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It was a quiet day in the Hazawa Coffee shop, with Hina, Sayo and Misaki being the only customers in there, and Tsugumi and Eve (having successfully secured the new job at the cafe) are taking orders. Hina seems to be oddly contemplative about something, which didn’t go unnoticed by her twin.
Sayo: (confused) Is something troubling you, Hina?
Hina quickly snapped out of her pensive stupor to look back up at her elder sister.
Hina: (shocked) Oh! I was just thinking about Eve-chan!
Sayo: Wakamiya-san?
Hina: (smiling) Yeah! I think she’s gay!
The almost matter-of-factly way Hina declared her theory, along with the declaration itself, managed to shock Sayo, Tsugumi, and Misaki, who happened to within earshot of Hina’s declaration.
Sayo: (awkwardly) You think she is....gay?
Tsugumi, who was in the middle of serving Misaki her order, leaned towards the table of the Hikawa twins to voice her confusion.
Tsugumi: (to Hina) Is she gay?
Hina: (firmly) She sure is! I don’t know why she hasn’t been chasing after any of us!
Misaki: Maybe she has her own reasons...or she’s...y’know, not gay?
Hina: (standing up, loudly) No way! She’s definitely-
In fear of an altercation between the two, Tsugumi quickly sat Pastel*Palettes’ guitarist back down on her seat.
Tsugumi: N-Now, now, you two! No fighting! Uh, do you have any evidence to suggest that Eve-chan might be gay?
As if by coincidence, Eve happened to stride into Hina’s view in full waitress attire, which gave Hina an idea!
Hina: (smiling) Well, Tsugu! You don’t have to look hard to find evidence, because it’s-
What the other patrons and the workers of the cafe didn’t expect, was for Hina to point to Eve with a strong flourish and sing out in a loud voice, and point out Eve’s qualities as she’s singing about each of them, much to the confusion of the bushido fanatic.
Hina: (loudly) THERE! RIGHT THERE!
Hina: (singing) Look at her pale and supple skin! Look at the bombshell shape she’s in! Look at that smile! Free of sin! She’s boppin’ and a lesbian!
Tsugumi: (confused) Uh, Hina-chan! This is a restaurant! No singing!
But much to Tsugu’s dismay, even the straight-laced Sayo decided to add to Hina’s impromptu musical act.
Sayo: (singing strictly) I’m not about to celebrate. Every trait could indicate a totally straight expatriate. She is not gay. I say not gay.
Tsugumi: (shocked) Sayo-chan! You too?!
As if this impromptu music number couldn’t weird out the two tired brunettes enough, the other girl band members entered through the doors, upon hearing the impromptu music number.
Everyone: This is a problem, I’m afraid! A conclusion couldn’t be made! Is the girl who wields a blade one who’s automatically, radically queer?
Tomoe: (pointing to Eve’s hair) But look at her braided, snow-white locks!
Ako: (lying on the floor and rolling up Eve’s pants leg) Look at her long schoolgirl socks!
Kaoru: (dramatically) There’s a fleeting paradox to what we’re seeing!
Rimi: (confused) What are we seeing?
Kaoru: (pensive) Is she gay...
Himari: (firmly) Of course, she’s gay!
It was at this moment, that Kaoru dropped an idea that could turn the entire argument on its head.
Kaoru: (dramatically, with a flourish) Or European?
For once, Kaoru managed to make an actually profound point, for everyone reacted with stunned silence and a collective “Ooooh...”. They all sat down at different tables to mull over this newfound conundrum.
Everybody: (in unison) Gay or European? It’s hard to guarantee. Is she gay or European?
Desperate for an answer to the new problem Kaoru created, Ako turned towards her precious wordsmith for help.
Rinko: (shyly) Wha-! H-hey! D-don’t look at me!
Brandishing her phone, Hagumi slid over towards the two gamers and sat down in between them, showing them a video on her phone of a Finnish sporting event!
Hagumi: (happily) You see, they bring girls up different in those charming foreign ports! They play peculiar sports-
Ako/Rinko/Hagumi: (loving what they’re seeing) In shiny shirts and tiny shorts!
Everyone: (in unison) Gay or foreign fella! This code we can’t debug! They both say things like “Huomenta!”, while they give their friends a hug!
Happily skipping towards the restaurant upon hearing the voices of her friends, Kokoro got greeted by Eve with a smile and one of her famous hugs.
Kokoro: (happily) How fun!
