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Alone.
I am alone.
I don’t know how much time has passed since the last time I saw my father, since I last saw his body transform from human to his original form and swim away.
I look at the scratches on the wall.
I’ve missed some days. I thought that if I didn’t sign them, then he would come back to me. That he would come and take me back with him.
How naïve I was.
I sigh, and fetch a new rock (I threw the old one in the sea, I have no idea where it can be).
I scratch a new line.
*
The first time I see Luca, my heart beats faster.
I play it cool, showing myself confident, when in reality I’m trembling.
It’s the first time in ages that I see someone like me. My father had told me to stay away from the villages, both human and not, and I’ve obeyed this rule until now.
I don’t even remember the last time I played with someone my age.
I show him my collection, he helps me with our fake Vespa.
We laugh, and talk, and play.
I am happy.
I can’t stop beaming.
*
I don’t like Giulia.
She’s nice and funny, and she can help us win the money for a real Vespa, but I don’t like the effect she has on Luca.
She makes him realize I know nothing of the human world, and makes a fool out of me for the few things I was certain I knew.
She shows him things I can’t.
I try to win him back. We walk to the shop that sell the Vespas and point out to the one we’re going to win. The plans we made, the cities we’re going to visit, the food, the freedom.
But he can’t stop rambling about the stars, and I feel an icy sting in my chest that makes me want to grab that book and tear it apart.
Then Ercole and his gang show up, and my plans are ruined.
We manage to get away, and go back to Giulia’s treehouse.
The sordid, pulsing pain I feel in my stomach is nothing in comparison to the cold stillness of my heart.
*
I swim away, hastily, tears becoming one with the salty sea.
Monster.
I run back to my hideout, to the shelter I’ve lived in until Luca came along.
I’ve tried to make a point, to show him that no one will ever like us the way we truly are.
I didn’t consider that he would turn his back on one of his kind.
That he would turn his back on me.
My heart beats faster, but not for the swim.
He betrayed me. He chose her over me.
He left me alone.
Just like my father did.
No one likes me.
No one wants me.
I push my hands on my ears, trying to silence the cruel voices in my head.
Silenzio Bruno. Silenzio Bruno. Silenzio Bruno.
It doesn’t work.
I leash out on the things around me.
I yell, and cry, and scream.
My hands hurt. My feet hurt. My heart hurt.
I am alone.
*
I see the rain, and I’m scared.
Luca is still competing, but the rain will show his true nature.
No one notices me, so I fetch the first umbrella large enough and run.
I run, and run, until my legs are heavy and my breath is stinging in my lungs.
But I can’t stop now.
I can’t stop.
I see him, and I scream his name.
My lips twitch and I smile, even if I’m still angry.
I can’t help but smile.
Then Ercole shoves me and the umbrella flies away.
The people around me scream, but I don’t care.
I only worry for Luca.
I try to distract them, to run away, but I end up entangled in a net.
Now I’m scared for myself.
But Luca is there, reaching out for my hand.
And when I grab his, I feel warm again.
*
I hand Luca the ticket, and I don’t know how to feel.
I don’t want him to go, but that’s not my choice to make.
He doesn’t want me to stay behind.
I know I can’t follow.
That’s his story to write, not mine.
So we hug.
That’s the only thing left to do.
I know I’ll see him next summer, but saying goodbye is more painful than anything I ever felt in my life.
But how am I gonna know you’re okay?
I want to squeeze him and never let go. To keep him here, with me.
You got me off the island, Luca.
But in the end I let go.
I’m okay.
I smile, but inside I’m already crying.
I run after the train, trying to keep my eyes as long as possible on his.
Until he disappears.
My vision becomes blurry.
The dark voices in my head creep slowly back, but before I can send them away I feel Massimo’s hand on my shoulder. The voices disappear.
I look up.
Let’s go back home, he says.
I look back at the rails, and my chest fills up with warmth again.
Home, I think.
Tears run down my cheeks, but I smile and nod.
No matter how far he is, no matter the distance, I know he’ll always be with me.
I can feel him in my heart.
I’m happy now.
I am not alone.
Not anymore.