Chapter Text
Then
Even hadn’t felt this good in a really, really long time.
He was pleasantly tipsy; not drunk enough for the room to start spinning, but drunk enough that there was a slight wobble to his step when he went for his third drink of the night. Or, fifth drink, if he’s also counting the two beers he had at the pregame—beers he had drunk under the watchful eye of Mikael, his former crush slash best friend slash roommate.
He wasn’t having a terrible time at this party, which was honestly kind of surprising. Truth was, Even didn’t even want to come to this party originally. When Yousef told the guys that some guy he knew in one of his classes was throwing a party this Friday, Even was already forming a good enough excuse to bail out in his mind. However, the guys didn’t stop pestering him to join them, and he apparently needed to “get off your lazy ass and go have some fun,” in Mikael’s words.
Even had been pretty bummed in the last two weeks because his relationship with Sonja was officially done. They ended on amicable terms, and promised they would meet up sometime, but they both knew that wasn’t going to happen. If it did, they would just end back up right where they didn’t want to be.
Although, now that Even could use his drunken state as an excuse for thinking this, he definitely wouldn’t mind if they got back together, even if it was just for a night or two. The last month of their relationship was terrible, and instead of loving touches and kisses, they lashed out at each other and tore into each other’s throats. Who could blame him for wanting a little physical affection? He yearned for soft, intimate touches, preferably the romantic and loving kind—meaning the greeting hugs he got from the guys and the wet, sometimes gross cheek kisses he got from Mikael didn’t count.
The guy behind the makeshift bar gave him a cup of something that smelled fruity and unfamiliar, but Even brought the cup to his lips and tipped his head back anyway. The liquid burned on its way down, but it wasn’t bad.
Even scanned the room, looking for the other guys. He had lost them a while ago; they came in as a group, but dispersed almost instantly when they walked through the door. Adam and Elias left to get drinks and Yousef went to talk to the host of the party, so that left Even, Mikael, and Mutta. When they made their way to the other half of the room, they lost Mutta somewhere along the way, and Mikael left Even when a girl from Even’s class came up to talk to him.
The girl was gone now, though, so Even was left to his own devices in the corner of the room. There was a mob of dancers in the middle of the room, some of them Even recognized from his classes; a girl who he sometimes talked to, a guy who flirted with him before. A couple furiously making out against a wall like they were trying to eat each other’s faces off. A girl holding another girl’s hand, dragging her into a bedroom, the door closing behind them.
Even’s gaze couldn’t stay on one person or pair, always darting to one after the other, but then his eyes landed on two people across the room from him.
Everything slowed down in the room, or at least it felt like it did. The dancing people moved in slow-motion, the music slowed into incoherent lyrics, and Even’s heart stopped abruptly at the sight of the angelic boy standing on the opposite side of the room from him.
He was just standing there, talking to his friend, but Even found him absolutely stunning. He flicked his head to the side and up, trying to get a stray strand of hair out of his eyes, and nodded along to whatever his friend was saying. He tilted his head back and laughed, and when he did, the flashing, multi-colored lights made his golden hair shine. The lights acted as a spotlight, and this boy, this absolute angel, was the show’s main star.
Then, someone bumped into Even, muttering a slurred “sorry” and it made everything resume its normal speed. He didn’t know how long he’d been staring but it didn’t seem that the boy noticed him, so he continued watching him.
He tipped back his cup to sip his drink, whatever it was, while the person beside him kept talking. Both of them stopped talking, eventually, and the boy started looking around the room similarly to what Even did just moments before. As his gaze started getting closer and closer to where Even stood, Even quickly diverted his eyes to the ground to avoid eye contact. He didn’t want to seem like a creep for staring at this random person like that.
He didn’t know what had gotten into him. Usually, when he went to a party and someone caught his eye, he’d walk over to them without as much of a second thought. He would’ve flirted casually, gauging the other person’s reaction before really settling into it. But now—he felt shy. Seeing this boy made his nerves build up and he was almost scared to approach him out of fear of making a fool out of himself.
When Even lifted his gaze back up to the boy’s direction after a few minutes, he saw him looking the other way towards a wall to Even’s left, looking kind of bored. Confused, Even looked over to who was next to the boy and saw that there was now a girl with him and his friend. His friend and the girl were standing close to one another, talking a little before leaning in and kissing each other.
