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It all happened so suddenly. Shuichi chased him onto the roof, only to be met with a large smoke bomb that made it impossible to see as he barreled forward. Immediately, he felt himself toppling into the thief, knocking them both to the ground and got insanely dizzy; passing out only a moment later.
The last thing he thought was, When did my back hit the ground?
When he woke up, he was groggy and uncomfortable - surrounded by nine people that looked vaguely familiar, and immediately closed his eyes again.
“Oh thank god he’s awake!” He heard a high pitched voice say right by his ear. Some hair brushed against his cheek as the person put their head to his shoulder. It was nice and warm - caring..
More voices called out, exclaiming relief and happiness at his awakening. It felt really good to be so cared for. He truly couldn’t remember feeling like this before.
Unfortuantely, reality always came crashing back. Suddenly, his eyes shot open, alarm bells ringing in his head loudly. Who were these strangers? Where was he? What was the last thing he remembered?
With his breathing sporadic, the same person on his shoulder sat up - and he finally saw them, a girl with two twintails, for who they were. “Ko? Are you alright? How can we help?”
He switched between all of them, a tall man with a red afro, a woman with choppy brown hair, a person with a blond updo and more. This was DICE. This was his thief’s DICE - completely unmasked and looking at him and… caring for him?
“Kokichi!” A girl with long hair down her back held his hand tighter. “Kokichi talk to us, please?” Kokichi… as in… Kokichi Ouma? One of the names that had come up in his search many times, but ultimately removed due to many reasons.
In an attempt to answer them, Shuichi started to talk, but found his voice horse and almost unusable. Had that been because of the smoke? It was hard to tell. Still, he tried and tried until he had a nasty coughing fit, but finally was able to say, “Where did the-” before shutting up immediately.
That wasn’t his voice.
That was the thief’s voice. Coming from his mouth.
Putting the pieces together, he looked to his hands, admiring how small and nimble they were. He then went up to his hair and noticed the softer texture to his own, and brought it to his face to see the purple strands smiling back at him.
Had he… had he switched bodies with the thief!?
His brain was always a quick one, so he thought on his toes and was able to say, “You guys rescued me?” Which got him nine funny looks back. He must’ve said something wrong.
“Yeah?” The boy with a bowl cut answered. “You know we have your back as much as you have ours!”
Ah - that sounded nice. The people at the detective agency were quite cruel and jealous. A young, upstarring boy was a threat to them, and they let him know every mistake or misstep that he ever performed. There was little praise - and any that he got went to his uncle for teaching him so well.
Maybe… it wouldn’t be so bad to milk this while he had it. Knowing the thief backwards and forwards as well as he did made it quite easy to play along. “Of course~ I’m the most generous thief of all time!” He cooed - only to be met with raised eyebrows and tilted heads.
Fuck.
All nine of them took a step forward, inspecting him. Searching his eyes intently for any indication of what was going on in his brain (at least Shuichi assumed given the intensity). He started to panic, sweat trickling down his brow, and his breathing increasing rapidly.
As if on queue, they backed off, giving him space - though not looking away, and it was quiet until a larger member said, “Guys - he’s actin’ kinda weird?” Making them all laugh and giggle.
“Yeah of course he’s acting weird. He just got his noggin bonked!” a tall person with white hair chimed in before putting their fingers on their chin in a thinking pose.
The tallest woman with the chopped hair came back up to Shuichi, separate from the others, and put her hand on his head. “You’re not heating up, so you’re not sick.” She paused, looking him over intently. “Let’s try this. What’s the last thing you remember?”
Oh! That was easy. “The smoke bomb. It went off and I couldn’t see anything.” Shuichi wasn’t sure if he should tell the whole truth. The thief had never hurt him before (except in the weird games of love they were dancing around), but maybe DICE wouldn’t be so kind and loving if he confessed everything. This woman’s hand felt soft, caring, like a mother’s touch. He leaned into it desperately, selfishly, keeping his mouth quiet all the while.
That answer seemed to satisfy them as they all nodded before the blond updo began explaining things. “We heard a crashing noise of some kind. Nothing crazy, but enough to be concerned, and woke up to you and your loverboy knocked out on the ground with both of your noses bleeding. The dumbass detective totally ran into you. And so we left the item, sorry, grabbed you and BOLTED, dude. It was terrifying! And now you’re acting weird and shit and-”
“Hush.” The final person, one with bangs over their mask, interrupted. “He probably just has a concussion and some amnesia.” They clicked their tongue, implying they agreed but didn’t want to think about what the blond had implied.
