Chapter Text
Chamomile
"The very act of preparing and serving tea encourages conversation. The little spaces in time created by teatime rituals call out to be filled with conversation. Even the tea itself - warm and comforting-inspires a feeling of relaxation and trust that fosters shared confidences"
- Emilie Barnes
He had never really been a fan of tea.
It reminded him of boiled leaves, the kind of "potion" that Tess had tried to make him drink when he was playing tea party with her. It had tasted like tepid, bitter regret. Nothing like the jolt of energy, the feeling of being awake after a weary, restless night that coffee promised him. He'd been drinking it black, with a dash milk and no sugar. Sweetness did not belong in his life, he did not deserve it.
He hadn't expected it to be quite so soothing, like warmth poured down his throat. Kevin did not know if it was the nearly full cup of liquid he was holding in his hands or the look of serene contentment on the face of the woman who sat in front of him. A soft smile played on her lips as she added another spoonful of honey to her cup.
Honey.
Golden.
Cheerful
(Madison was honey)
"It is not as bad as I expected." Kevin admitted, almost reluctantly, taking another sip. He had never really liked how tea usually tasted on his tongue, but this brew was different. Unexpected.
"It's chamomile" she offered "Helps with sleep." Then, in a softer voice, she added "It helps me when I have thoughts that aren't too kind".
Kevin couldn't help the nervous chuckle that escaped him. He was all too familiar with those kinds of thoughts. They had made a home in the confines of his skull, borrowing into his brain for years. Sometimes, he felt like he was stepping into a puddle of water, getting his socks soaked. An uncomfortable feeling, but you could live with it. Other times, he felt like he could barely breathe. Like chlorine-heavy water, the self doubt filled up his lungs.
"I don't know why I said that" Madison's voice was soft. She was not looking at him, instead, studying the teacup as if she was seeing it for the first time "With most people, I try not to show these feelings, you know. No one likes a wet blanket around" she shrugged and took another sip of her tea.
"No, I.." Kevin nodded "I understand. I mean, it feels like I am always playing a role. Trying to audition for the part of the person that they expect me to be. Flawless when I am so much less than perfect. The funny thing is, it doesn't even feel like I am in control of my own life. Someone else is calling the shots and it is a particularly badly written script."
She laughed then, the pensive look on her face changing. Almost like she saw him, not the glamorous actor that the world had their eyes on.
He didn't feel like he was gasping for air. Not right now. Not with her.