Chapter Text
The snow storm outside of the hospital didn’t seem like it was stopping anytime soon. With thick layers of frost plastered on the window panes, it was one of Japan’s worst snow storms. Despite the negative temperature outside, the hospital was warm.
It was already mid November since the incident. Having snow storms was not unusual but having them this early made everyone worried. Like snowflakes falling rapidly at an uncontrollable pace, it seemed like time was playing a cruel joke on everybody. Who knows what might happen and how hard the impact of it might be.
He could hear the beeping of machines somewhere near him. It was something he was unfamiliar with. His body did not feel like his; as if it was being weighed down by a mountain of rocks.
Not to mention, opening his eyelids felt like a chore. They felt like they were glued shut to stop him from looking at his surroundings. The body of his laid plaint like it had been for the past 2 months, not that he knew.
Voices could be heard in the room and in the hallway. It was a normal occurrence for visitors who had been by his side since then. The talks of family members and doctors about the condition of their loved ones, it felt like there was close to zero privacy.
The door to his hospital room swung open. There stood the players of MSBY Black Jackals and some familiar faces. A fruit basket and flowers were brought into the room with plushies as a ‘get well soon’ gift. The atmosphere seemed brighter with their presence.
The only thing was, they didn’t know when he would open his eyes.
“Hey Tsum-Tsum!” Koutarou beamed at the lifeless body on the bed. The others that had entered greeted him with enthusiasm as well.
It naturally became a session where the players would visit their fellow teammate on Sundays, which were their rest days. Some would even come twice or thrice a week to visit him. They would bring gifts and speak of their daily lives like they used to.
Besides teammates, close friends of his had also visited him whenever they could. Though, that can’t be said about his brother. But he doesn’t need to know about that. The press hadn’t heard of this news yet but there were rumours of him being spread around.
“Kou, I know you’re happy to visit him again but lower your voice. There are other patients next door.” Keiji had warned the volleyball player.
“Yeah Koutarou.” Inunaki snorted at the taller man who just pouted.
“It’s been awhile since we’ve last seen him! I’ve missed him.” The two toned hair of his seemed to be drooping down.
“We’re still at a hospital babe, we have to respect the other patients here.” Keiji smiled at his lover before pecking him at the cheek.
“Hey ‘Tsumu,” Inunaki started. “If you saw what happened, I bet you would’ve begged Kiyoomi to do it too.”
Chuckles and snorts went around the room. Kiyoomi, who was already sitting next to the hospital bed with his lover’s hand in his, glared at the libero. This made everyone burst out laughing.
“Oh the look on your face man.” Meian slapped his thighs as Kiyoomi sent dirty glares at everyone.
“You guys are so annoying.” The black haired spiker grumbled at their childish behavior. His thumbs caressing the cold knuckles.
“Anyways, you wouldn’t believe what happened, Atsumu!” Shouyou bounced to the side of the bed. His orange hair fluffed up and down due to his movements.
“Oh Jesus, he really looks like a carrot.” Barnes stared at Shouyou.
“Hey! I’m not a carrot!” The orange haired male pouted before averting his attention to the patient on the bed.
“You remember who Kageyama is right?” He started.
“Well, we were up against Adlers during the semi-finals last week and his sets were crazy!” Shouyou exaggerated with sound effects.
“But no one is as amazing as you at setting! I miss your sets ‘Tsumu. Please wake up soon.” The lively mood in the warm hospital room took a cold turn.
They missed his loud and cheerful voice. Miss the taunts he’d give and praises he’d chased after for. Though Koutarou and Shouyou, who were one of the few noisy ones in the team, still had their noises, it didn’t feel the same without Atsumu.
“We all miss you Tsum-Tsum.” Koutarou looked down, eyes suddenly filled with their tears.
Even if they had been visiting the past 2 months, they would always end up in tears while being in the room. Knowing that they could’ve helped him, saved him , this was eating them alive. He was right in front of them, red flags up and bright, but no one made the move.
