Chapter Text
The Opened Window
Catra didn’t mean anything by what she said, but as soon as she said it, she knew they couldn’t come back from it.
She kicked herself over and over for the next week, wishing there was some way to undo it, some way to delete it from Adora’s memory. But it was there now, and it wasn’t going away. She saw it in Adora’s face, written deeply underneath her skin. She saw it in the way Adora’s ears perked up slightly when something related was mentioned. She saw it in the ways that Adora would sometimes grow distant, staring off away from reality, her thoughts becoming singular in their focus.
Adora was always such a heavy sleeper, but now she took ages to fall asleep. Catra could feel her energy ebb and flow as Adora tossed and turned carefully, trying not to bother Catra sleeping beside her. Even Melog seemed more on edge, sleeping in a little loft they had built above the bed. Catra kept her eyes closed, trying to will Adora to sleep, to forget about it, but she knew it was in vain. So, she waited, watching for the moment when Adora’s obsession would reach the critical mass needed to take action.
— — —
“Glimmer looks so happy now that Micah is around. I’m a little jealous.”
“Jealous? Really? You, Catra, are jealous of Glimmer?”
“Well, I wonder what it’d be like to know my birth parents.”
“Huh. I guess I’d forgotten about that.”
“Don’t you wish you’d met your parents?”
— — —
It took nearly two weeks for Adora to finally say something about it again, long enough for Catra to begin hoping she’d forgotten.
They were visiting Salineas, now nearly rebuilt, and helping put up some walls on a large community building at the center of a nearby village. Catra helped as best she could, but mostly she just watched as She-Ra lifted the massive beams into place on her own, enjoying the feeling of stretching her muscles. Catra smiled, seeing her in action, and turned to find that Melog was using its illusions to occupy some of the local kids. It sent waves of bubbles at them as they charged towards the magical creature, trying to tag it. If any of the bubbles hit them, they had to start all the way back from the other side of the clearing.
Catra laid back onto the sandy ground, letting herself breathe in the ocean air with a contented feeling in her chest. She reveled in it. Before she joined the Rebellion, her emotions felt so intense and consuming. If she let herself stay in them too long they’d take over and she’d come back to her senses hours later, struggling to make sense of how time passed so quickly. But these days, time slowed down when she focused on them. Catra noticed things she’d never noticed before, like the way that joy made her arms release tension, or how stress made her fur tingle, or that her face could hurt from smiling too much. It didn’t always feel great, but these days Catra felt like she’d been given a whole new set of senses to work with.
Catra didn’t even realize she’d fallen asleep until she was suddenly awoken by the sound of a beam collapsing. She jolted upright, ready for action, only to see that no harm had come of it, just a tiny accident that She-Ra easily made right. Melog was snuggled up next to her, and lifted its head quizzically. Catra heard it ask, “ Do I need to be worried? ” She shook her head. It was sometimes strange the way Melog communicated with her. While it could make sounds she could understand, it usually preferred to communicate telepathically. It wasn’t like she heard it’s words in her head, more like she could suddenly sense what it was thinking and could respond the same way. Almost like being fluent in body language.
Catra stretched, arching her back and throwing her hands above her head, feeling unexpectedly well rested. Outside of the Fright Zone, she’d found that laying down in patches of sunlight could put her to sleep surprisingly fast, and she’d wake up feeling refreshingly recharged. She stood up, walking over to check on Adora, and stopped in her tracks when she noticed it. Melog ran to her side, brushing against her legs nervously.
Adora, still as She-Ra, stood frozen in place, staring at a local family. The mothers simply strolled through the market, with a daughter holding their hands between them. Their arms swung happily, as the young girl tugged them back and forth, bringing smiles to their faces. Adora shrunk back down to her normal size as She-Ra left her, and she turned back to Catra with eyes that betrayed a deep longing inside of her.
Catra took a deep breath through her nose, trying to steady herself without Adora realizing she needed to. She strolled over towards Adora casually, hoping that her nonchalance would be reassuring and help Adora let it go. As she got closer, the look in Adora’s eyes told her that those hopes were impossible. It was time.
“I want to find my parents,” Adora said suddenly as Catra reached out to hold one of her hands. “I know that it’ll be hard, but we’re not in Despondos anymore. The portal I came through was from this dimension. They’re out there, somewhere.”
Catra looked down at the floor, sadly. She sighed, “Okay, Adora.”
“And I know what you’re thinking, but we don’t know that Horde Prime really wiped out all of the First Ones. They could be out there still!”
Catra nodded quietly.
