Work Text:
Kokichi loved to wear makeup.
No, not eyeliner and blush. Not that kind of makeup. Because Kokichi was Kokichi, and he prided himself on not being boring. What was more boring than the same makeup look that every other person in the world wore?
This group of people included Shuichi himself, who was an avid user of concealer. He was satisfied with his boring use of makeup to just cover his eye bags, thank you very much.
The makeup Kokichi wore was something much more out there. Something that could be called “clown makeup.”
Shuichi admired his boyfriend’s dedication to the aesthetic. Even if his makeup choices would earn them raised eyebrows and eyes full of fear when the pair went in public together. Kokichi could just look at a child and they’d burst into tears. It was truly a sight to behold.
Their friends always considered Kokichi’s makeup a performance, something the man did to rile his audience (aka the world) up. And while Shuichi shared that same belief at first, living together with Kokichi taught him a new perspective. Kokichi would spend his mornings perfecting the lines to the triangles around his eyes, making sure the red circles on his cheeks were symmetrical. He would research and purchase a variety of products, constantly testing them on himself. The man had a vanity in their bedroom that he’d spend hours at to test any look that came to mind.
Kokichi wasn’t putting on his extravagant makeup to mess with people, although that was definitely part of the fun. He was doing it because he felt good about it. This was never something Kokichi confided in Shuichi with, he didn’t need to. The clues were hanging over Kokichi’s head brighter than the lights on his vanity.
Now despite how crazy it sounded, Shuichi shared the same appreciation for the clown makeup as Kokichi did. Not on himself, but on Kokichi. Maybe that was just a result of him being stupidly in love with the man, but that didn’t matter.
However, this fond appreciation for Kokichi’s wild makeup choices did not soften the shock of when Kokichi asked Shuichi to partake in the makeup as well.
“You- you want me to do what?”
“I want you to match makeup with me when we go to meet your parents! Think about how funny it’ll be.”
“You’re going to wear clown makeup to meet my parents?”
“Yes, why is that even a question?”
Admittedly, the proposal was intriguing. Shuichi was not a fan of his parents, to put it lightly. They would show up in his life whenever they pleased and tried to meddle with it even though they had left him to live with his uncle. His uncle is who Shuichi would consider an actual parent figure. He’d already met Kokichi before, who even toned down the makeup for that time. Not that Shuichi asked him to, Kokichi was just stressed about having to meet the family and didn’t want any extra variables making it more difficult.
Shuichi tugged on his tie that served as an uncomfortable reminder for the dinner he was about to be trapped in. Kokichi had insisted that there was really no need to go. His exact words were “Why should we have dinner with them, who cares what those fuckwads think?” But Shuichi couldn’t help it, he felt tied to accepting every invitation from his parents out of politeness. It wasn’t like they were ever overly mean to him, just negligent. Kokichi did not share the same sentiment.
But just because Shuichi felt obligated to see his parents, that didn’t mean he felt obligated to make it peaceful.
“That’s… not a bad idea actually.”
Kokichi’s eyes went wide and his teeth flashed in a toothy grin. “Wow Shumai! I didn’t think you’d have it in you.”
“You wouldn’t be dating me if I was boring,” Shuichi provided. That earned him a new, softer smile before Kokichi gripped the sleeve of Shuichi’s dress shirt and dragged him over to the vanity.
“Sit,” Kokichi demanded as he pushed Shuichi down by his shoulders into the seat. The boy proceeded to yank open all the vanity drawers and dump out an assortment of pallets and brushes on the tabletop.
“Okay, time to fix that ugly face of yours,” he teased, adding a quick peck to Shuichi’s cheek. A finger tilted up Shuichi’s chin and the soft beating of a beauty blender hit his cheek. The cold sensation of the white foundation sent a shiver through his body and woke his brain up to the ridiculous idea he had agreed to. He was meeting his parents in an upscale restaurant and was expected to be on his best behavior. Paparazzi were always watching.
As if he had read Shuichi’s mind, Kokichi supplied a rebuttal. “Imagine how pissed they’d be if they got caught on camera with us. Maybe I should tip off the paparazzi so it happens.”
“Please don’t, it takes forever to lose them.”
“Fine, fine. How about I get D.I.C.E. to dress up as paparazzi instead to freak out your parents.”
“I think the clown makeup will pull that off just fine.” A brush dragged across his skin, creating perfect triangles under his eyes.