“Miya, please wake up soon.” Kiyoomi brought his cold knuckles to his lips, whispering out warm words.
They say that time would heal wounds but how does time heal the wounds that had been engraved into the brains of one? The haunting image of his lover laying with wrists slit open and blood pooling out was always there whenever he closed his eyes. He couldn’t run away from it.
“Hey Shouyou,” Kiyoomi had dialled his number. “Is Atsumu with you?”
It was a Thursday morning and they were having practice soon. Atsumu, who had left early in the morning, said he had plans with Shouyou. He was acting his usual self so Kiyoomi had brushed it off.
Though he hadn’t received any messages from Atsumu, who would usually spam text if he had arrived at his destination, he didn’t think too much of it. Besides, what could both Shouyou and Atsumu do? Except for getting lost or losing their valuables.
Kiyoomi, who was worried if anything had happened to his lover, decided to call him. The call went straight to voicemail. It was strange. Atsumu always answers his phone call, no matter what he’s doing. He even picked up Kiyoomi’s call when he was pulling a number two in the toilet.
“Hello Kiyoomi, and no he isn’t. I thought he was with you?” Shouyou questioned.
The black haired male felt his body froze up. The voices in his head were nagging at him, telling him it was a mistake to let Atsumu leave their apartment alone. Even so, he took a deep breath before asking.
“Where are you at now? He told me he had plans with you last night and left early this morning.” His foot was tapping rapidly. This made Shouyou stop.
“Huh? I’m on my way to practice now. We never make plans before practice though, unless we planned to have a meal together.” Worry could be heard in both their voices.
“Do you think he lied to us and is currently with Kou?” Shouyou had asked once again after a few moments of silence.
“I hope so. I’d rather not find him somewhere far by himself. I’m gonna call Kou right now. Bye.” Before hearing Shouyou bid goodbye, Kiyoomi had ended the call.
While dialing Koutarou’s phone number, the black haired male had quickly grabbed his training bag and necessities before leaving the house. His footsteps were quick to his car.
“Oh! Kiyoomi is calling me? Keiji! Kiyoomi is actually calling me first!” The loud voice of Koutarou blasted through his ear.
“It’s serious Kou. Is Atsumu currently with you?” He started his car.
“No he isn’t. I’m still at home, getting ready to leave soon. Why? Shouldn’t he be with you? Tsum-tsum told me he was gonna be busy with you in the morning so we couldn’t meet for breakfast.”
“H-he told you that?” Kiyoomi had stuttered out, this time panic with panic rising.
“Yeah! Anyways, what’s wrong? Is he not with you now?” Koutarou asked.
“He lied to me. And to Shouyou. And you, Kou. He lied to the three of us.” Kiyoomi had no choice but to tell the owl-like man the truth.
“But why would Tsum-tsum lie to us? To you, especially.” Confusion was thick in his voice.
“I don’t know. He wasn’t acting weird when he left the house so I didn’t think too much. And I thought he would be telling the truth!” The black haired male banged his head onto the steering wheel, trying to think of the possibilities where Atsumu could be at.
He could hear another voice speaking over the phone, which meant that Keiji was listening to the conversation.
“Hey Kiyoomi, this is Keiji and you’re on speaker now. How was Atsumu behaving the past few days?” The editor asked.
This question took Kiyoomi off guard. He knew Atsumu had been acting weird lately but they were barely noticeable. He would always say that he’s fine even after overworking himself. Food and water intake had decreased as well.
“Well, he hasn’t been eating a lot like how he usually does. Sometimes he’d sleep really late but wake up super early. He doesn’t engage in a lot of things nowadays. He’d even spend a longer time in the shower.” Kiyoomi mumbled out with every passing word.
Why didn’t he notice the signs earlier? Something was clearly bothering him but Kiyoomi just brushed it off, thinking it was the aftereffects from their practice. He was such an idiot.
