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There was a first time, of course there was a first time, but first times are significantly worse than any other time. I can verify that. The first time made me giddy, I was so excited until it ended. I hope everyone's first time goes well and isn't the same situation as mine. I even hope some people don't get first times, I don't want it to be anything like mine. You never think things can get worse until they do. I didn't think they would. I hoped they wouldn't. But it did.
Dad left for work today. He'll be back soon he said. He said to shower tonight, make sure I'm extra clean. I wonder if we'll have guests. We never have guests, I can't wait. Maybe it's one of his friends or maybe a playdate! I haven't been to school in a month, he said he'd invite one of my friends over. I kind of miss it, but I don't mind. I was the one who scared the teacher. She even got the heroes to come to my house too! I'm glad Dad told them everything was okay. He told me that I was overreacting at school and if I couldn't prove that I'd listen then I couldn't go. I don't think I've been listening very well. He hits me more and cries more.
I think it's about mom
It's always about mom.
I don't like hearing him cry for her. Mom left us. So mom doesn't want... us. She makes him sad, makes him do things he doesn't want to do. He says he drinks to forget, I don't know what that means. I tried doing the same. Tried drinking to forget the test I failed in class, or to forget about mom. I got in trouble, he said it's not for me. So none of it makes sense. I asked the teacher and she called home. Dad told me to never ask her questions like that again. Whenever I ask the teacher she never answers, she just always calls home. I wonder if she'll call home now that I'm not there.
Or maybe she doesn't care
Maybe she's like mom.
Dad says I should love mom. That she did bad things, but she was a beautiful woman. She didn't die, she just left. How can I miss her if I never met her. Dad wont show me any pictures, he just says I look so much like her. I'm glad. I think he likes me more because of mom.
I don't have any homework. I don't have anything to do. No toys, no books, we do have a tv but I can't use it. I'm not allowed to use a lot of things. That's fine. I don't pay for it so I can't use it. He lets me use and have small things like clothes, food, and shower things.
Shower
right
I should shower now, Dad will be home soon.
Dad is different than I am. Different how he looks. We don't look related, at least that's what everyone says. I always thought we we're similar but I guess not. The teacher would always say that I have a young dad. She asks me if my mommy is that young to. I don't answer her because I don't know. Dad only mentions his age sometimes. He says 'I'm missing out on my youth for some kid.' and every year he celebrates his birthday. He doesn't tell me the day, but I know when I see the candles in the trash can. He should be 24 now or I think. I guess Dad doesn't look like me, I must look more like mommy. Dad has black fluffy hair and the glasses he wears are funny because they're so big. He's very tall and very thin, but that's because I'm 6. I'm smaller because I'm younger.
I wish we looked more alike. The teachers say Daddy is handsome. I used to get a lot of questions. They'd ask me where mommy is. If Daddy still loves mommy. Once the recess teacher asked if I've seen any lady come into the house. I tell them I don't know where mommy is. I don't know if Daddy still loves mommy, Daddy cries about her is that the same? No, no lady has come to the house, I've only seen the nice old lady down the street drop off cookies sometimes. Yes I'm sure she hasn't come inside. No there's no one else. I haven't seen any of Daddy's friends, I think he has none. Yes he goes to work, he does research!
I hear the front door open. I rush to put on my nice pajamas, they have little ferrets all over them. I like ferrets, they're my favorite animal. I want to ask Dad for one. I wouldn't have to be so alone if I get one.
"Hi Daddy, I took a shower just like you told me to and I made sure to wash everything! A-and I put on my favorite pajamas, they're ferrets. I love ferrets Daddy can I get on-." I follow him around the house and he puts away his work things.
"Denki go up to my room." He sighs before taking off his tie.
"oh okay!" I'll tell him about the ferret later. He must be tired... I'll go make his bed for him!
I rush up the stairs and push open his door. Daddy has a clean room, much cleaner than mine. Sometimes when I get scared of storms because they shock me, he'll let me sleep with him. He doesn't do that often. I know he doesn't mind! He even brought softer blankets and some plushies for me. Maybe he'll let me sleep with him again. There's no storm today, but I don't like staying alone at night anyways. It's really dark.
I jump on his bed and start bouncing around. I pick up the ferret plushie, it's my favorite.
"Come on Ellie! We have to hurry before he gets here!" I tie the blanket around my neck. "It's okay because Pro Hero Shocker and his sidekick Ellie the Static Ferret will save everyone!"
"Before who gets here?" Dad pops his head through the door.
"There he is Ellie, come on we gotta hide!"
"Ah ah ah ah you can't hide from me! You tiny shocks aren't affective!" He picks me up and twirls me around.
"I'll get dizzy! I'll get dizzy!" Dad laughs before putting me back on the bed.
"So did the heroes win today?" He asks me with a big smile on his face.
"Wait wait! I didn't take you down yet! Daddy let me sit on you."
"I can't just let you win!"
"ahhh here!" I tap his head and let out a tiny shock. He falls to the floor and waits for me. I smile before jumping on top of him. "And the hero wins! The hero always win!"
"Alright alright." He sits up with me still on his lap.
"Is it time for bed?" I hold Ellie to my chest as Dad unties my cape.
"maybe. i don't know yet." He mumbles. I hate it when he mumbles, I barely hear him. "did you want to go to sleep now denki?"
"I don't want to, but you'll be tired!"
"I wanted to play a game."
"A game?"
"it was a game my dad showed me when i was your age."
"Did you like the game!"
"no, i don't think so."
"oh. then i don't want to play it."
"But my dad liked it, and I don't know why."
"Did you want to play it and see if you like it too?"
"That's a mean thing to do if you wont like it." His eyebrows are all wrinkly. He's thinking a lot about this! We can just play the game and see if we like it.
"What's the game game called?"
"It didn't have a name."
"Can I give it a name?"
"okay."
"I'll name itttt." I look around the room before I see Ellie." I'll name it Ellie! Ellie for my pet ferret!"
"That sounds nice." He smiles at me sadly.
"Daddy can we get a real Ellie?"
"You want one for your birthday Denki?"
"Yeah, I want an Ellie that I can play with!"
"I can do that."
"Are we going to play Ellie right now?"
"um, let me get something to drink. Is that okay? You'll have to wait."
"I'll wait!"
It took Daddy a while. He came back though! But he wasn't like normal. I think he took the bad drinks.
"Daddy?"
"Did you still want to play the game Denki?"
"i-i i don't know anymore."
"Come on son, I'll show you I promise." He holds his hand out for me.
"okay."
I didn't like the game. I didn't understand it before, but I get it now.
"Okay Kaminari I'm going to increase your dosing."
"okay."
I told him I didn't like the game, but he liked it so we still played. But now that I think about it I don't know if he actually liked it or not. He kept trying to get me to say no. So is it my fault?
"daddy I don't want a pet anymore." I whisper to him.
"You don't? But don't you love your ferret?"
"No I don't like ferrets anymore."