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The first time he saw him, he was flying. Strong legs lifted him up into the sky, bringing him over the net. His arms were in perfect form to hit the ball into the opponents court. Which he did manage just a few moments later. Keiji's eyes widened at the perfect display, entranced by the player. He didn‘t know it yet, but at that moment a decision was made.
When he started at Fukurodani, he didn‘t expect to befriend Bokuto. After all, he was the star player, his spike persuading Keiji to go to this particular high school. And Keiji was just Keiji. However, as coincidence wanted, they befriended each other. It wasn‘t like any of Keiji‘s other friendships, there was always something more. That probably should have been the tip off for him, but he was only sixteen and he didn't know any better.
As years passed, their unlikely friendship didn‘t end, it got stronger. Personality wise it didn‘t make sense. Everybody thought so. Teammates knew better. Opposites attract, as it says. At nationals, the last one for Bokuto, they got so close to winning and Keiji got just as close to figuring it out. They didn‘t though and Keiji didn‘t too.
The last time he saw him, he waved goodbye. It was after graduation. He was a year older and Keiji should have known, nothing lasts forever. After a final hug he was gone. Promises were made, but as it always is, promises get broken.
The following year Keiji was alone and he stayed that way. No Bokuto and no best friend. In the beginning, they wrote each other but it soon got less and less, both boys too busy with their lives. Bokuto is a pro volleyballplayer and Keiji a third year, captain of the volleyball team. Both are scared to do the wrong thing.
It was at nationals when he finally realized. Too late to do anything about it, their communication already gone. There was a reason for the special closeness, the neverending talking, the knowledge about each other, that goes far beyond friends. There was a reason Keiji got happy when he noticed that Bokuto was happy. His smile lit up the room for Keiji and he knew exactly when Bokuto needed his help.
He never reached out. Why should he, when all it would do was bring him more pain. There is a saying that time heals all wounds, so he waited. He never stopped waiting.
Moving on is easier said than done, but Keiji tried really hard. Still, he saw golden eyes instead of blue ones after a kiss, was disappointed by the lack of white/black hair after waking up next to someone, and missed the way his name is pronounced when he gets called.
After a while he stopped trying. The fact was, that nobody could be like him. Nobody would ever be good enough for Keiji. Not if it wasn‘t him.
Questions after a girlfriend or boyfriend ceased eventually, everybody already knowing the answer, nobody understanding why.
The pain numbed, but was still present. Feelings of regret and desperation surfaced sometimes but were repressed quick enough by logical thinking. Keiji was doing okay. Not fine and not bad. Okay. He managed to get a job as an editor, even if it wasn‘t in the literature department like he planned on in the beginning. But as aleady stated, that was okay, Keiji was used to not getting what he wanted.
It was october when he realized there wasn‘t really going to be a last time of seeing him. Deep inside he knew that it would happen eventually, but he was never prepared. Face to face with a Black Jackals vs. Schweiden Adlers poster and a certain someones picture in said poster, Keiji's composure he worked hard on over the years began crumbling. He managed to make it home before the tears appeared.
Apparently, he liked pain because the thought of the match didn‘t leave him alone. It didn‘t help that a lot of high school friends anticipated the match as well. In the end, Keiji had to go because of work. Talking about coincidence. What was even worse, was the interview he had to do with Bokuto. He figured that maybe he could move on if he saw him for real, as a last time, knowing his feelings would never be reciprocated.
The day of the match he was a nervous. Usually, he never thought about what to wear but today he did. Usually, he never thought about the way he looked but today he did. Usually, he never had to meet his unrequited crush but today he had to.
Arriving at the stadium did a lot to Keijis heart. All the feelings he thought he warded off were back, every single part of the feelings he was aware of, hurting more than ever. When he finally sat on his place, onigri in his hands, hurting love in his heart, the match started.
Keiji had thought it would be hard to look at him. But when his eyes traveled to the court, he was flying once again. He was the same and he was totally different. Keiji couldn‘t leave his eyes off of him. Throughout the game he remembered why it was the golden eyes he saw, the white/black hair he longed for and the loud voice he just couldn‘t forget.
It was his enthusiasm when he made the whole stadium clap, his happiness when he himself or the team scored, his smile, as well as his concentrated face, he wore while playing, his „hey, hey, hey“ he always shouted out and somehow got his catchphrase.
As the game came to a conclusion, Keiji did as well. It has always been him and it will always be him. Nothing‘s ever going to change that. Weirdly okay with his revelation, Keiji waited on his chair to meet him for the following interview.
When he saw him for the first time again, he was smiling. Smiling at Keiji, who knew that smile, because it played in his head forever. Keiji, who wanted nothing more than be the reason for that smile forever.
The interview went well. Like no time has passed, they were talking. It eased the pain in Keijis heart, even if it was bittersweet. The pain would come back and it would come back stronger than before.
Soon all the questions were asked and all the answers were given, leaving only everything other to talk about. Keiji thought he could see the same longing and desire in Bokuto's eyes but that couldn‘t be, pining does things to a man, like imagine his own wishes on others. After all Bokuto was Bokuto and Keiji himself was only Keiji.
Shy questions about his live, shy answers about the job.
Everything has to come to an end, their conversation now. Bokuto seemed to have something on his mind, Keiji could see. Keiji could always see and it made him unreasonably happy that at least that didn‘t change. He asked and learned. It was the question for his number and a promise to contact him.
Promises are here to be broken, at least that was what Keiji knew.
When he saw him for the last time again, he was walking out of the door. A shy smile directed at Keiji and a new promise made to be broken.