Chapter Text
Spring, March 2019
"You can do it. Just keep smiling and…"
Atsumu stopped, suddenly felt like his throat was filled with sand. The room started to spin and close in on him all at the same time. His eyes stung badly, and when he tried to look at his reflection in the standing mirror in front of him, it felt like it was getting further away.
Jesus Christ, where the hell is the air in the room?
The room felt too unfamiliar to him, but he loved everything about it. Every inch of it. Every corner. Every edge. The room where Shoyo grew up to be the lovely man that he was right now, the room that kept the love of Atsumu's life safe all this time.
Atsumu revelled in being here, happy that he got to spend an entire night, albeit without Shoyo who chose to sleep in the guest room instead despite it was Atsumu who was supposed to sleep there, given that he was the guest here. But that was how Shoyo had always been, wasn't he? Kind hearted and considerate Shoyo-kun .
Shoyo who always put Atsumu as his priority above all else.
Atsumu exhaled a shuddering breath, finally able to get out of his mind-numbing thought that he needed to get rid of soon since he bet it was time for them to go. This was Natsu's day, and he wanted to congratulate the girl of the day with a big smile on his face.
At least, don't embarrass yourself in front of Shoyo's family.
Atsumu took one last deep breath, looking at his reflection once more, checking on his clothes, casual black blazer and striped tee—Shoyo's favorites.
Miyagi in March was alarmingly freezing, definitely too cold for spring. Atsumu started to wonder why he even bothered to look good when he should've just worn a thick coat instead. That was the first thought that crossed his mind when he finally got out of the room, straight into the dining room of the house, and immediately spotted Natsu with her mom, preparing some food.
Swallowing down his nervousness, Atsumu stepped forward. "Good morning. Is there anything that I can help you with?"
The little girl—which Atsumu probably couldn’t call ‘little’ anymore or else she would say hey I’m in high school now —turned around and beamed. The joy of welcoming her big day was apparent, “Tsumu! You’re awake!”
“Hi, there, Atsumu-kun, did you get a nice rest?” Shoyo’s mom took a glance at him for a second, throwing him a warm smile before she got back to rearranging her tamago in the big bento box.
Atsumu opened his mouth, an automatic lie on the tip of his tongue. “Yes, I sleep really well, Hinata-san,” he answered, a bit too cheery, feeling rather grateful that the woman wasn’t currently looking at him. Because even he knew that his smile was only on his voice.
Natsu put down the knife she was holding, her eyes no longer as radiant as the one that greeted him earlier. Her ponytail bounced when she ran to hug him, surprising Atsumu who almost fell backward, holding onto her weight.
He chuckled after the initial shock faded away. “Nacchan, you’re breaking my heart looking all sad like that, you know?” he whispered, not wanting the woman of the house to hear.
Natsu shook her head, still burying her face on Atsumu’s chest. Atsumu noticed the girl slowly pushed him out of the kitchen, wanting to be out of her mom’s sight. “You look miserable.”
Well, trust this girl to not glossover the exact state of Atsumu’s heart. He did feel utterly miserable, so it was a given it would show. “Has Shoyo-kun woken up yet?”
Natsu finally looked up. The sadness, or rather the pity, in her eyes lingered. “He’s outside. Probably with Dad. Want to go see him?”
Atsumu couldn’t really exactly tell her that he went all the way here to Miyagi to spend time with her brother, so he nodded. "Sure.”
Her eyes suddenly brightened. “Alright, then. No more being sad. It’s my graduation day today, and being miserable is illegal.”
At that, Atsumu’s facial muscles finally moved to form a smile. Ruffling the hair of the little sister of the man he loved, he responded, “Of course, anything for my Nacchan. I ain’t no party pooper.”
“We’ll see.” She smiled, and proceeded to drag him outside.
The cold wind of spring definitely helped waking him up from his muddled brain. Now that he was outside, with the blooming cherry blossom petals flying down from the large tree in the middle of the backyard, as Atsumu’s eyes automatically searched for a certain orange haired man, he realized one thing.
That no matter where, no matter their situation was, no matter the state of their relationship was, Atsumu would always, always be drawn to where Shoyo was, like a bee drawn toward flowers, like a compass arrow toward the north pole, and like the sunflowers toward the sun.
Before he knew it, Natsu pulled him by the hand to where Shoyo was, together with his Dad fixing their old volleyball net.
“Mom’s almost ready!” Natsu greeted them, and almost at the same time Shoyo noticed them and immediately avoided looking at Atsumu.
Well, that hurt. But that was basically their interaction for the past couple of months anyway. Atsumu should be used to it by now, and yet…
Didn’t that just destroy Atsumu’s heart into a million pieces.
So Atsumu looked down at his wrist, to where his soulmark beautifully glowed, the sun with the color like fire, and glanced at Shoyo’s wrist, and there it was, golden-colored sunflower mark. He forced himself to swallow the big boulder in his throat, and smiled a smile that didn’t reach his eyes at all.
