Chapter Text
“I’m fucking done with you.”
It’s been three weeks.
Three weeks since he’s said those five words that broke your heart in two.
Three weeks of Eren’s words ringing in your ears.
Three weeks since he finally shut the door and pushed you out of his life, after you spent who knows how long desperately trying to get him to let you in.
It’s been three weeks since Eren Yeager broke your heart.
You couldn’t even remember what you fought about, though maybe you didn’t want to. You and Eren always had a habit of running back to each other when things got bad. You were his rock, and he was your shelter. But as one week turned to the next, you realized that maybe you needed to find home somewhere else.
In hindsight, you had it coming. There was no way someone as fiery, as passionate, as strong as Eren would ever settle for someone like you. On any other day, he’d tell you otherwise. He’d tell you that you were his calm before the storm and the rainbow that followed, the shade of white in between the shades of grey. But now you were left with nothing but the voices of your mind saying you were never enough for Eren, and his voice telling you he wanted nothing to do with you.
It’s been exactly three weeks and five days since Eren last spoke to you, and he finally decided to make his grand entrance back into your life by texting you three simple words
“can we talk?”
If you were being honest with yourself, you were tired.
You were tired of him breaking you down only to build you back up. You were tired of being pushed out of his life only to have him pull you back in when he needed you the most.
You and Eren had hit enough lows to know where this was going:
You would go over to his place, he would apologize and fuck all of the pain he caused out of you, and you would wake out to a sore center, hollow heart, and Eren whispering sweet promises in you ears. Hell, some days you didn’t know what hurt more, the soreness in your lower half, or his whispers of love when nowadays, he did nothing but break your heart.
----
Eren hears you arrive before you make your presence known. Truth be told, he could do nothing but wait for you to arrive. He knew he was being stupid. He knew he had no right to wait for you to come back into his arms when he was the one who pushed you away.
It had been three weeks, the longest the both of you have ever gone without talking, since he decided that he no longer needed you.
In the first week, Eren thought he had made the right decision to finally call things off. ‘It’s what’s best’ he thought. He had had enough of you constantly nagging at him, always trying to control how he felt when all he wanted to do was feel. Eren had a temper, you both knew that. It could go off at the smallest of things, such as miscommunicated plans, to something deeper such as misdirected feelings of jealousy and inadequacy that stemmed from his own insecurities. All Eren wanted to do was erupt in anger, to let it flow out from every vein, every pore in his body until he was left with remnants of the explosion. But you, however, wanted him to handle it differently. You wanted him to control his anger, to talk with you through it in the now rather than after the damage had been done. Eren never saw the point in it.
“When a volcano erupts, you don’t stop the lava from flowing right? You just let it flow and deal with it after” He would always tell you, shutting down any other argument you had.
He deserved to be with someone who allowed him to navigate through his own emotions, and you deserved someone who wanted you to help them when they needed it
In the second week, Eren realized he was wrong. When the weight of your absence was beginning to feel permanent, Eren did what he wanted and just allowed himself to feel.
‘No point in stressing over something that’s already been done.’ he would tell himself as he laid alone in his bed. There were days when he would cry, there were days he would scream, and there were some days where he felt nothing at all.
‘This is normal’. Just like any other outburst he had, he would always wait until the sun set for him to feel okay. But as the moon replaced the sun, and the sun was replaced by the stars, nothing could replace the ever-growing feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach. And one day, the day marking exactly the second week since he broke your heart, Eren realized that he was wrong.
It was wrong of him to lash out at you all this time, when all you wanted to do was help him. It was wrong of him to push you away when all he ever wanted was to hold you close and never let go. It was wrong of him to watch you walk out when all he could ask for was for you to come back to him. It was wrong of him to think he could live without you, when he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you by his side.
By then, it had been three weeks since the image of your tear-stricken face was burned into his mind. This wasn’t the first time he’s seen you cry, but this was the first time Eren felt scared.
“I’m fucking done with you.” His voice was low but clear, borderline cold, laced with anger and intent. He looked at you straight in the eyes. His face was impassive, almost blank, while yours was filled with nothing but hurt.
The air was filled with tension. Eren was waiting for you to do something, anything. Break down and cry, scream at him, cuss at him, anything. You always did something.
But this was different. Instead, you looked at him one last time, wiping your tears away to maintain the remaining dignity you had, gathered your things, and walked away.
This was the moment everything changed, and Eren wished he realized it sooner rather than later.
----
You hesitantly stepped into his apartment, making an effort to look everywhere except at Eren himself. Everything was familiar. It was supposed to be. This was where you and Eren fell in love with each other more and more.
His kitchen was where you would make breakfast for the both of you, Eren never failing to wrap his arms around you while you cooked.
