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“I feel like such an idiot.” Benji turned and walked away, ignoring Victor calling his name.
He stopped just outside of the hedge, patting down his suit (a suit, he wore a suit for this, to watch Victor dance with someone else) for his phone. This was the most frequently he had called Hank since he first started AA—the most he had struggled since coming out. When he had problems with Derek, it sucked, and he was anxious, and upset, but somehow it didn’t compare to this. He remembered thinking that that day chasing an ice cream truck with Victor felt better than any date he had been on with Derek. And this ache in his gut, this prickling in his eyes, was worse than his previous relationship’s worst moments (and there were a few to choose from).
“That was crazy, I’m not allowed to have a friend?”
Benji paused with his phone in his hand, and made a mental note to never hold band practice in a garden—hedges were about the furthest thing from soundproof. Victor’s voice was clear as day, and Benji couldn’t help but listen.
“I don’t think that’s all this is.” Rahim said, and Benji’s stomach dropped even more, like he was on the world’s worst rollercoaster. He knew it.
“Victor, I like you. The last few hours have been incredible. The day we skipped school together was incredible. You-“
“Rahim, stop.” Victors voice was soft but firm. “I love Benji. And I know the way I’ve been acting is……confusing. I know I may have……have lead you on, or something, and I’m really sorry for that, it’s just……”
Benji took a small, silent step closer to the hedge as Victor trailed off. He told himself not to hope, but strained his ears all the same.
“Benji is my first and best love. And when we were……fighting, when we……went on a break—I freaked. He means so much to me, the thought that he didn’t care about me anymore just, just……broke my heart. And I guess I needed……someone to connect with like that. To prove that I’m not totally impossible to love.”
The tears were evident in Victor’s voice now.
“Benji is it for me. And he might never want to be with me again and that, that just…..”
He let out a sob. “That made me act really stupid. And that wasn’t fair to you, Rahim, and I’m so sorry. I have to go.”
And before Benji could move from his eavesdropping spot, Victor was walking away from Rahim and towards him, out the gate and onto the sidewalk.
Before he could think, phone still clutched in one hand, Benji grabbed Victor’s wrist as he walked past. Victor started and looked around. There were tear stains on his face and his eyes were wide. Benji thought he was the most beautiful person in the world.
“Benji! I was just going to, um, find you. I-“
“I know.” Benji replied softly. With a small smile and a gesture he added, “Thin hedges. Sorry for eavesdropping.”
Victor gave a weak laugh. “No problem. Saves me from making the same speech twice.”
Benji laughed too. “Victor, I-I feel the same way. You’re not my first love, but you are my best. And I know we have things to work out, I know we should talk about……sobriety, and the stigma, and race, and Catholicism, and insecurity, and, and…….climate change……” They were both laughing now. “The point is, I want to talk about that stuff……with you. I want to talk about everything, to work everything out, because this…”
Benji took Victor’s hand in both of his, and took a step closer. He looked up at him and into those amazing eyes.
“This is worth any amount of work.”
Victor nodded, and the smile on his face was one of pure joy and relief. His next words were soft and sincere. “I think so too.”
Victor leaned in and kissed him. Benji put both of his hands on Victor’s face and felt Victor’s arms around his waist, holding him tight. Holding him steady. They broke apart, barely, still almost nose-to-nose, and looked at each other with huge, dorky grins.
“Your mom was right.” Benji said with a smile and leaned in again. Victor grinned into the kiss, and the pulled back frowning.
“Wait, my mom?!”