“Mom, what are these drawings on my wrist?”
“Those aren’t drawings, Atsumu. Those are soulmark.”
“Soulmark? The same as the one on Samu’s back?”
“Yes. Everyone has it.”
“Hmm, why do I have… two?”
“That means there will be two people in this world that would love you unconditionally, that would never leave you alone no matter what.”
“No matter what?”
“No matter what.”
“Awesome! And I have two! I can’t wait to meet them!”
“Soon, sweetheart, soon. They will find you. And you will find them.”
Spring, March 2018
“Bokkun!”
The ball felt as light as a feather the moment it left Atsumu’s fingers when he set it to Bokuto who was already in the air, jumping with all his might on the left side of the court, his eyes hungry to spike the ball Atsumu sent to him. The setter watched with his eyes blazing, his lips formed a grin akin to a predator, a jackal , waiting for his spiker to kill the ball.
The sound of Bokuto’s palm meeting the ball sounded like a cannon being fired, and when the ball kissed the floor, it sounded like the cannon finally hit the target.
“Hey, hey, hey!” Bokuto’s cheer could be heard all around the MSBY Black Jackals training center, and the owl-incarnate man ran toward Atsumu, who welcomed him with his hands up high, waiting for the hard high five.
“Alright, break. The try out participants will come in an hour, so don’t let yourself cool down yet,” Coach Foster yelled from the sideline as Atsumu let Bokuto drag him by the neck.
“That was a good game, Tsum-Tsum. Your tosses became even sharper, it’s scary.”
“Well, you don’t say.” Atsumu smirked, wiping his sweat with his compression sleeve. And then he saw his black-haired friend walking beside them. “Oi, Omi-kun, why didn’t you run as a decoy earlier?”
Sakusa didn’t respond immediately, instead opting to go for his towel first thing. Atsumu had to wait until the guy finished wiping himself. “Bokuto still scored,” he said, stating the obvious.
“It would’ve been a perfect attack if you tried even just a little bit, Omi-kun. With Bokkun running for a real attack, and you went in as a decoy, it would’ve been perf—”
“Well, sorry that I’m not a perfect decoy.” Sakusa was about to walk away when Bokuto sat up straight all of a sudden, yelping in surprise as if he just remembered something.
“Oh! I knew someone that would be a perfect decoy for our team!” Bokuto’s excited eyes could be seen from above the towel. “And he’s coming to the tryout today.”
Perfect decoy? The one and only perfect decoy he knew in his entire volleyball career was Karasuno’s Shoyo-kun. God knew where he was right now. Atsumu never met him after their last match back in his third year of high school, with him immediately went into professional volleyball after high school, and Shoyo, from what he heard from Tobio, had fled to Brazil.
But his promise to set to the decoy back then was still fresh in his mind. No way that Atsumu would forget about it.
No one asked him to elaborate, but Bokuto still said with his chin high. “It’s my disciple.”
“Disciple?” Atsumu asked nonchalantly as he drank his energy drink.
“Yeah, Hinata.”
Water sputtered out of Atsumu’s mouth, earning an absolutely disgusted look from Sakusa, but he didn’t care. Atsumu truly didn’t, because no fucking way . There was no way that he just thought of Shoyo and here was Bokuto, saying the same thing.
“Hinata… Bokkun, are you kidding? Shoyo-kun?”
Bokuto, still with his eyes wide looking at the mess that was Atsumu and his drink and spit all over the floor, nodded. “Yeah, Hinata Shoyo,” he said. “Karasuno’s middle blocker. You know him, right, Tsum-Tsum? You played against him twice in high school.
“I did, yeah…” Atsumu trailed off, his voice got quiet in the end. This couldn’t be real. How could one wish for something and get it granted in the next second? This wasn’t how it worked. “He came back from Brazil? He really will try out here?”
Bokuto bopped his head up and down excitedly while Sakusa had his thick eyebrows furrowed. “Is this the guy who got kicked out of the game because of fever back then?”
Ignoring his teammate’s underhanded comment, Atsumu went to grab Bokuto’s hands, clinging to them desperately. “Don’t lie to me, Bokkun. Is he really coming here? I’ve been waiting to see him again for so long. If you lie to me about this, I’m not gonna toss to you ever again.”
The grey-haired spiker paled, shaking his head. “I’m not lying! He said it himself to me last night through text.”
“It’s rare to see you openly excited about a player,” Sakusa said to him, for once, finally looking interested.
“Have you ever seen him play?” Atsumu turned to the younger man, his voice raised. “He’s special. He’s something else.”
And Atsumu wasn’t even exaggerating. What Sakusa said was right, it wasn’t everyday he would compliment a player, especially someone who wasn’t on his team. And while Atsumu admitted that he looked down on Shoyo at first, thought that the little guy back then only had nothing but high hops, he wasn't ashamed to declare how wrong he was.