His sofa was where you two would be bundled up together on rainy nights, watching any movie you two could find, his lips always finding their way to rest against your hairline whenever you would snuggle your face into his chest.
Eren’s apartment used to make you feel warm. It used to be filled with sounds of his teasing and your laughter. It used to be a place where you and your heart could call home
Now it was cold, the sound of Eren telling you to fuck off and go away echoing in your ears. The place you once called home felt foreign, and the boy your heart found a home in was not just a stranger to you.
You stand right in the middle of his living room, too anxious to go any further. Eren stands in front of you. He doesn’t know what to say. You look hurt, and he feels just as broken as you do, but he doesn’t know to help build you two back up.
After what felt like forever, you were the first to break the silence.
“You wanted to talk?” you ask weakly, willing yourself to keep the tears that were already prickink your eyes at bay.
“I-i just….” Eren started, not really knowing where he was going. “I just wanted to say I was sorry.”
His eyes searched your face. You looked so different from the person he learned to love everyday that he was with you. The lips that always curved whenever he was near now seemed to have forgotten how to smile. Your lower lip was trembling, he could tell even when it was pulled in between your teeth. Your hands that he found comfort in, your fingers that he loved mindlessly playing were, were now clenched together in tight fists. Bright eyes, full of light and love, were now dull, red and brimming with tears. No matter how brave or calm you tried to act, Eren knew better. No matter how strong you were trying to be, Eren knew you were broken from the inside, and it was only a matter of time before the mask you tried so desperately to wear would break.
He broke you down like this, when he wanted nothing more to build you up better and brighter. If by some miracle you forgive him, Eren didn’t think he would ever forgive himself for breaking you down this bad. He would never forgive himself if he broke you to the point of no return, leaving him alone with nothing but regret that he broke the only person that made him feel whole.
“[y/n], fuck, I’m so fucking sorry” his voice was filled with nothing but remorse and pain.
Eren was genuinely, truly sorry, and it was barely anything, but that was all you needed to break down.
You didn’t know what was happening, or how fast everything happened.
All you could feel was the burning in your lungs and your throat, and the stinging in your eyes as tears freely flowed down your face. You couldn’t tell you were crying. You didn’t even register Eren pulling you close and holding you, if you did then you would have noticed his own tears in his eyes. You didn’t feel Eren’s hand gently rubbing your back in an attempt to calm you down. You didn’t even notice your own hands come up to rest against his chest as you instinctively rest your head against him.
“Hey listen to me, okay?” Eren whispered, trying his best to keep his own voice from cracking. “Breathe with me.”
He took deep breaths as he continued to rub your back, coaxing you to do the same.
You knew he was right. You couldn’t even breathe properly, let alone think straight. You kept your eyes closed and tried to match your breathing with his. You tried focusing on things to ground yourself. The sound of your own breathing, the rapid beating of your heart, Eren’s own slowed and controlled breaths, anything to calm you down. Once your breathing was relatively steady, and your mind calm, you pulled yourself away a little so you could finally look at Eren.
His brown hair was tied back, loose strands framing his face. His eyes were rimmed red and were slightly swollen, glossy with tears that had yet to be spilled. His face looked worn and weary. Did he sleep in the past three weeks? Did he take care of himself? When his eyes met yours, a small but tired smile appeared on his face that made your heart beat faster in the most confusing way.
You had never seen Eren like this. Even at his lowest points, he had never ever looked this defeated. Was he finally feeling your absence from his life?
Part of you wanted to hold him close. Part of you wanted to wipe the hurt and pain away from both of your eyes and make the smile on his face bigger, brighter than it had ever been. But a part of you was almost smug seeing him like this. Eren Yeager, who broke your heart over and over again with words designed to hit you where it hurt; Eren who pulled you closer and closer only to push you over the edge, pulling back when you had no choice but to fall. Eren, the boy who you loved more than everything, the boy you never wanted to hurt, was finally hurting from being without you.
Finally, you knew that it wasn’t just you who was like this. Eren was just as broken, if not more, at your absence. It looked like you finally meant something to him, and it took a breakup to make him realize it.
There was something in you that you had never felt before. It was foreign, but it came with the familiar feeling of anxiety that came with uncertainty. You knew today, you needed to make a stand about the future of your relationship. Your heart broke seeing him like this, and you wanted so desperately to make things okay for the both of you. Your mind, on the other hand, felt pleased seeing him like this. With every fight, every explosive argument, it was always you who felt the brunt of it. It was always you who was left to pick up the pieces of your heart while Eren helped only his ego allowed him to. For once, it felt so good to be the one to pull away first while Eren was left to deal with the aftermath of his own doing. It felt so good seeing the boy who broke you have his own heart broken.
