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Nicole was in the kitchen of the homestead on Saturday morning making a fancy vegan breakfast with one arm, and using the other arm to hold her son, Wes. He was coming up on six months old. She couldn’t believe how fast the time had flown by. Even more unbelievable was how much she and the rest of the family had gone through in the past few years.
Wynonna and Doc had come home after about six months of travelling around with Alice, and once they got home, the family had so much to deal with (arguably enough to fill a few seasons of some TV show). Luckily, they had prevailed every time, and they were sure that there might be another demon just around the corner, but they would face it together, and it didn’t mean that they didn’t get to live their lives.
As Nicole continued cooking breakfast she couldn’t help but think about the reason she was putting all of this food together as a surprise for Waverly, who was still fast asleep upstairs. She let her mind wander as she started to make some coffee.
3 years ago:
Waverly had been distant and Nicole had no idea why. She and Rachel had tried as hard as they could to get her to talk to them, but nothing worked. Wynonna and Doc had been gone for about three months, and at first Nicole thought that was the issue, but the more she talked to Waverly the more she realized that couldn’t be it. It was something else and she knew it. She just wasn’t sure how to get Waverly to tell her what it was.
At this point Waverly barely said a full sentence to her in a day. It was always “good morning” and then she went to work. She came back and said “hi”, thanked whoever served her dinner, and said “goodnight” when she went to bed. Nicole was desperate but she was also getting fed up. She was supposed to be there for Waverly to talk to her and rely on her, but she just wouldn’t and Nicole didn’t know what to do anymore.
Today Nicole had the day off from work, so she slept in, which at first seemed like a good idea, until she realized that she would miss Waverly’s usual “good morning.” At this point Nicole felt that every word she got was precious. Around lunch time she decided that once Waverly got home she would put her foot down and do anything she could to get Waverly to talk. In all fairness, she wasn’t sure exactly what she would do, but she wouldn’t stop until Waverly told her something. She didn’t need her to tell her everything. She just wanted to hear her wife say something like “I’m working on it. I’ll tell you when I’m ready.” That would be enough for Nicole.
Nicole was waiting on the couch when Waverly got home. She quickly stood up and turned to look at her wife. She had recently developed a slightly more masculine sense of style. Today she was wearing a jean jacket over a white t-shirt and blue skinny jeans. She gave her a half smile, mumbled hi, and went to the kitchen after taking off her coat and putting down her bag. Nicole followed her to see her take a beer from the fridge and walk right back outside.
Nicole took a deep breath. “Now or never Haught,” she said to herself, and then walked outside to see Waverly sitting on the stairs while drinking her beer. Nicole went to sit with her.
“Honey, I know something’s been bothering you lately, and I don’t want you to feel pressured to tell me what it is, but can you at least talk to me? I need you to know I’m here for you,” Nicole said. In response Waverly simply sighed and walked further outside. Nicole was quick to follow.
“You don’t even have to say that much. Just tell me that you know how to handle it and that you’ll be okay because frankly, Waverly, I’m scared! I’ve never seen you acting like this before and I don’t know what to do! Just say something!” Waverly stared off into space and sipped her beer as Nicole looked at her expectantly.
“Nothing?! Seriously? For fuck’s sake Waverly I’ve been trying for like three months! Everything I try you just ignore me! Maybe I haven’t been making enough of an effort but dammit I’m your wife! And you’re my wife! We’re supposed to come to each other when something’s happening!” It was at that point that Waverly started to cry.
“Oh baby come on, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell, come here,” Nicole went to hug her wife, but Waverly pushed her away and started walking back towards the homestead. Nicole was so frustrated to see that her own wife wouldn’t hug her that she actually let out a loud, frustrated growl. She wasn’t proud of almost losing her temper, but she just wanted to comfort her wife, so she went to follow her.
“Okay, what the actual hell?! Am I doing something wrong, Waverly? Is that what it is? Maybe if it is, you could actually tell me, and then I could avoid doing whatever it is that’s offending you so fucking much!”
“YOU’RE DOING EVERYTHING RIGHT NICOLE,” Waverly yelled as she abruptly turned around to yell right in Nicole’s face. Nicole couldn’t help but recoil. She hadn’t been expecting such an abrupt outburst.
“Everything you’ve been doing has been absolutely perfect! You’ve been supportive and loving, and...perfect! And that’s the problem,” Waverly finished. Nicole sighed. She was finally getting somewhere with Waverly but she would have to be careful with what she said next. She didn’t want Waverly to retreat back into her shell.
“Would you mind expanding on that?” she asked. She felt like a damn English teacher asking a question like that but she was too scared that anything more would freak Waverly out. The answer Waverly gave her broke her heart.
“If I tell you I’m scared I’ll lose you.”
Nicole was stunned. What could Waverly have possibly done that would make her lose Nicole. “Waverly wha...why would you say that?” Waverly sat down on the front steps of the homestead and held her face in her hands letting her tears fall. Nicole sat down next to her and tentatively put a hand on her back rubbing soothing circles. Waverly took a deep breath and removed her hands from her face, but didn’t look at Nicole, instead staring at her feet.