But the words still echoed in Shuichi’s head. Loverboy certainly, but more that both of them had been knocked out. He absolutely ran into the thief in the mist. God, how could he be such a screw up and hurt the person that he-
“Where do you think he is now?” Shuichi heard himself say in his thief’s voice, sending a small shiver up his spine. “Do you think he’s in trouble?” It was strange how intensely he needed to know that the thief was okay - that the department wasn’t being too harsh on him.
If Shuichi failed at being the thief, that was fine. DICE here could absolutely make up for it and had the skills to swap them, he was certain. But would the force be kind to the thief? Especially if he was now in his body? The best thing that could happen is that he’d go to jail… and the worst… well, he didn’t want to think about it.
Surprisingly, DICE laughed at him, again, before the twintails spoke up. “Oh my gooood, Ko. I know you’re totally infatuated with him and kiss his picture every morning, but can you not think of him for five seconds right now! You’re hurt!” She still giggled the whole time, holding her stomach at the thought.
However, all Shuichi’s dumb little brain could do was squeak, “He - he kisses my picture every morning!?” with a tomato-red blush before he realized his mistake.
Nine wide, shocked eyes zeroed in on him.
Then suddenly turned away.
In only a second, the group had huddled and whispered together, occasionally peeping their heads up one at a time to really look at him.
Sometimes, DICE looked at him kindly, fondly; sometimes, they were daggers, disappointed scowls. All of it made him want to run away. He didn’t mean to intrude on them. He didn’t mean to find out like this.
He didn’t want their games to be over just yet.
And that thought only made him realize… Oh, oh he was so fucked. He was so royally scre-
“That explains so MUCH!” The white haired person finally said, letting out an exhausted sigh of relief as the miniature conference dissipated.
The mom-like one rushed over to Shuichi’s side again and rested her hand on his cheek instead of his head this time, “Oh, detective, thank goodness you’re alright. He’d absolutely kill us if something happened to you.”
Soon, all of DICE was surrounding him, nuzzling their hands in his hair and comforting him.
It was overwhelming at worst, and completely emotional at best. Shuichi had literally never had such affection thrown his way so intently - from strangers no less. He really tried not to cry, or show it, but soon he found himself sobbing in a dogpile of white coats.
Clearly the most extroverted and people-oriented of the bunch, twintails leaned forward and whispered in his ear, “We do this to Ko all the time. The way you were eating up Mom’s pets means you needed some DICE lovin’ too, Nishishi~” Right after, she gave the detective a big kiss on the cheek, which made him blush and feel warm all around.
This is what ‘Ko’ came back to every day? To a loving family that pampered him and took care of him. Shuichi thought of scenarios. Of one of the people here getting sick and having nine doctors look after them. He thought of someone needing new clothes, and having nine different fashion experts explain what did or didn’t look good.
Nine smiles.
Nine friends.
Nine siblings.
That sure did beat his lonely apartment. The way that in a few months on his birthday he’d find a card on his desk from his boss that would say ‘Keep up the good work, Saihara’ on it with a coupon to a coffee shop… Happened every year, just like that. He wondered what birthdays were like here. Did they set up the entire liar with streamers and balloons? Did they all chip in a little bit to get a new, expensive present, or did they each get something small and meaningful?
All of the thoughts on birthdays made his brain short circuit. “How long was I asleep!?” He suddenly shrieked, making each member jolt a little bit. There were still tears on his face, but that didn’t matter - for the epiphany he’d just had was more important.
“Just one night, Bos- Detective. We grabbed you off the roof in the evening, and it’s about mid-afternoon now.” The red-head cautiously reported.
Perfect. Perfect. “That means it’s still the Twentieth of June, right?”
Murmurs of affirmation rang out - and slowly lightbulbs started going off in everyone’s heads.
The woman with the longest hair started to chuckle as she beamed, “When did he tell you his birthday?”
Blushing, remembering the clues to the date that had been left in his office every week for the past few months, he simply chirped embarrassingly, “A detective never reveals his secrets!” Which sounded really cute coming from the thief’s mouth.
“But, we have to rescue him right away if we wanna get him in time, will you help me?”
Not a single person even considered saying no.
-x-
When Kokichi woke up in a chair in the familiar detective’s office, he thought he’d finally been caught. However, things were weird. DICE wasn’t around, and they’d absolutely turn themselves in if their leader was caught (even if he repeatedly told them not to do that). He wasn’t in handcuffs, either - so they either trusted him, or didn’t think of him as capable of escaping. Oh, he’d show them - how dare they underestimate-
“Ah, Saihara. You’re awake.” A cool voice that he knew well spoke up. Detective Kirigiri, of course. Just his luck.
Wait a second-
Shuichi was here? He looked around (desperately, though he’d never admit it) but found no sign of his beloved anywhere, so he turned back to Kyoko. “Where is he?” Too out of it to realize that wasn’t his own voice.
