Chapter Text
“No”
Sniper said firmly to Scout.
“Oh c'mon snipes, it’d be a blast! You go on hunting trips all the time, how bad could it be with the rest of us?
Sniper rolled his eyes.
He was getting extremely tired of Scout coming in every other hour into his van to bother him. He suspected that someone was making him do it, Scout didn’t care that much about him. None of the people on his team did, according to Sniper anyways.
“I said no Scout. Besides, it would be a horrible idea, none of you wankers can stand in a forest for 5 minutes without the whole place being on fire.”
“Hey! Pyro was getting scared of the dark!” Scout retorted back.
“Whatever. Point being,fuck no.”
“Awwww c'mon snipes, you love hunting! It would be a uh…. learning experience?”
“Alright, who sent you here, Scout.”
The Australian questioned. Scout crossed his arms and tried to look offended.
“I wanna try new things, is that too hard to believe?”
Sniper shot Scout an unbelieving glare, causing Scout to give up.
“Fiiiine. Engie put me up to this. He told me he'd fix up my radio if I did this. That thing got FUCKED when Pyro accidentally set it on fire. He says you need to 'be more sociable' and 'interact more'.”
Sniper wasn't surprised. He’d be surprised if Scout cared about anyone if he wasn’t given an incentive first.
“Alright, well could you go tell engie to fuck off and leave me alone?” Sniper said, starting to get a bit mad.
“Awww cmon snipes! It’d be so much fun! Plus a skull wouldn’t look too bad in my room….”
Sniper pointed to the door. Scout gave up, his radio wasn’t worth getting Sniper pissed at him. He walked towards the door, mumbling about how much he liked that radio.
Sniper shutted the door behind Scout, and took out his kukuri and a rock. He began sharpening the knife, a nice relaxation from the amount of talking he had to do to get Scout to go away.
Even though he probably was going to come back in two hours.
————-
"Yeah, he said to tell you to 'fuck off' and 'leave him alone'. Are you still gonna fix my radio?" The engineer sighed. He was sure it would've worked this time. "A deals a deal I suppose. I’ll get to fixing it once I fix up this doohickey” Engie pointed to a machine he was working on with his wrench. Scout for the life of him couldn't figure out for the life of him what it could be for. Scout looked around and whispered in Engie’s ear.
"And those toys for Pyro too, right?"
The texan nodded. For some reason, Scout had been asking many favors from his team regarding Pyro, for example somehow getting spy to get Pyro a stuffed rabbit from the town nearby. Engineer had his suspicions, but kept them to himself.
"Sigh. I really thought he would've gone with it this time. Sniper loves going hunting." He lamented. "Yeah, fucker even has wolf teeth hah!" Scout laughed, making vampire teeth with his fingers. Engineer slapped Scout’s hands from this remark.
"HEY, what the hell!"
"There’s no need to get mean, Scout"
"Augh,fiiiine. "
Engie looked at Scout and sighed. "Could you please go try convincing him with the hunting trip idea one more time? He might cave in, one can only stand you for so long."
Scout looked bored at engie. "And get my ass shot in the head? Nope!" Then the last part of what he said registered.
"AY- The hell man?"
Engie looked around and whispered. "I’ll see if I can get Pyro another plush if you do"
That seemed to convince him.
“Fiiiine. I’m blaming you if snipes shoots me" He mumbled as he walked towards the door, which was quickly stopped when the door flew open, smacking the Boston teen straight in the nose and making it bleed. From the door stepped in Sniper, who looked exhausted and annoyed.
"OW- fuck! My nose!"
Scout yelled at an indifferent Sniper.
Engineer peeked from his work on the strange machine and saw the bushman standing in the doorway.
“Oh, howdy Sniper. I thought you told me to screw off?” Engineer inquired, puzzled at the change of heart.
“Yeah, well I realized you were probably going to send Scout to pester me for the fourth fucking time, and having to deal with Scout is a fate worse then death, so fucking congratulations I’ll schedule the hunting trip for tonight. Don’t make me regret it.”
Sniper stated, then walked out while closing the door.
“Mission freakin’ accomplished, are you still getting the plush?”
“We’ll see Scout. We’ll see”.
—-
Unfortunately for Sniper, nobody had anything going on that night, so they all were able to attend the trip. They all stuffed themselves in Sniper’s van to his utter dismay. There was barely enough room for all of them including heavy, and were desperate for room in the small van.
Why couldn’t they just fucking carpool
Sniper thought in his head. He looked at the back and surveyed the van.
Scout and Pyro were doodling in a sketchbook,
Medic and Heavy were talking about something he couldn’t discern, Engie was with Demo with suspicious chemicals getting on the floor, Soldier was tending to his raccoons, and Spy was smoking in his van.
Oh dear Jesus I’m going to have clean up so much shit after all of this
He thought as drove into the night.