These two sides were so scarily different but there was no questioning the truth in both of them. You knew the real question was: which side would you allow to win?
You couldn’t answer it, no. No matter which side one you chose, it would hurt you in one way or another. You couldn’t bring yourself to answer, not out loud for fear of regretting your own decision. But the longer you looked into his eyes, the tighter he wrapped his arms around you, the answer was loud and clear.
“Eren.” you say the name quietly, as if saying it any louder would cause the boy who owned it to break. “I’m tired. I’m so tired.”
You had made your choice.
“I know baby, me too.” Eren says, cupping your face in his hands as he places his forehead against yours.
“I’m tired.” you repeat, feeling fresh tears hit your eyes, slowly making their way down your face once more. ‘I’m tired of this.’
Feeling you lean into his touch, Eren allowed himself to finally cry, to finally let it out, knowing you were here in his hands. You were here, still with him.
“I’m so sorry.” he pressed a kiss to your lips each time he spoke. He saw his words as promises of his heart, and his kisses acted as seals he vowed never to break again.
“I’m so sorry I hurt you.” ‘you hurt us.’
“I promise to never hurt you like that again. Never.” ‘ I won’t let you hurt me like that again, ever’
“I love you.” ‘i love you too.’
“I love you, so much [y/n]. You will always be more than enough, okay?” ‘i love you so much, but it wasn’t enough for for you’
“I promise I’ll spend every damn day I have with you showing you how much I need you” ‘it’s too late. You’re too late’
“I love you, and I’m never going to let you go.” ‘I have to let you go’
“I love you [y/n], I’m so sorry.” ‘I love you, Eren, but I’m so sorry.’
The moment the words left his mouth, his lips met yours, pulling you into a deep kiss. One hand moved from your face to your waist, pulling you as close to him as he possibly could. **Both your lips and his were salty from the seemingly-endless tears that were shed, but the kiss tasted bittersweet. It was a kiss of passion and love, no doubt. But you couldn’t ignore the fact that it was a kiss that was born from desperate attempts to heal the permanent scars left by fleeting and empty words.
You knew where this was going. You knew you had to stop before it could go any further. You found yourself pulling away from a moment, one last moment of clarity before you got lost in the kiss. Your eyes searched his face for any sign of regret, any sign that you should stop and walk away.
Green eyes looked back at you, a lingering look of desperation and love evident his irises. Those same green eyes you could get lost in for days now seemed like any other unimpressionable color out there. Your heart decided that you hated the color green, the shade of his eyes to be specific. But more so than some stupid color, your heart decided that it hated Eren Yeager.
You hated how he had the audacity to kiss you and leave you breathless when he left you with nothing but a broken heart less than a month ago. You hated how easy it was for him to wrap his arms around you and pull you close when he left you cold and alone when you needed him the most. You hated how he made loving him harder and harder, and breaking your heart easier.
You hated yourself too. You hated how you took him back without a fight every time. You hated how you never put up an ultimatum for his temper tantrum, which led him to never learning his lesson. You hated how you always made it look like you were okay, when you were slowly losing yourself the more you loved him. But right now, you hated how quickly you had allowed yourself to kiss him again, deeper, more passionate than before. You hated how your fingers tangled themselves in his hair, just as they did every time you two would kiss and make up. You hated how no matter what he did, you found yourself gravitating towards Eren every time. And just as Icarus flew towards the sun, you let yourself get drawn closer and closer to Eren’s fiery passion. You were left burned every time, your eyes still fixated and entranced by the scorching heat you mistook for love.
The only difference now was that Eren was burning with you. Maybe you would let yourself burn, just one last time, before the image of you and Eren in your heart goes up in flames.
----
Eren’s lips met yours with the excitement of a soul in purgatory, finally being blessed with his salvation. You were his light, his love, and the time it took him to realize just how much he needed you felt like an eternity in the dark. His hands wandered around your body, his touch committing the way you felt beneath his fingertips, every curve, every dip, every flaw, to memory as if one day he’d wake up with nothing to remind him of you except the ghost of your touch that haunts his dreams.
Eren loved you passionately, hopelessly, wholeheartedly. He thought he was the king of kings, even when he let his anger and pride get the better of him. He wore that crown with his head held high even as he turned away from you without so much as a second glance.
He learned the hard way that his pride meant nothing if he didn’t have the pride of his life with him. From being the king of kings, Eren realized he was the king of fools. There was no bigger fool than him, and no joke more cruel than when he thought he could live without you by his side.
With rough hands and a soft heart, Eren moved his palms to settle behind your knees, hoisting up your legs and wrapping them around his waist. “I got you, don’t worry baby.” He reassured as you gasped in surprise. He pressed gentle kisses up along your neck before capturing your lips with his, gently taking your lower lip between his teeth.
