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Marley presses her cheek to Parker’s shoulder and sighs, rearranging herself so that she’s koala hugging Parker. Parker herself was staring blankly at the TV screen. It was off.
“Parker?” It was a soft breath, a whisper of comfort. “Parker.”
She wrapped her arms tighter around Parker, whose body was shaking. She sucked in a breath and made a quiet gasp, followed by a choked sob. Marley frowned, nuzzling into Parker’s shoulder, feeling a sharp stabbing pain through her chest with every sniffle that came from Parker. The older girl was warm, warm, a comforting heat to Marley’s otherwise always cold body. She should be dead… but yet Marley was not. Because of Parker.
“Parker, love, talk to me.” It was mumbled into Parker’s shoulder. The devil took a long shuddering breath as Marley climbed off of her back and sat on her lap, wiping the tears that were leaking from Parker’s eyes. “Please.”
“I couldn’t… save you.” The words were forced out and choked. “I stood there and watched you… you were…”
“Hey, hey no, come here,” Marley whispered, wrapping her arms around Parker, gently resting her head against her chest. Parker could hear and feel the rhythmic thumps of Marley’s heart and sobbed louder, burying her face into Marley’s hoodie. She wrapped her arms around Marley’s waist, dragging them both down to lie on the couch on their sides.
“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…”
“It’s okay… I’m here. I’m here.”
Marley stroked Parker’s hair and leaned down to press a soft kiss to her forehead. Parker’s shaky breaths tore at her heart, and she shifted herself downwards to take Parker’s face in both her hands, forcing the sobbing girl to look at her. Watery midnight blue eyes looked back at her with self-loathing, trepidation and disbelief, as if not believing Marley was really here. Parker’s hands shook at Marley’s waist, one hand snaking up to be shakily placed on Marley’s cheek, featherlight touch, as if she would disappear the moment she applied more pressure.
“It’s okay,” Marley found herself saying, trying to reassure terrified eyes that her presence wasn’t just a dream, that she was really here. Here with her. “I’m here.”
Parker gasped, as if she couldn’t get enough air in that moment, eyes wide and desperate to believe, but there was a softness to them that Marley knew was reserved for her. One of love, genuine pure love and trust. And Parker trusted Marley implicitly.
“I love you,” Parker mumbled, swiping her thumb under Marley’s eye, catching tears that she didn’t realize were falling. “I love you so, so much.”
Marley’s heart flipped in her chest, still not quite used to someone saying it like that, pure and sincere, as if it was a mere fact. To Parker, it was a fact. She loved Marley, and she would shout it from the rooftops for the whole world to hear. And Parker was saying it now- to remind Marley that Parker loved her, no matter what.
“I love you too,” Marley whispered, pressing her forehead to Parker’s. She doesn’t miss Parker’s sharp intake of breath, the incredulousness in her eyes, as if to signal that she doesn’t deserve it but Marley knows better. Parker is worth all her love, because she is. Not a monster as she sees herself to be, no. Parker was good and kind, loyal and tough for those she loves. And while Marley might not always agree with what she did, she trusted Parker. And Parker was changing, swapping old unhealthy habits for healthier ones, trades aggressiveness and ruthless, cruel beatdowns for soft touches and tickle fights.
Parker opened her mouth to protest, but she faltered, looking at Marley, eyes flicking from place to place, as if memorizing her. And then she settled on just looking at Marley, in general.
“Okay.”
“Okay?” Just like that?
Parker nodded softly, leaning forward to press a chaste kiss to Marley’s lips, tasting salty tears. She pulled away slightly, meeting Marley’s dazed gaze. This was real. Marley loves her. She’ll take it.
“Yes.” Parker buried her face in Marley’s shoulder. “Please stay.”
Stay.
Always stay.
Marley wrapped her arms around Parker and inhaled deeply, keeping the scent of petrichor, the woods and of campfires in her mind. She hears everything Parker isn’t saying in the word stay.
“I’ll stay as long as you need me to.”
Parker chuckled, but it became a small sob. “I’m scared.”
“Of?”
“Losing you.” Arms around her waist tightened a tiny bit and Marley could feel Parker holding back more tears.
“I’m right here.”
“Not for long,” Parker said softly.
“I’m always here. You never failed me.” Marley cuddled closer to Parker. “I love you, and I trust you. I trust that you will always do your best to protect me, just as you trust that I will do my best to protect you.”
“But if I’m too late?” The smallness in Parker’s voice made her heart ache.
“At least you came,” Marley exhaled slowly, pressing her forehead to Parker’s again. “At least you came for me.”
“I always will.”
“You’re not a failure. You’re wonderful, amazing. If I die before you, don’t blame yourself, love. I would have died knowing you tried your best and that’s enough for me.”
“I can’t protect you…” Parker despaired, pulling her forehead away and squeezing her eyes shut.
“No, you can’t. Not all the time. And that’s okay.” Marley paused, making Parker look back at her. “I can’t protect you all the time either.”
“I’m… I’m supposed to-”
“We’re supposed to protect each other. And we did, we do and we will continue to do that.” Marley sighed, placing Parker’s hand flat on her chest, letting her feel the heartbeats again. “Just because something bad happened in the past doesn’t mean you take full responsibility for it. It’s not your fault.” Parker looked back at her in surprise. “I want you to know that.”
Parker nodded. “I’m so afraid…”
“You don’t have to be my protector, defender and all around guardian devil,” Marley breathed, letting Parker curl up in her arms again. “You can be weak too, and afraid. You can be scared and I’ll be here. I’ll take you in my arms and say it’s okay. You’re still human. I love you for who you are… even when you’re afraid and upset.”
“Promise?” Parker asked shakily, and Marley smiled, pulling Parker closer.
“I promise. Please… you don’t have to be Atlas and carry the world on your shoulders for me.” She paused for a moment, allowing Parker to sob slightly. “I fell in love with you you, not the part of you that can do anything and everything. And I’m not leaving you willingly. But you have to stay for me too, none of the self sacrificing bullshit. We’re partners. Just… stay.”
Stay. It’s such an important word, masking so much. Parker hears what Marley’s not saying.
“Okay,” Parker said softly as she tucked her head under Marley’s chin. “I’ll stay.”
“I love you, Parker.”
“I love you too.”
“Always?”
“Always.”