or well Dream he supposes. 

He and Clay locked eyes, from across the living room. Clay smiled, god Fundy loved his smile. Fundy loved him. Clay started walking towards him.

“Hi,” Fundy said when he got there.

“H-hi!” Clay stuttered a little. “You look-” 

“It’s a lot I know, I tried to tell Eret-” 

“No! You look stunning!” Clay paused to take him in a bit more. “So absolutely stunning.” 

“Thanks…” Fundy blushed and looked towards his feet. 

“Hey boys!” Sally appeared. “Clay can I get you anything to drink?” she asked. 

“Uh, I think I’m ok. I’m not big on alcohol.” 

“Alright, well if you change your mind, My dad taught both Floris and I to bartend when we were teens.” She smiled and strolled off. 

“What’s with the mask?” Fundy asked his boyfriend. 

Clay was wearing a porcelain mask with a smile strapped to the side of his head. “It was a high school art project and Sap said it would look good, I don’t know.” 

“Huh,” Before Fundy could get another word in, the apartment door opened to the sound of… quacks? 

Quackity appeared wearing his beanie, some shades, and was he covered in…. Were those rubber ducks? 

“I am looking for a one Wilbur Soot,” He said in a fake british accent 

“Oh quackity!!!” Wilbur replied in a high pitched voice as he made his way over to him. 

“What the fuck are you wearing?” Sapnap asked.

“Quack.” Quackity said in response. 

“Did you glue all those on yourself?” Bad asked. 

“Well duh,” 

“It’s fantastic.” Sally complimented

_______________________

The party had been going great, everyone who was drinking was already into their second or third drink by now, some people were watching The Adams Family on the couch,  and there was a very intense game of Crazy 8s being played on the floor in front of them. 

Both Clay and Fundy were a part of said group playing cards. Wilbur played an 8 

“Diamonds.” He said. 

“GOD YOU FUCK!” Fundy shouted. “YOU FUCK FUCK YOU.” He started drawing from the draw pile. 

“Indoor voices Fundy we have neighbors.” Wilbur told him as if he wasn’t singing Hamilton at the top of his lungs earlier. He and Fundy were both clearly more intoxicated than the others, probably having something to do with the vodka chugging contest they had earlier. 

Eventually the game ended, XD being the champion, and everyone turned to watch the last 20 minutes of the movie. Fundy curled up under Dream’s shoulder as they continued sitting on the floor. 

The movie finished and everyone migrated to the kitchen where Sally had set up several homemade halloween themed snacks and treats. 

“You’re gonna make a great soccer mom one day,” Sapnap joked. 

________________

1:47 AM 

Clay had offered to give Floris a ride home to which he graciously accepted. As soon as they pulled into  Parking spot, Fundy grabbed Dream’s face and started viciously making out with him. Eventually he pulled away. 

“Clayyyyy.” he had a dopey smile stretched across his face. “Do you wanna come up to my dorm?” the smile turned more sly. 

Clay hesitated for a moment “ok…but i don’t want to do anything we haven’t done before until you're sober.” 

“okayyyyy” Fundy whined. “cmon!” he started to get out of the car. 

Clay escorted his boyfriend all the way up the four flights of stairs and down the hall to his dorm.  there Fundy changed into a Tshirt and some sweats, and Clay ditched all his clothes except for his boxers and stole one of Fundy’s sweatshirts that was even too big for him. the two layed in Fundy’s bed, limbs tangled together under blankets till they both drifted off to sleep.

the last thing Clay heard was a very muffled and slurred:

 “I love you~” 

but who knows, it was late, he was tired, maybe it was a hallucination. 

Chapter Text

11:37 PM Saturday

Bad and Skeppy

Skeppy: hey Bad! wanna hang out tomorrow? 

Bad: what? 

Skeppy: yeah! it's been a while, I miss you! 

Bad: I’m- its been a while? that’s all…..are you kidding? 

Skeppy: What am i not allowed to miss my best FRIEND 

Bad: i- ok you know what…maybe on Tuesday. I already have plans with Sapnap and Quackity tomorrow and i'm working after class on monday but i get off work earlier tuesday or if you’d rather we can just plan for next saturday i'll be free all day 

Skeppy: since when are you and Sapnap like the best of friends like you’re always hanging out with him and you actually hang out with Quackity? are you two actually dating lmao 

Bad: that's unkind Skeppy. Sapnap and I have become really close friends. He's kind, funny, and he's been there for me, something I couldn't say about you. and Quackity is just a friend, he has made it clear that all the flirting and everything is a joke he's not interested in dating anyone and i am not interested in dating him 

Skeppy: but you’re interested in dating me?