“And I talked about it with Entrapta, and she thinks it’s possible that I’m right! She didn’t say that exactly, and probably was just excited to have a new project to work on, but still!”
Catra looked away from her, trying to prevent Adora from seeing the worried look on her face. These days, she wore more of her emotions on her sleeve, like Adora, and moments like this made her miss the days where she could more easily hide behind a mask.
Adora paused and stared at her for a moment. “Are… are you mad at me?”
“I’m not mad.”
“You seem mad.”
“I’m not mad.”
“Then what’s wrong? I thought you’d be excited.”
Catra was surprised to feel tears form in the corners of her eyes and her jaw quiver. She turned back to Adora and slowly wrapped her arms above Adora’s shoulders, holding her while trying not to cry.
“Catra?” Adora’s voice sounded concerned, as Catra took steadily deeper breaths, trying to compose herself. “Catra, what’s wrong?” Melog walked over and brushed against their legs, and Catra could tell Adora was staring at it, looking for clues that would help her figure out what Catra was feeling.
“I… I don’t…” Catra suddenly couldn’t find the right words. She kept trying to begin a sentence, only to give up a few words later. She sighed.
“It’s change, again. Isn’t it?” Adora said, finally catching on.
Catra nodded into Adora’s shoulder. “Things are so good now. Why do you… what if…?”
Adora leaned back and held Catra’s face in her hands. Catra felt flustered, and tried to look away from her, but couldn’t escape Adora’s focused and kind eyes. “I’m not going to replace you, Catra. Or leave you, or decide I don’t love you, or stop choosing to be with you every step of the way. There’s nothing that will change the way I feel about you, okay?”
Catra felt uncomfortable with all of the affection, and buried herself in Adora’s neck again. She held on tightly, as though she could keep everything the same just by holding on tight enough. Adora lightly ran her fingers through Catra’s hair, and Catra felt even more embarrassed by the tiny, involuntary purr that resonated in her chest. Adora pulled back to look at her slightly, grinning at her with those dopey eyes, and Catra couldn’t help but smile.
She closed her eyes and took another breath. “Okay,” Catra said quietly, just above a whisper, opening her eyes to look at Adora seriously, “let’s do it. Let’s find them.”
“Are you sure?” Adora could barely hold back her excitement. Catra caught a glimpse of vibrant blue in her eyes, knowing that She-Ra was always there, deep inside, and that when Adora felt strong emotions, She-Ra helped her carry them.
“Yeah,” Catra said, stepping back from her embrace. She held her arm nervously. “You’d just do it without me and get in over your head, anyway.”
“Oho, asking for my gratitude already, are we?” Adora grinned flirtatiously. She started to kiss Catra’s neck, and it took all of Catra’s strength to remain focused.
“No…” Catra eventually said, pulling away from Adora, “I just want you to remember who knows how to save your ass when you get in trouble.”
“Wait a minute…” Adora crossed her arms and looked up, jokingly lost in thought. “ Who was it that rescued you from Horde Prime?”
Catra shoved her playfully. “And who was it that saved your ass and destroyed the Heart?”
“Shadow Weaver, and then She-Ra.” Adora said, counting on her fingers.
“You don’t remember a deviously cute feline hero saving the day?” She knocked her fist against Adora’s head. “You’ve really taken too many hits to your skull.”
“And who was the one hitting me?”
“Eh, you had it coming.”
Adora laughed and wrapped her arms around Catra’s waist, pulling her into a warm kiss. Catra felt herself melt into it, and felt just a little embarrassed that Adora could make her feel like that so easily. She once again wished this moment could freeze forever, that everything other than this feeling could fade away. She heard Perfuma’s voice in the back of her head, reminding her that things came and went, and a person had to learn to flow with the changes around them. Catra knew what happened to herself anytime she stopped letting things flow, and shuddered internally at the thought.
— — —
Catra watched as Adora’s hands gripped the command chair’s armrest firmly. Finally having a new mission to focus on, Adora was back in action mode. With her eyes sharply focused, brow slightly furrowed, shoulder’s rigidly squared, staring intensely at some holographic map, Catra couldn’t help but remember all the times she was on the receiving end of Adora’s hero complex during the war. Catra stared at Adora with a look of concern, and a little pity, and decided someone needed to make her take herself less seriously. She hopped up onto one of the armrests of the chair and started to play with Adora’s hair poof, pushing it down and watching it bounce back up again. Adora smiled at her absently.
Bow strolled into the room, carrying a bunch of boxes which he set down loudly in the corner. “We should be well stocked for this trip. No more dehydrated powders or evaporated mixtures.”