What he said toward Shoyo at the end of their first match six years ago still stood. Setting to Shoyo was one of his biggest dreams as a volleyball player. And to think that he was only a few steps away from it?
Atsumu could barely contain his excitement. An hour felt too long to be spent waiting for the try out to begin. But before he knew, when he was in the middle of toss and spike drill with Bokuto, the gym door being opened sounded like a lightning striking down the ground, and Atsumu froze in the middle of setting, letting the ball fell to the ground instead as he turned around, slowly, breathlessly.
It didn’t even take a second. He didn’t even have to look for him. Because there he was.
Orange hair, sunkissed skin, taller but still adorable, bulkier but still lean, eyes sparkling like melted caramel, and smile as wide and bright as the ocean. The boy Atsumu declared his promise to. The boy that robbed Atsumu’s breath away six years ago, five years ago, and right at this second.
Shoyo-kun.
And just like that, Atsumu’s feet dragged him, drawn to him like a sunflower facing the sun. He didn’t notice how the soulmark on his right wrist tingled.
“Hinata!” came the boisterous voice of Bokuto. In a flash, the grey-haired spiker ran toward the small guy.
Clicking his tongue, Atsumu charged forward too, not wanting Bokuto to hog Shoyo all by himself. Already, Bokuto picked him up and spinned him around, and Shoyo’s laugh sounded like the first drops of rainfall, too beautiful for its own good. Absent-mindedly, Atsumu wondered why he felt a little frustrated seeing how close Bokuto was to Shoyo.
“Shoyo-kun,” Atsumu called out as soon as he was near them, trying to tamp down his excitement, because even he could feel his face flushing.
Bokuto put him down, and if Atsumu’s eyes weren't playing a trick on him, he thought he could see how the moment Shoyo’s eyes landed on him, his eyes shone brighter. And as if it was still possible, his smile got even wider.
“Oh, Miya-san!”
It took all of his reasons to not embrace him. Because that would be weird, wouldn’t it? They weren’t friends, they weren’t even close. Shoyo would definitely get weirded out if he suddenly hugged him, but Atsumu never got the urge to touch someone like this before.
“Come on, Shoyo-kun, we’re gonna be teammates. Just call me Atsumu.” He winked, and that earned him a shy smile coming from the shorter player.
“I’m just about to try out, though,” he said, with his hands scratching the back of his head.
Bokuto got his hand around his shoulder. “Ey, Hinata, you’re too modest. You’re gonna get in, I’m 100% sure.”
It was amazing how Atsumu could see the brimming confidence from his eyes. It wasn’t confidence that came from the compliment of his and Bokuto’s. But it was like deep down, he knew that he would get into the team. Atsumu had always known that Shoyo was good, but could it be… with all this confidence, he got even better than before?
Their interaction got cut off when Coach Foster called for all of them to gather. Atsumu stood behind Meian and had to bite the inside of his cheeks when the coach introduced the people who would try out today one by one.
This was his third year in the team, so Atsumu knew the drill. The try out would be a team play, where the candidates would get into the team and they would play in a number of matches to see their skill and chemistry with the team. Atsumu felt like his palms were hurting from digging his nails so hard when he waited for the coach to assign which candidate was playing with which team.
Atsumu had wanted this for the past six years, but it still felt like nothing—and he meant, nothing could prepare his heart when he heard Shoyo’s name being called to be in the same test team as him. His heart almost jumped out of his ribcage, but he had to be satisfied with secretly fist pumping for now.
It felt unreal. Seeing Shoyo out of his jacket, warming up by his side by jumping up and down, and Atsumu could only watch him by the edge of his eyes, trying to be discreet but even Sakusa could see through his bullshit, throwing him judging eyes.
“What?” he asked.
“You look disgusting.” The raven replied.
“Wha— That was totally unnecessary, Omi-kun!”
Atsumu was ready to throw hands, but stopped in an instant when he heard the sound of the whistle. His hammering heart, which previously slowed down because of his interaction with Sakusa, began to race again as soon as he found Shoyo entered the court. All smile and in all his glory. Atsumu had to mentally slap himself because he needed to stop noticing how Shoyo was wearing a long compression shirt under his white t-shirt.
“Please take care of me, Atsumu-san.” Shoyo smiled, taking his position at the back row.
Okay, that was unfair. A direct smile, and an Atsumu-san ? “No slacking off with me as your setter, Shoyo-kun.”
Shoyo pouted. “I never slack off!”
Of course, Atsumu knew. The boy who said Give me the next one to Tobio back then would never slack off. He would welcome and accept any sets, no matter how great, no matter how poor. Chuckled, Atsumu had to hold himself back to ruffle that fluffy amber hair. “Let’s see how you play now,” he ended up saying, before finally the match started.
Sakusa, who was also on Atsumu’s team, was serving, and the ball was received on the other side of the court. Atsumu had his eyes on the ball, but from his peripheral vision, he could see practically everyone. The ball was set by the team’s veteran setter on the opponent side, before it went to the exact position where the spiker started their approach. In a matter of seconds, the ball was hit, and shot hard and fast toward their side, but Shoyo was there, receiving it with his feet sturdy to the ground.
