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Somehow we found ourselves sitting together at the edge of a pool. I wondered if Brand was remembering the same thing I was, and how pathetic it would seem if I brought up the last time and that Thing that we never talked about. There was no way it would be a good idea, best to keep my mouth shut.
"Why did you push me into the pool?"
Brand narrow his eyes at me. I could see the gears churning, could almost see the arsenal of past vendettas and pranks he was ready to retaliate with, "Which time?"
Okay, fair enough, it’s not like it was the only time. Not too late to play it off as a joke, but my heart was jackhammering in my chest and I could see Brand sensing my nerves through our companion bond despite my best effort. His own nerves came back to me in a terrible escalating feedback loop of anxiety as we stared at each other in a perfect bubble of silence, the lights reflecting haphazardly off the surface of the water, dancing and mirroring my own uncertainty.
Fuck it. I plunged ahead, "When we were thirteen.”
Brand stared. “And I was drunk.”
He continued to stare.
“...and I kissed you."
"You were drunk," Brand repeated, his expression blank but our bond still spiking with heartbeat.
"Yeah, that time."
Brand’s glare made me feel like I’d just told him one plus one adds up to seventeen, "No, Rune. You were drunk."
"That doesn't mean I didn't want to do it."
"It means you didn't know what you wanted to do," he snapped.
A flair of annoyance at his condescension won out against the reckless folly of this course of action, "You kissed me back."
Brand had nothing to say to that, his jaw tightened and he turned his head away to stare into the pool.
I didn't want him to look away. Whatever this was, wherever it was going, I wanted it out in the open. I wanted him in the one way I didn't have him and having come this far I wasn't ready to let him off the hook. I needed to know.
"I'm not drunk now." It was a challenge.
He grunted, still avoiding my eyes but I felt that blip of his heartbeat kicking up and could see the muscles of his jaw and neck flexing with tension.
I scooted towards him, getting into his space, forcing him to look at me. There was no way I was going to make it easy for him.
Finally he turned my way. His eyes were the blue of the pool, the blue of the ocean, the sky, of my whole world.
His expression was torn like I'd wrenched him in two. He looked angry and miserable and it was enough to shake me out of my dogged pursuit. This was stupid, what was I thinking. I pulled away guilty but then he leaned forward, chasing after me and we both stopped short, staring at each other in stunned surprise.
I don't know which one of us it was after that who closed the distance. Maybe it both of us at the same time, in perfect sync as we always were.
Our lips touched, and it was nothing compared to the fumbling first time, or any of the other more practiced ones I'd had since with other men. It was so much more than just the physical sensation of two bodies touching. Everything around me was Brand, he engulfed me. He was comfort, he was my heart, my safety, my partner and companion.
It was a fire igniting in a dry brush, it was letting out of a breath I didn't know I’d been holding and taking in fresh air for the first time. It was the weight of the world baring down on me, the weight of him and everything between us.
We moved closer, more intent, hands roaming, desperate to be closer. I grabbed Brand’s neck, snaking my hands into his hair to pull him towards me. His arms reached around my back, hesitant for just a moment before sliding down to my waist with firm intent.
The bond between us sung with love and longing and home. With you and me, mine and yours, with the infinite us .
We broke apart briefly, coming up for air, blinking at each other, still close and clinging. Staring into his eyes my uncertainty came gnawing back at me.
Before he could say anything I tugged, shoving him sideways towards the water, I could see the outrage forming on his flushed face but I didn’t have time to gloat before the world started spinning in a way that had nothing to do with my heart or libido or oxygen deprivation.
Brand had his hand firmly clamped around me as he fell. I really hadn’t thought that part through.
We both crashed into the water.
"Bastard!" He yelled, choking out chlorine filled water.
Gasping for air, I laughed, spluttering as stinging pool water poured out of my nose and mouth. He growled and made a grab for me. I thought he was going to pull me under again, and for an instant I feared that this would be it, that we would have this one perfect moment but that's all it would be, that was all he wanted, that maybe he was humoring me or that he hadn't felt what I had.
Or maybe he'd just drown me right here and be done with it.
Part of me wondered if I'd broken the moment to give him an out I might be able to live with. I laughed, futilely trying to swim away in my heavy clothes, hoping he couldn't hear the strain in it.
“Don’t make me laugh Rune. In what universe do you think you can outswim me ?”
His tone was scathing but when he caught me and pulled me close I could feel his raw joy singing through our bond. I clung to him, trying not to let it show how hard I was fighting the pull of my heavy wet clothes and his lips sought mine again. We smiled into each other, whole and together, completing a moment that had started decades ago.