Chapter Text
“SIRIUS WAKE UP, WAKE UP,” Harry yelled as he hurried into Sirius' room and jumped on him. He groaned as the weight of the six year old centered onto his chest.
“Prongslet, you know I don’t like to be woken up before 8.” He mumbled.
“But padfooooot, you told me you’d take me to the Quidditch Supply Store today.” Sirius refused to open his eyes, knowing full well that Harry is wearing his adorable face that Sirius can’t resist.
“Yes but the store doesn’t open till 9am, and it is currently,” he checks the watch on his nightstand, “6:30am, how about you hurry off to bed and let me sleep to a normal hour.”
“Ron says Mrs. Weasley is up at 6:30,” Harry countered.
“Yes but Mrs. Weasley is a goddess, and I am only a man.” He fanned a weakened voice which granted him a chuckle from Harry.
He opened his eyes and finally looked at Harry. He is so much like James, loud and happy, but also so kind-hearted like Lily. He truly was the perfect combination of the two of them. Which made Sirius’s heart hurt.
He sighs, “but if you really wanted to I guess you could sleep in here till I feel like getting up.”
Harry’s face lit up and Sirius thought he could just melt at the sight of it, “oh yes please!”
Sirius grinned, “just know that someone could always come up and tickle you!” He attacked Harry’s sides, gave him a light tickle just enough for him to laugh and for Sirius to place a soft kiss on his head.
“You’re funny Padfoot,” he giggled as he nestled himself under Sirius’s arm.
“Well I’m glad you agree, your mum used to say I was obnoxious.”
“Mmm that too.” Harry giggled again.
“I’m going to pretend that that was a dream because my godson would never say something so cruel to me.”
Harry laughed some more before settling in and Sirius could hear the light breathing of the six year old and it was the cutest sound ever.
A good 2 hours later at 8:30, still too early in Sirius’s mind, they were eating breakfast and Sirius was checking the mail.
Along with the Daily Prophet and a copy of Quidditch Weekly for Harry, Sirius had several letters, 3 for work, 2 from Molly, 1 from Andromeda, and one portrait of Sirius from Dora, and to his dismay a letter that was stamped “return to sender.”
He sighed and stared at the letter. He had only written it a week ago, after too much firewhiskey on a night Harry was with the Weasley’s, and the full moon was high in the sky. He didn’t have an address to send to, but that didn’t always matter with the owl post. He read the addressed name over and over.
Remus J. Lupin
Sirius knew it was desperate, and sad but he didn’t care at this point. He just wanted to make sure Remus was okay, but Remus being the stubborn git he always was didn’t dare shed any evidence of his well being or whereabouts.
Aside from the birthday and Christmas gifts that were sent for Harry, with only a short greeting and signature at the bottom, Remus Lupin was practically a ghost.
“What’s wrong Pads?” Harry asked softly, then lifting a fork full of pancakes into his mouth.
It shook Sirius out of his trance, and realized he had been staring at the letter too long.
He coughed and looked at Harry, “Oh nothing baby Prongs, just wondering if you’d like to send any letters to anyone. Maybe Ron?”
“Yeah that would be fun!” He exclaimed and the clamered out of his chair to retrieve some paper and crayons from his room.
Sirius sighed and picked up the letter again. He wondered if Remus had even got it, or if he had just sent it back because it was from Sirius.
He hadn’t seen Remus in 5 years, not since he walked out. Sirius didn’t blame him though, it made sense. They were on thin ice even before James and Lily had died, one of them was always on a mission, and the other left behind. When they were in the same room it was nearly impossible to have a conversation without fighting. Eventually neither of them trusted one another anymore. In the end James and Lily’s deaths saved their relationship for a bit, bringing them back together to mourn. But it didn’t last long, it became too much for Remus, the trust was broken, the resentment setting in, and the grief too much. And he had slipped out in classic Remus fashion, quietly and with only a short note left on the fridge.
Sirius,
I’m sorry I can’t do this anymore.