The black haired male tried thinking harder, trying to recall any weird events whatsoever. Just when he was about to give up, he remembered about it. The day he found out what Atsumu had been doing to his body.
Kiyoomi was hesitant, he didn’t know if it was his place to tell this to other people. But he needed to find where his lover was currently at and he would do anything in his power to. The thought of Atsumu currently doing it made his face pale.
“I once found a blade covered with blood in the cabinet.” He vaguely said it. Knowing Keiji, he would understand what Kiyoomi meant. On the other hand, there was still Koutarou.
Things were silent. He didn’t know what the reaction of those two would be like. He’d hope that they weren’t disgusted by him.
“We need to find him now.” Keiji broke the suffocating silence. “Do you know where he'd go if he was sad?”
“Well, he would usually be at our apartment but he isn’t, nor is he at yours or Shouyou’s. I doubt he’ll be at Osamu’s shop either.” Kiyoomi grumbled.
“Why would he not be Miya Onigiri?” Koutarou had perked up.
“They haven’t been talking for almost four years.” Another silence. It felt like fact bombs were dropping everywhere today.
“Okay so we’ll rule out these four places. Where else could he go?” Another bang to the steering wheel. He couldn’t think of any places.
Recalling one of their late night talks, Atsumu had once mentioned that he had missed his old house. The same house where the downfall of his relationship with his twin brother first started. The Miya family had moved ever since both their sons went their separate ways into a cozier home.
It would take at most an hour and a half to reach by train and it was nearing lunch hour. Which meant a crowded train station. Thinking of it made him feel like puking. A whole cluster of germs near him.
Would he be there? Has the house not been bought yet? Why would he go to a place where his memories would haunt him? All sorts of questions were popping up in his head.
While he was in his mental questioning, with Keiji and Kou on the line, an incoming call broke his questioning.
“Osamu is calling me. I’ll put you guys on hold for a while.” Kiyoomi had alerted the couple before accepting the call.
“What the fuck did Shouyou mean when he said my twin brother is missing?” Was the first thing he received instead of a greeting.
“It literally meant that. He lied to all of us and now we have no clue where he is.” Kiyoomi gritted out.
“How the hell did that even happen? Aren’t you living with him?” The other had growled out.
“I don’t see how you can be acting this way after ignoring him for years.” The black haired male spat out. His patience was running thin.
“He’s still my brother!” Osaumu yelled.
“Not with how you had been treating him! Do you think Atsumu thinks the same way? Huh? Do you think he knows that you still think of him as a brother?” Facts after facts. Kiyoomi was so angered by Osamu’s behavior.
“You have no idea how many nights I had to comfort Atsumu to sleep from his nightmares. Ironically, you were in all of them! You are the main cause for him to self-destruct, did you know that?” His mouth couldn’t stop.
Months after the day Atsumu had begged him to stay after being sick, the trust and bond between them grew stronger. Atsumu had opened up his heart and mind to Kiyoomi, who promised to always be there by his side. He knew of the demons stirring up trouble in his mind.
“I bet you didn’t know that your ‘brother’ had to take antidepressants a year after your big fight. Bet you didn’t know that there were cuts and burned marks on his body. Bet you didn’t know the mental damage you had caused your brother.” Kiyoomi screamed out. He was very frustrated at everything.
He just wanted Atsumu back in his arms, cuddling him.
“I-I..” Osamu stuttered out. He was shocked. Yes, he never knew what Atsumu was going through ever since their fallout. But he didn’t know it was to this extent. The phone call ended after Osamu had failed to utter a single sentence.
“What did he say?” Keiji had asked once the call was redirected back to them.
“Trying to act like he still cared.” Kiyoomi growled out, blood flowing with irritation. “I’m going to go to their old home. There’s a chance he will be there.”
“I’ll come with you.” Koutarou insisted.
“No you can’t Kou. There’s training in an hour and it’d be weird if the two of us miss out without prior notice.” The black haired male informed the other.