“My whole life, all I’ve ever wanted was other people’s approval. And if they didn’t give it to me I wanted it even more. Every time Mama dressed me up in some pink dress and she and Wynonna called me pretty, I loved it. I was so proud that they liked it. So when Mama left, it always felt like I had done something wrong, so I kept on trying to get everyone else's approval. Wynonna always gave me her approval, so I kept on trying to make her happy by dressing up in pretty dresses. Daddy and Willa always hated me, so naturally, I dressed up even more hoping that would change something.
“And then everything changed all at once. Daddy died, Willa was taken, Wynonna had to leave, so I went to live with Gus and Curtis and I had to start from square one. Of course they had always seen me in dresses, so that’s what they kept on dressing me up in, and of course, calling me pretty. So I kept on dressing up in pretty dresses hoping that I would keep on getting their approval. And of course every time Wynonna and I got to see each other, she kept on calling me pretty, so I kept on dressing in pretty dresses.
“And then as I got older, I started catching the attention of boys, and of course, I was always taught that I had to be with a boy, and that the only way I could get a boy to like me was to be pretty, so I kept on trying my best to be pretty.
“I remember one day I realized just how pretty I thought Chrissy was, and when I went to tell Stephanie, she was so fast to let me know how weird that was and that I couldn’t like a girl, so I buried those feelings as deep as I could, and started going out with Champ.
“As far as everyone was concerned, I was perfect. I was a smart, attractive, feminine young woman with a man by my side. Everyone loved me, so I kept going, doing everything I could to keep making sure everyone was happy with me.
“And then...you.
“Nicole, you were the first person I ever met who made me feel like all I had to do to make you happy, was basically to just be myself. So, I broke the charade a little bit. I broke up with Champ. I accepted that I didn’t need a man just to get approval. And then I accepted my feelings for you. And slowly, the more I was with you, it felt like I didn’t need the approval of the town anymore. It still felt like I needed Wynonna’s approval, but I was making progress.
“And then, she left. All of a sudden, so so fast, I didn’t have anyone around who I needed approval from. Literally for the first time in my life, I was alone with my thoughts. I didn’t have anyone around who I felt like I needed approval from anymore. For the first time ever, I was able to ask myself what I approved of, not what others approved of.”
“And what did you find?” Nicole asked.
“I found that I don’t like dresses. I don’t feel remotely comfortable in them. They don’t feel like me. I don’t really like feminine clothes either. Like the blouses and crop tops I’m always wearing? I don’t like the way I look in them. I like jeans. Skirts feel weird now. And I suppose I’ve never worn overly feminine shoes except for special occasions, but I feel so much more comfortable when I wear hiking boots than when I wear heels.
“I don’t like having long hair. Cutting it a few months ago felt so amazing, but even that wasn’t quite enough. I want it short. Like really short. And the thing that scares me to death...the thing that I’m worried will make me lose you,” Waverly took a deep breath in and out before continuing, “I don’t like...my pronouns. When people are talking about me and say “she”, or when they’re talking to me and say “ma'am.” I hate it. Or when people call me your “wife,” I mean, of course I love being married to you. I’m so proud to call you my wife, but it doesn’t feel like I’m your “wife.”
“What do you want to be called?” Nicole asked, keeping her voice as calm as possible.
“I want people to use they and them when they’re talking about me. And I don’t need people to call me “ma'am” or “sir.” Just say my name for fuck’s sake. And I don’t want to be your wife...I want to be your spouse. Nicole I thi...I think...I think I’m gender queer...I’m sorry,” with that Waverly let the flood gates open. They collapsed into Nicole’s side and cried until they couldn’t cry anymore, terrified of what Nicole would say when they were done crying.
“Waverly look at me,” Nicole said, moving to try to be eye to eye with her spouse, but Waverly was not cooperating, “Wave please look at me.” With a bit of coaxing, Waverly finally looked up at Nicole, not quite making eye contact, but close enough. “Waverly Earp, I love you. I love your kind, brilliant, strong, and resilient soul. I love how much you care about everyone and everything. I love how you cuddle up to me every morning mumbling about how it’s too cold to go to work. I love how you’re always the first person to get to Rachel after she has a nightmare. I love how excited you get when we FaceTime Wynonna and Alice. I love how obsessed you are with watching The Crown. I love how happy you are when you tell me you got to dissect something at work. I love that you cry at the end of every rom com we’ve watched together,” Nicole moved to wipe a tear away from Waverly’s cheek.
“Waverly, I’m still gonna love you if you cut your hair, change your style, change your pronouns, and start calling yourself my spouse. As long as nothing in your heart changes,” Nicole moved to put her hand over Waverly’s heart, “I’m still gonna love you. I’m still gonna love my fucking incredible, bisexual, genderqueer spouse, you got that?”
Hearing Nicole’s words caused even more tears to fall from Waverly’s eyes, but this time they were happy tears. They collapsed right back into Nicole’s arms. “Thank you,” they said, so grateful to have someone as incredible as Nicole in their life. Nicole moved back a little bit, not enough to let go of Waverly, but enough to look into their eyes.