She cocked a coy smile and merely hummed, “Your thief was taken by his goons. You failed again.” Her tone wasn’t mad or frustrated, which confused Kokichi greatly. It almost seemed like she expected it - and also, ‘your thief’ was weird. Wasn’t he right here on this couch?
When he finally sat up and looked at himself, it all became clear. These lean, calloused fingers belonged to Shuichi, and he hated the rush he felt as he interlaced his own fingers together and sat them in his lap; thinking about how they’d feel in his own.
There must have been a dumb (lovesick) look on his face, for the senior detective kept her smile. It was as if she could see through him, so he decided to not be an easy target any longer. He coughed to pretend like he hadn’t been feeling good from the soul-swapping crash, and found that it actually alleviated his throat nicely. Quickly, he groomed himself, standing to flatten and de-wrinkle his clothes and pat down his hair, before sitting down again.
One shot. He had one shot to sound like Shuichi before they would start suspecting the young detective had a concussion or was incapable of working. And that just wouldn’t be acceptable. Kokichi didn’t want to play with anyone else any longer. No, at this point, he truly just wanted Shuichi. Wanted to keep running and have him chase him. Wanted his attention at all times. Wanted to slip into his arms and let him finally capture the illustrious thief.
They couldn’t take that away from him. “Right. I’m sorry. Status report?” This time, he did recognize Shuichi’s voice coming from his own mouth, and his brain ran away with many thoughts of things he could say into a phone and send to himself.
Ah, fuck, he must’ve been smiling again.
Kyoko’s smile remained, but she had a much more intense stare this time as she gave the rundown. “You ran into the smoke with no regard for your own safety - crashing immediately into the thief and knocking you both unconscious. His team then came in and carried him away, leaving the stolen item in their wake. They also made sure you were lying in a position to breathe properly so that you weren’t injured more when we found you.”
God. God he loved them so much. Taking care of Shuichi was a priority for him, not them. But they knew how much the detective meant to him and made sure he was safe anyway. Oh, they were getting EXTRA big pieces of cake on his-
Suddenly, reality came crashing back down. Was he going to be stuck as Shuichi in this detention center on his own fucking birthday!? “That was… kind of them. How long was I out?” It surprised him how well he knew the detective that acting like him came second nature. He’d have to self-reflect on that later.
“It’s currently the evening of the twentieth. You were out for about twenty-eight hours. How are you feeling?” Kyoko’s affection was much… different than DICE’s, he realized. She didn’t seem uninterested in making sure Shuichi was alright, but she also didn’t seem like she’d care what the answer was.
Also, she was the only one here.
No one else had come to check on him. Was he really that alone?
Right as he was about to answer, alarm sirens went off; literal, blaring alarm sirens. Someone was entering the building who shouldn’t be.
Kokichi had nine guesses on who it could be.
A clown parade of white cloaks and painted masks made its way through the halls, making a scene and causing a ruckus. Balloons were being blown up and popped, members were juggling things off people’s desks, and even more tomfoolery.
The agency didn’t know about DICE. Only Shuichi knew about the thief’s gang.
They would have no idea that this was a rescue mission.
His heart swelled three sizes in awe. They came up with that on their own? Absolutely legendary. He trained them all so well.
“Ladies, Gentlemen and Those who do not Align,” He saw the blonde speak up, front and center. “We have been invited via an anonymous tip, and are here to entertain you for a short while.” He bowed towards ‘Shuichi’ and Kyoko specifically. “Let the real show - BEGIN!’
A whole display of tricks happened, one after the other. So many clowns doing so many things - it was hard to keep track of them. So brilliant and breathtakingly smart.
Without warning, the tallest DICE member came and hoisted him over his shoulder, and walked out nonchalantly. Kyoko had long been distracted by the girl with long hair, performing some magic tricks and letting the detective explain how it worked.
Getting out was just as easy as getting in. While the rest kept entertaining, Kokichi was hoisted into the getaway van, right into his own arms. “Oh thank goodness you’re unharmed!” He heard himself say, as tiny, nimble fingers dug into his coat sleeves. Was Shuichi really that worried about him?
It wasn’t until the two heard loud banter that they separated, sitting on opposite ends of the car in embarrassment, attempting to act like they hadn’t just been cuddling in each other’s arms.
Luckily for them, the moment DICE saw their beloved leader (even if it didn’t look like him) they all started gushing about him and asking him questions about what he managed to do inside the facility. Which gave him the opportunities to lie and lie giddily in Shuichi’s own voice - which seemed to keep making the ‘thief’ blush and whine when he attempted to call out the lies.
All the while home, the man with the bowl cut played romantic music in the background, and the rest of DICE slowly, slowly started manipulating their seating arrangements so that the two of them were squished up against one another. So squished, in fact, that Kokichi got frustrated and lifted his own body into his lap and held him tight, blushing all the while.
