Archive of Our Own

Josh likes numbers.

Josh likes numbers. Numbers don’t lie.

Numbers are numbers. They are predictable. They are reliable. 2 + 2 = 4. It always will no matter how hard you try to make it otherwise.

TH^en Tyler comes in, T_yleR with ^his brigHt e_yes and f^resh ideAS an^dendless PO_ssibilitⁱes. 

TyleR co^mEs in and shows hiM that somETI_mes, 2 = 3, so 2 +²⁼ 6. A_nd som_etimes 2 = 4, so ²+ 2 = 7. ANd so_metimES 7 = 8, so 3 + 4 = _8.

Josh does not like Ty^lEr. TylEr i^s unpReDic_table, u_nreliAble. He is w^ron_g, wrong, ^{1 +}2 + _{3 =} 15. H^{e i}s 20 _{÷ 4}= 7. He i_s 77 • 3 = 89. He is 6 – ² + 3(5π • ₉₎ = 23.

Josh does not like _Tyl^er. TyLer is ha_phAZa_rd. Tyl_er is iNcon_stant. Ty^Ler is uncontR^Ollable, unsYSte_matic, uNm^ethoDIcal. T_yler m^oVeS in arb_itrary motioNs, spea^kiNg in an unpLan_ned tOngue. 

Josh does not like ^TyleR.

So what if the world is reduced to numbers around Josh? That way he understands. The planets, the solar systems, the galaxies, the universes move in numbers. People move in numbers. People are made of numbers.

Number of bones? Two hundred six.

Number of cells? Ten trillion.

Number of chromosomes? Forty six.

People can be measured in numbers, every inch of them. From height to weight to acidity level of saliva. Number of skin cells, nerves, hairs? Amount of hormones and chemicals? It can be done, it can all be done. There are variables, yes, but variables can be neatly labeled as x and defined later.

But _TyLer canⁿot be mea_surEd.

Tyle^r is not a huMan ^but a f_orcE, it seems. TyLEr is a w^hirLWin_d, wreCking Josh ^aNd everYtHing he stAnds by. Tyler is nOt a hurri_Cane; he c^annot bE claSsifi^ed. TyLer is a fOrce that _muSt be hell_beNt on tEaring tHroug_h everythiNg Josh knowS.

And Josh is in loVe with him.

L^ove, lo_ve, s_omething t^hat Josh caNn_ot count, c_Annot clas^sify. He _haS nev^er fElt mo_re uncOmf_ortaBl^e, n_ever felT m^ore…

… _aLiVe _?

No, what Josh feels for ^Tyler is oxytocin and endorphins. His serotonin levels increase when he is with him. Josh, Josh is just…

Josh is so in loVe with T^ylEr, and he cannot explain it to himself.

In the end, _Tyl_er breaks it down for him.

Josh = 2.

TyLEr = 2.

LOve = 4.

And by that property, Josh is the same as _TYler, and TylEr is the same as Josh. Lov^e without Josh is just T^yler, and loVe without Tyl^er is just Josh. Josh without Tyle_r is negative lOv_e, as it is for ^T_yler without Josh.

And by that property, Josh + Ty^LEr = lo_Ve.