Oh. This boy was a third wheel, then.
Even was actually sort of relieved at this; from the way the boy was standing so close to his friend, not only just to lean in and listen to him over the music but putting his hand on his shoulder and smiling at him, he thought that maybe there was something more than just a friendship between the two. But now he knew the friend had a girlfriend, which made Even’s chances go up just a tiny bit.
If he ever mustered up the courage to go over and speak to him, that is.
Even must’ve zoned out into his thoughts, because suddenly the boy was gone and what was left was his friend and the girl now full-on making out. Even’s eyes scanned the room wildly, trying to find a boy with blond curls, before catching him just as he left the house altogether and went outside through the sliding glass doors.
Even finished off his drink and threw it away, contemplating his options. He could stay inside and try to find his friends, probably make a few fruitless attempts before giving up and brooding in the corner all by himself. Or, he could go outside and at least try to talk to the other boy, even if it didn’t go anywhere.
Fuck it, Even thought, and made his way through the crowd to the sliding doors. He briefly saw Adam on his way there, talking to some girl who didn’t look all too interested. As quickly as he appeared, though, he was gone from Even’s sight, and he wasn’t sure if it was because Adam moved out of his vision or he was moving too quickly to the exit.
Once there, he slid open the doors and appreciated the gust of fresh air that wafted in front of him. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes and revelling in the refreshing feeling going through him.
He closed the doors behind him, the music dulling only slightly but still prominent through the doors. Next to the patio Even was standing on was a bench a few feet away, where the boy sat, concentrated on the view before him.
He walked over casually, trying his best not to stumble from the alcohol running through his system.
He approached the bench and he knew the boy noticed his presence from the way he tensed a little and started glancing over at Even in his peripheral vision.
“Halla.”
The boy looked over at Even. He met Even’s eyes, and fuck, this guy was much better-looking up close. His golden hair was curling around his ears and his face, and his wide, green eyes were staring into Even’s own blue ones.
It was a few seconds before the guy responded. “Halla.”
Even walked over to the bench and sat at the far end, away from the boy, so as to not overwhelm him. He was already fidgeting in his seat, and Even tried not to dwell on the possibility that his presence was making this boy nervous.
Even reached down into the pocket of his denim jacket and fished out the joint Mikael gave him before the party, so that if the party turned out to be boring, they would have some way to pass the time. With the joint he pulled out a lighter, too.
He looked over at the boy, who, up until that point, had been curiously looking at Even’s profile before he was caught, looking down. It was too dark to be sure, but Even thought he had seen the boy blush slightly.
“You smoke?” Even held up the joint for the boy to see.
The boy looked at the joint, then back at Even, nodding. Even placed the joint between his lips and fumbled with the lighter. The alcohol from earlier was starting to affect him even more, making him struggle to turn the lighter on and eventually dropping it.
“Fuck,” he mumbled, and when he moved to pick it up, he heard the boy let out a soft chuckle through his nose.
Even looked up at him and shot him a smile. The laugh sounded more nervous than anything, but Even will take what he can get.
After two more embarrassing attempts, he finally lit the joint with a hand cupping around the flame to protect it from the wind. He took a long drag, letting the smoke fill his lungs and feeling his limbs already loosen a bit. He didn’t get to do this often; Mikael frowned upon Even smoking as it fucked with his meds, but they both knew Mikael wasn’t in charge of him so he really had no say in what Even did. Even almost felt bad for smoking the only joint they brought with a stranger and not with Mikael, though.
But when Even passed the joint to the other boy and their fingertips brushed just lightly enough for the touch to send shocks all the way to Even’s core, he barely gave Mikael a passing thought. He’d figure out a way to pay him back later.
He watched the boy’s lips curve around the blunt, his chest rising as he inhaled and falling when he breathed out the smoke. Every movement he made was almost graceful, so incredibly enrapturing that Even felt like he could never get tired of watching him.
That is, until he started coughing so hard Even thought he was trying to cough up a lung.
Even scooted over far enough to pat his back as the boy hacked, gasping for air in between each cough.
“You alright?” Even finally asked as his coughs started to die down and his breathing evened out. “You’ve smoked before, right?”
