Archive of Our Own ^beta

Busy footwork and hushed words exclaimed created a calamitous aura within the relatively peaceful if dull temple. Special guests were arriving, and Keito had sort of an idea of who. He’d grown up understanding his family’s legacy, the families they had close relations with, and this was just one of them. It wasn’t the first time Keito had met with a family whom among them they had a member that would be departing shortly, and the next time they saw them, they’d already be dead. Only, nothing could prepare Keito for who it was this time. Not an elder, or even a young adult who’d contracted a terminal disease. This time, it was a boy, one who looked to be around his own age.

He didn’t really look sick. Not even pale features and the occasional cough made him look unhealthy at all. He stood up straight, his eyes were clear, and he was even smiling. That was, until he asked his parents if he could go outside. They quickly shot down the request, but not harshly. It was quite tame compared to what Keito expected when reprimanded, but the boy’s expression changed quickly. He looked like he might cry at any second, watery blue eyes matched with a trembling lower lip.

“But why?” The boy asked, his soft voice full of hurt.

“We have business here, Eichi,” his mother explained. “We can’t have you going outside alone, either. Remember what happened last time? You were in the hospital for months.”

“I’m always in the hospital though,” the boy whined, attempting to pull his hand away from his mother’s grip. It was tightened, and a pained wince crossed his face. “I just want to breathe some fresh air. This place is stifling. I don’t want to be here.”

“Behave,” he was commanded once more, and again the tone was firm but sincere.

The boy let out a sigh, and Keito grew frustrated. How spoiled. It must have been that parenting style, so relaxed and unbothered by their child’s needs that created such a person. Keito had met a lot of people already even as a child, and he’d grown to understand how such dynamics were made. Likely spoiled because people felt bad for him. Misbehavior was treated as not knowing what was good for him. No one actually listened to his real needs, and thus the cycle would repeat until his untimely death, and Keito would be the one to bury him.

“I can take him outside,” Keito offered, remaining seated.

“Don’t just offer something like that!” His older brother exclaimed, raising a hand but not bringing it down. Keito remained still.

“It’s fine,” Keito argued back, “I’ll make sure he won’t move a lot. I can prepare some tea, even, so he’ll have to sit down. Do you like tea?”

“I love tea,” heaven blue eyes widened, a smile spreading across the boy’s cheeks. He resumed his pout as he returned to pleading to his mother. “Please? I won’t do anything other than sit and drink tea, promise.”

“Well…If it’s just tea…”

“Terrific,” The boy got up quickly from his kneeling position, propping himself up with his hands on the table before him. Tilting his head, he flashed an innocent smile towards Keito, the expression suddenly chilling the boy to his soul. “Let’s go drink tea together, my angel of death.”

Reminded of the youth of such a person, Keito’s body grew numb. Though he could stand without difficulty, he struggled to move after. Nevertheless, he had to follow, and then quickly lead the boy to where they would drink together. His brother’s eyes were on him, as were those of the boy’s parents. The Tenshouin family were an incredibly influential customer, and one that had trusted their dead in his temple’s care for generations. He couldn’t let anyone down. 

The boy known as Eichi Tenshouin held out his hand in wait, fully allowing Keito to take control in caring for him at this moment. His fingers were ice cold—it nearly stung. The smile on Eichi’s face didn’t fade, and there was a curious glimmer in those pale blue eyes. Keito said nothing. He simply opened the door and headed towards where they were going, and tried not to think about the inevitable. If this boy was this cold now, how long would it really be before there wasn’t an ounce of warmth left inside of him?

Before that day arrived, Keito decided then and there that he’d like to warm the other up, if only a little.

Keito’s bedroom had a small deck attached to it, perfect for sitting with a cup of tea and reading. Keito brought out some cushions and a small table, then dug into his belongings before retrieving his tea set. Considering the guest, he believed it appropriate to prepare his set the formal way. He gathered his materials, readied himself, but just as he was about to begin, he was interrupted by his door being opened. On the other side stood Eichi, peering in with the setting sun behind his head, a halo of light forming around him.

“What are you doing?” Eichi asked, looking down and wrinkling his nose. “Oh, you’re making green tea. It’s a good thing I stopped you. I wanted black tea.”

Keito blinked, caught off guard by the boy’s words. His family’s nature took over, a personality trained into him by an austere and strict home life. Balling his hands into fists, he slammed them down over his knees in a show of command over the situation.

“I don’t have black tea,” Keito stated plainly, “and need I remind you, you’re my guest. You’re supposed to accept what is served to you, it’s rude to refuse.”

“Oh,” Eichi’s eyes grew wide once again, but this time his lips shrunk into a small grimace. “I didn’t know.”

Just as Keito expected, Eichi was spoiled to the core. Unfortunately, Keito was starting to understand why. His pout was unbelievably pure and dejected, Keito’s soul feeling unclean for making a boy with such a sad fate even more depressed than he already had reason to be. Letting out a sigh, Keito didn’t need to restrain himself in giving the other his way, especially since he really didn’t have any black tea on hand, but he couldn’t stop himself from trying to find a compromise in making him happy again. Keito’s family would never give him such a luxury. This boy and his ethereal smile were dangerous, poisonous even.

“Well now you do,” Keito returned in a calmer voice. “Since you are here, are you interested in watching me prepare your tea?”

“You don’t have to go through all that,” Eichi shook his head, stepping into the room with his hands behind his back. “I don’t have much time to live anyway, and since it’s not what I wanted to begin with, I’ll just take some hot water and a tea bag to get it over with.”

Once again, Keito was struck silent by the boy’s rudeness. Yes, he was certainly spoiled, but how could he use his illness like that? Was that commonplace with him? There was an older boy who stalked the temple’s graveyard that also apparently had a difficult condition in his family. However, as infuriating as that person was, he was an incredibly selfless individual, to the point that others mistook him for a god. Despite that, or maybe because of that, he was oddly humble, accepting anyone regardless of who they were. So entirely unlike the child before Keito now, treating the concept of tea like a terrible burden. 

“Then I won’t make you tea at all,” Keito sternly huffed, turning his head away. “In fact, I’ll just guide you back to that room and say you were misbehaving. It’s clear you don’t really care about spending time away from your family, so there’s no point in me wasting my time or effort for your ungrateful behavior.”