Eventually, they made it to the place. It was a calm forest with thick trees blocking most of the light. He stopped the car at a clearing.
“Alright everyone get out. We’re here”
Sniper got out of the front seat and everyone followed suit.
“Alright, first order of business, we need to start a campfire to cook anything we come across and so we can find our way back if anyone . I figured I could rustle up some sticks for tinder.”
Sniper explained. “I’ll be right back. Pyro I swear to god don’t start any fires”
Sniper stated to which Pyro put down their lighter disappointedly. Scout then patted their head which cheered them up a bit.
Sniper then trekked into the woods to look for sticks.
—————
For a forest, there sure weren't a lot of dry sticks. Sniper assumed that it must’ve rained during the day. No matter, he could probably find some larger sticks that were dry a bit deeper in.
As Sniper lowered himself to grab some sticks on the ground, he heard a stick snap behind him.
He turned around
and found nothing there.
“SPY ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME RIGHT NOW? IF SO CUT IT OUT”
The Australian yelled behind him. If spooks were really trying to scare him right now, he’d have to try harder. Then, as his eyes were fully adjusted in the dark, he saw tracks in the ground. He leaned over to observe them.
wolf paws
He thought. But these couldn’t be wolves could they? The feet looked large, and were almost
Human.
Well, if they are wolves, it wouldn’t matter if I don’t screw around with them. They’re not as violent as in the movies
He got out a small gun and twirled it.
and even if they do attack I’ll just bring em back for food
He went back to grabbing the sticks he was just gathering and went deeper in.
As he walked, he heard a second pair of feet behind him.
He twirled around to find two glowing eyes, sharp and wild.
Wait. Glowing??
what fucking animal’s eyes glow?
As the animal came closer, it became more and more concerning.
It was a dark black wolf, or rather it looked like a wolf. It was huge, and it’s eyes were bloodshot, with its body scarred with old battle wounds.
Sniper didn’t hesitate and shot the ever loving shit out of whatever the hell it was.
They all hit, but it kept coming.
The wounds seemed to not affect the thing at all.
Suddenly, it lunged itself at the bushman, biting him viciously on the shoulder, causing the Sniper to scream in pain.
The wolf slashed at his clothes, cutting at his chest.
He was starting to black out from blood loss, and took final shots at the thing, but they were for naught.
He soon fell deeply asleep
When he woke up, it had been a couple hours. As he came to his senses, he realized he was laying in a pool of his own blood and jolted up.
“Holy shit…”
Sniper grumbled. He looked at the parts where he was bitten. They still looked pretty bad, even still bleeding a little bit
He trudged back to camp. There was no way he was going to be able to get the rest of the tinder on this condition.
Eventually, he made it back to the camp, which was surprisingly still not on fire and was still in one piece. Scout heard Sniper coming in and was about to make a quip before seeing what had happened.
“Dear Jesus snipes, did you get run over or something in there? You look like shit!”
“Egh, some jackass wolf attacked me. I’m fine, just a bit roughed up” Sniper replied.
Medic looked over and immediately ran over to the roughed up bush man to look him over.
“Oh dear, Sniper, you seriously got roughed up. We should go back and I can check you ov-“
Medic didn’t get a chance to finish his sentence before Sniper interrupted him.
“I said I’m FINE doc, I don’t need you to check me over or whatever the hell”
“Egh. If ya say so. Ya might’ve caught rabies from zhee attack. We honestly really should go back-“
Sniper got in medic’s face and bared his teeth.
“I. Said. I. Am fucking. Fine.” He growled, almost sounding like an angry dog.
Medic stood still for a moment, pale as a ghost, before straightening his glasses and regaining his stature.
“verdammte Scheiße! Calm down, we can stay for now.”
Medic didn’t bother to mention that Sniper’s fangs were seemingly larger than normal.
“Alright, now that’s over with, I don’t think we can go out with me like this, so luckily, I brought food with me.”
Soldier raised his hand.
“Question”
“What is it mate?”
“I ate all the food”
Everyone stared at Soldier, who didn’t seem to be registering everyone’s anger.
“YOU DID WHAT??” Spy bellowed.
“I ate all of the food! If it makes it any better it tasted pretty good!”
Everyone groaned.
“I believe that vould warrant us going back”
“No, no, it’s fine. I’ll go find us a deer or something and we can get a fire going. Pyro can you get a fire going?”
Pyro was ecstatic at this and grabbed some logs that were nearby.
“Wait. When did we have logs???”
“Oh, Pyro got bored and started chopping wood.” Scout explained.
Sniper wanted to claw his face off.
of fucking course Pyro decided to chop wood after I got attacked by the bitch
“Alright, whatever”
Sniper went in his van and brought out his iconic Sniper gun.
“I’m going to go get a deer, lookout for any wolves.”
He hollered as he walked back into the woods.