Even from meters away, Atsumu noticed his blazing eyes, focusing on one spot at the other side of the court for one split second before he shifted his gaze entirely. It was almost scary how the whole gym went eerily quiet, waiting for the ball to come to Atsumu.
It felt like forever, but the moment the ball finally touched his fingers, Atsumu saw Shoyo took steps forward as his head looked up following the ball, jumped like he had wings on his back, his right hand swung with the power rivalling a bow string, and just like that, as if it was a no-brain decision, Atsumu sent the ball to him with a speed of something he had never done before, that he didn’t even know he was capable of, right toward where Shoyo swung his arm, and finally the ball shot like bullet across the court.
It probably lasted for only a second as the whole gym went silent on them, but that one second was enough to build every tension in Atsumu’s body to the point of exploding.
He did it. He finally set to Shoyo. His dream spiker.
And it was as magical as he imagined it to be, if not more.
It was only one point, but Atsumu was left breathless. The moment their eyes met, Atsumu realized that his smile had spreaded out unbelievably wide that it hurt his cheeks. Everyone cheered around them, Bokuto even tackled Shoyo with a crushing hug, but their eyes stayed locked onto each other, and almost at the same time, they nodded.
One day, I’m gonna set for you.
Didn’t that make him feel like the luckiest person in the world to have his wish—no, more like a desire, a want—to actually come true.
After the initial shock and commotion wore off, the match continued with more surprises throughout the game. All the candidates played really well, which made the team play exceptionally better. But even with all bias aside, Atsumu could see just how extraordinary Shoyo was. He always knew that Shoyo was special, but holy hell , Brazil definitely did more than giving him tan and muscles.
It was a best of three match, and the game ended with Atsumu’s team sweeping up almost each set. By the end of it, Atsumu had to hold onto his knees to catch his breath, and he was a professional athlete of three years, for God’s sake. Was this how it would be from now on every time he played alongside Shoyo? Was this how Tobio felt for three years playing with him? Just utter bliss, elation, and endless hunger. It was scary how a three set match already drained him as he tried to match Shoyo’s extreme play, as well as keeping up with his other spikers. But Atsumu wouldn’t trade it any other way. If Coach Foster didn’t sign Shoyo, he swore he would riot.
“That was an amazing game, Hinata!” Bokuto hugged the much smaller guy than him, almost choking him.
Looking spent, but not any less bright as he was at the start of the game, Shoyo only laughed. “Thank you, Bokuto-san. You were amazing, too!”
“Of course I was.” Then Bokuto was left on his own happy bubble as Atsumu approached his future spiker.
“I finally could set for you officially, huh?”
“I haven’t gotten accepted into the team yet, Atsumu-san.”
“At this point, if you didn’t get accepted, there must be something wrong with my coach.”
Atsumu didn’t know if the blush in Shoyo’s cheeks was there due to exertion of the match or because of the compliment.
Atsumu waited until Bokuto stepped away, getting his focus distracted by something else, until they were practically left alone at the side, before he took a step closer. Fidgeting yet looking excited, Shoyo looked up at him with sparks in his eyes.
“Thank you, Atsumu-san. I’m happy that I got to play with you and had you toss to me.”
If only Shoyo knew just how much he shared the sentiment, but Atsumu felt like no word could describe the feeling of playing with him, just like how it felt like the first time he saw Shoyo play back then.
“And you will get more tosses from me.” Just like how he promised six years ago, this was the promise he told him this time. More. More tosses. More of him. More of them together. This wasn’t the last.
“I sure hope so. See you later, hopefully soon, Atsumu-san,” he said, reaching out his hand for a handshake.
It was just a casual handshake. Atsumu didn’t even hesitate for a second to accept the reaching hand. The moment went by in an instant, but Atsumu—and Shoyo—would never expect how that short moment could change their life and relationship forever.
Some people probably wouldn’t realize what was happening. But it had happened to Atsumu before. He knew . He knew how it felt, he knew the moment soulmates touched each other it would feel like their entire being was sucked by an immense force, like a whole fireworks exploded inside them, like their heart beating for the first time, leaving them breathless and their heart drumming so hard it hurt. He knew this sensation all too well because this was the second time , but it still struck all the same, his mind numb yet his body felt like burning.
This was how it was when he met his first soulmate. How the soulmark in his left wrist, the music note symbol slowly turned from black to blue.
And now, when the only thing that could move was his eyeballs, Atsumu glanced down, and saw how the hand he used to shake Shoyo’s hand, to touch Shoyo, trembled. And how he knew, how he could feel, that underneath the compression sleeves—that he always wore during a match and practice to hide his soulmarks—the sun mark that had been colorless, a dark pitch black, slowly turned colored.
No…
No, no, no.