The boy cleared his throat before speaking. “Yeah, yeah, I just, um, something got stuck in my throat, s’all.” His gaze traveled over to Even, then to Even’s arm, his eyes widening a little. Even then realized his hand was still subconsciously rubbing the boy’s back and he quickly withdrew his hand, giving him a sheepish smile.
They passed the blunt back and forth quietly after that. It was hard for Even to figure out exactly how the other boy felt just from a few shy, side-eyed glances his way, but he enjoyed just sitting here with him. The silence wasn’t uncomfortable, and he much preferred to be out here than inside where his friends were nowhere to be found.
Even conjured up a few conversation starters in his mind but was having trouble picking one out. Thankfully, he didn’t have to figure it out, because the boy spoke up first.
The boy cleared his throat before saying, “I, uh, I’m Isak, by the way.”
“Even,” Even introduced himself and stuck out his hand awkwardly.
Isak glanced down at his hand and hesitantly stuck his own out, shaking it limply. Even heard him repeat his name under his breath, like he was testing out how the syllables rolled off his tongue.
Even did the same, although not out loud. Isak, he thought to himself. A beautiful name for a beautiful boy.
Isak grinned shyly, turning away with a faint blush. Even didn’t look away as Isak took another hit, the smoke curling around him and obscuring Even’s view. When Isak caught his eye, he didn’t flinch or look away. His blue eyes bored into Isak’s green ones, and Isak licked his bottom lip. Even’s eyes tracked the movement, and Isak stuck the joint out in Even’s direction as what Even assumed to be a movement to remove attention off of himself.
He brought the joint to his lips but still looked at Isak curiously, who was busy picking at a loose thread in his jeans. “So, what year are you in, Isak?”
Isak looked up at him. “First year.”
“Oh,” Even said, a little disappointed. He was in third year, meaning he had a lesser chance of running into Isak than he would have if Isak was a third year like him. “How are you liking Bakka, then?”
Isak wrinkled his nose. “Bakka? No, no, no, I go to Nissen.”
Even shook his head slightly and furrowed his eyebrows. “Wait, what’s wrong with Bakka?” He asked, handing off the joint to Isak again.
“Nothing, it’s just…” Isak took a drag, “Bakka is more for hipsters, I think.”
Even’s jaw dropped and he let out a surprised laugh. “Excuse you, did you just call me a hipster?”
Isak laughed at Even’s reaction and Even decided Isak’s laugh was now his favorite sound. “No, I’m just saying that that’s what I’ve heard. I didn’t even know you went to Bakka.”
Even chuckled and shook his head. “Well, I know it doesn’t help my case, but I do like film and art. I’m an artist myself, actually.”
“Oh my god,” Isak giggled, covering his mouth with his hand in dramatic disbelief. “You probably work in a coffee shop too, don’t you?”
Even tilted his head to the side, pretending to think on the question a bit. “Maybe.”
“Oh my god,” Isak repeated, quieter this time, like he was saying it to himself rather than to Even. He pressed his hand against his forehead, careful to not hit himself with the lit end of the joint.
Even giggled at Isak’s reactions. His heart felt light, and it very well could’ve just been the combined alcohol and weed getting to him, but there was also a chance it could’ve been because of the boy beside him.
“What are you doing at a Bakka party, then, if you think we’re all hipsters?” Even asked, teasing Isak.
Isak rolled his eyes then shrugged. “I don’t know, my friend’s girlfriend dragged us here. I didn’t really wanna come in the first place, but they brought me along anyway, so…” Isak shrugged again in a oh well, what can you do sort of way. Even noted that the way his lips curled into something similar to a pout was incredibly adorable.
“Ah,” Even nodded. He took the joint that Isak was trying to hand back to him, then continued, “My friends dragged me along, too. Then they ditched me as soon as we got here,” Even laughed a little, eliciting a tiny giggle from Isak, too.
“Yeah, I get it. I’m practically a third wheel now, which fucking sucks. I don’t understand why they beg me to come and then make out with each other the entire time anyway. I don’t know why I came along in the first place.”
Even hummed. “Me neither. But hey,” He scooted closer to Isak on the back of the bench, “at least we got to meet tonight, right?” Even bumped his shoulder against Isak’s.
Isak smiled at him and looked down at his lap, bringing his hand up to push a strand of hair back behind his ear. He was still faintly smiling when he glanced back up at Even, whose gaze was still focused on Isak.