“Tsum-tsum might be your lover but don’t forget, he’s my best friend too. Along with Shouyou. It’s only right that we be there for him when he needs us.” Koutarou spoke up. His words were true which made it harder for Kiyoomi to decline.
“Okay fine. I’m heading to the train station now. You inform Shouyou about this while I ask Osamu for their house address.” In the end, he gave in.
“Alright. See you then Kiyoomi!” Koutarou shouted before ending the call.
Kiyoomi was still seated in his car with his training bag and necessities in the passenger seat. He stared at them before grabbing his wallet, phone and keys. Running out of the car, he was making a dash to the train station one block down from their apartment.
Despite being rush hour, he had managed to snag a seat in a quiet cart. He thanked God for that. Whipping out his phone, he quickly messaged Osamu and asked for his previous house address. Once the address was given, he shared them with Koutarou and Shouyou.
Now, all he had to do was wait.
Surprisingly, the three of them met each other in front of the house. During the train ride, Kiyoomi had tried multiple times to call Atsumu. But not once did he pick up which made his stomach churn.
“He hasn’t picked up a single call of mine.” Kiyoomi informed the duo when they were in his view. Both Koutarou and Shouyou shared their stories where Atsumu had ignored their calls too.
“This is the right house, right?” Shouyou had asked. The three of them stared at the medium sized house from top to bottom.
It was obvious that no one was currently residing in this voice. The ‘house for sale’ board was still hanging on the door knob. Grass was overgrown and there was a thick layer of dust on every window sill.
“Yeah, I’m sure it is.” Kiyoomi confirmed before making his way towards the door.
He tried turning the doorknob but it wouldn't budge. The surprised male turned to the duo and tried opening the door once again.
“It’s locked.” Koutarou stated the obvious.
“Help me knock this door down. I’m sure he’s here.” Kiyoomi urged the two of them which led them to where they were currently.
Three volleyball players were trying to push open a locked door while yelling for Atsumu. It was tiring and difficult but they didn’t give up. They couldn’t give up.
“Come on. One last push and I’m sure the door will be knocked down.” With the encouragement from Kiyoomi, the three of them used what remaining strength they had left before pushing the door down.
“We did it!” Shouyou had yelled when they stumbled into the house.
While Shouyou and Koutarou were excusing themselves for entering in such a barbarian way, Kiyoomi made a dash for the stairs while yelling for Atsumu. He was in the house where Atsumu grew up in, where most of his haunting memories were formed.
“Atsumu! Where are you Miya!” He yelled non-stop, in hope of finding his lover.
“Tsum-tsum! Where are you? We’re here to bring you home okay!” Koutarou shouted along.
“Come on Atsumu! It’s time we bring you home for some cuddles!” Shouyou followed not long after.
“I’m going to search the second floor.” Kiyoomi stated before roughly opening each door along the second floor hallway.
Doors after doors but there was no sign of Atsumu. Making his way to the last door at the end of the hallway, he could hear voices. His eyes grew wide before barging into the room. Though, there was no sign of Atsumu.
‘I was sure I heard voices coming from here’, he stood still in the square room. Allowing silence to engulf his surroundings. Then, he heard it again. The familiar cries of his lover coming from a door connected to the room.
His strides were large and rushed as he made his way to the door. Kiyoomi tried pushing the door but it was stuck. He didn’t want to give up, couldn’t give up , when Atsumu was right in front of him.
So, he tried and tried to push another door down. His throat was dry and there were traces of sweat on his face. He felt disgusted but he kept at it.
“Atsumu!” Kiyoomi had screamed as he pushed the door open after multiple tries. But he wasn’t prepared for the sight in front of him.
There was so much blood everywhere: the floor, the walls, the sink, on Atsumu . He could feel the bile moving up his throat. He could barely make out the steel blades on the floor and countertop.
The empty bottle of antidepressants lay on the ground next to him with his body slumped against the bathtub. His phone was loosely gripped in his palm with tears streaming down his face.