“What are you talking about?” Eichi tilted his head, his genuine tone somehow catching Keito even more off guard than before. “I just wanted some fresh air. The tea was a nice offer, but since it’s not the kind I like, I don’t really need it. I got what I asked for, so I don’t have to stay if I’m bothering you so much.”

Keito truly had nothing to say anymore. Rather than the momentary silence he had earlier, the boy’s words genuinely took his breath away. How could he respond? He didn’t know. He didn’t even know if the boy was being rude anymore, or if this was just a difference in communication styles. That older boy taught him about that sort of thing. Most arguments could find their source in two people not talking the same way, and thus speaking past each other. Was this that sort of example? It may very well be. The boy didn’t show any indication of lying. Keito’s assumption was just wrong.

“What’s wrong?” Eichi leaned forward, bouncing on his heels slightly. “You turned an awfully pale color. Not as bad as me though. Hm…Was my angel of death looking forward to making me tea? Ah, if that’s the case, then I better humor you. You’ll be the one in charge of my funeral, after all, it would be bad to leave you with a terrible impression of me. You might dress my corpse in something funny and say that I told you to in this conversation~ Or something like that.”

Eichi stepped outside of the room, and then brought in the cushion that had been placed outside for him. He knelt down on it, staring at Keito with that ridiculously pretty smile that lit up his entire face. There wasn’t a single thing disingenuous about his expression. He was entirely honest, and Keito had been the one to believe he was a liar.

“Go ahead, my angel of death,” Eichi hummed, “I’ll accept that which you wish to place in my hand.”

“My name is Keito,” the young priest-in-training gruffly corrected, suddenly finding his hands preparing the tea once again.

“Is that so?” Eichi remarked. “I wasn’t told, so I didn’t know. All I was told was that I would be meeting my potential funeral director. Alright then, Keito, I’ll call you that.”

“Potential?” Keito clamped his lips shut as soon as he spoke. He was breaking his concentration already, but he couldn’t help his curiosity bubbling at the boy’s word choice.

“It could be you or your older brother,” Eichi explained, lifting his shoulders in a small shrug. “They don’t exactly know how long I have. Some say I’ll make it to twenty. Others say not even fifteen. I’d rather live to a hundred, but there’s supposedly nothing I can do to prevent what’s wrong with my body. One day, regardless of how I feel about it, I’ll just stop moving. It’s really rather frustrating.”

To say the least. Considering how awful Keito had been at reading him before, he was unsure if he could in good faith add those words on, but considering how pained the boy’s smile looked, Keito went ahead and made the assumption. He finally began to prepare the matcha, following the steps he’d memorized and performed hundreds of times by now. Eichi watched in relative silence, but occasionally chimed in with a question or two.

“Keito, why is it rude to refuse something you don’t like?” Eichi asked.

“Why?” Keito restrained himself from outright lecturing the other, but remained stern regardless. Thankfully, being stern was easy. “It’s because when someone makes something for you that they offered out of the kindness of their own heart, you’re rejecting the feelings they put into it. You should always show gratitude, regardless of your own feelings.”

“Eh~?” Eichi sighed, and then let out a small, airy giggle that tickled Keito’s heart strangely. “That’s weird. Shouldn’t a host hope to make their guest happy?”

“I was trying to make you happy,” Keito defended. “I don’t have any black tea, but I thought you would still like the refreshment. I couldn’t understand why you would refuse that.”

“I said it, didn’t I?” Eichi let his shoulders sink. “I don’t have long anyway. I don’t want to waste what little time here I have on something trivial. Well, I guess I am getting some more fresh air than I would otherwise be allowed. I’ll thank you for coming up with that scheme.”

“It was only because I thought it was yours,” Keito attempted to save face. “I thought you were so spoiled that you wouldn’t even accept help when it was offered to you.”

“Fufu, what a funny coincidence~” Eichi smirked. “The maids I’ve gotten fired have said similar things. None of them have ever yelled at me like you, though.”

Keito nearly lost his grip on the bowl he was mixing the matcha in, a rising anger forming in the pit of his stomach and at the same time, fear. He hadn’t guessed the boy’s personality wrong in the slightest, he just got away with ending up with the same fate by behaving like the rest of his family. Somehow, he felt a bit more at peace with his upbringing.

“Hm? You’re looking pale again Keito, did I disturb you just now?” Eichi asked, undoubtedly teasing the stoic boy. “Don’t worry, I only did that out of boredom. I’m far from being bored by you, and I might need you one day. Along with that, I’m not interested in breaking my family’s kinship with yours. You’re important, unlike those maids who don’t really care about me. You do, don’t you? No, you definitely do. You helped me when you didn’t even have to do anything. You even nearly took a strike from your brother for me. You might be the first person who’s ever really been kind to me, when you never even had to. I’m grateful.”

Keito’s breath hitched, his hands pausing, and then resuming. He kept quiet purposefully, simply because he had to digest the words. So, that was it, then? He wasn’t spoiled after all. He was stressed, waiting for the end and doing whatever he could to feel in control of the world. The exact opposite of that older boy, the one who constantly helped others for no reason other than for the same reason—to pass the time. Yet for some reason, he couldn’t see the true fault in Eichi’s behavior. It was morally wrong, but he was a child. If his maids couldn’t properly lecture him, then how could he ever change? More than that, his life really did have the distinct possibility of being cut short. No one likely thought it was important that he behave. He might not have even grown old enough to do much more than ruin a few maids careers. He could have thought that would be his only impact on this world.

“Eichi, here,” Keito pushed forward the tea, sitting back and watching the boy pick it up in both hands and drink from it.

“Mm…Hm~ it’s good for green tea,” Eichi remarked. “At least I know you can make slightly unpleasant things a little nicer. I suppose that’s your job, being my angel of death.”

“…Is that what you would like me to do?” Keito asked.

“Hm?” Eichi tilted his head, taking another sip. “Do what?”

“Do you want me to give you a spectacular death?” Keito rephrased.

“Eh~? Are you threatening to take me out right now?” Eichi whined. “No way~ I don’t want to die just yet. But if there’s a time where I really don’t look like I’m going to pull through, I guess it’s okay for us to speculate a little bit of a more interesting way to go…”

“I’m not interested in killing you,” Keito corrected. “But I do believe I can make your funeral something the world will never forget. I’ll make it so memorable, the world won’t forget your name. You’ll live on as the person who had the best funeral ever.”