The two said nothing the entire way home as the loveable gang of goons cooed and roared and picked on them. Sincerely, Kokichi loved them all so much.
-x-
Still in Shuichi’s body, the ‘taller’ man marched into his lair with his head held high - only to be greeted with a giant sign saying ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY KOKICHI’ with a bunch of streamers and balloons around. He was tackled to the ground in a gigantic dog-pile and every single member of DICE kept telling him how much they loved and missed him - even if only for one day.
“The detective sure did try to play you, huh? Bwahahaha!”
“Ko, Ko! Did you know he eep’d when we told him how much you looooove him~?”
“He’s the one that suggested we do the parade, by the way! You caught a really good one there, Boss!”
“Can we keep him? Pleeeeeeeease! I like how he plays games with us!”
Shuichi couldn’t help but watch, completely enamored at the sheer displays of affection he was seeing. Part of him felt guilty for being so jealous of all this, desperately wishing that one of them would grab him again and throw him into the pile - but he dared not infringe. The only reason he was here right now is because they were swapped, and he kept repeating it like a mantra to himself, trying not to get attached. (Though, he was already quite attached.)
Planning with them had been so much fun. He showed them the full layout of the agency and all the parts where they could really distract someone. It was also really fun to point out all of the problem people who could really use a good laugh in their lives.
If the plan hadn’t relied on the thief not making an appearance, he would’ve gone inside and saw it for himself. The entire car ride over he envisioned a ‘performance’ where he dramatically entered and called ‘Shuichi’ the ultimate heist of his career.
Something told him he should confess that secret fantasy to the thief and subconsciously plant it in his head to kidnap the real Shuichi in the future. That sounded fun and exhilarating, and he’d get to spend more time with DICE.
Suddenly, a hand reached out from the puddle of giggling white and pulled him in - taking him from those thoughts entirely. It was impossible to tell who grabbed him first, but he found himself in the center, face-to-face with his own golden eyes, as the worst rendition of ‘Happy Birthday’ he’d ever heard was sung aloud.
He sang every note proud and off-key, absolutely high off the radiated warmth and happiness that surrounded him.
When the song had ended, they finally dispersed, letting themselves breathe. The person with hair over their mask left to go get dessert from the kitchen, and everyone else started setting up some party games.
The faux thief found himself sitting on a couch, unsure of the location quite yet or what he was or was not allowed to do or touch, and Kokichi slid right up next to him smoothly, humming, “Hi detective~”
It made Shuichi chuckle, which sounded beautiful coming out of his own mouth, “I thought you were the detective?” He held a playfully wide smirk, despite blushing a scarlet red at the koi remark.
If Shuichi’s body was able to have a ‘blank face’, then Kokichi was most certainly trying to pull it off, and failing quite miserably, which only made the real Shuichi laugh more than he had previously.
“C’mooon, don’t laugh at me Shuichi!” The words sounded so weird as they whined out in Shuichi’s voice, causing both of them to cackle uncontrollably. They kept trying to talk more and more, but found themselves having a laughing fit at the sheer absurdity that was this swap. It lasted quite a few minutes before they quieted down, and it was Kokichi who made the first move to bring his own body close. He placed ‘Shuichi's’ forehead upon his own tenderly as he said in a soft voice, “I never thanked you, y’know.”
“For rescuing you today?” The detective replied, trying to keep himself under control with the physical contact.
Kokichi shook his head, still not detaching himself. “Mmm, no. For playing with me. For not thinking of me as evil, or turning me in all the times you could’ve. It must have been really straining on you. Kyoko seems like a real-”
“It’s not a problem!” He interjected, cutting him off on purpose. “It was… really fun…” Hearing the airy, dreamy voice come out of Kokichi’s mouth sent a shiver up his spine. He felt his heart swell up with affection hearing it, even if it was him saying it, and interlaced his fingers with the other, whispering, “Happy birthday, Kokichi.” The first time he’d ever said the thief’s real name on his tongue, and he couldn’t wait to do it again.
Just then, a shock to both of their foreheads caused them to jump back in pain. Kokichi exclaimed, “Ow! That really hurt,” in pain before both of them froze, realizing that the voice had come from the right person.
They both looked up at each other, the shock melting away, and blushed as violet eyes met gold ones correctly. And it took them no time at all for Shuichi to leap towards the other and kiss him passionately.
The cries of, “Finally!”, “Get a ROOM!”, “Cooooooties!!!!” among many others echoed around them. Nine happy clowns hooted and hollered as the detective finally caught the phantom thief; throwing streamers, silly string and confetti at them in celebration for what would become Kokichi’s favorite birthday ever.