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I was just scrolling through my phone, not really doing anything when I had seen a post that had my nerves going haywire. I don’t remember what it was exactly, but it caused my anxiety to start up. Usually, I can hide it pretty well and deal with it on my own, but this time it was pretty bad apparently. I was fine for a good bit afterward, just watching random videos and reading some cute stories, but randomly my mood dropped.
I felt sad and wanted to cry my eyes out. Why am I sad? I figured it might’ve had something to do with my anxiety spike earlier, and just tried to keep my mind distracted. I turned on a sad playlist and just read, looked at stuff online, anything really to get out of my head. I know it’s probably not a healthy thing for me to do, but it’s what I’m so used to.
I don’t like burdening others with my problems, and I don’t want to annoy them. Realistically I’m sure they wouldn’t think that, but anxiety is a bitch. Thinking I’d be alone for a while, I let my walls break, just a little, letting tears flow down my cheeks.
I was still trying to distract myself and tuned out the world around me, not hearing someone coming in through the bedroom door till I felt a hand on mine. Looking up, I catch the gaze of my girlfriend, tears glistening in my eyes.
“What’s wrong, Hope?”, she asks, bringing her hand to cup my cheek, keeping eye contact with me. “I don’t know. My mood just dropped and now I’m sad and just wanna cry my eyes out”. She takes a second to process my words before deciding what to do. Slowly moving her hand that was placed on my cheek to the back of my neck, she gently guides me to her so that my head is laying on her chest.
Once she had done that, she starts leaning back on our bed to lay us down, positioning us so that I’m cuddled up to her, my head hidden in her neck and one of her hands on my side, and one carding through my hair. She gives my head a kiss, staying there for a minute, before saying, “It’s okay, love. You’re safe here, no one will ever hurt you while I’m here. Never”.
After she says that, I break. Letting my tears fall freely, hugging her close to me, not wanting her to leave. This is why I love her. She cares for me so much and always seems to know what to do to help. I don’t know what I ever did in a past life to deserve this lovely human being and be able to call her mine.
We just lay there, enjoying each other's presence. She turns so she’s facing me, wiping away the tear tracks left on my face. She then leans forward, giving gentle kisses on my eyelids, down my cheeks, and a sweet, gentle kiss on my lips, staying there for a second. When she pulls away I open my eyes and admire her.
“I love you”, I tell her, raw emotion showing through my words. “I love you too, baby”, she responds, pulling me towards her wrapping me back in her arms. I lay there again, basking in her warmth, thinking of ways to thank her, not only for this but for always being there and loving me.
I know just like she’s there, I’ll be there for her too, no matter what. On the good days, and even on the bad days, we’ll always be there for each other, ready to help in any way we can.