Bad: i told you i was drunk and so were you 

Skeppy: i mean you are you kissed me after all and like sorry idk what kissing someone means with your whole weird asexual personalitysexual shit but for normal fucking people it means you’re into someone 

Bad: that is really unkind Skeppy…. I opened up to you about my sexuality because I thought I could trust you. And I don’t know If you recall, but You kissed me back.  

Skeppy: oh. jeeze. ok. look i just am not into guys 

Bad: oh my god. I know I fucking know. You’re a straight guy, you’re into girls, it’s all you ever fudging talk about! Sorry that I’m not also a straight guy. I didn’t choose to be this way and I didn’t choose to love you either. I don’t even think I want to love you anymore you are being kind of a total jerk. You’ve ignored me for two weeks now all of a sudden you wanna hang out? Make up your mind do you want to be friends. Or am I too gay for you to be comfortable with.

Skeppy: jesus ok i get it gay rights not a choice. I just, I don’t feel comfortable with the fact that you have a crush on me. But I miss you and I want to stay friends but it’s just weird….

Bad: Whatever Skeppy, just let me know when you make up your mind. 

_________

Sapnap and Bad

Bad: i hate men

Sapnap: what happened 

Bad: Skeppy is just being…. i don’t wanna say mean….but yeah mean. 

Sapnap: Wait is he talking to you again? 

Bad: I can’t tell he keeps saying how weird i am for having a crush on him and he seems all annoyed by the fact that I don’t only like girls. And he’s all offended that I have friends and hang out with people other than him and the people he introduced me to. And he’s refusing to acknowledge that he kissed me back and i just  UGGGGGGGHHHHH I HATE MEN 

Sapnap: oh god the internalized homophobia is real reminds me of me in high school 

Bad: do you think he’ll ever get over it? like i don’t even care if he doesn’t like me in a romantic way i just want my friend back 

Sapnap: I promise you that from what i see that boy is definitely in love with i mean come on the way he gets so defensive over you and so jealous when anyone even thinks about hanging out with you 

Bad: if only i were a girl lmao

Sapnap: yknow this kind of reminds me of me and Dream in high school

Bad: seriously? 

Sapnap: y u p . we were both like “the bois” if you know what i mean. then he came out as bi and i didn’t know how to handle it so we kinda drifted apart in sophomore year then some shit happened and i realized i was more into guys than girls then we started going out in junior year but just didn’t work out we decided we were better friends than boyfriends lol 

Bad: wow i guess there’s hope for me yet 

Sapnap: yeah…..oh and dont tell anyone abot the Dream thing…we don’t really acknowledge that it happened lol 

Bad: don’t worry i won’t 

Chapter Text

7:50 PM wednesday

Quackity: Looking for a new sugar daddy hmu if you know anyone

Schlatt: I'm right here

Quackity: how much you got in your bank account

Schlatt: $4 

Quackity: I’ll pass 

Schlatt: cmon baby I’ll treat you right

Quackity: Puffy will he treat me right? 

Puffy: Probably not 

Schlatt: ok BUT the tax benefits of marriage? 

Quackity: Would that be considered marriage fraud 

Tubbo: What’s marriage fraud?

Tommy: Marriage fraud is when two women

  wait-Two men

  fuck - anyone gets married. And then listen Tubbo, one of them has a knife or some shit and they go rob a bank together as frauds

Ranboo: That is not what marriage fraud is. 

Tubbo: Oh that makes sense, while you’re here what’s a sugar daddy? 

Tommy: Ranboo is your sugar daddy

Ranboo: WHAT 

Tubbo: Is he? 

Tommy: Yeah he always pays for you and buys you things  

Ranboo: THOSE THINGS DOES NOT A SUGAR DADDY MAKE I AM SIMPLY BEING NICE 

Purpled: Nah Ranboo’s right Sugar daddys get “stuff” in return, Ranboo’s just a simp 

Ranboo: OH COME ON

Tubbo: He’s such a good husband

Puffy: They’re a better example of marriage fraud than whatever Tommy was saying

Quackity: Great we know what marriage fraud is now. Still doesn’t solve my sugar daddy problem

Eret: I found mine at a club downtown he’s high key how I’m paying for my whole college tuition

Quackity: Teach me your ways you sexy mother fucker I'm trying to pay for law school

Eret: aight bet

Chapter Text

Saturday: 3:42 PM

Wilbur: MOST OF YOU ARE AMERICANS QUICK WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU DO ON THANKSGIVING 

Puffy: My parents are divorced and both from New York. I haven’t had a “real” thanksgiving that didn’t turn into a screaming match since I was five. Usually I go see my mom and she burns a turkey gets drunk and talks shit about my dad and if Schlatt joins us he gets drunk too then I eat a whole ass pie. 