“Wow,” Eichi awed, then bursting into a fit of giggles. “Fufu~ how morbid. You’re weird, Keito, everyone always talks about how I must ‘stay strong’ and ‘fight this illness’ because my family is relying on me to live. Yet they take me to a place like this, acting like I’m supposed to be able to just ignore the fact that I’m one bad night’s sleep away from never waking up again. So actually, I appreciate your honesty a lot, Keito. I think it’d be a lot more fun talking about the future if it’s about how I can live on as an entity rather than as a person. What were you thinking?

“Mm…Well,” Keito felt a little silly bringing it up, but he did a lot of research on funeral rites around the world. He was pretty well versed, and there was only one type that came to mind. “Do you know what the pyramids of Egypt are, Eichi?”

“I do,” Eichi nodded. “They took a lot of manual labor to make, slaves pushing stones up ramps until they formed a triangular shape, or so it is believed…Why?”

“Their purpose was as burial sites for their pharaohs,” Keito explained, “so while I don’t think I could get away with making you something as big as the Great Pyramid of Giza, I could probably build one here. There’s no pyramids in Japan, so yours would be the first. Obviously, the rites we would be using would still fall under our Buddhist traditions, so no preserving your organs separately. Instead, we could fill it with all the things you loved about living, and memorialize them with you. People could visit, and they could be inspired. Your life, no matter how short, would instill a sense of renewed hope in the future for the world. What do you think?”

“Wow…You put a lot of thought into doing a funeral like this, haven’t you?” Eichi remarked without answering, his smile strangely unreadable.

“No, I haven’t,” Keito denied, “I just thought of this now, seeing you.”

“Am I really so corpse-like that I bring about such vivid fantasies of my death that quickly?” Eichi grinned a little wider. “Fufu. I’m teasing, sort of. I do think it’s funny that I’m such an inspiration somehow. It feels nice to know I can be the source of such creativity. Plus, it sounds nice, actually. Almost makes me look forward to it, if only because I believe in you. I can believe in you, right, Keito?”

“I’ll make it happen,” Keito reassured, wearing a small smirk himself. “I won’t let you go unknown.”

“That makes me happy~” Eichi’s eyelids lowered as his smile grew, creating a serene expression that only amplified the sincerity of his words. “Ah, Keito, aren’t you going to drink any tea?”

“Huh?” Keito blinked his eyes rapidly before shaking his head. “Um, no, I wasn’t planning on having any…I didn’t make enough anyway.”

“That’s no good,” Eichi held his cup out insistently. “Here, have the rest. You seem like the type of person who loves making things for others but never yourself.”

How weirdly astute, to the point it sent a hard shiver down Keito’s spine. Really, those pale blue eyes, feathery blond locks, and gentle smile put together invoked the image of an angel far more readily than Keito could assume for himself. Taking the cup and bringing it to his lips, he consumed the liquid therein and suddenly felt a thought come to mind.

“Hold on,” Keito spoke too late as the tea had already passed his lips, his voice unintentionally stern. “You’re just having me drink this because you don’t want the rest.”

“Ah, you’re getting better at reading me~” Eichi applauded with a few claps of his hand. “Well done, Keito.”

“Why you,” Keito nearly cussed the boy out altogether, but restrained himself by biting his tongue. “I can’t believe you did that. Are you an honest person or not?”

“I think I am,” Eichi excused himself. “At least, I think it’s fairly obvious when I’m lying. I portray all the signs of it, often intentionally because I’m curious if anyone will call me out on it. No one ever does, I assume because they’re too busy feeling bad for me that they really believe I can’t cause trouble. You’re the first person to assume the worst about me~ is that your way of looking at the world, Keito?”

It may as well have been. Infuriatingly, he found the corners of his lips wanting to lift at the boy’s words. It was annoying how amusing Eichi could be, if only because he really did misbehave far too much! No, for Eichi’s sake, Keito would remain as stoic as ever.

“What a scary expression,” Eichi remarked, recoiling back slightly. “Are you angry with me, Keito?”

“…No, I’m not,” Keito admitted in a grumble. “But you are a troublesome person, you realize.”

“I must be for you to grow so irritated at me again and again,” Eichi chuckled. “Are you going to punish me by giving me a boring funeral?”

“So long as you fix your behavior before your death, I won’t,” Keito promised.

“How merciful of you~” Eichi sang the words  with a sweet lilt. “You really are an angel of death, Keito.”

He must have been in order to be patient enough to deal with this sort of character. Keito stared down at his cup, and rather than reply, drank from it in full. He really must have been someone strange himself to so readily accept such a person, and not only that, want to give them such happiness in an event they couldn’t be alive to see. The more he drank the tea, the more he could feel Eichi’s eyes on him. Really, did he have to wear such a delicate expression? It completely ruined the illusion that he could cause any trouble at all. That smile was far too innocent looking for its own good, and it seemed only Keito was astute enough to realize.

“Hey, Keito,” Eichi gave up on kneeling and laid down on the floor, resting his arms on the pillow and his cheek on his arms. “Can I come back here and see you again?”

“You’re asking?” Keito raised a brow. 

“You really do think the worst of people~” Eichi chuckled. “Yes, I’m asking. You’re the first person my age I’ve been able to have an enjoyable conversation with. Most others tend to be annoying because they’re even worse than me when it comes to behavior. I'd like to see if you could teach me how to earn my pyramid.”

“Hm…I don’t object to it,” Keito answered. “It would be nice to create such a funeral. Fine…But you have to listen to me when I say you’re misbehaving.”

“I’ll listen,” Eichi promised. “You’ll have black tea for me next time, right?”

“…I’ll think about it,” Keito caved slightly.

“Do think about it!” Eichi exclaimed, the first time he’d raised his voice. It was hardly noticeable, nothing more than a little extra chipper lilt. “Part of being a good host is having variety, you know. We have several dozen varieties of black tea at my home, and at least five green teas.”

“The diversity of green teas…You know it’s lacking, right?”