“Aw. And here I was, hoping to eat space food again for the next month,” Catra joked, and Bow smiled.
Glimmer suddenly teleported into the room, appearing right next to Bow, who seemed a little annoyed by how close she landed, though not surprised.
“Almost got everything packed and ready to go!” Glimmer beamed, and Catra could tell she was thrilled to no longer bear the weight of being queen anymore. “Oh, wait, I think I forgot something!”
Glimmer teleported away, quickly reappearing with a small bag in her hands, which she quickly set down. “Bow, did you remember your-,”
“Oh, shoot, you’re right! I’ll go-,”
“I got it!” She teleported again and quickly returned with another small bag. “Do you think I should also bring the games we talked ab-,”
“We’re bringing a lot alr-,”
“Nonsense! I’ll get them!” She teleported away again, quickly reappearing and disappearing a number of times in rapid succession, each time with a new board game. She disappeared one last time, and didn’t come back for a minute.
Catra looked at Bow with a smirk. Bow looked slightly embarrassed and annoyed.
“She can’t teleport in space,” he sighed, “so she’s been teleporting everywhere to get it out of her system before we go.”
Catra smiled at him and the two of them laughed lightly. She looked back down at Adora, who was still absorbed in the holographic maps. Bow peaked over at her as well, whispering to Catra, “How long has she been like this?”
Catra rolled eyes lightly, and mouthed back, “Too long. Last night, I caught her chopping vegetables with She-ra’s sword.”
Bow laughed quietly, and went back to moving boxes into their proper places in the ship. Melog sauntered into the room, and paced around semi-anxiously before leaping up to the backrest of the command chair and getting comfortable. Catra began absent-mindedly stroking its mane, all the while still trying to figure out what was happening in Adora’s mind.
Catra heard the sound of Glimmer’s magic behind her, and was surprised to hear another voice with her.
“-readjust the converter shells, just in case-,”
“It’s going to be alright, Entrapta. Darla is in great shape, nothing to worry about.”
“Ooohh, I know,” Entrapta mused, a little sadly. “I’m just going to miss her so much!”
“You and Bow set up the new communications system, right? You should be able to chat with Darla no matter where we are in the galaxy.”
Adora suddenly stood up and faced Entrapta, startling Catra and Melog.
“Entrapta, are you sure that we have the right coordinates?”
“Nothing is sure in science! That’s the fun of it!” Entrapta beamed, and her hair lifted up her data pad towards them. “But, portals tend to leave a quantum rupture at the sight of their event horizons. They’re all unique, and so all we need to do is find a signature that matches the rupture patterns that were left by the portal that brought you here!” On the data pad, Catra could see some strange markings that looked almost like a matching game, except across the universe.
Catra looked on nervously. She briefly remembered Hordak’s sanctum, and the portal she activated. She could feel the remnants of the anger inside of herself when she had gripped that lever, and shuddered a bit. Sometimes, Catra wondered if she’d ever ever forget that feeling. Melog’s head nestled against hers lightly.
“You seem to know a lot more about portals than before, Entrapta,” Catra mused, slightly suspicious.
“I’ve been helping Glimmer on trying to-,”
“We’ve learned a lot from Horde Prime’s technology,” Glimmer interrupted, and Catra could tell there was something more going on. Entrapta looked at Glimmer, and winked innocently.
“So where do these coordinates lead?” Adora asked, still focused.
“Somewhere in the Loleshi star cluster,” as Entrapta responded, her data pad highlighted an area of the galaxy that seemed packed with stars. “It’s hard to say for sure, because the quantum rupture is so old and has been dissipating over time, but once you get there our scanners should be able to get more specific.”
Adora turned to the rest of them, “The Loleshi star cluster it is.” She paused for a moment. “It might still be dangerous, you don’t have to come if you don’t-,”
“We’re coming,” Glimmer said confidently, Bow standing beside her. Adora looked at them gratefully. She turned to Catra, who smiled with confidence she didn’t feel, trying to comfort Adora.
“Let’s go.”
— — —
It was about a week into their flight that the pressures of space flight finally started to get to Catra. She could only see the same corridor so many times. Stare out the same window for so long. Play the same board game so many times.
She grew frustrated; especially with herself. Catra knew how much she used to be able to handle, but now sitting around for too long was enough to get her to crack? She had a rare moment of regretting ever doing Perfuma’s meditations. Before them, she at least knew that she could handle anything. Mostly.