Schlatt: It be like that

Dream: My mother forces us all to be the picture perfect hallmark family until I inevitably fuck up then it all goes downhill by father’s third glass of Wine

Ranboo: My family never bothered with thanksgiving

Sapnap: Idk My step-mom would make a huge dinner then Dream would eventually come over after storming out on his family, my dad would help me practice football too

Bad: I haven’t gone home, or been invited home, for years but my family was very traditional and catholic so we would recite the prayer of thanks then gather for a huge classic thanksgiving meal my mother, grandmother, and sisters prepared. then we would go around the table and say what we were thankful for and how we were going to keep contributing to the community and good of the world going forward 

Karl: My mom and I always watched the parade then started on dinner while my dad watched the game and my grandparents would come over then at dinner we say what we’re thankful for

Wilbur: Ok so I need alcohol, food, and a football? I can do that 

Tommy: What the fuck is this for

Wilbur: Sally’s parents are fucking crazy and invited themselves here the second Sally told them about the apartment so we’re hosting thanksgiving at our house. 

Tommy: What. the. Fuck? 

Wilbur: There was no reasoning 

Fundy: Wait Frank and Paula are coming here? i thought you were going to see them? 

Wilbur: we were…... say, you've spent thanksgiving with the Salmsons before….. what do i need to make happen 

Fundy: well…..it’s never been the same twice I’ll tell you that much…. Just as long as you have food you’ll be fine. Frank can only eat potatoes and stuffing and Paula will make a big deal out of breaking her diet of the week as long as your career doesn’t get brought up everything will be fine. 

Wilbur: Why is my career a touchy subject? 

Fundy: Well I don’t think Sally’s told them you’re not a med student yet. And they don’t believe in arts as a career last I checked. They’re progressive to an extent…. That extent being they’re very traditional in the man makes the money the woman cares for the kids. they’re one of the reasons I’m in the coding program instead of art, and the only reason why Sally went into education instead of medical science. 

Wilbur: What? I knew about you and the arts but I didn’t know Sally wanted to go to med school…. 

Fundy: Oh shit I probably wasn’t supposed to say anything…. Don’t mention I said anything pls- 

Wilbur: I won’t I just...didn’t know that was the situation…. No wonder she’s so stressed about the visit…. 

Tommy: we should kill them.

Fundy: no 

Wilbur: maybe 

Technoblade: i'm down for a Thanksgiving double homicide 

Philza: no. no thanksgiving murder. no killing Sally’s parents. we are going to be good hosts and have a nice Thanksgiving. Am I clear?

Tommy: Yeah…

Technoblade: Yes. 

Puffy: You guys really haven’t celebrated thanksgiving before….. Thanksgiving is never a nice time.

Schlatt: I got kicked in the balls last time

Niki: Deserved. 

Karl: I think most of mine have been nice? 

Sapnap: Karl sweetie, I love you, but you have a good relationship with pretty much your whole family. You don’t count 

Wilbur: So what I’ve learned today is have a lot of alcohol on hand, no one likes thanksgiving, my girlfriend’s hatred towards her parents isn’t completely irrational, and be prepared for everything to go sideways at the drop of a pin. Got it.

Schlatt: Don’t forget to have ball protection. 

_________________

“Ok, Will just got confirmation from his Dad that they’re fine with hosting thanksgiving. But you can’t stay at our apartment.” Sally had been on the phone with her mother for the past hour and a half. 

~

“Because there’s not enough room Ma! I told you! We have a one bedroom apartment! Just get a hotel, please” Sally looked at her boyfriend from the foot of their bed and dragged a thumb across her throat and stuck her tongue out. 

~

“You will get to see the apartment, and meet Wilbur, and his family. But you can’t sleep on our living room floor.” 

~

“It’s not that I don’t want you around, it's that there is no room.” 

~

“Thank you….. Love you too. Gabye.” 

Sally flopped back up to the head of the bed next to Wilbur. 

“Everything good?” He asked. 

“yeah…. I’m sorry she’s fuckin crazy.” 

“Hey it’s ok.” Wilbur set his phone down and rolled to his side, facing Sally. “I know they really stress you out, you don’t have to be sorry.”