“Maybe, but at least we have some. I’ve never been anywhere that doesn’t have any black tea. Hospitals carry it, although they rarely let me drink it there, why doesn’t your temple?”

A conversation that would have sounded like an argument to anyone else passing by ensued, but in reality, Keito was having a lot of fun. Eichi wasn’t an all knowing person, just a boy like him who spent too much time alone indoors. Strangely, for how off-putting he could be, he was also oddly easy to talk to. An ethereal smile masked no more deviance than that of a bored child, waiting for the world to end. He did want to spend more time with this boy…He wanted to know the future angel that had come into his life.

💚

Strings of a shamisen strung by calloused fingers resonated within the rather spacious hospital room. Reserved for the patient currently residing within it, Keito felt a little guilty for picking up on how nice the acoustics of the room were. This was far from a studio, let alone a nice place to live. Nevertheless, bleary blue eyes gazing in his direction were paired with the usual sweet smile that Keito had grown to know. It seemed he hadn’t set his friend to sleep with his song. In fact, Eichi looked even more awake, a twinkle in his eye. That was always a dangerous look.

“You’ve gotten much better,” Eichi applauded weakly, hands barely making any sound as they clapped together. “I was worried when you impulsively decided you wanted to play that instrument, if only because you could hardly string a chord together. I see now that practice really does make perfect, doesn’t it~?”

If only the decision was as impulsive as Eichi believed. In truth, he’d only picked it up as a way of keeping up with Rei. His slightly older friend had decided to start playing electric guitar, and while Keito wished to do the same, he couldn’t justify bringing such a loud instrument to his family’s quiet home. Instead, he went the traditional route as always.

“You can never just start good at something,” Keito argued, though he felt a little cheap doing so. Rei’s progress had been much faster than his own, but that had only been because he was spending so much time at home, right? “I’ve had a lot more time to practice lately. You’ve been in the hospital for a long time now, so…”

“So I haven’t been able to pester you~” Eichi finished, letting out a giggle that became a hard cough. Eichi covered his mouth, took a breath, and then leaned back on his pillows. “Ah, Keito’s been so bored waiting for me, he went and picked up a whole instrument in the time it’s taken for me to get out of here. I’m a terrible friend, aren’t I?”

“There are a dozen more reasons I could call you a terrible friend for,” Keito argued, “but your condition isn’t one of them. I’m not mad at you for being here. Rather, I hoped that maybe I could help in getting you out soon…”

“You could have done that at any time,” Eichi claimed, a wicked grin on his cheeks. “You could have stolen me away on that wheelchair over there, come up with the excuse I needed some fresh air, and then cart me off to your home and keep me in your room for the rest of my life. You could do whatever you want with me.”

“I have absolutely no intention of kidnapping you, Eichi,” Keito denied flatly, placing his shamisen back in its case. 

“Aw~ you’re boring as always, Keito,” Eichi sighed, head turning towards the light outside the window. “You never laugh at my jokes or even play along. It makes me sad.”

“You know how I was raised,” Keito returned, folding his arms across his chest and planting his feet on the ground as he leaned back slightly in his seat. “My family doesn’t exactly do comedy at all. You can’t blame me for acting how I was raised.”

“Why not?” Eichi challenged. “I’ve seen your smile before, Keito, it’s brilliant. You’re going to be an idol with me too, right? So you’ve got to work on loosening up anyway. Girls won’t like you if you’re a stuck up.”

“Hm, if I’m so unpleasant to be around, I apologize,” Keito stated as he dropped his arms to his knees and made a show of slowly standing up. “I’ll leave, then, since it’s clear I’m bothering you.”

“What do you mean?” Eichi asked in an all-too innocent tone of voice. “I said girls wouldn’t like you as you are, Keito, but I’m not exactly a girl, am I? No, I’ll always like you, Keito, no matter how much of a mean sourpuss you are. You’re my only friend, after all.”

At that, Keito found it in him to sit back down with a huff, a little more than annoyed by Eichi’s games. He always talked like this, and though Keito was used to it, he was weary. Life had stretched him in a variety of directions lately, and having to visit the hospital as frequently as he did didn’t make it any better. Still, he’d keep that complaint to himself. If he said it out loud, he was sure Eichi would tell him to just never come, and Keito wasn’t about to abandon the other. He never would.

“Oh, were you wanting to go somewhere?” As though clairvoyant, Eichi pointed a question at Keito that genuinely caught him off-guard. How difficult, Eichi always seemed to know where Keito’s mind was these days. “I felt like you were somehow more stressed than usual today. Is it that your middle school uniform is uncomfortable? You keep tugging at your tie. Ah~ I wish I knew what that was like, actually. I’m more familiar with your uniform than I am my own, even after three years. It’s depressing.”

“I’m not so stressed that I want to go,” Keito half-corrected, “there’s just a lot on my plate right now. In fact, I’m using this time as an excuse to take a break from it.”

“So I’ve been reduced to an excuse?” Eichi giggled, this time a clean release without any coughing to accent it. “That’s fine, actually. Whatever reason you need, I understand. It makes me happy to know I’m the excuse you chose this time, at least, instead of that other boy you sometimes play with.”

Keito froze, a twinge of guilt mixed with confusion twisting his heart. Eichi knew about Rei? When? He’d never seen Eichi whenever Rei was over. As far as he knew, they’d never met, and Keito never had the chance to introduce them, so why did he…

“You look panicked,” Eichi tilted his head. “Did you really think I hadn’t known? It’s not like I can get outside of my house very easily, you know. It’s actually like, really hard. Getting to make it to your house, only to see someone else watching TV shows with you, it’s depressing~ I have to worry about my Eichi gauge filling up before my household realizes I’ve gone missing.”

“If you saw I was home anyway though,” Keito furrowed his brow and clenched his knees with his hands, “why didn’t you just come in anyway? Rei-chan’s—Sakuma-san is—he’s a little annoying, but he’s otherwise nice. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind if you joined us.”

“Mm…No, I don’t think that’s the case,” Eichi closed his eyes. “You’re my only friend, remember? But that’s only because you’re sort of forced to be. Family obligations brought us together, and then my maids decided you were the best person to raise me. Even with all your lectures and kindness, it still hasn’t changed the fact that you quickly grow weary of me, right? I’ve already accepted you’ll be my only friend in life, Keito. I don’t need any others, anyway. Even if I met someone who can tolerate me as much as you, I don’t exactly want to fill my life with more people who have to bear the knowledge that I won’t be in their lives for long. That’s why it’s better to remain strangers, or enemies maybe. They’d probably be grateful I wouldn’t have to be dealt with for long.”