Atsumu finally looked up, and found Shoyo’s face probably mirroring his exact expression right now. Except the fact how beyond the surface, Shoyo’s practically beamed, meanwhile Atsumu, all he could feel was dread.
“I’m sorry, Atsumu. I’m really sorry.”
“If you’re sorry, you won’t leave me.”
“That’s unfair, and you know that.”
No, he was the one who was unfair. The world was unfair. Fate was unfair. Life was unfair.
That was what Atsumu wanted to say, but he chose to seal his lips, because he knew if he talked, he would cry. So he only looked down, unknowingly looking at the soulmark on his left wrist. The music note symbol that previously was the color of the deep ocean, was now grey.
And he just couldn’t help but chuckled as he remembered how he once mocked his twin for coloring his hair the color of ash, and now how Atsumu probably would hate that color even more because it would remind him of the love he lost, the love that left him, and the love that was gone.
Atsumu ran. And ran. And ran.
For someone who was an athlete, and had an undying rival with his twin, Atsumu had run his hardest all his life. But even with his brain muddled with fear and anxiety, he could tell that he never ran this hard until his feet felt like it would get detached.
He didn’t know where his feet were bringing him, but after what felt like forever, he turned to the bathroom, immediately got inside one of the stalls, locked it, and slumped down on the toilet seat.
His whole body trembled as he held onto his right wrist. He didn’t want to see it, but he needed to check, making sure that the sensation and intensity he felt back there were indeed the sign he just touched… his soulmate.
He pried his wrists one by one, gulping when his fingers slowly lifted his compression sleeve, and there it was, the sun soulmark. Bright, golden, orange. Then his eyes shifted to his other wrist, the grey music note soulamark greeted him.
Atsumu blinked, and realized the way his eyes were burning hot.
Why… After all this time… Why now… Why Shoyo-kun…
Knocks on his stall door startled him until he almost fell over, and he immediately froze. Was it Shoyo?
“Oi, open up.” It was Sakusa’s voice.
“Tsum-Tsum, it’s us.” Bokuto sounded so concerned.
The first relieved breath was violent. He stumbled to his feet, and it took a couple of tries for him to unlock the door. When he saw his two friends, it was the first time since he knew Shoyo was his soulmate that he could feel a semblance of sanity in his life.
Bokuto stepped forward. “Are you okay? We saw…”
“We saw you touch him, and…” Sakusa paused, looking unsure. “Is he your…”
Atsumu jabbed his hair. If earlier he felt scared, he was more frustrated now. “What should I do? It’s Shoyo-kun…”
The two spikers didn’t say anything. Even Atsumu didn’t know what to do, how could he expect two of his closest teammates would. Yet he felt like whatever the answer would be, he wouldn’t like it.
“Should we call Mya-sam?” Bokuto asked, while Sakusa nodded, and Atsumu just felt grateful that he had these two by his side, someone who knew how destroyed he was a year ago after Daisuke left him.
“Yes, please,” Atsumu answered. “Please call Samu.”
“He’s here.”
“Huh? Who?”
“My second soulmate.”
“... Shit.”
“It’s Shoyo-kun.”
“Sho—Wait, you mean Hinata Shoyo? Karasuno’s little middle blocker?”
“Yes.”
“Fuck… Shit... God, I’m so sorry, Tsumu.”
“Yeah… I’m fucked, Samu.”
It was the next day that Coach Foster called him into the office. Atsumu didn’t know what to expect but he felt like deep down he knew what would happen.
The moment he entered the coach’s office, his palms turned cold. This coach, who he feared of the first time he saw him scouting him back in high school, who guided him, trusted him, who always supported him and had been his father figure in the team, glanced at him with indescribable look and quickly put down the tablet that had been hogging his attention until Atsumu came in.
“Atsumu, come in, sit down.”
As Atsumu sauntered around toward the chair right across the coach, he wondered when was the last time he was called here. He talked personally with the coach all the time, be it about the game strategy or his technique, but it was done by the court. People knew that the talk happened inside this room was serious talk.
Atsumu tried to sit down as slow as possible, because he knew the moment he did, the talk would begin. He knew this was coming, especially after the stunt he pulled the other day, running away from the practice.
“How are you, Atsumu?” The coach started, his tone neutral.
“I’ve been better.”
The elder man nodded. “I won’t go around the bush and just go right into the point, is that alright?”
Like he had any other choice. “Just rip off the bandage, Sir.”
“We’re gonna sign Hinata Shoyo into the team,” he said, and Atsumu felt like a bomb just fell onto his head. “Is it okay?”
Lowering his head, Atsumu closed his eyes. He knew that the whole team was aware of his situation. Just like Sakusa and Bokuto, they must’ve seen the commotion yesterday.
A year ago, when Daisuke left him, he was practically a walking zombie. His plays were a mess, and he almost got kicked out of the starting line up before the season started. A soulmark turning grey, everyone’s greatest nightmare, happened to their teammate, of course everyone would know. Sometimes Atsumu felt ashamed about it, but these were the people that put their absolute trust in him, and he wouldn’t betray them. So Atsumu got back up, for them.