“Right,” Isak said. They held eye contact for an amount of time that stretched on for ages, and it might’ve been Even’s combined high and tipsy mind that made him think Isak’s eyes were darkening as his gaze danced all around Even’s face.
“And you got to smoke a little too, which is always a plus,” Even added, leaning away a little to smile down at Isak.
Isak laughed and nodded. “That too.” He glanced up at Even and they grinned at each other, holding each other’s gaze for a few seconds longer than necessary.
However, Isak broke eye contact first, sniffling and clearing his throat. He looked far too concentrated on the quite boring view in front of them for Even to be convinced that he wasn’t looking away just to avoid Even’s intense stare.
Even blinked a few times and he looked at his lap. He tried to hand the blunt back to Isak, but the boy waved his hand indicating he was done. He took another drag just to have something else to do.
As he opened his mouth to start another conversation, a voice yelled, “Isak, there you are!”
Isak looked over Even’s shoulder and Even turned around to see who was stealing his most likely only moment to speak to and get to know Isak. A girl stood by the sliding glass doors that led back into the party, staring at the two boys. She wore a black shirt and basic jeans with a jacket tied around her waist. As she walked—well, stumbled, more like—closer to the bench, Even could tell her lipstick was smudged and her cheeks were flushed, and he recognized her as the girl from before who was making out with Isak’s friend.
She walked right past Even and practically fell on Isak, her arms wrapping around his shoulders. He looked awkward and uncomfortable as he tried to stand with the squealing girl shoving herself into his arms, but he eventually stood, steadying the girl with his hands on her shoulders.
“Isak, oh my god, where did you go?! I’ve been looking everywhere for you!” She exclaimed, her hands flying up to cover her open mouth.
Isak rolled his eyes. “Yeah, alright,” he said, his tone unamused and disbelieving.
“I was, I swear!” she said, then, almost as if she just noticed another person sitting there, turned to Even. He gave her a shy smile as her eyes roamed all over him unabashedly. He glanced at Isak beside her, who looked embarrassed.
“And who are you?” she asked, a smirk growing on her face.
“Eva, this is Even,” Isak spoke up, gesturing towards Even when he said his name.
“Hey,” Even greeted. The girl’s—Eva’s—eyes widened and she turned back to Isak.
“Am I interrupting something?” she giggled, leaning further into Isak and looking up at him from her place on his chest. Her voice had a joking, teasing lilt to it, but by the way Isak’s eyebrows furrowed and his eyes widened, he didn’t find it all too amusing.
Even chuckled as Isak sputtered. “No, no, no, absolutely not.” He looked over at Even desperately for some validation. “Right?”
Even nodded quickly. “Yeah, of course not,” he affirmed, feeling awkward about previously reading so much into their interactions when it turned out to be nothing.
Eva glanced between the two and laughed. “Okay,” she slurred, her eyes widening in disbelief with a small smile on her face.
“Okay, you’re drunk, we need to get you out of here,” Isak claimed, although Eva didn’t really seem to be listening as she slumped against him and closed her eyes. “Where’s Jonas?”
She shrugged her shoulders and wrapped her hands around his neck, her eyes now open but her eyelids were still hooded. “I dunno. He started talking to some guy and practically forgot about me, and I was standing right there! So I left to find you, but you’re no fun either,” Eva replied, frowning.
“Okay, we need to find him, let’s go,” Isak said, tearing her body off of his and putting her arm around his shoulders to keep her upright.
He then turned to Even and shot him an apologetic look. “I’m sorry, I kinda have to go, because, you know…” he trailed off, gesturing to the girl tucked under his arm with her cheek smushed against his shoulder.
“It’s alright, I get it,” Even said understandingly. He couldn’t even count the amount of times he’s had to take Mikael home when he was drunk off his ass and vice versa. “Have a nice night, Isak.”
Isak grinned and nodded. “You too. I’ll see you around, maybe?” He said, then backtracked, “Or, well no, actually, I won’t see you around here, but um…”
Even chuckled, interrupting Isak’s ramble. “I know what you mean. See you around.” He paused and smiled. “Maybe.”
Isak smiled and turned away, hoisting the girl back up on her feet after she slipped a little. He started walking slowly towards the doors that led back into the party, Eva groaning beside him about not wanting to go. He made it all the way to the patio and turned to smile at Even, to which Even waved back.