At that, Keito couldn’t hold himself back any longer. He stood up from his seat, grabbed Eichi’s shoulders, and pushed them further into the pillow he rested against. Angelic blue eyes stared into his own, soft lips agape. Helpless—Eichi was entirely helpless as always.

“Stop talking like that,” Keito demanded. “You’re not dying yet. I still haven’t made you a person fit for the funeral I want to give you. You’re still too selfish and self-centered. You haven’t experienced nearly enough of the world yet. The world hasn’t even begun to know you either. You need to keep living. I’m not through with you yet.”

Eichi was silent for long enough that Keito suddenly realized what he was doing. He relinquished his grasp, turning his head towards the door of the hospital room. Nothing interesting was over there, but it lacked the shame he felt when he saw Eichi’s expression, shocked at the unwarranted roughing up he’d just received. Keito pressed a fist against his thigh, feeling he should be grateful that he didn’t outright cause the boy to enter another coughing fit.

“…Fufu…Fufufu~” Eichi’s airy giggle brought Keito’s gaze back, turning his head only slightly to see Eichi covering his mouth as he laughed. “Keito’s being scary again~ I haven’t been handled like that by you in a while. It makes me happy. I miss being able to play with you when we were smaller. It seems my condition has only grown worse with age, but Keito’s still the same, so it puts me at ease.”

Keito’s stare softened the more Eichi spoke, realizing where this was going. Ah, Eichi was going to ask something of him, wasn’t he? Was it in relation to their dream, or something else? Either way, he owed it in this case. He knew Eichi had been brought back to this familiar hospital room for a damn good reason, and Keito had nearly ruined it. Sitting down next to him, he placed his hand down on the bed, and Eichi placed his own over it. So cold, Keito’s first instinct was to warm it up. He cupped his other hand over, encasing it entirely.

“Keito’s nurturing as always,” Eichi remarked with a sigh, eyelids drooping. “Wanting me to make friends, wanting me to enjoy life, even wanting me to survive so much that you conjure up a dream to match my own. I’m happy, Keito. I’m happy I got to meet someone like you.”

“Eichi, don’t talk like that,” Keito’s voice, undergoing changes still, cracked under the pressure. He couldn’t take it. No matter how much fun they had talking about Eichi’s funeral in their youth, he couldn’t actually take thoughts of him dying, not when it was so close to reality. He hated himself for losing control. He gripped the hand he held tighter, willing it to heat up. He always hated how icy Eichi’s fingers were.

“You’re acting like I want to die,” Eichi smartly replied, repressing a laugh with a wince appearing on his face. Keito moved without hesitation and ran a hand through feathery blond locks, gathering the hair out of his friend’s face. “No…I don’t want to die,” Eichi continued quietly as he stared directly into Keito’s gaze, as though peering through his soul. “I don’t want to leave just yet. I want to at least try to accomplish my dream before then. I want to see it with you. Only you know how afraid I am. Only you understand why I’m afraid.”

“Just recover as quickly as you can, Eichi,” Keito whispered softly, letting the backs of his fingers drop down to Eichi’s cheek. Soft and plush, he really did feel like an angel as much as he looked like one. “I’ll always be here for you, no matter what happens.”

“Keito,” Eichi’s voice, though weak and whispery, held a certain firmness that Keito knew. Here it was, the request his sickly friend had in mind. It would have been better probably if he pretended to not hear it, but Keito couldn’t help himself. He needed Eichi to be happy, because he didn’t know when the last moment would be. It would ruin him to think he caused Eichi to suffer alone up until the end.

“Yes, Eichi?” Keito returned.

“Kiss me,” Eichi said.

“…W-What?” Keito’s body froze in place, and he grew keenly aware of where his hands were currently touching the sickly boy.

“Have you had your first kiss yet, Keito?” Eichi asked, eyes lightening up for some reason.

“No—no, I haven’t,” Keito answered, rescinding the hand near Eichi’s face until it was pulled back toward himself. “I don’t understand, Eichi, what are you getting at—“

“I’m not getting at anything,” Eichi corrected curtly, though his smile remained. “It’s nothing too big of a deal. I just figured, I’m probably never going to grow old enough to know what love is like anyway, and I might not even grow old enough to be put into an arranged marriage. I could die without knowing one of the most basic of human experiences. I figured, since we’re close already, I’d rather know what a kiss feels like now than miss out on something because I’m too frail. Of course, if Keito hasn’t kissed anyone, I guess that means he wants to save it for someone, is that it?”

“That’s not true,” Keito retorted almost embarrassingly quickly. “I mean—Eichi, are you sure?”

Why did he even ask? Eichi was always sure. He was the type of person to do something once his heart had been set on it. Given the pressure of a short life, Eichi didn’t think certain things through all the way. Keito took it as his own responsibility to do so for him. And yet…In trying to find a proper rebuttal, Keito had none. Eichi’s logic wasn’t wrong, it was merely relying on Keito to fill in the gap that was needed. Right. Providing Eichi happy memories before his life concluded was Keito’s priority.

“I’m sure,” Eichi’s smile grew, already knowing where Keito’s mind was.

“As you say, then,” Keito gave in quietly, pushing himself a little forward on the bed. Eichi relaxed his head back and closed his eyes, lips parting just slightly.

Okay, he could do this. This was normal. Keito shouldn’t have any problem in doing this, especially when it was for Eichi’s sake. Bending forward, he kept repeating words of affirmation as he drew closer. He had never kissed, so he didn’t know what to do really. He always looked away when people kissed on TV, less out of disgust and more from embarrassment. He couldn’t do that here though, he had to push through. His own eyes shut, and their noses bumped together. Keito’s eyes fluttered open from behind his glasses, and Eichi’s own widened.