Adora wasn’t much help either. She was busy imagining every possible way that finding her parents could go. She talked about it non-stop, every day proposing some new possible way she could introduce herself, or wondering what they’d think of her now that she’s grown up without them. It was in the middle of one of Adora’s rambles that Catra finally snapped. She wordlessly got out of bed and strolled into the corridor, eventually finding a perch in the command room where she could stare out into space.
She watched aimlessly as stars passed by in the thousands. She wondered how many of them she had seen before, staring out the windows on previous days. Catra sighed, pulling her knees to her chest and then tucking her head into them.
A little time passed, and she could tell Adora had entered the room, hovering in the doorway. She felt a little bad walking off on her like that, but she just couldn’t take it anymore. For just a moment, she had resented Adora. Catra hated the feeling, and was scared of it. The last time she had allowed herself to resent Adora…
She turned her body away from the doorway. She heard Adora sigh lightly, and walk over to the window. Catra peaked through her arms to see Adora lift her hand to touch her, before shaking her head and retracting it. Adora climbed up onto the ledge, and sat across from Catra.
“I’m sorry,” Adora said after a few minutes. Catra didn’t respond. “… Are you mad at me?”
Catra thought for a moment and shook her head softly, still tucked into her knees.
“What’s wrong?”
Catra shook her head again.
“Okay. We don’t have to talk.” Adora stared off into space vacantly, and Catra felt a little guilty. She knew Adora was just nervous to meet her parents, if they were still alive, and couldn’t help it. They sat in silence for a while.
“I’m not trying to replace you,” Adora said suddenly and Catra could tell she was spiraling. “I’m not going to abandon you just because I’ve found them. You know that, right?”
Catra took a breath and looked up at Adora. Her eyes were serious and a little desperate, and Catra was reminded of all the times she’d seen Adora make this exact face. She uncurled her legs and crawled over to Adora, laying her head against Adora’s chest. Adora looked surprised, and a little relieved.
“Not everything is about me,” Catra mumbled, staring off into space.
“I thought you were feeling abandoned.”
“I was feeling annoyed that we’ve only had one thing to talk about for the last week.”
Adora let out a restrained puff of air, and then started chuckling. Catra felt her face smile timidly. Adora hung her head, still laughing lightly, and kissed the top of Catra’s head.
“I’m an idiot.”
“Yeah, blondie, you are.” Catra snuggled a little deeper into Adora’s arms. “I’m sorry for storming out.”
“It’s okay.” Adora stroked Catra’s fur softly. “Soooo, uh. What do you want to talk about?”
Catra felt herself burst into laughter, as the tension suddenly left her. Adora started to laugh with her, a bit unsure, but happy. Catra shifted again in Adora’s arms, and they stared off into space together.
“Do you think Scorpia and Perfuma have finally gotten together yet?” Catra mused.
Adora snorted, “What? I thought they were just friends.”
Catra laughed. “It’s shit like that that makes me realize why you never figured out I was in love with you for so long.” Adora laughed with her. “You didn’t feel the tension between them at the summer ball?”
Adora scratched her head, “How did I miss that?”
“Couldn’t keep your eyes off your hot date?”
“Something like that, I guess.”
Catra smiled warmly, and Adora kissed the top of her head. They sat there, staring off into the stars together, feeling themselves on the verge of something new and important and different. Something both already here, and also just out of reach.
“What do you think that is?” Catra asked after a while, staring off at an object in space, glowing brighter than most of the stars around it.
“I have no clue,” Adora began stroking Catra’s fur again. “Honestly, I bet Entrapta wouldn’t even know.”
“There’s really a whole galaxy out there, isn’t there?” Catra could feel Adora nod slowly. “Sometimes I miss feeling like Etheria is the whole universe.”
“That’s just because I was on Etheria,” she squeezed Catra tightly, smiling.
Catra stared back out at the bright object out of the window. Did it just change color? And… and did it get bigger?
“Admit it, I’m your favorite thing about Etheria,” Adora said, putting on a child-like voice and poking Catra.
“Shut it, blondie,” she sat up suddenly, bringing her face closer to the window. “Did that star just change?”
“I dunno, I wasn’t paying attention.”
Catra watched it, affixed to the window. She felt her fur rise a little, and her tail began to flick back and forth. She couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong. But, then again, it almost always felt like something was wrong. Maybe it was nothing?
“Hey, Catra,” Adora said, sitting up and resting a hand on the back of Catra’s neck, “what’s wrong?”
“I… I’m not sure.” She leapt down from the window, walking over to the command chair and pulling up the galaxy map. She found the little blinking dot that was their ship, and scanned the area, trying to see if the object was on it. “How close are we to the portal signal?”