With love
Remus
Sirius didn’t remember much in those first few weeks after he left. Harry had stayed with Molly and Arthur for a week or two. He had drank and cried, and didn’t get out of bed. It was bad enough that his two best friends in the world were dead, because of his own mistake, but the love of his life had left as well. And Sirius had never felt so alone. If it hadn’t been for McGonagall coming over and yelling at him to pull himself together for Harry's sake he was not sure what would happen to him.
But Harry was now the most important thing in his life, the little ball of energy that looked so much like James and acted so much like Lily. It made Sirius so happy to watch him grow up, knowing how proud they’d be. Of course he missed Remus, and he worried about him as well, but he couldn’t dwell on it too much, because Harry needed him.
Harry came running back into the kitchen with his crowns and excitingly began writing Ron a letter. Sirius smiled at him and ruffled his already messy hair.
“You better hurry up and get ready so we can send your letter off and head into Diagon Alley, alright Sprout?”
Harry nodded and put his dirty plate in the sink and ran off to his room shouting that he’d do it later.
Sirius followed suit and decided to get ready himself. He ran a comb through his long hair. He wondered if he should cut it, he was 26 now, and that seemed like a good age to get a mature haircut. But he brushed off the thought and continued to get dressed in his black robes with ribbed black jeans underneath before helping Harry ready himself into tiny robes that he was already starting to outgrow.
They took the floo to the Leaky Cauldron and made their way into Diagon Alley. They stopped and got the obligatory ice cream, even though they had just eaten breakfast. And worked their way through the Alley.
Harry groaned when Sirius wanted to stop at Flourish and Blotts, he needed to pick up the latest issue of a curse-breaking book for work, and he wouldn’t mind finding a good fiction piece that might catch his fancy.
“How much longer are you going to be?” Harry whined as Sirius read through the first page of a storybook about a witch who cursed her mother to speak backwards.
“You know you could go pick out a book if you want something to do.” Sirius said not looking up from the book.
“Ok!” Harry said up and walked down the stairs to the kid section.
Sirius decided that a cursed mother didn’t make for an exciting story, so he settled on a book about a witch and wizard battling dragons.
Harry came bouncing up to him just as he was about to make his way down to the first level. “Look at this book a man gave me!”
Sirius smiled, pleased that Harry had found something, or someone else found something for him. Sirius took the book from Harry’s small hands and read the cover, There’s a Boggart in My Closet. It didn’t look new, it looked very used, and the scent of it was familiar. Sirius always found it odd how good his sense of smell became after becoming an animagus. It smelled of cinnamon and leather, with a hint of chocolate. Which was all too familiar of a scent to Sirius, and one he hadn’t smelled in 5 years.
“Where did you get this?”
Harry struggled, “a man gave it to me”
Sirius heard the bell on the door chime and raced down the stairs and out the door, hoping to get a glimpse of Remus. But he was nowhere to be found.
Harry had followed him into the street, “who was that Sirius?”
Sirius just shook his head, trying to fight back tears at the idea that Remus had been so close and he missed it.
--
Sirius finally regained himself and they headed down the alley to the Quidditch Supply Store. He probably looked like a man on the run, looking over his shoulder and eyeing everyone he passed, looking for Remus.
But to no avail, Harry was happy with some new quidditch robes that fit him, and even featured an enlarging charm so it grew with him, and Sirius wouldn’t have to buy him a completely new set next year. And they made a few more stops before heading back to the Leaky Cauldron and back into their London flat.
Harry was bouncing off the walls with energy for the rest of the day, but Sirius barely noticed. He was still thinking about the book, about the scent. He couldn’t have been mistaken, he knew Remus’s scent, and that was it. No one else smelled like him, and no one ever would. Sirius sighed as he crawled into bed, reminiscing when it was him and Remus crawling into bed, holding each other close till they drifted off to sleep.
Sirius stared at the ceiling for a while, unsure what to do about the bookshop incident. But he slowly realized there was nothing he could do. Remus didn’t want anything to do with him, even if he wanted to be involved with Harry, Sirius was too much in Harry’s life for Remus’s comfort. Maybe he would never encounter Remus Lupin again.
The thought hurt more than he cares to admit.