Rather than say a word, Keito took a deep breath and reached up. Eichi’s palm still held in his own, Keito’s free hand removed his glasses and quietly placed them next to the bed on a table adjacent to it. He then cupped Eichi’s cheek, the same one he’d been caressing earlier, and angled his head slightly to the right. Their eyes fell at the same time, and then so did Keito’s lips. They met with Eichi’s, pressing together in the spark of human desire: that desire known as a kiss.

It didn’t feel right to leave it at one brush of the lips. Rather, it didn’t feel complete. Their lips parted slightly, and then Keito brought them together again. Again and again, their mouths growing progressively wetter as their lips embraced one another. Eventually, even thoughts about what Keito was doing faded, as he found his focus being stolen by one thing in particular—he enjoyed this. He was enjoying kissing Eichi, his companion from childhood and the boy whose body he would care for after death. This was the person he was giving his first kiss to, and as it continued, Keito finally made up his mind on the request: he wouldn’t have given it to anyone else. He was perfectly happy to share this first human experience with none other than Eichi.

Slowly, the kiss ended. Slowly and even slower, Keito pulled away, and Eichi’s breath picked up rapidly. His cheeks were flushed a light shade of pink, complementing his gorgeous blue eyes and making him look even more like an angel. His lips were completely wet, still agape and practically begging for Keito to kiss them again. He wanted to. Keito wanted to keep kissing Eichi, his mind not in the place to discern whether or not this was out of curiosity or want, but just knowing he certainly wanted to continue touching Eichi more and more. He restrained himself, however, his body trained to not push Eichi when he looked exhausted like this.

“Ah…So that’s what it’s like,” Eichi murmured so faintly that Keito could hardly hear, even up close as he was. “It felt nice. I felt alive. Keito, thank you. As always, you’re the only one who I…”

Water filled Eichi’s eyes, causing them to droop until they shut entirely. His mouth was attempting to move, but it was beaten out by his need for breath. Quietly and without warning, he stopped moving altogether. Keito lowered his head to the boy’s chest, hearing a faint heartbeat still drumming determinedly. Slowly, Eichi’s chest rose, and then fell. Looking up, Keito directed his attention to the vitals information just next to Eichi’s bed. He had a spike in his heart rate, alongside the time of their kiss it seemed. He had returned to normal levels only just as he fell asleep, and Keito understood why. In fulfilling the request given, he’d exerted an already on the brink Eichi. He’d made Eichi’s heart race from their kiss. Keito sat up straight on the bed and clenched his knees, staring at the ground in hard thought.

Even if the kiss felt good, and even if Eichi was grateful to Keito for it, they should never do it again. For Eichi’s survival, for his sake, that form of contact should be saved for if he ever grew healthy enough to be married. There was a chance for it. If Eichi was strong, if he continued to live no matter what, Keito believed that he could make it to that point. When he did, he hoped they could replace talks about Eichi’s funeral with talks of a wedding. A place Keito could belong as his best man. Yes…That was Keito’s place in Eichi’s life. A kiss was just a kiss, and it cemented their companionship, each of them the closest person to the other.

Keito kept telling himself that the entirety of his trip back home. Then, he curled up into his bed, and buried his head into his pillow with a hope that if he passed out, he’d stop thinking about how badly he wanted to kiss Eichi again.

💛

Years passed, revolutions came and went, and Keito still had to deal with Eichi. His childhood friend survived at least one death date, and he was swiftly approaching another with fewer signs than in previous years of it being his last. It was miraculous, really. He’d accomplished so much and was only growing in strength. He was going to create the world in his image, and Keito wouldn’t be there on the same side as him. Fate had split their roads apart—parallel, but two distinct paths. Not a crossroad, but rather, equal footing for the both of them.

It was both relieving and bittersweet. Relieved because Eichi finally had people to look out for him, people who would tell him to lay down and take a break, and people who loved him and wanted the best for him despite his mistakes. Bittersweet, because it meant the difference in their dreams were eventually realized. Keito’s moon, the one he embodied for the sake of illuminating Eichi’s light upon the world, wasn’t needed anymore. It existed for its own luster, a family he hadn’t expected to find. As well, he existed within an agency that freely existed within the moon’s image. The undead that howled their song towards that night sky, and the rabbits that lived on its surface. It was a place where he fit in, something he didn’t know he needed. He could tell Eichi had found a similar home.

He was visiting Eichi’s current living space, a place Keito would forgive if Eichi had trouble calling it home at all. He thought the rivalry between Eichi and Rei was pretty childish at this point, dragged on by a war that had long-been forgiven, or so Keito had presumed. Yet no matter how much he wished those two would understand each other, or even recognize the similarities that Keito saw clear as day, neither accepted it as such. They even went so far as to install a metal barrier between their beds, a position solely taken just so their dear roommate who was the only thing they could agree upon, wouldn’t have to deal with their nonsense. Nevertheless, he still held sympathy for the both of them in having to deal with each other so much. If Keito had to live with either of them, he might go insane as well.

Then again, even if he would go insane, it wasn’t different from how both made him feel normally. Especially one of them. Faced with their dormitory door, Keito knew he was here to visit, a text message from an hour earlier confirming that who he wanted to meet would be there. Teased for being so formal about his visit, Keito could assume that Eichi had already made his own preparations. Tea, treats, and plenty of jokes prepared about Keito’s behavior remaining relatively unchanged from their youth. As Keito knocked on the door, he couldn’t restrain the smirk that formed on his face as he thought about such things.

The door remained unanswered, causing Keito to knock once again after about a minute. Still no response. What the hell? Eichi wasn’t the kind to just up and leave when he was about to have a guest. Keito checked his messages, and saw none from his friend. This was concerning. No, the more Keito thought about it, the worse his fear grew. He took out his key, the one he held as the head of the dormitory, and unlocked the door as quickly as he could. 

“Eichi…!” Keito exclaimed as he opened the door, slamming it shut behind him as his eyes widened at the sight before him. Eichi was laying down on his bed, unresponsive to the commotion Keito was creating. Oh God. Don’t take him now.

Keito shouted out the name again, the one that was hoarse on his tongue from how many times he’d called it. He felt his heart drop into his stomach, and his hands grow shaky. Crawling over Eichi on the bed, he pushed his friend’s form onto his back. The minute he rolled over, blue eyes fluttered open, as well as knocking loose a pair of earbuds from his ears.