“I know I just… Why does every fucking thing have to be their way. This visit is going to kill me, either via alcohol poisoning or me throwing myself out our bedroom window.” 

“I was talking to some friends of mine trying to get a feel for what the fuck I’m supposed to make happen for this and they were all about as helpful as you’d expect.” 

Sally sighed “We’ll be fine. God, why is adulting so hard.”

“I don’t know.” 

“I’m gonna go take a shower. Love you,”

“Love you too.” 

Chapter Text

Sunday 2:34 PM 

Bad & Skeppy 

Skeppy: are you free rn? 

Bad: are you gonna stop being weird about me? 

Skeppy: Vurb wants to know if you’re down for Mario Party 

Bad: sure. what time

Skeppy: 3 at Fin and my dorm 

Bad: ok…. I’ll be there 

3:34 PM 

Everything was fine. It was all normal! Skeppy was having a good time with his FRIENDS. He was surprised Bad even showed up, He had been kind of a dick to the guy the past few days. Skeppy knew Bad wasn’t straight, and he was fine with it! It was all good they were in agreement, Skeppy was straight, Bad knew that and he was fine with it. It’s just that kiss… it’s really been fucking with him, he doesn’t even remember it that well. All he knows is it was all Bad. He did not kiss back. He did not like it. It was not better than any sober kiss he’d had with a girl. His feelings towards Bad are 100% platonic. They are best friends. Nothing more. 

“Skeppy!” Vurb interrupted his thoughts. “Stop spacing out and ready up, we gotta win this one.” 

“Ha!” Fin scoffed. “In your dreams! Bad and I got this whole game in the bag.” 

“Not for long!” Skeppy returned his focus to the game. 

_____________

6:52 PM 

“So what’s the deal with you and Bad?” Finn asked Skeppy as soon as Vurb and Bad left. 

“What?” 

“What’s the deal? You’ve been weird about inviting him for weeks, then that whole time all you did was stare longingly at him. So tell me, what’s the deal?” he clarified. 

“There is no deal!” Skeppy said in return. “We are good, we’re friends.”

“Ok did you two hook up or something? Is that what this is? Like you’re doing that thing where you constantly insist you’re just friends and that you’re one hundred percent straight, never even thought about another dude's balls.”  

“We did not!” Skeppy quickly denied his friend’s accusation

“Your response tells me otherwise. What was it like? Did he top you? Was he any good? Was it bad? Is that why you two are being weird?”

“OH MY FUCKING GOD NO!!! He just kissed me!” Skeppy coveted his bright red face. 

“AHA! Vurb owes me $10 bucks, I knew you two wouldn’t go all the way the first time.” 

“Ok dude what the fuck?” 

“So wait, he kissed you, cool, fucking finally, why are you being weird about it?” 

“Because! I’m straight! We were drunk! I don’t like him like that!” 

“Since when? You have been making googoo eyes at him for months?” 

“But I like girls. I have always liked girls I will always like girls.” 

“I do too! I just also like dressing up like one, and can appreciate when a dude is hot.” 

“Ok? What does that have to do with me?” 

“I’m just saying, until I tried dressing like a girl I didn’t know I’d like it so much. Maybe same goes for you with kissing guys? How was it anyways? Is Bad a good kisser? I bet he’s really good, probably has tons of experience too.” 

“It was terrible!” Fin gave Skeppy a look. “....Ok fine it was….. Really fucking good.he was so gentle, and tender and- fuck i think I kissed him back….” 

“Mhm” 

“I-I Can’t be into him, can I?” Skeppy stood up from his bed and started pacing. “I mean he’s Bad. He’s Darryl. He’s my friend. He’s always there for me. He’s kind. He lets me get away with pranking him. He laughs at my jokes, even the terrible ones. I want to make him smile, I love his smile. He has such a cute face, and a really hot body. And fuck am I in love with Bad?” He looked at his friend. 

Fin shrugged from his bed where he was lying. 

“You’re not helpful.”

“Never claimed to be.” 

“I am having a breakdown and realizing I have some homoromantic crush on my best friend and you are just sitting there.”

“Yup.”

“Great.”

Chapter Text

Monday 3:45 AM 

Skeppy & Bad

Skeppy: Hey Bad

Bad: Hey Skeppy, 

Skeppy: What’re you doing rn? 

Bad: Studying.

Skeppy: Cool so nothing important. I need to talk to you 

Bad: I mean it is kind of important, I have an assessment on wednesday.

Skeppy: Yeah you can study more tomorrow I’m coming over 

Bad: No. you’re not. 

