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She seems drained. Nodding to their words and providing occasional input, but it’s all hollow. Limp hair, hunched posture, dazed eyes. She is usually very bubbly and chatty among peers, but it appears that her social battery has run out. It’s been like this almost the entire night.
I am not particularly fond of social gatherings either. It’s constricting, and somehow also extremely isolating despite the masses of people attending. They don’t tend to initiate conversation with me. I cannot imagine why.
Must be my overly-friendly demeanour.
The only reason I am ever invited in the first place is because of Entrapta. As a Princess, she is invited to all the royal events of Brightmoon, along with her plus-one. Nobody ever protests on account of it being me, but they are not exactly welcoming either. It makes no difference to me, I find their reactions completely understandable after all I have done to Etheria, but Entrapta insists that I should be treated with equal respect.
My gaze softens as it lands on her across the room, standing among a circle of her friends. I’m baffled by the fact that nobody else seems to have detected her off-putting unease.
I decide to head over towards the little group. They do not notice my presence until I stand towering behind Entrapta. I bend down so my mouth is level with her ear. “Princess,” I speak in a low voice, and her stiff shoulders immediately relax. I attempt to tuck away some loose threads of lavender hair framing her face, but they curl around my fingers as if on instinct. “May I borrow you for a moment?”
The group is openly staring now with odd expressions in which I cannot decipher. My ears have unconsciously gone downcast, uncomfortable with the attention. Entrapta promptly excuses herself, and I can feel their eyes burning into my back as we walk away.
She suddenly pulls me around a corner, away from sight. “Thank the stars,” she breathes, seemingly exhausted. “This party is dragging on forever, I couldn’t stand that much longer.”
“I could tell.” My voice is heavy with concern, “Do you want to go home now?”
She laughs humourlessly. “We’re guests for the whole weekend, remember? We still have tomorrow left.”
I grumble. To think that one night in Brightmoon’s guest room was enough. I miss the familiar Castle walls of Dryll already.
“I’m pretty tired though,” she finishes. “Are you okay with leaving now?”
More than okay, I want to say. But I just nod and offer my arm for her to take. We bid our goodbyes to everyone out of courtesy and retreat to our private guest quarters.
Entrapta falls asleep quickly, cocooned at my side with her hair draping around my midriff. My heavy eyelids droop, but my mind refuses to shut off. I slip away from under her loose grip and gently pad towards the bedside window, careful not to wake her. The majority of Brightmoon is asleep at this time, only the occasional glow of light from a window or distant chatter of people fill the night air.
It truly is a beautiful city. The atmosphere, the people, the environment; it’s everything any princess ever dreams of, surely. I wish I could give Entrapta a place like this, a life of luxury. I would grant her anything if I could.
But I cannot.
How would I? A defective Horde clone, a reject from his brothers and society alike, former conquerer of several Etherian kingdoms, currently paying the consequences of his war crimes. How could I ever possibly give Entrapta any form of happiness?
The window’s scenery blurs and I dig my claws further into my palms.
She deserves nothing short of perfection. She does not deserve me. Prime was right, someone of my condition and status shouldn’t even dare to earn the affections of another. Prime was performing a mercy.
I can feel my mind slipping, but I don’t try to pull myself out of it. The distant lights go in and out of focus, the sounds become a muted hum.
I could never give her what she desires. I have nothing. I can do nothing. I am nothing—
The feeling of something slither around my calf snaps me back. Lavender hair. My eyes follow it back to Entrapta, groggily sitting up on the bed. She takes a sharp breath once she catches sight of me. “Hordak, what’s wrong? Your eyes are green.”
My brows rise in surprise and I turn to focus on my eyes’ phosphorescent reflection in the window glass. The once-red colour has indeed turned green. I find this happening more often after having been taken by Prime, but it usually only follows nightmares. I take a quiet, shuddering sigh and run my hand down my face. “I apologize if I’ve awoken you, Princess. No need to concern yourself, I am fine.”
It doesn’t seem to be of any consolation to her. The spiral of hair has travelled further up my leg. “You didn’t wake me,” she assures, her eyes drifting to the empty half of the bed. “Guess I just noticed you were gone.”
She felt my absence? Subconsciously?
Defeatedly, I make my way towards the mattress and sit down across from her. She allows her hair to unravel from me.
“Why were you up?” She asks. For some reason, I find it difficult to meet her gaze.
“Couldn’t sleep.”
She nods thoughtfully. “You know you can tell me anything, right? If it’s bothering you, I’m here to listen.”
I can’t help but let that statement hang for a moment, unsure of how to respond. “I am... I’m not worthy of your affections, Entrapta. I wish I could give you more than this. You deserve all the stars of the universe. Not only as a princess, but...” I hesitate. “I am nothing but a lowly clone. I could never provide you with all that you deserve.”
She blinks at me, puzzled for a moment, then begins giggling. My ears shift downwards and my brows draw together, confused as her laughter grows. “Hordak,” she shakes her head incredulously, “who says you need to ‘provide’ me with anything? You know I’ve never been a fan of the Royal Lifestyle. Even if I did want to pursue that, I’m very much capable of providing for myself. And besides...” I suddenly feel a small, tentative hand cover mine. “I’m perfectly happy the way my life is now: in Dryll, making new scientific discoveries every day with my lab partner by my side! You are more than worthy, you’ve already given me everything I ever wanted. More than anyone has ever given me.”
My eyebrows draw together, genuinely at a loss. “And what would that be?”
She looks at me. “To be listened to and understood. To be accepted for who I am.” She reaches towards the magenta crystal resting at the base of my throat. Her palm rests on my sternum, fingers tracing the First Ones engravings. “To be loved.”
I’m shocked into silence for a moment. I notice her other hand is still curled around mine and I give it a gentle squeeze. “You’ve given me the same,” I finally manage to say. The smile she returns could light up a galaxy.
I decide to take on a more comfortable position, laying back on the headboard. Entrapta eagerly takes that as an invitation to crawl over and lean against me, her back on my chest. My arms in turn encircle her compact figure, my chin resting atop her head.
We sit like that for a few moments as I wait for my heart rate to slow to a normal pattern again. Eventually, she tilts her head to look up at me, breathing a sigh of relief. “Your eyes are turning back.”
I smile faintly. She always wears such sweet expressions, especially now in her sleepy state. It’s impossible to stop myself from allowing my claws to graze across her cheek. Her eyelids fall shut and she relaxes against me. She’s soon dozed off again, and it’s not long until I follow after.