“Nn…?” Eichi’s voice was soft and questioning, his gaze lost and distant. “Keito…Oh, is it time already? Ah, this position…Fufu~ did you have different plans for us?”

Hands on Eichi’s shoulders remained for just a moment longer before relinquishing, Keito pulling back only his arms. He still remained seated, straddling Eichi’s hips and giving a harsh glare to the man.

“What’s with that scary look this time?” Eichi asked, sitting himself up by propping his arms up by his elbows. “It wasn’t because I was taking a nap, was I?”

“Since when do you nap, Eichi?” Keito returned, furrowing his brow.

“Why, it’s healthy to take one every once in a while, isn’t it?” Eichi feigned ignorance, only for him to slowly sit up. Sitting slightly shorter than Keito, he was forced to lift his chin towards his childhood friend, the one whom he’d surpassed in height long ago. “Mm…In truth, I’d promised my unit mates that if I was ever feeling faint, I would restrain myself from pushing my limits. That’s why I decided to lay down and read~ In truth, I wasn’t hoping to collapse, but it appears as though a certain slow paced song came on, and before I knew it, I was falling asleep.”

Keito’s gaze fell to the floor, and he saw the book in question, collapsed against the hardwood. He reached down, picked it up, and pressed the ribbon attached to the binding down on the open page before shutting it and setting it to the side. Turning his attention back to Eichi, he could hear a faint hum escaping the earbuds down below. A familiar one.

“It was yours,” Eichi answered the silent question, able to read Keito without him saying a word. “Your voice lulled me to sleep quite easily. Compared to how much it used to scare me in the past, it’s kind of funny. Of course, you’ve always had that softness inside you, right, Keito?”

“If you’re still feeling unwell, perhaps we should reschedule,” Keito dodged the meaningless question, already exhausted from Eichi's leading conversations.

“You keep it under a rather thick protective layer,” Eichi marveled with a pained wince. “I wish I understood why you still kept up those walls around me. We’re as close as two people can get, right? We even call each other by our first names.”

The leading questions were growing more and more blatant, and Keito felt concern welling up inside of him. This was the time of year Eichi struggled the most to maintain his health. As well, he’d been in the hospital recently, but if he was needing to nap of all things, did that mean he hadn’t fully recovered? It probably didn’t. Eichi had a habit of lying and then pushing his limits worse. Getting smarter, relieving himself when things grew too tough, and yet acknowledging that weakness all the same, it was the sign that Eichi was really starting to understand the limits of his body. For Keito, that spelled disaster, because Eichi was sounding like he wanted to ask Keito a favor.

How many favors had Keito done for Eichi across his lifetime? How many had he fulfilled, simply because it was Eichi who asked, and Keito justified to himself that he’d do anything to make the other happy. He still felt that way. He felt that way even when he knew he’d never get what he really wanted in the end. Worse still, if Eichi tried to repay the favor, Keito got what he needed, only worsening the guilt he felt from wanting at all. He needed to be equals with Eichi. He needed to be able to guide his relationships with other people without worrying if they contradicted Eichi’s goals. He needed to pursue his own dreams with the people he’d grown to find new dreams with. However what he wanted, what he’d wanted all this time, even sitting beneath him, he just couldn’t reach.

It was in another’s reach. In fact, several people were closer to Eichi by now, at least by Keito’s estimations. His unit mates, circle members, even just people he’d grown close to unexpectedly like Trickstar, they’d been able to see the Eichi that others in the past couldn’t. Slowly but surely, they brought out the angel within, the person Keito always saw deep down, and brought forth the person more than deserving of a pyramid for his place of eternal rest. Keito had been the one pushed away, not by anyone’s hand, but by the threads that held their bond together loose as it was. They never unraveled, but whatever tautness there was had slipped in recent years. Perhaps, in reality, it had never been there at all, and Keito had been the one imagining he had a place in Eichi’s life rather than his destined death.

“Keito?” Eichi’s voice broke the trance Keito had unintentionally fallen into, rubbing his eyes underneath his glasses with his index finger and thumb. “Ah, you’re tired too, then? You work just as hard as me, I’m sure, and I know for a fact that you don’t take the breaks you ought to. Why don’t you take a rest on my bed? I’ll get the tea prepared, I’ve even got green tea for you since I’m a proper host who wants to make my guest happy after all—”

Keito moved without thought upon feeling Eichi trying to move away from the position they were currently in. Eichi still wasn’t well. He knew his body better these days, but if Keito had interrupted his sleep, surely, he still needed it. Hands on Eichi’s shoulders, Keito pushed him down to the bed, the back of Eichi’s head hitting the pillow while blue eyes gawked in wide-awake shock. A memory from when they were fourteen years old echoed in Keito’s mind, and a shiver went down his spine as he was reminded of what his “want” exactly was.

“Don’t move,” Keito blurted out, his mind in two separate places, but his Eichi caretaker senses were thankfully functioning on autopilot. “I interrupted your rest, it’s not good for you to move. I can make us tea, it’s fine. Just...Take care of yourself, Eichi. That’s all I’ve ever needed you to do.”

Eichi’s eyelids slowly lowered, and as Keito removed his hands, Eichi remained laying down with his hands up by his head. His expression was entirely neutral, Keito couldn’t read him at all. Keito’s heart, still hardened from the lecturing, softened as he wondered if he’d hurt the other. He probably had. Wasn’t this also why they’d fallen apart?

“Keito,” Eichi’s voice was quieter than before, hardly able to be heard. Keito listened, unable to tear his eyes from Eichi. “Do you remember our first kiss?”

Keito wondered why he ever listened to Eichi at all. His face grew hot, and he instinctively clenched his teeth. A hand held over his heart in indignation, he knew he couldn’t get out of this easy. They were finally talking about this, were they? He supposed Keito had forced them into the familiar position.

“I...Yes,” Keito admitted weakly, lowering his head and clenching a hand on top of his stomach as his guts twisted within. “Yes, that was when we were in our last year of middle school, wasn’t it?”

“...It actually happened?”

Keito blinked his eyes open, not realizing when he’d shut them. Eichi was staring at him, eyes wide and his naturally smiling face having returned. What was he talking about? Of course it happened—

“Fu...Fufufu~ Keito’s not the kind to joke around,” Eichi gleefully tied his hands above his head, knuckles intertwining loosely. “We really did kiss. I thought I was dreaming, being brave enough to ask you to do the one thing I’d been wanting you to do for ages ...You really did that for me. Are you still mad about it?”