“No, no, no, no !” Kiyoomi rushed to his limp body, cradling Atsumu’s head in his embrace.
“Kiyoomi! Did you find h-” He barely heard Koutarou’s voice before hearing a loud gasp.
Kiyoomi didn’t dare to look away from the lifeless face of his lover. His face was void of colour and expression. It didn’t look like the Atsumu he knew and loved.
His ears felt like they were plugged. He couldn’t hear what was happening, only knew that Atsumu was in his arms. Their bodies were rocking while sweet and warm words were falling out from Kiyoomi’s lips.
“Hey Miya. We still have our promise. You didn’t forget about it, yeah? We were supposed to play in the snow this year. I promised you that so you have to stay, yeah? You can’t leave.” Kiyoomi didn’t know if he was wailing. Everything was so muffled but he knew he was talking.
Atsumu’s eyes were drooping close with every second. The panic in Kiyoomi only rose as he witnessed his lover losing the power to live. He held his body closer, in hopes that his body warmth would warm up the cold one of his lover.
The once bright and lively eyes were so lifeless now. Staring at the ceiling with nothing but emptiness while blood was still oozing out from his wounds. His lips were a shade of blue with goosebumps on his arms.
When the paramedics arrived, Kiyoomi could barely hold himself together. He wanted Atsumu to receive immediate attention but he didn’t want to let go. He feared that that would be last time he’d get to hold Atsumu.
“Kiyoomi! You need to let him go! We need to get him to the hospital now!” Koutarou had pried Kiyoomi’s arms away from his lover before dragging him out the bathroom.
The paramedics were quick on their feet to transfer Atsumu to the stretcher. It wasn’t long before the siren of the ambulance was drifting further away. The trio were standing in shock and disbelief. They couldn’t believe their eyes.
Kiyoomi felt the pieces in him break. Atsumu was someone he considered to be his significant other half, his soulmate, even if he found those words cringy to admit. Sobs were wrecking out of his body as he slid down the wall.
Everything was finally catching up to him. Ditching practice, coming to Hyogo, breaking into an empty house, Atsumu’s lifeless body. His cries were far from stopping. There were blood stains, Atsumu’s blood, on his clothes.
No matter how hard he tried to lie to himself, the image of him slumped on the bathtub with no energy to live shattered his heart once again. It was torturous not only to him, but to the other two as well.
Everyone in the room was sobbing out loud. The sight of their best friend laying out cold with cuts and blood everywhere was a painful one. They didn’t want to believe it, if they did, then it would mean that they had failed as his best friend.
Things were in a blur from there. He didn’t remember who or what came with extra clothes and how he got to the hospital. The only thing running in his mind was Atsumu and Atsumu only. “I’ve contacted Meian and told him to alert your coach about this.” Keiji told the three of them as they sat in the waiting room of the hospital.
Keiji? When was Keiji here? Kiyoomi’s brain took a break from thinking of Atsumu when he heard Keiji speak.
“They are on their way.” Keiji glanced at Kiyoomi.
“That’s good.” The black haired male nodded mindlessly.
This waiting game was hell. The ticking of the clock hanging on the wall was irritating him. It felt like it was mocking all of them.
“I’m sure he’ll be fine. The doctors will do everything they can to save him.” Keiji reassured them, or himself, they didn’t know. They didn’t need to know.
Approximately six hours had passed since Atsumu was rushed into the emergency room. Meian and a few other players, as well as their coach, arrived a few hours before and were briefed on what happened. Nobody wanted to believe the truth.
There was no sign of Osamu throughout the entire time and that made Kiyoomi’s blood boil. He was sure Keiji had informed the shop owner about his brother’s condition but why wasn’t he here? He was so confident in saying that they were still brothers despite what happened between them.
The red glowing sign board above the translucent doors leading to the emergency room turned off. Kiyoomi, who had sat near the door, flew up. A doctor accompanied by two nurses walked out, looking worn out.
“Friends of Miya Atsumu, I presume?” The doctor scanned the ocean of volleyball players.