The coach talked to him back then too, and knew how much Atsumu swore off anything regarding soulmate after that. How he never wanted to meet his other soulmate if it meant he had to go through the possibility of heartbreak once more.
And the fact that his coach went out of his way to call him here, practically asking his permission if it was alright for them to sign his soulmate, because he knew this was important for Atsumu, really touched him. Because for them, Atsumu was their family, and family came first.
But Atsumu couldn’t do that to them. Shoyo was an amazing player. The team needed him. And however great Atsumu’s fear was, it wouldn’t be fair if he couldn’t separate his personal matters with his professional life.
So Atsumu opened his eyes, looking up and hoping that his eyes at least showed how certain he was with his answer, although in fact, he wasn’t. “It’s okay, Coach. It won’t hinder anything.”
“Hey, Samu.”
“Hey, what’s up?”
“He got accepted into the team.”
“...And then?”
“And then what?”
“How do you feel about that?”
“I don’t know.”
His twin didn’t say anything for a moment, but Atsumu knew that he was trying to search for the right words, and he hated how even Osamu felt the need to be careful around him, handling him with kid gloves.
“Tsumu, you’re not obligated to fall in love with your soulmate.”
Trust his twin to always say the right thing, but this time, Atsumu felt like Osamu just chose to say the things he thought Atsumu would like to hear.
“Yeah,” he said. “I’m gonna tell him that. I can’t… I won’t fall in love with him.”
That was what Atsumu was most afraid of. Even before he knew that Shoyo was his soulmate, he already felt extreme fondness toward the small guy. Now, saying that he wouldn’t fall in love with him was easy, but he knew his heart would do otherwise.
“What would you do if your other soulmate showed up, Atsumu?”
Atsumu looked at the black haired boy in his embrace, his short hair pricked on Atsumu’s nose, making it itchy. He chuckled, thinking that it was such a ridiculous question, and kissed Daisuke’s head. His soulmate could be so funny sometimes.
“Well,” Atsumu started. “I’m sure he’s gonna be a wonderful person. He’s my soulmate, after all. But he’ll be my platonic soulmate. You’re the only one for me, Daisuke-kun.”
The other boy went silent, and although Atsumu couldn’t see half of his face as Daisuke was burying his face on his chest, Atsumu still could see how his expression changed.
There was something in his eyes that Atsumu couldn’t decipher.
Atsumu remembered the first time he met Daisuke like it was yesterday. How he was robbed of breath and his heart felt like bursting.
And then he remembered how he saw Shoyo the first time way back in Nationals six years ago. He was watching the game between Karasuno and some blue-yellow uniform team from the balcony of the stadium. His focus was on Tobio, musing about how different his play was compared to the one he did in National Youth Camp. But Atsumu’s attention was soon yanked by the force of a thousand suns that was Karasuno’s number ten. Atsumu wasn’t even able to see his face at that time, but Gods, the way Shoyo just had that magnetic pull. And when he finally saw Shoyo play right in front of him, right across the court, Atsumu just couldn’t tear his eyes off of him. Already, Atsumu knew that he wanted this guy to be in his future. And to think that the whole ordeal happened without him knowing that Shoyo was his soulmate.
Fast forward to six years later, right here in MSBY Black Jackals’ training center, Atsumu’s feelings toward him never changed. He never adored a player to the point of wanting to play with them. Taking inspiration or copying some of their skills, sure, but imagining how he would spend his future as a volleyball player alongside them? It had always been Osamu before, but now Shoyo was what popped up in his mind every time anyone said something about a partner .
So as Atsumu sat alone in the changing room, his heart drumming fast, he tried to shake every remnant of uncertainty inside him. The team would officially welcome Shoyo into the team today, meaning Atsumu would see him again. He had told the coach that he could do it, he had told Osamu that he would get through this, he even told Bokuto and Sakusa.
But here he was, questioning himself on what to do, how should he react once he saw him?
It had been a week since the ‘incident’, and surely Shoyo must’ve had so many questions. About Atsumu as his soulmate, about their relationship from here on, but most probably, Shoyo would question why the hell did Atsumu run away.
Atsumu wasn’t sure how he would explain all that to him.
Turned out, Atsumu didn’t even need to question it, because as he should’ve known, when it came to Shoyo, he wouldn’t be able to think. His movement, his decisions would just follow how his heart reacted at the time—for Atsumu now finally saw Shoyo, standing in front of the team, and Atsumu was happy, and nervous, and proud, and scared all at the same time.
Atsumu took the farthest position on the back, so when Shoyo went around to high-five every staff member and player in the team, Atsumu was the last person he greeted.
It was just a brief, instant high-five where their hands touched, not even a second longer, but Atsumu cursed over how it sent chills all over his body. This soulmate matter was truly serious business if a simple touch managed to get him like this.
“Congratulations, Shoyo-kun. Welcome to MSBY,” Atsumu said to him.