Eren didn’t know what this meant. The familiar taste of your lips and warmth of your skin was a promising sign that you two would be okay, but in his mind he knew that he should know better. But if he was being honest with himself, he couldn't bring himself to worry about the future when all he could focus on was how heavenly you felt against his own skin. He knew the safer route was to talk it out rather than to carry you to his bedroom and slam the door shut, but he knew words would fail him. The least he could do was show you how sorry he was, just how much he loved you, how much he needed you. No words could leave his mouth except praises and promises of love. Eren knew he had to, needed to, do more if he wanted to keep you. If you give him another chance, Eren knew he needed change or risk losing you for good. He just hoped he isn’t too late, and that for tonight, this was enough for you to stay.
----
You gasped, wrapping your arms instinctively around Eren’s neck, as he suddenly pulled up your legs and wrapped them around his waist.
“I got you, don’t worry baby”. He pressed soft kisses against your neck, each one sending shivers down your spine. His lips found yours once more as he gently bit your lower lip. How did you let it get this far? Why did you let it get this far? What happened to your conviction that you would never let Eren hurt you again? That you would finally walk away? Instead of hearing you close the door as you leave Eren for good, you heard the sound of his bedroom door being shut. Though his room was growing darker with the setting of the sun, it was clear as day that you loved him. But it was also clear to you that you finally needed to choose yourself. You needed to choose someone who made loving easy, and if there was anything the past few weeks had taught you, it was that it was easier to love yourself than it was to love Eren.
You allowed yourself to give in and love Eren with what you had left to give tonight, and to start building a love for yourself tomorrow. If this was a sign from the universe to stay with him one last time, then so be it. You would hold close to your heart the last time you were his, the last time you could truly say Eren Yeager was yours.
----
Since the day you first met him, you instantly fell in love with his eyes. Stunning, mesmerizing, he pulled you in. You truly believed you couldn’t find anything greener than the hue of his irises. You fell in love with his eyes instantly, but you learned to love Eren like a slow flame. His eyes were the spark that slowly crept through every vein in your body until you were caught up and burning in the fire that was Eren Yeager. You both thought those flames would last forever, but the flame of your love for him was too strong for you to handle, and now it left your heart into a pile of ashes, leaving barely a trace of what it once was.
You thought you would never find anything greener than the shade of Eren’s eyes, the eyes that lit you up and scorched you both. You were tired of being burned. You were tired of being caught up in his fire when it left both of you scarred. As you stare up at the ceiling, the morning light spilling in and painting your skin in its yellow hues, you realize that love didn’t need to set you up in flames. Just like the sun, love was comforting, it was gentle, and it was warm. Even with Eren’s figure sleeping beside you, the sun shining on both of your bodies, you felt cold. You realized that this wasn’t love you wanted, not anymore.
Getting up from bed seemed like the hardest thing you had to do. You looked at the peaceful features of Eren’s sleeping face, a beautiful contrast to the pain and hurt etched on it less than 24 hours ago. You swore you wanted nothing more to wake up next to him for the rest of your life, until you both were old and grey, until your days would be spent waiting to be reunited in the next life. Getting up from bed meant walking away from the future you dreamed of for so long, letting go of the love you swore you’d have for the rest of your days. Your heart wanted to hate him, it really did, but you knew it was simply devastated that the dreams you held on to shattered before your very eyes, breaking itself in the process.
You thought you would never find anything greener than the shade of Eren’s eyes. You thought no one would set your heart ablaze the way Eren did in all of his touches, kisses, and words. You took a deep breath, eyes closed, focusing on nothing but the feeling of hope at the notion of your heart slowly being built back up. Every step you took, every silent movement you made to get up and leave Eren before he woke up, felt like a dull stab to the chest - painful but not enough to render you useless.
As you quietly made your way out of Eren’s apartment one last time, closing the door on him and future together, you felt something foreign in between the pain and sadness of heartbreak; you felt warmth.
The warmth was small, almost barely there, but it was there nonetheless. You thought you would never find anything greener than the shade of Eren’s eyes, but you were willing to find out if the grass was truly greener on the other side. And with that faint warmth in between the remnants of your heart, you had hope that some day you’d have that future you dreamed of with Eren, just now it would be without him.
.
The warmth in your heart was hope; hope that one day, your heart would no longer break the way it did.
Stepping out of his apartment complex and into the outside world, the morning sun enveloped your whole body in its warm embrace. The warmth on your skin, in your heart, signifying a promise. Every step away from Eren hurt you, that you wouldn’t deny, but with the morning sun promising better days, you willed your heart to promise you the same thing.
With the warmth of the sun on your face, and a new spark of hope in your heart, you couldn’t help but feel that you would be okay - even without Eren.