“We’re from the same volleyball team, I guess you could say we’re family too.” Barnes informed the doctor.
“Well, I’m afraid I can’t disclose any details of what happened to the patient but he is now stable and resting.” The anxiety brewing in their chests was simmering down.
“Bad news is that, although he is in stable condition, he was unfortunately comatosed. We don’t know when he might wake up due to overdosing and excessive blood loss.” The doctor and nurses looked down before bowing.
Everyone had mixed reactions after being told of this news. They didn’t know how to react. Miya Atsumu? Tsum-tsum? Comatosed? These were facts that they didn’t want to believe.
“C-can we visit him now?” Kiyoomi asked, voice hoarse from all the crying during the past few hours.
“Yes you may but only one person at a time.” With that, the doctor and nurses made their way.
Fresh tears were streaming down Kiyoomi’s face once again. It was a surprise that there were still tears left to cry. He felt like he had been squeezed dry until news of Atsumu came.
Following the news of Atsumu, evertything became a mess. The players had asked and requested if it was alright to move Atsumu back to Osaka. Although the doctor was reluctant to agree to it, he finally gave in after having a talk with their coach.
Atsumu was moved back to Osaka after a few days of being hospitalized. Everyone did their part so that news and rumours of this incident wouldn’t spread. It went smoothly with the cooperation of others.
Although it had been two months since the incident, Kiyoomi sometimes had nightmares about it. That image would constantly haunt him whenever he tried to get a wink of sleep.
It was no surprise that everyone grew worried about his condition. It was almost the end of season when everything happened. When the public was told that Atsumu had to sit out for health reasons, everyone wished him a fast recovery. They just didn’t know the truth.
MSBY Black Jackals managed to steal a spot in the semi-finals before losing to Adlers by two points in the neck-to-neck competition. It would've been better if Atsumu was there with them. But he wasn’t.
Instead, he was lying lifelessly on the cold hospital bed with wires attached to him. Kiyoomi hated it, loathed that thought. He knows, knows , that Atsumu will wake up. Just not now, one day but not now.
The hospital room was once again filled with sniffles. Nobody could contain their emotions.
Kiyoomi closed his eyes as he felt tears slipping from his eyes. His lips were still against the cold knuckles while loving words were being whispered out. Everyone grew accustomed to this scene.
“Yer guys are being too loud.” A soft voice had wheezed out. A familiar voice. That only made everyone sob louder. Kiyoomi still had his eyes closed, not believing his ears.
“Are ya deaf?” Again. The same voice again. The voice that Kiyoomi had been yearning to hear once more.
His body shook harder as he thought of Atsumu more. He didn’t think he was crazy enough to be hallucinating about his lover’s voice right now when he was out cold on the bed.
“Shut up.” The voice coughed out, his body shaking slightly.
Kiyoomi, who was gripping Atsumu’s hand, felt the movement. Head shot up immediately, the sight of his lover with his eyes open stared back at him. A faint smile was present on his face.
Even with the snow storm outside, the hospital room felt warm once again. With Atsumu being awake after two months, everything felt like it was back to normal.
“Miya.” Kiyoomi called out. He kept repeating his name which caught the attention of others. The people present in the room gaped at the woken up male. They couldn’t believe their eyes.
Names and nicknames were being called out as everyone surrounded the hospital bed for a hug. The germaphobe in Kiyoomi had screamed at him when he felt unknown arms around his shoulders but he didn’t care. Not when Atsumu was awake.
“Tsum-tsum!” Koutarou had cried out especially loud. His body was shaking really hard from his sobs. Keiji was tearing up next to him while comforting his lover.
No words were needed, their cries filled up the silence in the room. It was a sight alright. Any passing visitor could just look through the small window at the door and see bulky men surrounding the bed doing God knows what.
After the doctor was notified that the patient had woken up, several tests were conducted to double check on his condition. Kiyoomi was by his side through everything. He was afraid that if Atsumu was out of his sight, he would disappear.