Shoyo’s awkward smile when he approached him earlier vanished in an instant, and that was when Atsumu realized that Shoyo’s genuine smile was the one that reached his eyes until they turned into crescent. “Thank you, Atsumu-san!”
At that moment, the awareness that there were dozens of people in the room that paid attention to them was the only thing that stopped Atsumu from hugging the newly-signed player. So Atsumu stepped forward instead, hoping that only Shoyo would hear it. “Should we talk later, Shoyo-kun?”
“Yes,” he nodded, his short orange fringe bopped up and down. “I would love that.”
“What changed? Is it because I’m too annoying? Am I too clingy? Nosy?”
“I’ve been… feeling insecure. I’m afraid that I’ll never meet the standard of your ideal soulmate. Your idea of love and forever.”
“Daisuke, no—”
“All this time… All this time, all I did is just try to match you.”
“You… you never loved me.”
“No, I love you. Of course, I love you. But I just— I realized that I gave up on myself in order to not give up on you.”
The door to Shoyo’s room looked a lot more like the door to hell rather than an ordinary dorm room door in Atsumu’s eyes.
He didn’t know how long he had stood there, motionless, holding his breath, afraid that Shoyo would hear and be aware that he was right outside his room. Atsumu glanced at the name board at the side of the door. The name Hinata was written all in capital, while the name Shoyo was in small letters.
Atsumu shook his head. He hated how merely seeing his name could easily stir him up.
Taking a deep breath, he wondered why he felt so nervous. There was nothing to be worried about. This was Shoyo.
He could do this. Shoyo at least deserved an explanation why he just bolted out, literally running away from him that day the moment they touched.
And that was what pushed Atsumu. Not his twin or his friends’ encouraging words, but Shoyo’s radiant eyes as he smiled when Atsumu said that they should talk that pushed him to raise his hand to knock on the door.
The sound of the knocks sounded like thunder in his ears, making him flinch, before a second later he heard an adorable yelp coming from inside the room.
“Oh, wait a second, I’m still—” another yelp, and then a grunt. “Ugh, why is this box here? Ouch, ouch, ouch—”
Atsumu chuckled, his lips involuntarily formed a smile. His worries were gone at the speed of light. Gosh, that was cute.
Before he knew it, the door that had been closed since the second he stood there was yanked open, and Atsumu’s vision zeroed in the orange ruffle in front of him.
“A-Atsumu-san?” The surprise in Shoyo’s eyes was apparent, but it was soon replaced by joy. “You’re here early.”
Atsumu tilted his head. “Did I disturb you, Shoyo-kun? I can come back later.”
“No, no, no, please come in.” Shoyo pushed his door wide open. “I’m sorry it’s so messy. I haven’t unpacked everything.”
Only now Atsumu could see the whole room. It was the exact room like Atsumu’s and any other room in the dorm, so he really shouldn’t feel stunned, but seeing Shoyo’s was a whole nother experience in itself. The younger guy hadn't even finished unpacking and decorating his room, but it already looked so lively.
“Whoa, international players are surely different,” Atsumu exclaimed as he saw the picture on the wall, of Shoyo and another man holding silver medals on the beach. “You should’ve told us if you need help to unpack. Can I help with anything, Shoyo-kun?”
“Ah, yes please, if it’s alright.”
Like he would say no to anything that Shoyo asked.
Shaking his head to put that unnecessary thought behind, they started. Atsumu helped to get the stuff out of the box and handed it to Shoyo, who placed them one by one around the room with care. He half-thought that it would be awkward between them, completely isolated in the closed room with just the two of them. But Atsumu should’ve known better. Shoyo was someone who he could talk to ever since the first time they met, someone that would answer him with kind words and high enthusiasm that Atsumu could only hope to get from the people around him.
By the time they set the spiker’s suitcase aside, Shoyo’s room looked finally liveable, and both of them exhaled a rather satisfied breath.
“My first dorm room ever in the official team,” Shoyo beamed, looking around his room with his chin high. “Thank you for helping me, Atsumu-san.”
“Now you’re officially officially on the team,” Atsumu winked, earning a genuine laugh from the guy.
This was when it got awkward. Both of them knew there was nothing that would distract them. All they could do right now was just sit down and talk.
Atsumu was tired of running away. Spending an hour alone with Shoyo proved to be anything but terrifying. Why did he have to be so afraid of this literal sunshine incarnate? He wanted this man to be in his life, even though not as a lover, as selfish and greedy as it sounded. But Atsumu really couldn’t let him go.
“I’m sorry that I ran away from you the other day,” he started, taking a seat on Shoyo’s bed, while the spiker still stood a decent meter away from him. When Atsumu looked into his eyes, they reminded him of warm coffee, just radiating warmth and sweetness. “I was surprised, I just… without a second thought…”
“It’s okay, I was too.” Shoyo’s voice sounded soft. “I don’t blame you, Atsumu-san. I don’t know what to do either. It’s not every day we find our soulmate, after all. ”
That was certainly true, this wasn’t even the first time Atsumu found his soulmate, yet he acted more freaked out.
