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The impact knocks the breath from his lungs, force of the landing clacking his jaw together and sending reverbs of pain through his head. It’s dizzying and disorienting, everything around him dark and shrouded in shadow. Static buzz fills his ears making his head hum. Dust and ash float down around him as he blinks at the expanse of gray before him.
Where is he?
Trying to shift from his side to his back proves to be a very terrible idea. Pain rips through him, sharp and vicious. His neck. His shoulder. His chest. His head. His back. It’s so swift it leaves him light-headed and nauseous. But puking would be an epically bad idea between the added agony it would cause and the mask on his face so he tries desperately to breathe through it. Nothing makes sense, up from down, left from right, he can’t tell the difference with the way everything keeps tilting around him.
One thing he does know for sure, though, is that someone was with him.
Eddie.
Blinking his eyes back open, Buck tries to focus on the world around him. He knows Eddie was by his side, they’re never far from each other. Annoyingly close is what Hen calls them, sickeningly dependent is what Chim refers to it as, Bobby just always gives them a knowing look and calls them good partners. Where Eddie goes, Buck follows and visa versa. So Eddie, he has to be here. Somewhere.
It takes a monumental amount of effort, but Buck’s able to move his arm, the one not pinned under his body and raging in agony. He slides it slowly across the floor in front of him as far as he can reach, fingers scrambling in the darkness in hopes of finding his missing partner.
“Eddie,” he moans to the shadows.
He stretches as far as he can, arm sweeping in a clumsy arc around him as he searches desperately. A knot of anxiety tightens in his chest; he needs Eddie. Needs to know that he’s okay, needs him like he needs the breath in his lungs. He can’t do any of this without him.
“Eds, please.”
Don’t leave me, the thought flits through his mind on the crescendo of another wave of pain. The individual spots have coalesced into one amorphous blob of agony that is threatening to drag him under. Dark spots are dancing at the edges of his vision, each inhale too sharp in his chest, too shallow. The world tips and he feels like he might be falling again.
A light flickers from overhead, beam dancing around and cutting through the darkness, followed by a muffled voice. “I got him, Cap. Heading down to him now.”
A soft thud of boots, and kicked up dust, announces a new arrival.
Buck’s hand crawls across the floor in the direction of the noise, a pitiful whimper choking off in his throat as he searches. “Eddie.”
“Hey, I’m here. I gotcha.”
And there he is, hand settling on Buck’s side, flashlight beam illuminating the concrete and ash around them. Buck tries to turn his head, but pain bolts down his neck. A ragged cry tears from his throat as he stills instantly. Instead, he reaches out, shaky fingers wrapping tight around Eddie’s wrist, afraid if he lets go, Eddie might disappear and leave him alone again.
“Breathe for me, Buck. I got ya,” Eddie’s voice is a soothing muffle as he sweeps his flashlight over the scene. “I’m here. Just keep breathing. Cap we’re gonna need …”
Eddie’s voice fades away as Buck’s world narrows down to the too thin scrape of air in his lungs and the weight of Eddie’s hand on his side. He’s not alone. Eddie hadn’t left him. He’s right here, holding on to Buck like he’s the most precious thing in the world. How could Buck be so stupid to have ever doubted any of this?
“I’m sorry, I’m so-”
“Hey, easy Buck. You’re gonna be okay. I’ve got you,” Eddie tells him, shuffling around so he’s in Buck’s line of sight.
His face is hard to make out between the grime covered mask and the shadows looming, but his eyes are shining through, warm brown piercing straight into Buck’s heart, trying to reassure him. When Eddie starts to lean back, Buck’s fingers tangle tighter in his turnout coat, refusing to let him go.
“’m sorry,” Buck rasps again. He needs Eddie to know, even if it takes the last of his breath to do so. “Was wrong. Never should’ve-”
“Hey, we’re okay, Buck,” Eddie cuts him off, fingers tightening against Buck’s side.
But they’re not. They are miles from okay. Because both of their parents decided to come into town in the same week and turn their lives upside down. Because, despite combining their incomes, finances are still tight every month. Because they’ve both been working extra shifts and seeing each other less. Because they both let old insecurities fester beneath the surface until it all came to a head in one vicious argument.
Because, regardless of Eddie’s reassurance, Buck can feel blood on the side of his chest and knows that there is something wrong.
“Shouldn’t have said that,” Buck gasps out once again trying to turn his head to look at Eddie.
“Stop moving,” Eddie hisses, hands immediately reaching up to keep Buck’s head still.
Buck’s an idiot, he knows that now. He spent the night, absolutely miserable, on Maddie’s couch coming to terms with that fact, but he was too stubborn to fess up to it this morning. And yeah, he knows Eddie has a part in it too, but he should have said something earlier, never should have let it go on this long. He loves Eddie, loves their hectic life together, wouldn’t trade it for anything. He shouldn’t have taken it for granted. He needs Eddie to know that, just in case.
Eddie is the love of his life. He can’t die without the man knowing that.
“Eddie, please, I-”
“No, Buck. We’re not doing this, okay?” Eddie shifts until he’s crouched so low his face is almost even with Buck’s. “You are going to be fine. The team’s on their way and we are getting you out of here. No apologies because we’re okay.”
When Buck doesn’t answer, Eddie tips his head forward so they are mask to mask, Eddie’s hands still cupping the sides of Buck’s head to keep him still.
“Trust me, Buck,” he whispers. “I love you. We’re okay.”
Buck doesn’t know if he means the situation with their parents, Buck’s current predicament, or their marriage, but looking into Eddie’s eyes, he just knows he believes it.
They’re gonna be okay.