The members that had visited him told them about what he had missed out the past two months. No one mentioned a thing about the incident. They were delighted to finally see their fellow teammate awake.
While Inunaki was telling Atsumu about how he almost slipped down the stairs, Kiyoomi had dragged Koutarou and Shinsuke, who had visited them later, out to the hallway. The three of them stood right outside the door with serious faces.
“Don’t tell anything about this to Osamu or his parents.” Kiyoomi started. He didn’t want to see Atsumu suffer from his twin brother anymore.
“I get it for Osamu, but his parents? I’m pretty sure they were notified when he was first hospitalized.” Shinsuke nodded at what Koutarou had brought up.
“His parents weren’t his emergency contact, I was.” A wave of silence.
“Alright, I understand. I won’t tell them but you know he’s going to have to face them soon right?” Kiyoomi could only nod.
He knew sooner or later Atsumu would have no choice but to face them but he’d rather delay that from happening. With the agreement the trio shared, they each made their way back into the room. It felt nice being lively again.
When the snow storm had calmed down during the evening, all of them left except for Kiyoomi. Even a blind man could see how worried he was. Words of encouragement and love filled the room before it was once again engulfed by silence.
The two male stared at each other. Atsumu still had wrists bandaged and there was an IV drip connected to him. Kiyoomi grimaced at the sight of the needle.
It was obvious that Atsumu had gotten considerably thinner. His cheeks were no longer full and round and were hollow. A tsk went through the mind of the black haired male.
“Why did you do it?” The comfortable silence was broken by the straightforward question from Kiyoomi.
Atsumu shook his head, what else did he expect from Kiyoomi? Forever brooding and forever this blunt.
“I was tired.” Atsumu kept it simple. If he disclosed too much, he feared Kiyoomi would be disgusted.
“You know I’ll never feel disgusted with you. Tell me the truth, Miya.” Kiyoomi had asked once again, desperation clear in his tone. He needed to know the reason why he did it.
“I’m telling you. I really was tired of everything. I was just thinking of myself because it got too hard for me.” The bleached blonde muttered out. He feared that Kiyoomi would be angry now that he had admitted the reason why he attempted.
But how could Kiyoomi be angry at Atsumu? Instead, he felt angry at himself. Why didn't he notice sooner? Why didn’t the alarm in his mind blared the moment red flags were obvious? He felt so stupid and useless that he couldn’t even help his lover.
“Why didn’t you tell me? I promised you I would always be there for you, Atsumu. Why didn’t you let me be there for you?” Tears were once again threatening to fall from the black haired male’s eyes.
“I didn’t want to burden you. It was almost the end of the season so I thought I could just hold it in. I know how anxious you get when the season is ending.” Atsumu didn’t dare to speak above whisper.
Hearing how Atsumu was degrading himself, Kiyoomi grew furious. He grabbed him by his cheeks, warm hands on cold skin. By doing so, they had no choice but to remain in eye contact.
“Listen to me Atsumu.” Kiyoomi gritted out. “You will never be a burden to me. You are a blessing in my eyes.”
“Sure sometimes you piss me off beyond limits but there was never once where I thought you were a burden. Never .” He emphasized on ‘never’.
“You were one of the few who accepted me even after knowing I’m a germaphobe. You’re always thinking of how to help others silently and I am really lucky to have you in my life Miya.” It was a bit cringy, Kiyoomi admits, but those were sincere words from his heart.
The longer they held each other’s gaze, the more obvious it was that there was a glaze over them. Shaking warm hands that were still coddling cold cheeks, he brought their foreheads closer.
“Why?” A sob wrecked out from Atsumu. “What did I do to deserve this?”
That was a very broad question. Kiyoomi didn’t know if he was talking about the fallout between the brothers or him surviving his attempt. The coloused pads of his thumb brushed against the smooth surface of his skin.
“You deserve the world Atsumu. I’ll do everything I can to bring the world that you deserve to you. I promise.” Moving to peck his forehead, Kiyoomi clenched his eyes shut before embracing Atsumu.