Here he was, wanting to end a relationship that had not even started. Atsumu didn’t have any energy left, the guts to start anew, to open his heart. He still remembered how it felt when he saw his mark turned grey, the wound was still fresh as if it happened yesterday.
Atsumu looked down and saw the golden sun mark on his right wrist, and imagined himself witnessing it also turn grey. No. He wouldn’t be able to bear it, having another of his red strings cut one-sidedly. He knew he would fall in love with Shoyo if he was given a little bit of a chance, if he even let himself to feel , but Atsumu was done hoping. He would just stay in his lane, he wouldn’t fall in love.
“Shoyo-kun… I’m sorry. I—” Atsumu bit his lip, stopping it from trembling, but the other guy must’ve seen it, because now Shoyo was rushing toward him, the crease between his brows was so deep that it made Atsumu’s heart clenched.
Shoyo’s line of vision followed to where Atsumu was clutching on his left wrist. He hated how confused Shoyo looked, switching back and forth between looking at him and his wrist. What Atsumu wouldn’t do to wipe that look away from his face.
Shoyo squatted down before him, his eyes asking if it was okay for him to see. The moment he got the slight nod from Atsumu, he gently pried his hand away. That was when Atsumu saw the soulmark on Shoyo’s wrist. His soulmark. The mark that symbolized Atsumu. A sunflower. So radiant and beautiful.
Did he even have the right to be symbolized by something as beautiful as sunflowers?
Then a gasp too loud for the small silent room escaped Shoyo’s little lips.
A grey mark on Atsumu’s left wrist, and just like that, Shoyo got up and for a horrifying split second, Atsumu thought the little guy was leaving him. That his other soulmate was leaving him. But no, instead, he felt his body being enveloped by a pair of strong, yet warm arms.
“It’s okay, Atsumu-san.” Shoyo’s voice sounded like his throat had thousands of needles. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
As Atsumu closed his eyes, letting himself soak in the feeling of having someone holding him up, he wondered what Shoyo meant. Atsumu didn’t know what he was sorry for. The fact that his soulmate left him, or the fact that he was only here now, or the fact that he was here at all, making Atsumu remember?
Atsumu remembered what his intention was coming here. He was gonna tell Shoyo what he told Osamu the other day. I’m gonna tell him that I can’t… I won’t fall in love with him.
Atsumu didn’t have to tell him. Shoyo knew. Shoyo understood.
It was Shoyo’s practice with the team, and Atsumu wanted to howl like a mad man that the perfect spiker that he had been waiting for since Osamu left him was finally here.
Now, granted, after leaving high school—and Osamu, for that matter—Atsumu had played with numerous amazing players. But none of them could match the connection he had with his twin. None. Zero.
And really, it wasn’t like it was a bad thing. Atsumu still had the time of his life, playing the sport and the position he loved so much.
But having Shoyo here, despite knowing from even back then just how unbelievable this little guy was, it still freaked Atsumu out how insanely connected they were.
It wasn’t about how hard Shoyo could hit, how high he could jump, how steady his receive was, how deceiving his decoy technique was, or any other things that this guy could do that Atsumu couldn’t.
It was his passion, his greediness, his selfishness, and his provocative nature that kept pushing and challenging Atsumu to keep doing more. He had Bokuto as a teammate for two years already, so he should be used to having spikers to keep asking him for his 120%. But Shoyo was more than that.
Shoyo didn’t say “Give me!” , instead he said “Can you give it to me?” . Like he was challenging Atsumu if he was good enough, or if he was capable enough to meet him, catching up to him.
And by the end of the practice, all Atsumu could think of was the fact that he had played volleyball practically all his life, and sometimes he felt like he probably had reached his limits, and yet he met Shoyo, who proved to him that he still had room to go beyond his limits.
As Atsumu downed his water like a man who had not tasted water for three days, he saw Shoyo wiping his sweat beside him, smiling brightly like he was satisfied with himself. Which he should.
“That was amazing, Shoyo-kun. Do you want to practice some quicks with me after this?” he asked as soon as he finished all the water he had.
“Sure!” he jumped, looking like a happy puppy. “Self-practice session later?”
“Uh-huh, prepare yourself.”
There was no tension left between them. It was weird how it was just last night that Atsumu let himself be vulnerable, being completely open in front of him, and how Shoyo held him until he stopped trembling. And here they were now, acting as if nothing out of ordinary happened, as if they were back to the moment before they touched, before their marks turned colored.
Atsumu was so afraid yesterday, thinking that he wouldn’t be able to even handle being in close proximity to his soulmate. But Shoyo was the one who made it possible. He understood, he accepted Atsumu’s feelings, and embraced it.
How could someone so greedy when it came to volleyball be the most selfless person was beyond Atsumu, and he couldn’t help but think that he really didn’t deserve this person at all.