“Close your eyes.” Shuichi obeyed and soft bristles swept against his eyelid with what he assumed to be eyeshadow. Warm fingertips settled in his hair to keep a steady grip without touching the freshly painted makeup. It was soothing, Shuichi thought as his head leaned into the touch. It was a sharp contrast to what the rest of the night would entail. If only he could stay in this bliss with his boyfriend forever, but alas, his invasive parents called.
“Aaaand you’re done! Look in the mirror, feast your eyes on my handy work,” Kokichi boasted. Shuichi opened his eyes and was met with a foreign image. His face was white, which wasn’t too off from his normal sickly pale skin (he needed to go outside more). He had bright red on his cheeks, eyes, and lips and small, black triangles under his eyes.
“I toned it down a bit compared to my makeup, I can’t let you look better than me.” Shuichi didn’t bother arguing against that excuse, he knew Kokichi hadn’t exaggerated the makeup as much on him so Shuichi would be more comfortable. Some lies were best left unturned.
No matter how badly he wanted to stay, Shuichi had to force himself out of his seat and finish getting ready for dinner. It seemed pointless to fix his hair now, considering the only thing people would see when they saw him would be his clown paint. But whatever, he wanted to look nice, dammit. As he ran his hands through his hands in the mirror, he could see Kokichi in the reflection pulling on his dinner outfit. It was on brand.
The pants were a blinding white that gave a canvas to the bright purple belt and shoes Kokichi paired with it. On top, Kokichi had a multicolored button-up. All in all, it was better than the obnoxious colored sweatshirt and gym shorts combo he had been expecting. It matched perfectly with Kokichi’s shining makeup.
In fact, Shuichi was the one who looked more ridiculous considering his outfit was a complete 180 from his clown makeup. While his face was painted with colors, his outfit was a simple button-up and slacks combo with muted colors.
“Well, I’m ready. Are you ready to out-dress everyone else in the restaurant, love?” Kokichi held out an arm sleeved in a blob of hues.
“Of course darling,” Shuichi played into their little performance. He connected his arm with Kokichi and they were off. No peace was known to Shuichi as he was dragged out of their home and shoved into the car. They raced through the streets like a police car was tailing them, which had happened to Kokichi before, unsurprisingly. Kokichi’s driving style was a habit he supposed.
The car finally reached the restaurant without getting into a fatal accident. The front of the restaurant was riddled with professionally trimmed shrubs and carved pillars. There was also a valet they had no choice but to fork their car over to.
“Ooo, valet! I’m gonna do the thing,” Kokichi said and hopped out of the car.
“The thing?” Shuichi’s question was answered soon enough when Kokichi hurled the key at the overworked valet.
“Don’t you dare scratch it or I will rain hellfire upon you, you will never know peace again,” Kokichi said with a menacing grin that exposed each tooth. Like a predator and prey. Shuichi yanked him away by the wrist before he could cause anymore torment.
“What was that?”
“Oh, I was just doing the thing. Y’know, like in the movies where the businessman yells at the valet. I always wanted to do that.”
“That was arguably more violent than anything in the movies.”
Kokichi shrugged it off. “I’m just letting out some steam before I have to deal with your parents.”
Oh yeah, the parents. Shuichi had been so caught up with Kokichi’s shenanigans that he somehow lost track of who they were meeting, even as they stood directly in front of the restaurant. Although, maybe that had been Kokichi’s goal all along?
When they walked through the extravagant double doors of the restaurant, they were met by a hostess who looked ready to give the typical greeting. That was what it looked like until she caught sight of their faces. This situation required some good old-fashioned name-dropping unless he wanted to be kicked out.
“I’m here with the Saihara party,” Shuichi tried to say without bursting into nervous laughter.
Disbelief was painted on her face. That was to be expected, no one would believe that the prim and proper Saihara celebrity power couple would ever share a table with such heathens. Though there were no rules that barred Shuichi and Kokichi from entering with their makeup, the hostess looked like she was in deep distress while leading the two to the table. Shuichi looked down to see the wide, eerie smile on Kokichi’s face. He was having too much fun.
The hostess stopped at a booth, the heads of Shuichi’s parents visible yet turned away from him. This was it. This was the end. He was officially going to be taken out of the will after this. Why didn’t he think about this more? The long-lasting consequences would be awful.
As if sensing his boyfriend’s fears, Kokichi grabbed Shuichi’s hand in his and gave it a gentle squeeze. He smiled up at him, not the creepy smile from before, but the smile he would give him when Shuichi would be stressed over a case and Kokichi would bring him dinner and press a kiss to the temple. That’s right. Shuichi was doing this because Kokichi was here. Kokichi gave him the weird sense of confidence he needed to lash out against his parents. Sure, lashing out by pissing them off with clown makeup was an unconventional method, but it would work.