“What do you say this weekend, we go over to the mall, get you a haircut, and an entirely new wardrobe?” she asked.
“Perfect,” Waverly said, going back to burying their face into Nicole’s neck, breathing in the calming smell of vanilla, so very grateful that they wouldn’t lose that smell anytime soon.
Waverly told Rachel later that night during dinner. Rachel of course was very happy for Waverly, and just glad to hear that they were finally taking the steps to feel more comfortable with them self.
Wynonna and Doc had surprised them all, coming home a week earlier than expected. They were both shocked to see Waverly with a shaved head and a significantly different wardrobe than they remembered. Wynonna, in a panic, started asking if Waverly was sick, and Waverly was forced to explain much sooner than they wanted to, but luckily, Wynonna was just proud of her younger sibling, giving them the most crushing hug she could. Doc was confused, but he assured Waverly he would try his best to always say the right thing.
Before long, everyone knew, and Waverly would walk down the street with their head held high, with Nicole by their side. They were happier than they had ever been before.
After a few years of insanity with more demons, Nicole told Waverly she wanted to have a baby. Waverly was scared, knowing that they would never be truly safe, but Nicole quickly explained that they deserved to be happy, and they would face everything together. Convinced, Waverly agreed, and a year later, Nicole gave birth to their beautiful baby boy, Wesley Haught-Earp.
Present Day:
Nicole was brought out of her thoughts by Wes spitting up a little bit. She quickly put him over her shoulder and started patting his back. She thought back to yesterday morning.
It was father’s day, being a tough day for everyone. Waverly and Wynonna because they had a terrible history when it came to fathers, Doc because he never knew his father, and Nicole and Jeremy because neither of them were accepted by their fathers. All of them decided to take the day off from crazy, Jeremy spending the day with Damon, Wynonna and Doc spending the day with Alice, and Nicole and Waverly having a lazy day in bed, along with Wes. At one point, Waverly had brought up the excellent point that there was mother’s day, there was father’s day, but there was no day for gender non conforming parents. Nicole got to thinking, and eventually she decided to surprise Waverly by dubbing the next day “parent’s day.”
And that was how Nicole found herself now, making vegan pancakes one handed while holding her son in her other hand. Eventually, she managed to finish making everything and arranged it all on a tray. Vegan pancakes with fruit on the side along with freshly squeezed orange juice and black coffee. She smiled proudly and held Wes up over her head to look up at his face.
“You think Baba will like all this? I think they just might.” After Nicole had Wes, Waverly panicked, not knowing what they would have their son call them, but all it took was a simple google search, and they found a list of gender neutral names for a parent. Waverly’s personal favorite was Baba, so that’s what they went with.
As carefully as she could, she carried the tray in one hand, and carried Wes with the other. Eventually, she made it to her and Waverly’s room.
She set the tray down on the small couch, she set Wes down on her side of the bed, and then she went to settle over Waverly. She bent down and started kissing a circle around Waverly’s face until they started to wake up. They stretched their arms above their head, and then proceeded to turn over mumbling about how it was far too early for a Saturday.
“Too early to be surprised with breakfast in bed?” Nicole asked. Waverly quickly started turning back over.
“Wait no I’m up, I’m up,” they said quickly, making Nicole giggle.
“Good, ‘cause if you didn’t get up Wes and I would have shared that beautiful meal, thank you very much,” she got up and handed Wes over to Waverly, “you wanna say goodmorning to Baba?”
“Hey buddy,” Waverly said as they held their son close. Nicole grabbed the tray and brought it over to the bed.
“Here we have your favorite vegan pancakes, an assortment of your favorite fruit, freshly squeezed orange juice, and black coffee.”
“Babe, this is so amazing, what made you do this?” Waverly asked. Nicole excitedly brought her hands over her head.
“Happy parent’s day!” she shouted. Waverly beamed. “Here, I’ll trade you,” she took Wes and handed the tray to Waverly, “dig in and enjoy.”
As Waverly ate their breakfast, they and Nicole just talked about anything and everything, occasionally bringing Wes into the conversation, knowing how important it was to be as vocal as you can with your child. Waverly also occasionally fed a bite of food to Nicole. Wes tried to get a few bites too, but Waverly didn’t let him have any given that he hadn’t quite made the transition to solid foods yet. He got a little fussy being denied food, but as soon as Waverly gave him his favorite stuffed bear, he calmed right down. Once Waverly finished their food, they and Nicole snuggled up in bed with Wes in between them. After a few minutes of cuddling, Nicole spoke up.
“So what do you want to do on your first official parent’s day as a parent?” she asked.
“I just want to enjoy my time with the two wonderful people who made me a parent,” Waverly said.
“So you want to spend all day in bed watching movies with us?” Nicole asked with a smile.
“Yes please,” Waverly said, laughing.
“Anything for you,” Nicole said as she leaned over to kiss her spouse.
As the couple watched all of their favorite movies and cuddled with each other and their son, Waverly couldn’t help but think about just how content they were. They were at home, with their wife and son, the rest of their family causing chaos downstairs. They were finally happy in their own skin. Sure there was probably some new demon just around the corner, but they would face it together.
As a family.