Chapter Text
01
inspired by Brooklyn 99
Sam: I want to show you a picture from last night that really upset me.
Dean: Okay but in my defense, Jo bet me 50 cents that I couldn't drink all that shampoo.
Sam: That's not what I wanted to-
Sam: YOU DRANK SHAMPOO?!
02
Dean: If I died, how much would you miss me?
Sam: It's cute that you think death can get you out of this relationship.
03
Young!Dean: Hello? 911? I accidentally stepped on my brother Sammy's foot and I need to be arrested.
Operator: No Mr. Winchester, we've spoken about this.
04
Dean, on the phone with Sam: I can handle some "me" time. Please, how pathetic do you think I am?
[20 minutes later]
Dean: I'm so pathetic.
05
Someone opens their mouth:
Dean: *sweating , nervous laughter* I'm not gay. *points at Sam* He's just my little brother.
06
Sam: I can fit my whole world in the palm of my hands.
Dean: Well that's impos-
Sam: *Cups Dean's face*
Dean: *Blushing* Sammy! I have a reputation!
07
inspired by Brooklyn 99
Dean: Desperate times call for Deperate Housewives.
Sam: What?
Dean: Measures. I said measures.
08
Cass: *sneezes*
Dean: Bless you man.
Sam: *sneezes*
Dean: Sammy, are you okay? Here, let me wrap you up in a blanket and hand-feed you some warm soup.
Ruby: *sneezes*
Dean: Oh my god. Shut the fuck up.
09
Sam, about Dean: If my brother thinks he can just bat his pretty green eyes at me and get whatever he wants-
Dean: *bats his eyes*
Sam: -he's absolutely right.
10
Sam and Dean: 3, 2, 1...happy new year! *starts kissing*
Cass: Guys it's not even midnight yet please stop making out every time the microwave goes off.
11
Dean: I hate going to the kitchen and realizing I am the only snack in the house.
Sam:
12
Dean: You are such a dork. You know what? A total loser.
Sam: Then let go of my hand.
Dean: *gripping tighter* No.
13
Bobby: I AM LOST FOR WORDS!
Dean, to Sam: *narrating* Despite being lost forwords, he yelled at us for 10 minutes.
14
Preschool teacher: Sam/Dean said a bad word in class.
John: Where the fuck did he learn that?
15
Cass, texting Dean: WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU AND SAM?
Dean, replying: WE'RE FUCKING
Dean: GETTING [not delivered]
Dean: DRINKS [not delivered]
Cass: Oh, never mind then.
Dean: WAIT [not delivered]
16
Jo: I dare you to kiss the next person walks into this room.
Sam: I'm not gonna just kiss anyo-
Dean: *walks in*
Sam: Okay FINE. I'LL DO IT. I'll kiss Dean. But ONLY because you DARED me to.
Jo:
17
Therapist: On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you like your brother?
Sam: Somewhere between "fuck him" and "I'd fuck him".
18
Dean:*acting scandled* I wasn't up all night!
Sam: I was woken up by you mimicking Dr. Sexy every 20 minutes.
19
Sam: What are you looking at?
Dean, taking a quiz online to find out what flavor of pie he is: Porn.
20
Dean: What's the word for horny but not in a sexual way? Like I'm horny for Conor's Diner but I don't want to fuck an apple pie. You feel?
Sam: Do you mean "excited"?
TBC