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Shiba Hakkai had been wondering what kind of lucky person would be able to accompany Mitsuya Takashi in the future.
He bit the pen cap and pretended to concentrate on solving the problem that Mitsuya had just taught him not long ago. In fact, his thoughts easily drifted away from the mathematical formula. Hakkai’s gaze wavered, once again quietly resting on the delicate face of the person sitting next to him.
Mitsuya was plotting the axis of his math problem, with his other hand supporting his chin, and the sleeve covering half of the back of his hand as usual. At this moment, he quietly thought about how to solve the problem carefully, his long upper eyelashes dropped and stretched, looking especially attractive.
Hakkai had worried that his blazing gaze were too obvious, but later he realized from Mitsuya’s point of view, he could not detect his gaze at all. So he relied on the rather large height difference between him and Mitsuya, and looking at Mitsuya even more recklessly.
Today Mitsuya wore a loose-fitting clothes with a wide neckline, revealing most of his collarbone. His neck was slender, and the curve that extended to his shoulders was soft and immature. If Hakkai’s sight was at slightly higher distance now – like Mitsuya had opened the door for him early in the afternoon, Hakkai lowered his head to greeting Mitsuya, he swore he didn't mean to stare at it – he might see Mitsuya’s white chest, flat but solid.
Hakkai swallowed, reaching out to rub his hot ears. His feet fidgeted uncomfortably under the Kotatsu table – did the temperature had been adjusted too high?
“Hakkai, have you solved it yet?”
Hakkai quickly retracted his gaze, straightened his back quickly, and grabbed the pen.
“Yeah! I’m solving it now –”
Mitsuya was obviously not satisfied with this answer at all. He raised his eyes from the math axis, and looked to Hakkai suspiciously.
“Now?”
It was too late to take away the exercise book, but actually Hakkai didn’t even think of covering up the page – Because Mitsuya suddenly leaned towards him, and half of his body leaned on his arm. In this posture, he just need to step back a little bit or gently turn half around, Mitsuya would fall right into his embrace immediately.
Mitsuya leaned forward, and pointed the page which was as blank as Hakkai’s brain. “It’s been over ten minutes, hasn’t it? And you still can’t solve it? ”
Hakkai couldn’t open his mouth to answer a word, his body was no longer belonged to him at this time. He heard Mitsuya sighed, and then Mitsuya patiently re-explained the exercise problem for him, but he still couldn’t listen every word Mitsuya says. His fingertips were numb, and his blood flowed back with the momentary impulse, making him motionless. He stared at the skin behind Mitsuya’s ear and the hairline, where there was a pale blue vein pulsing steadily, contrasted sharply with his galloping heartbeat.
“Do you get it now?”
Few seconds had passed, Mitsuya didn’t get the reply from Hakkai. He frowned, turned his head, and poked Hakkai’s ribs with his elbow. “Oi, are you even listening?”
No matter how hard Hakkai gritted his teeth, he couldn’t stop the blood from his ears rushing to his face. “Taka-chan.”
“Hmm? What is your problem?”
“Next time don’t wear this clothes.”
“Huh? Why do you say that suddenly?”
Mitsuya frowned and looked down at his clothes. He grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulls it lightly and asked in confusion, “Doesn't it look good?”
This unintentional movement of Mitsuya made Hakkai gasped in his heart. Hakkai grabbed Mitsuya’s hand reflexively and hurriedly added, “Of course it looks good, but it's not suitable for going out.”
“Ah.” Mitsuya responded, still let Hakkai hold his hand, and then asked, “Do you feel hot? I don’t remember setting the temperature too high.”
Hakkai was stunned for a while, quickly retracted his hand and placed it on his knee obediently. The heat on his face didn’t drop but rose instead, making him stammer, “No! It's just – Probably, kind of…a little bit thirsty.”
This inadvertent physical contact always made him feel tiny happiness. Mitsuya’s hands were smaller, and because of years of housework, the thin calluses were embedded into the muscles fibers. But Hakkai’s hands were so big that he can easily wrap Mitsuya’s hands completely, just like he had accidentally did earlier. Holding Mitsuya’s hand in the palm, it was unexpectedly soft and smooth, almost unable to feel the bone.
“Sorry, let me go get you some water.” Mitsuya got up from the Kotatsu table, touched Hakkai’s forehead, “Sure about that you don’t have a fever.”
Mitsuya’s palm rested on his forehead, the rough fingertip gently brushed his eyebrows, then leaved.
Hakkai looked at Mitsuya opened the sliding door and resignedly scolded his two younger sisters who were chasing and playing with each other outside. “Didn’t I just let you two take a nap?”
§
Hakkai didn’t expect that the humble, unbearable happiness in his heart would overflow uncontrollably in an hour.
He tentatively whispered Mitsuya’s name several times, but the long and steady rhythm breathing told him that Mitsuya was sleeping deeply.