The quiet snow storm, the warmth of the hospital but nothing beats the fact that Atsumu had finally woken up after two long months. Kiyoomi felt his heart relaxed.
“Due to you being comatosed for almost two months,” The doctor started while scanning through the file.
It had been a week and a half since the bleached blonde gained consciousness and they were discussing discharging Atsumu. Both Kiyoomi along with their coach were present. The nurses who were in charge of Atsumu had informed them that he was good to go which brought them to where they were now.
Atsumu was sitting on the bed, legs swinging while Kiyoomi sat next to him. Their coach was standing next to the bed while the doctor stood opposite them. It felt somewhat intimidating, as if they were in a principal office.
“His muscles are not what they used to be. So it would be best for him to go to rehab.” The doctor concluded his sentence.
“I’m fine. My muscles are fine. I can still walk and function.” Atsumu spat out.
He had been doing that a lot lately. His mood swings were going haywire as days passed by but Kiyoomi never pointed anything out. This made Atsumu feel angrier.
Like a docile doll, that’s what Atsumu felt like. Kiyoomi wouldn’t let him do anything alone and was always there for him. Though it was nice at first having his lover be there for him, but his mind made it seem more twisted.
A few days after being awakened, Atsumu’s daily life changed. He would wake up at nine in the morning and request for his breakfast. Kiyoomi usually visits at ten when visiting hours are open.
Then, Kiyoomi would help him to the bathroom as well as shower him. After showering and brushing his teeth, he would be guided back to his bed with Kiyoomi holding him.
It was nice to have Kiyoomi by his side now that the season was over but it was getting too much. Atsumu felt the frustration growing day by day but said lover doesn't seem to notice the frown on his face whenever he helps him.
“Hey Omi,” Atsumu said the moment he was comfortable on the bed. “Why do you keep helping me?”
The other stared at him dumbfoundedly. He tilted his head at the question directed at him. Wasn’t it obvious?
“It’s because I want to.” A nonchalant answer. Atsumu knows Kiyoomi meant well but the voices in his head never stopped nagging at him.
“You want to or you need to?” He was twiddling with his fingers, trying to hide the fact that he was anxious.
Who wouldn’t be anxious? When their lover was about to confess whether or not they’re doing it because they pity them or because they worry for them.
“Of course it’s both! I want to help you become better, Atsumu, I told you. In order for my wants to come true, I need to help you too.” He said it like it was nothing.
Atsumu grew quiet but his mind was still going at a hundred kilometer per hour. They seemed busier now that Kiyoomi had answered his question. But why wasn’t he satisfied with it?
The silence brought hostility into the room, as if saying one wrong thing might trigger a war. Letting out a sigh, Atsumu laid back down on his bed before turning away from Kiyoomi.
“I’m tired.” And with that, the bleach blonde closed his eyes before dozing off.
“You may think you’re fine but your muscles haven’t been used in a long time, excluding the little walks from the bed to the bathroom. They might not be familiar and would cause harm to the patient.” The doctor tried reasoning to the man throwing a tantrum.
Atsumu knew it was childish of him to be acting this way but he was at his limit. Everybody thinks of him as a special case, needing to be treated with utmost care, like he could break any moment. It pissed him off.
Sure he might’ve survived his attempt which made everyone on edge, thinking he might do it again. But all he wanted ever since waking up was to be treated like how he used to. Now, everyone was walking on eggshells around him.
“I told you I’m fine!” Atsumu jumped up from where he was sitting.
The moment his legs hit the floor without Kiyoomi supporting him this time, he soon found himself on his knees. They were weak, his legs were weak . Without help, Atsumu wouldn’t be able to do anything.
He didn’t want anybody’s help. He can do it, he will do it. His immature thinking and acting was just making it harder for the people around him.
The realization shook his body late and he felt tears threatening to pour out once again. He was so angry at everything and everyone.