Skeppy: Why not? 

Bad: Because. 

Skeppy: Because why?

Bad: Because… I don’t wanna be alone with you.

Skeppy: Why not? 

Bad: Why not? I dunno, maybe because you’ve been kind of a jerk to me recently. Mybe because I feel like I don’t know you anymore. Maybe because even after all that I still for some forsaken reason love you. Maybe because when it was more than just us I felt more control and I don’t know If I’ll be able to control myself and how much I just want you, this late at night with as little sleep as I've had when it's just the two of us. 

Skeppy:  I’m already on my way so…. 

Bad: Go back to your dorm Skeppy. 

__________

*knock knock*  

A very tired looking Bad opened the door. “Skeppy I told you. Go ho-” Before he could finish he was interrupted by Skeppy pushing into him, crashing their lips together. 

They pushed into Bad’s dorm. Skeppy closed the door with his foot before Bad was pushing the shorter man against it. The kiss was wet and messy, but god it felt good. Skeppy tossed Bad’s glasses to the ground as he pushed the taller man to the bed. 

“ Bad” Skeppy groaned as the other kissed his face and neck.

Suddenly he stopped and pulled away. “FUCK” The man who never swears shouted. He sat at the edge of his bed and put his head in his hands. 

“Hey, what’s up, why’d you stop? And since when do you swear?” Skeppy put a hand on his shoulder. 

“Stop,” His voice wavered. “Why…. why are you here?” Bad turned to his friend (?), tears leaking down his soft pale skin. 

“Because I love you.” 

“But you don’t. You made that quite clear.” 

“I did think that, but not anymore! I-I finally see… I’m not as straight as I thought I was and I-” 

“STOP!” Bad interrupted. “Stop...playing with my feelings… for the past month all you have done is ignore me and tell me how straight and not into me you are. And now all of a sudden it’s the opposite? What are you getting at here…. Do you just aim to hurt me?” 

Skeppy pulled Bad into a hug, he could feel Bad’s tears seeping through his shirt. “Darryl, I would never want to hurt you, and I’m sorry that I did. I just…. I didn’t know how to process how I felt until…. Even in our time apart you were all I could think of…Today all I could think about was how much I missed you… and wanted to kiss you...again.... I think I love you.” 

Bad pulled away. “I-I need some time to process this….I-I'm sorry, I just... I was finally healing after everything...I wasn't ready for well... this. ” 

“That’s fine.You let me process, I can let you process, and I will be here..... Can I kiss you one more time, before I leave?”

“Please.” 

The kiss was more innocent than the others, but still just as passionate, and warm. 

Chapter Text

Tuesday 6:47 PM

Tubbo: GUYS 

Tommy: What the fuck was that????

Ranboo: What did you do? 

Tubbo: JACK’S MANISHED IS ON FIRE LMAO 

Tommy: Oh, good. 

Niki: not the Manished!!!

Ranboo: Why is it on fire?

Tubbo: classified, anyways look at this sick ass creator. 

<[ Photo sent: selfie of tubbo infront of a creator while Jack is trying to extinguish the fire consuming his shed]> 

Dream: WHAT THE FUCK 

Technoblade: That’s a good one. I didn’t see it though. 

  Tubbo: That’s because Jack is a dumbass and put it upside down, that’s why the crators so big.

Tommy: Dumb fucking bitch 

Tubbo: I was excited about this one too, it was gonna be for ranboo

Ranboo: wut 

Tubbo: Yeah it was supposed to make an enderman with a crown in the sky for you

Ranboo: Tubbooooooo 

Tommy: Damm… You really do care about Ranboo 

Schlatt: What the fuck does fireworks have to do with caring about someone. 

Wilbur: Explosives and insults are Tubbo’s love language 

Ranboo: And he likes Physical touch directed towards him. 

Dream: that checks out. 

Tubbo: Ranboo likes high fives

Tommy: and weird gifts. 

Fundy: Clay’s love language towards others is Gift giving and acts of service. He likes words of affirmation 

Dream: Don’t expose me like this….

Wilbur: Words of affirmation. 

Tommy: Are we just sharing our love languages now? 

Wilbur: Tommy likes Physical touch and words of affirmation lmao 

Tommy: SHUT UP 

Wilbur: :) 

Puffy: I’m big on acts of service 

Sapnap: Physical touch all the way both give and take 

Skeppy: I like buying things for other people. 

Bad: I’ve never really thought about my love language… I guess I’d say words of affirmation, but I’m also big on physical touch