Mitsuya rested his head on his arms, his cheek pressed against a thick Japanese History textbook. The relaxation between the eyebrows, the slightly opened lips, and the red cheeks from a deep sleep, all of these exuded the childishness that belonged to his original age.
Hakkai looked at him passionately without blinking, guessed that Mitsuya might have woken up early to go for a morning jog, or he had to take care of housework until late last night, so he was now sleeping in front of him so defenselessly.
His sight was bolder than ever, but Hakkai knew that he wanted more than this – he wanted to kiss him, to felt him, to hold him into his arms.
Hakkai would never deny that he was greedy, but if he crossed the line, would Mitsuya still be willing to accept him? Would the unconditional tenderness fade away? Whenever he gathered enough courage, the imagination of being coldly rejected by Mitsuya reappeared in his mind, suddenly pulling him back from his dream and shattering all his courage.
But every time he got those trivial happiness in daily life, his courage was completely restored, just because of an eternal problem:
He wanted more than that.
Hakkai had an impulse to take Mitsuya into his arms, but he didn't do that. He just slowly approached closer to him.
He knew he was acting too reckless, but he had been looking forward to this moment for so long. Bringing a restless heart, nervous and alert, he was more cautious than ever, and bolder than ever too – Will Mitsuya suddenly wake up and push him away? He didn’t have time to worry about that. His happiness, his desire, and his dissatisfaction all drove him like a despicable thief, bringing his lips gently stamped on the corners of Mitsuya’s lips.
Blink of an eye, like a dragonfly gliding through the water or an accidentally touching, yet this was the most intimate thing he had ever done to Mitsuya.
Listening to the turbulent and frantic heartbeat of himself, Hakkai backed up quietly, pulled a safe distance between them.
Mitsuya didn’t wake up, as if what happened earlier was just a short ridiculous but wild dream.
Hakkai clutched his chest, surprised at his boldness. His sanity returned to his brain with the slowly cooling blood, and then the surrounding environment and voice gradually became clear – he heard the breathing sounds that neither belong to him nor Mitsuya.
Hakkai turned his head towards the source of the sound, only to find that the sliding door had been pulled slightly open somehow. In the middle of the gap were two pairs of bright and transparent eyes staring at him without a blink.
Luna moved her mouth pompous but silent: I, saw, it.
Mana hid behind her sister, and her mouth opened into a small circle.
Hakkai’s face turned pale in a sudden, he took a big step forward to cover Mana’s mouth before she made any sound. But his toe accidentally hit the leg of the table, his eyes were wet with pain.
“Hmm–” Mana opened her mouth to bit his finger, and pulled Hakkai’s finger out. And Luna crossed her arms across her chest and looked at him without saying a word.
Hakkai let go of his hand, and asked in a low voice, “Can you…help me keep it secret?”
Luna stared at the tears that seemed to come out of Hakkai’s eyes, gave him a look of repulsion, “It’s useless, Hakkai-nii-san.” Although she was softhearted, she still replied firmly, “Every secret has a cost.”
“Hakkai-nii-san is useless.” Mana repeated her sister's words like a parrot. Then, with the acquiescence of Hakkai, she grabbed his sweater and climbed onto his shoulder.
Hakkai held back his tears.
“I know.”
§
Mitsuya was awakened by a burst of cheery laughter. When he looked up with his bleary-eyes, he saw Hakkai kneeling on the tatami. And his sister, Mana, who made the sound, was sitting happily on Hakkai’s broad back, clutching Hakkai’s sweater and giggling.
Mitsuya saw that Hakkai’s sweater was about to be torn by Mana, so he asked suspiciously, “What are you guys doing?”
Speaking of which, this iron-gray sweater Hakkai was wearing was bought when Mitsuya went shopping with his mother before this winter.
When Mitsuya got home, he found this color was a bit monotonous, so he embroidered Hakkai’s name on the cuffs with silver thread. Then he made an excuse and gave it to Hakkai as a gift. Because of this incident, Hakkai was smiling foolishly in front of him for at least a whole week.
Luna was playing Hakkai’s NDS, and Mana was sitting on Hakkai’s back, they said in unison, “Play horse riding game!”
Mitsuya reacted at once, and could’t help but burst out laughing. Hakkai protested with a crying voice, “Taka-chan!”
Hakkai often offended his two mischievous sisters because of some small things. Mitsuya stretched himself, then picked up Hakkai’s math exercise book, and started checking it.
“Have you done with your homework?”
“Taka-chan—save me—”
§
Hakkai was caught red handed by two girls earlier, so he had to accept the fate and let the two little demons poke fun. He followed Mana’s instructions, reluctantly carried her to the outside room to get the doll for her.
Of course, because of that, Hakkai missed that Mitsuya gently wiped the corner of his lips with his sleeve, and whispered with the volume that only he could hear,
“Coward.”
Fin.