“W-What?” Keito stuttered, the conversation taking an unpredictable direction.

“I took your first kiss, right?” Eichi clarified. “Are you mad I asked you to surrender it to me?”

“...Why are you asking me this now?” Keito returned.

“Because it just came to mind, of course,” Eichi answered. “As well, I was afraid about asking you afterward, because I wasn’t sure if I had just made it up in my head. I figured if I tried bringing it up in a state where I was relatively healthy, you’d question if I was going insane. But even if I asked when I was fatigued, I worried you’d leave out of fear for my health. It was difficult to discern the timing. When you pushed me over just then however, you made the same face as back then. That’s why, I wanted to know what that face meant. I wanted to know if it was disgust, or Keito’s usual care.”

“Eichi, I,” Keito’s mind was racing, memories of feelings as well as the present’s own tumultuous ones blending together into a hurricane overtaking his heart. “I kissed you because you asked, and I wasn’t disgusted by you at all. I wanted to make you happy.”

“You’re a good friend like that, aren’t you, Keito?” Eichi remarked, his smile widening to one so serene, it made Keito afraid that Eichi would die then and there with that expression on his face. “I was happy. I was so happy that I convinced myself it couldn’t have actually happened. I grew up around people who claimed to love me, but they really loved the purpose I would serve when I grew up. I didn’t mean anything as a person. You were different. You wanted me to grow, to become someone better than the dark person I inevitably became anyway, and you still stuck by me. You kept putting my happiness first, but you’ve grown into someone who’s started looking out for his own as well. I’m happy we’ve grown this way, Keito. So that’s why, when you look at me like that, I grow weak. My body breaks down. I wonder why I’m so selfish, and why I can’t accept this happiness that we’ve found. I wonder why I wish that dream was real, and why I’d wish something upon you that you didn’t want. Why do I...?”

Eichi’s voice trailed off, but not because of sleep taking over this time. A series of coughs escaped him, barely covered by his mouth. The coughing fit over, water had filled in the corners of his eyes, and he trembled beneath the healthier man on top. Keito didn’t need to know what had caused the sudden drop in health, Keito already knew. Ingrained into his mind were the sound of heart rate monitors rapidly beeping in tune with Eichi’s racing heart, coming from within Keito’s chest, matching its pace in full.

“Eichi, you...” Keito didn’t know how to even begin what he wanted to say, let alone end it.

It was as though he’d rediscovered something he’d thought they’d lost. Eichi beneath him, saying the very words coming from Keito’s own mind, interpreting them as his own. How could they be thinking the same way and not know it? They always had that innate ability before, hadn’t they? Keito’s breath felt hot on his mouth, and he couldn’t get out of his head the sight of Eichi falling asleep mere moments after they finished Eichi’s request. Eichi, however, wasn’t falling asleep. He was still awake, looking at Keito like he wanted to be forgiven for some terrible crime. There was nothing to forgive, however, because Keito felt the same way. They both had, for a very long time it seemed.

“If that was your dream, Eichi,” Keito took Eichi’s hands away from where they covered his mouth, and instead pinned them to either side of his head gently, “then it was the first time we truly shared the same dream.”

Eichi’s eyes widened again, the water that welled up within them spilling out onto his cheeks. Though the warmth on his face quickly dried the tears away, new ones formed without restraint, silent as they fell.

Words didn’t leave either of them. They argued enough as it was. They couldn’t see eye to eye most of the time, and truthfully, Keito only had himself to blame for continuing to choose to be Eichi’s friend during his life rather than waiting to see him once he died. However, he wouldn’t change what he’d done for the world. He didn’t regret being there for Eichi, and he didn’t regret choosing Eichi’s happiness as his aim, because it always ultimately led to Keito finding his own happiness. Just like right now. It made Eichi happy that Keito was kissing him, and in turn, Keito was the happiest man alive to be kissing Eichi. He’d do it all again. He’d do it all again just to do this again.

Click

The all but too brief lip lock ended the moment the sound of a door shutting caused both Keito and Eichi to turn their heads towards the entrance of the dorm. Of the two options of who could be standing there, Keito wasn’t really sure which was worse. If it was Shiratori, he’d have to be concerned with a rookie idol catching his senior engaging in scandalous activities. However, that was probably a light consequence compared to who was actually standing there.

Rei’s red eyes were fixed on the pair on Eichi’s bed, Keito clearly pinning Eichi down, a sight already pretty difficult to explain. The hard part was determining how much Rei had even seen. He didn’t hear the other enter the room, just the sound of him closing the door behind him. He might have even been here the whole time, and Keito didn’t notice. Keito’s hands were growing numb.

“...I should have listened to Adonis-kun’s request earlier,” Rei sighed as he shut his eyes, speaking as though the pair weren’t even in the room as he turned around. “I really really need to rest in my coffin right now.”

The door opened, and then shut again, Rei ultimately disappearing behind it. Keito struggled to turn back to Eichi, but once he did, he was greeted with the sight of the most beautiful angel in the world giggling maniacally.

“Fufufu~ I win,” Eichi bragged, lifting his legs and wrapping them around Keito’s waist. “I win, I win, I win...I win Keito’s heart!”

“Eichi, there wasn’t a competition,” Keito tried to diffuse, concerned by Eichi’s word choice, but that was normal.

“Oh, that makes it even better,” Eichi furrowed his brow as his smirk grew significantly more devious. “I won by default.”

“Eichi,” Keito only had to call the man’s name sternly once for his face to revert towards complete and utter innocence.

“I know,” Eichi quickly returned. “It was never about anything other than us right now. I bet you’re celebrating your own victory though, aren’t you?”

Keito kept quiet, too many names rushing into his head for his own comfort. What kind of pious man was he that he felt the need to gloat like this? Lowering his head, his and Eichi’s foreheads brushed together.

“Let me kiss you again,” Keito demanded rather than asked, Eichi’s body shivering under his grasp.

“Please do,” Eichi whispered back.

Their kiss resumed, and their arms fell around each other. The one true dream they shared all along had been realized, but it was far from ended.