“I think we’re supposed to get there the day after tomorrow.” Adora climbed down as well, and Catra could see her brow furrow with worry. She looked out of the window again; the object remained unchanged.
Just as Catra was beginning to think she might be overreacting, Melog suddenly burst into the command room. It darted past the two of them and jumped up to the window, lightly clawing at the glass. Adora stared, watching it pace back and forth, tail flicking with either excitement or alarm.
“You feel it, too, Melog?” Catra asked.
They are coming.
“What!? Who’s coming?”
“What did Melog say?” Adora’s eyes fixed on Catra, lost and alarmed.
The world changers.
Catra felt something deep within her stomach. It sent ripples throughout her body, invisibly tugging at every muscle and brushing through every hair on her body. She had learned not to question this feeling.
“Adora, go wake up Arrows and Sparkles.”
“Catra, wh-,”
“Do it.”
Adora looked taken aback by the worry and fear in Catra’s eyes, and looked frozen in place for a moment. She nodded, and ran down the hall. Catra looked back at Melog, who locked eyes with her for a moment. For a brief second, Catra considered stopping the ship, turning around, and going back home.
Afraid.
“Me too.”
Angry.
“Join the club.”
Melog went back to pacing, moving quickly and with force. Catra could hear the rhythmic sound of its tail loudly knocking against the glass.
Adora, Bow, and Glimmer stumbled into the room a few breaths later, appearing disheveled and ready for action at the same time.
“Catra, what’s happening?” Glimmer strode forward, staff in hand.
Their ship shuddered, and Catra glared back at the object in space. It was gone. For a moment, silence held them all in a terrifying rapture.
A blinding flash of light blocked out their vision, and the ship lurched heavily to the side, throwing them all off of their feet.
“User analog, detected,” Darla’s voice suddenly came alive.
The light settled down, and in front of the ship, large enough to block out all of the stars and black emptiness of space, they watched as a massive portal slowly evaporated. It detracted, dissipating into the space around it, revealing a planet in its wake.
“Nexus interface, established,” Darla chimed in again. “Identification: Lovo.”
The group looked on, witness to the gigantic orange planet that had suddenly appeared before them. A ring of dust and debris wrapped around it like a sash, and two luminous moons drifted around it.
“...Darla…where are we?” Adora asked, standing up slowly.
“Identification: Lovo. Sector eighteen of the Loleshi Star cluster, nestled in the Avanni constellation.”
“Does this mean we’re here?” Glimmer turned to Bow, who hovered over the galactic map, pulling up his personal datapad as well.
“I… hold on.” Bow rapidly pressed a number of buttons, and then scanned the map with his datapad. He held it up towards the planet, staring into it with a baffled intensity. “My scanner is telling me that this is where the portal rupture was supposed to be. But that doesn’t make any sense! All of my scans have been telling me we were days away.”
World changers, Melog hummed in Catra’s ear.
“That portal was just as big as the one that brought Etheria out of Despondos,” Glimmer remarked. “Do you think that means…”
“This planet was also just in Despondos, somehow,” Bow confirmed. “But that doesn’t make any sense! The power that would be required is insane!”
A soft chiming sound resonated out of the computer console. “Communications established. Nexus signaling received.”
“Darla, what does that mean?” Adora lightly held her wrist, and Catra could tell Adora was preparing for a fight.
“User authorization required.”
Adora nodded, and reached her hand out into the air. She-ra’s sword materialized, and with a flash of light She-ra followed it. She placed her hand on the console, sending a jolt of blue light through it.
“Authorization received. Welcome, She-ra.”
“Hey, Darla.”
“Landing permissions established. Designation code, ‘Mara,’ accepted.”
The crew exchanged a few nervous glances.
“We’ll follow you, blondie,” Catra said, reading Adora’s mind.
Adora nodded. “Darla, take us down.”
The ship descended into the planet, passing through layers and layers of clouds. As the surface of the planet emerged from the clouds, the group looked on to see a massive First One’s structure, laid out in the structure of an enormous glyph.
“Lovo,” Adora read.
The ship set down on a platform on the outside of the city, and the group carefully exited the ship onto the platform. She-ra walked out in front of them, as a number of figures emerged from a nearby building. They wore steel blue armor, with sharp edges and glowing blue lights. They surrounded the group, pointing a number of strange, illuminated spears at them. In the center of the semicircle of soldiers, one of them stepped forward, removing his helmet.
“The She-ra returns.”