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Starless night.
Waxing crescent moon.
Chilly breeze.
Gentle touch of the sidewalk on his heels.
He acknowledges these feelings, but he can’t feel them.
Seungmin walks his numb limbs slowly, making his way home. It's one of the days in a month that happens to be a bad one, but he isn’t really complaining. He’s beyond tired to do so. He feels like floating, head filled with moon dust. Seeing himself walking on the sidewalk with a backpack on his shoulder from the bird view.
He feels the wind slapping on his skin, but he can’t sense the shiver that’s supposed to run down his spine. He hears chirping birds; what are they doing at this hour? howling dogs, screeching cats—either they are fighting or playing, he doesn't know which—, white noises ringing inside his ears, dripping into his twitching head.
A ring.
Silence.
A ring again, he realizes maybe it’s his phone. So he shoves his hand into his pocket, pulling out his phone. It’s buzzing. Similar to a colony of bees he saw making hives earlier. His screen illuminates the starless night, still buzzing and ringing while he recollects his thoughts.
Right.
It’s a call. He should answer it.
And so he does, pressing the green button and placing the device slowly on his ear.
“Minnie?”
Soft, merely above a whisper with the sleepiness evident.
“Yes,” he answers, feet still walking.
“You’re on your way home?”
He stops.
Right. He’s supposed to be on his way home.
Looking around, he tries to figure out where his feet have brought him. He saw a tteokbokki cart, an old lady sitting on the iron bench with a book on her lap. He’s surrounded by trees, and when he looks up, he sees star lamps embroidering the branches; trying to replace the real stars that aren't visible. But it does nothing.
Stars aren’t replaceable.
“Don’t tell me you got lost or something, please,” the other end of the call says, startling him.
“I’m in the park, I guess,” Seungmin mutters. It must be the park where he and Jisung went last month. The scent of the grass is familiar. It’s still clear in his memories. The moist morning dew. The sunrise they watched together from the top slide of the playground. Jisung’s fluffy hair, the sweet smell of his shampoo. The warmth his presence contains.
“You know how to get home, right?”
Silence.
He’s supposed to know. It’s not far from their home, right? Why can’t he remember it?
“Seungmin? Can you do me a favor?”
“Yes,” he says, sharply.
“Put on your earphones, keep me on call. Just pretend we’re walking home together, okay?”
“Okay,” he replies, stumbling within his stuff inside his backpack, pulling out untangled earphones in a hurry. He connects the earphone’s one edge with his phone, placing both the buds in his ears, and walks home. With Jisung’s soft voice keeping him to stay on the ground.
It’s suddenly chilly, enough so to tug Seungmin another step or two back towards reality, and enough to let him press his ear closer to Jisung’s voice; rambling something about watching the smallest kitten in the world and a giant frog protecting its tadpoles from the summer heat.
An ambulance passes, lights bright but no siren, or perhaps there's just no siren that Seungmin can hear with his head full of sweet cotton candy fluff and Jisung's voice. Car lights swing by, film frames just getting up to speed. The associated noise is muffled but present and it drips through Seungmin’s eardrums into his brain.
Until he finally arrives in front of a familiar house; dark orange walls and wooden door, blooming daisy flowers inside the pots on each side of the door. Seungmin sighs contently, parting his lips to tell Jisung that he had arrived.
The door creaks open before he manages to say anything, but Seungmin is looking at his feet to avoid tripping over the entrance rather than at who might be in front of him.
“Seungmin!”
Jisung’s voice, coming from inside. Gazing up, Seungmin sees his hand extend, inviting him to come inside his arms. He curls a smile on his face, stepping forward and letting Jisung to engulf him with his warmth.
Jisung is warm.
His soft sweater feels appealing on Seungmin’s face.
Seungmin nuzzles happily onto his chest, inhaling the mixed scents Jisung had.
Jisung’s jicama lotions.
The faint sweet fragrance of Jisung’s toner he always puts on after he washes up.
Jisung’s softener smells like sweet cherries in the field of daisies.
Honestly he doesn’t know what to think anymore, nor any of his thoughts make sense. Being held by Jisung’s embrace has his mind flying away, in a much better way than earlier.
Soft.
Comfy.
Glowing like a moon; or maybe a star?
Seungmin is laying on his bed. Jisung lays facing him, toying with their joined hands. He is pretty sure his eyes are half-lidded, given he doesn’t think he can normally see his eyelashes this much, but he and Jisung both continue to stare at the tangle of fingers tucked between their chests.
“Can I tell you something?” Jisung asks, with a wide grin plastered on his face.
Seungmin nods, humming softly and Jisung’s face lights up.
“I was attempting to buy ramen at the convenience store today. I was scared, what if I can’t say anything when someone asks me about something there? So I called Changbin hyung and he showed up with his ridiculous all-black clothes. Seriously, he looked like he could rob the entire supermarket... ”
Jisung is pretty. Seungmin wants to poke his cheek. He always smiles when he does.
“…we saw a cartoon of milk with cute moo moo…”
Seungmin thinks he might want to kiss Jisung. His puffy cheeks and his nose, and maybe his lips. A little part of his mind is saying it should be done but the rest is too exhausted to. So he doesn’t.
“…but then he fell to the ground and I laughed…”
Seungmin’s focus slides in and out, wavering like the air above the pavement on a hot day, flowing like kelp in a gentle current.
“…I was so embarrassed…”
One of their phones lights up, but Jisung reaches over Seungmin and flips it face-down before Seungmin can move, all without stopping his stream of words for even a brief moment.
His brain feels like sponge cake, squishy and insubstantial.
“…he smacked me on the side and glared at me and…’”
Jisung is sweet. He’s so careful not to hurt Seungmin, but he’s not treating him like a piece of glass either. Seungmin should kiss him tomorrow. He really should.
“…I ran, but then the floor was slippery and we both fell…”
It feels like the world only revolves around them. Seungmin’s world is filled with Jisung, and him only.
“I love you,” Seungmin mumbles. His eyelids slowly closing, the tiredness finally taking over his body completely.
Silence falls like dusk.
The room feels darker than it used to, and Jisung is glowing.
“...ve you too.”
Gentle.
Warm.
The only source of light in Seungmin’s starless sky, healing the burning scars he got from the torturing sunlight.
Which would he prefer to be, a moon or a star?
A small smile curls on Seungmin's almost-asleep features when he feels Jisung’s warm fingers carding delicately through his hair.
Jisung is both .