After Shuichi finally calmed down, Kokichi’s smile returned to its previous malicious nature and he tugged Shuichi towards the table. “Helloooo, Saihara party! The guests of honor have arrived.” Kokichi swung his hands in the air, and by extension, Shuichi’s hand as well.
Heads turned, eyes bulged out of their sockets, jaws dropped, tears fell, glass shattered—well maybe the last couple were a stretch, but his parent’s reaction was indeed visceral.
No one spoke, unless Kokichi’s stifled “nee hee hee’s!” counted.
“Wowwww, you guys can’t even spare a proper hello? You’re so cold,” Kokichi sniffled.
Saihara’s father was the first to snap out of his state of shock. “Saihara Shuichi.”
“That’s him!” Kokichi chirped.
“I wasn’t talking to you.”
Kokichi muttered out a “rude” before Shuichi’s father continued speaking.
“Shuichi, what is this… clown makeup you have on your face?” His lips sneered.
“Well… it’s exactly what you said.”
“Clown makeup?”
“Yeah, I suppose so.”
Kokichi couldn’t help himself from butting in again. “Y’know it’s all the rage with the youth these days!” He slipped into the booth, dragging Shuichi along with their connected hands. “I am starving! Do you think they’d have chicken tenders here?”
“This is an Italian restaurant,” Shuichi’s mother spoke up for the first time since being sent into a spiral by her son’s appearance.
“Okay? That doesn’t answer my question. What do you think, my beloved?” Kokichi aimed the question at him.
“Son, I cannot fathom why you’d—”
“Hey, I wasn’t talking to you! Don’t interrupt Shu when he’s speaking,” Kokichi said with a plastered face of anger.
“Hm, if they don’t have chicken tenders then I think we’d have to leave the establishment.” Shuichi chose to play along with Kokichi’s outburst.
“You’re so smart Shumai! That’s why I decided to marry you.”
If Shuichi was drinking water right then, he’d definitely have spit it out. Unfortunately for him, his dad did drink water and promptly spit it out like a broken hose after hearing Kokichi’s announcement. The water was caught by Shuichi’s face.
“NO!” Kokichi screeched, causing other people in the restaurant to turn their heads to the commotion. “You ruined Shuichi’s makeup. Do you know how long I took trying to perfect that, you monster?”
Both of Shuichi’s parents scoffed, that scoff and their lack of care for Shuichi being the only thing they had in common. His mother’s shrill voice rang out, “Of course you did his makeup. My darling Shuichi never did such- such horrid things before he started dating you! And what’s this about marriage? That’s the first I’m hearing of it.”
Disregarding the marriage lie Kokichi made, Shuichi snapped back at his mother. “How would you know what I was like before dating Kokichi? You just left me to live with your brother and decided that was good enough in the parenting department!” The situation had been funny before, the clown makeup making everything seem too surreal, but of course, his parents' behavior had to drag him back down to reality again.
His father’s face was red with anger. “Oh really? You’re telling me Shuichi Saihara, the boy who couldn’t even look people in the eyes without breaking down into a pathetic mess—”
“HEY!” Kokichi shouted. More and more people were looking their way, the hostess that seated them looked like she regretted ever letting them inside. “If Shuichi’s wearing clown makeup in public with no qualms now, that’s progress, not something to complain about! And he got to this point because he’s amazing, wonderful, and God, how did he even come out of your nutsack?”
“Young man—”
“What, you gonna cry about it big man? Your son doesn’t have to put up with your shit anymore, he’s Ouma Shuichi now!”
“K-Kokichi?” Shuichi squeaked out. He knew Kokichi was lying to mess with his parents, but the thought of taking Kokichi’s last name was too much for him to ignore. They had talked about marriage before, yet the idea of last names never really clicked in Shuichi’s brain.
“What is it, my sexy clown lover?”
“Ouma Shuichi?”
The rage in Kokichi’s face melted away, although it was hard to tell through the absurd amount of makeup on his face. “Oh shit.”
“Huh?”
“I didn’t propose yet.”
“…Huh?”
“I— wait fuck okay.” Kokichi clambered over Shuichi’s lap to escape the booth and stand in front of him. “So, this definitely was not the plan but I’ve just been waiting so long to do it and have been thinking of us as married for a while that sometimes I forget that we aren’t yet.”
“I’m really lost.”
“Me too,” Shuichi’s mom muttered.