The doors opened, the music and the loud chattering of the people inside echoing outside, but then they were shut again, leaving Even alone in the silence.
He tapped his fingers on his knee and looked around. He was alone out here, the quiet almost completely surrounding him if it weren’t for the low rumbles of the music inside. He didn’t feel like going back inside and getting lost in the crowds, even though that was what was meant to happen. He didn’t want to be stuck looking for his friends all night, either.
All he really wanted was for Isak to come back so they could chat some more. There was something about him that made Even want to learn everything there was to know about him. He seemed so timid and shy, and just when he was warming up with him (at least, in his mind he was), they had to be interrupted. It didn’t help that there was little to no chance of ever seeing him again.
Even leaned his head back and sighed, enjoying the near silence. He was still drunk and a little high, and he knew he would be upset with himself in the morning, but he couldn’t really bring himself to care. He just wanted to go home and fall into his bed.
He sat outside for ten, maybe fifteen minutes, pondering over whether he should go back inside and look for Mikael or just go home and text the guys when he got there.
The doors opened, alerting Even’s attention over to the person interrupting his peace. He saw Mikael walking out, looking around before his eyes settled on Even on the bench.
“There you are!” Mikael exclaimed and made his way over to Even.
“Here I am,” Even mumbled as Mikael moved closer.
The other boy stared at him suspiciously for a few seconds, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion before he frowned, his expression unimpressed. “You’re high.”
Even knew there was no point in lying about it. His vision was a little blurry around the edges and everything felt like it was moving in slow motion.
“Maybe a little,” he said simply.
Mikael sighed and brought his hand up to his face, pinching the bridge of his nose. Even rolled his eyes at Mikael’s dramatics, which was ultimately a mistake as his head pounded in protest at the action.
“Alright, whatever, we need to go home anyway. Elias is fucking trashed and he needs a place to stay, so we need to go home so he can crash there for the night,” Mikael explained.
“M’kay,” Even responded, nodding. They often let the guys stay at their place after parties where they went a little too extreme; Mikael and Even were the only pair in their friend group to have their own place, therefore making it the ultimate hangover recovery zone.
When Even went to stand, he almost stumbled over. His legs felt wobbly and he instinctively reached out for Mikael to hold himself up.
“You alright?” Mikael asked, making Even roll his eyes again. The action made his head hurt and he winced.
“I’m fucking fantastic,” Even replied sarcastically and wrapped his arm around Mikael’s shoulders for support.
“Alright, let’s go, you big giraffe.” Mikael wrapped his arm around Even’s back and led him back inside, where the loud music and chatter made Even’s head spin.
At some point in their walk, they gathered Elias with them, Yousef helping Mikael out with getting not just one but two drunk boys out of the bustling house.
Even swore he saw Isak as he passed by people who shared the most generic traits with Isak; if anyone he saw had pale skin with short blond hair, his heart skipped a beat at the thought that it could be Isak. He was always disappointed when he realized it wasn’t Isak but instead some random person.
Eventually, they made it to the tram, Elias drunkenly ranting about some girl he was with that night to Yousef who didn’t seem to be listening intently. Even was half-asleep, his head lulling around before finally resting on Mikael’s.
He was rudely awakened when he was forced to climb up their apartment building’s stairs, Mikael often having to give him a push in order for him to keep moving.
When they got to their flat, Even close to slumping over and falling asleep on the cold floor outside their door, Mikael opened the door and Elias literally crashed onto the couch. Mikael was kind enough to pick his legs up, move them onto the couch properly and lay the blanket they had on the back of the couch over his body. He poured Elias a glass of water and set it on the coffee table in front of the couch and brought over a trash can just in case Elias woke up in the middle of the night to throw up.
Even said, or at least he was pretty sure he said goodnight to Mikael and went to his room. He collapsed onto his bed and was already falling asleep when Mikael came into his room, taking off Even’s shoes for him and bringing a glass of water for him too.
Even was snoring by the time Mikael left the room after doing his best to cover Even up with his blanket. Even rearranged in his bed to get more comfortable before falling back asleep again, memories of a blond-haired, green-eyed boy playing on the back of his eyelids and lulling him to sleep.