“This isn’t about you, hag!” His mom recoiled at the disrespect, so used to people falling over their feet to talk to such a highly-acclaimed celebrity. Kokichi cleared his throat. “Anywho, I think it should be kinda obvious what I’m talking about considering everything I just said, but since your detective skills seem to apply to everything but your love life, I’ll spell it out for you.”
Kokichi reached into his pockets, which were absurdly big—as Kokichi states “to fit the clown aesthetic”—and pulled out a small black box. “You get the point yet Mr. Detective?” Kokichi got down on one knee and opened the box to reveal a silver hand with a small, blue jewel in the middle.
“So, I had a speech I was planning on saying, except that’s a lie! What kind of lover would I be if I couldn’t string praises for you off the top of my head?”
Shuichi could hardly see Kokichi’s nervous grin and shaking hands anymore. His eyes were too preoccupied with the tears that were filling them.
“Aw come on, you’re gonna cry all the makeup off,” Kokichi tried to joke, but it came out more pained than anything. Shuichi doesn’t recall Kokichi ever sounding so nervous in his entire time of knowing him. “I love you Shuichi. I love you and your big, dumb brain and your amazing laugh that could kill an army of angels. I love the way you put up with me even though I almost burned down the kitchen after the silly string incident. I love how you’re always there in the mornings and at night so we can always wake up and fall asleep together. And I love that you were willing to wear the clown makeup with me even though drawing attention to yourself is your number one enemy. I love how you’ve grown since I met you in high school, and I’m so, so thankful I was able to grow with you. So with all that said, will you marry me, Shuichi?”
If someone told him ten years ago that he would be getting proposed to in a restaurant in front of his angry parents while wearing clown makeup, Shuichi would’ve thought they were crazy. However, if someone told him that after Kokichi asked him out back in high school through a complicated scavenger hunt, Shuichi would just shrug and say “yeah, makes sense.”
It would make sense not just because of Kokichi being Kokichi, but because after that day, Shuichi couldn’t see himself loving anybody else. He knew then that Kokichi was the one.
So that’s why he didn’t hesitate to pull Kokichi into his lap and press a sloppy kiss against his lips like it was their first all over again. Hot tears streamed down Shuichi’s face and mixed with Kokichi’s own. He could taste the red lipstick and smeared paint on Kokichi’s lips, he wouldn’t have wished for it to be any other way.
Eventually, Kokichi pulled away to ask the obvious question.
“So that’s?”
“A yes,” Shuichi finished his new fiancé’s sentence. Clapping began to build up around the restaurant guests who were celebrating the newly engaged couple.
That was promptly shut down as Kokichi whipped his head around to screech, “SHUT THE HELL UP THIS ISN’T ABOUT YOU!” And just like that, all joy was wiped out of the room. Well, all joy except for Shuichi and Kokichi’s of course.
And that was the only joy Shuichi cared about. The joy that sparkled in Kokichi’s eyes after he said yes, and the joy that was more apparent from the grin on his lips than the loud lipstick (which was mostly smudged off after their tearful kiss). Kokichi gripped their hands together and leaned into his ear to whisper, “How about we get out of here now?”
Shuichi let out a snort. “I don’t think we have the choice, you yelled at a lot of people.”
“Ah, screw ‘em.” He lifted his head back and dragged Shuichi out of the booth. “And screw you two especially! You’re not invited to the wedding” Kokichi targeted Shuichi’s parents.
“Dress code will include clown makeup,” Shuichi joked, much to the horror of his parents.
“This,” Kokichi interlaced their fingers together, “this is why I married you.”
“We’re not married yet.”
“Oh crap, you’re right! Let’s go get in our clown car and find the nearest wedding planner.”
“Of course, love.” With the stares of the entire restaurant surrounding them as they fled, Shuichi and Kokichi escaped the building and giggled as they ran down the length of the street, hands still locked together. They kept moving, kept laughing together even though their tear-soaked faces of makeup terrified all those that crossed their path.
Life with Kokichi was just that, it was freedom.
A FAMILY CRISIS??
An article by The HPA Daily
A recent sighting of famous actress, Saihara Kazue, and screenwriter, Saihara Akio, in a restaurant in Tokyo, Japan was made. Family drama bubbled up when the star couple’s son appeared in the restaurant with clown makeup, along with his supposed boyfriend, identity unknown. Things escalated until Shuichi’s boyfriend popped the big question and the fiancés ran out of the restaurant together. The scene sent the Saihara couple into distress, Kazue demanding that everyone in the restaurant sign an NDA and Akio cussing out anyone with their phone out. Their behavior eventually resulted in the police being called and they were promptly escorted out of the restaurant.