Everyone: (in unison) Gay or European? So many shades of grey!
Tae, who was listening to the famous song “Gurasu no Hanazono” with earbuds, plugged them out of her ears to add some of her famous Hanazono knowledge to the crowd.
Tae: Depending on the time of day, Russians go either way!
As confused as the crowd were by Tae’s words, they continued on with the musical number.
Everyone: Is she gay or European, or-
Whatever the crowd was about to say, was cut off by the loud and angry voice of Arisa Ichigaya, as she shoved her way through the crowd and pointed at a still-confused Eve.
Arisa: (angrily) THERE! RIGHT THERE! Look at that dumb smile on her face! Like every girl at my workplace! She’s a heterosexual disgrace! Eve is not gay! I say “No way!”!
Everyone: This is a problem, I’m afraid! A conclusion can’t be made! Is Eve’s bushido crusade-
Ran: Automatically, radically-
Yukina: Ironically, chronically-
Kasumi: Certainly, pertainly
Aya: Genetically, medically-
Everyone: (pointing to Eve) GAY! OFFICIALLY GAY! EVE IS GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY!
At that point, nobody has any proof going towards either of their viewpoints, and Eve isn’t helping their case, causing them all to let out audible groans of irritation, before going back to the song.
Everyone: Gay or European?
At this point, Tsugumi and Misaki decided to just roll with the punches, and join the out-of-nowhere musical number.
Tsugumi: (in admiration) So stylish and relaxed!
Everyone: Is Eve gay or European?
Always being one to insert reality into any situation, Misaki adding another observation about Eve’s body.
Misaki: (glaring awkwardly) But I think her legs are waxed...
Tsugumi: (disgusted) Fair...
In an attempt to dissipate the awkward atmosphere, Lisa’s sing-song voice added another lyric to this improv musical sketch, while flourishing a couple of images of Eve’s various modeling shoots.
Lisa: (smiling) But they bring girls up different there! It’s culturally diverse! It’s not a fashion curse-
Everyone: (looking at the photos) If she wears pants or wears a skirt!
Everyone: Gay or just exotic! I still can’t crack the code!
Saaya: Yes, her accent is hypnotic, but she models for fun, I’m told!
Everyone: Gay or European? So many shades of grey!
Much to the not-very-well-hidden jealousy of Ran, Moca took the time to sneak a sleepy yet flirtatious wink at an oblivious Eve.
Moca: (flirty) If she turns out not straight, I’m free at 8 on Saturday~!
Everybody: (with rising fury) Is she gay or European? Gay or European?! GAY OR EURO-
The soft voice of Chisato (with Kanon in tow) cut through the quickly rising tension, before it could get too intense.
Chisato: Wait a minute!
Chisato: (to Kanon) Give me a chance to crack this girl. I have an idea I’d like to give a whirl!
Kanon: (bowing slightly) O-Okay, Chisato-chan! Th-The floor’s yours!
Walking over to Eve and sitting down in front of her, and gesturing for Eve to sit down on a chair Kanon pulled up, Chisato began the interrogation.
Chisato: (calmly) So, Eve-san. You’ve been working as a model for how long?
Eve: (smiling) Two years!
Chisato: (pressing slightly) And you’ve been working at your waitress job for?
Eve: One month!
Chisato: (with a smirk on her face) And your girlfriend’s name is?
Eve: Maya!
Chisato grinned as she got Eve to admit her sexuality, hook, line and sinker! By coincidence, Maya happened to walk by, and give an awkward wave to all her friends, and wondering just what did she miss. It took the shocked gasps from her friends, for Eve to realise her little slip of the tongue.
Eve: (awkwardly) W-Wait! I’m sorry! I misunderstood the question! Girls call their female friends “girlfriend” all the time! Maya is my girl, space, friend!
Needless to say, being called just a friend by Eve enraged the normally timid and placid Maya, as she stomped her way through the crowd, much to the shock and embarrassment of the bushido fanatic.
Maya: (angrily) You BAKA!
Everyone: (shocked) What?!
Maya: (in front of Eve) You lying BAKA!
Maya: (boldly) That’s it! I’m not covering for you any more!
With as loud of a voice as she can muster, the now confident Maya got in front of the crowd as they leaned in to hear her declaration.
Maya: (loudly) Everyone! I have an announcement to make!
Maya: (pointing to Eve) Eve-chan is gay AND European! And neither is disgraced!
Maya: (to Eve) You need to stop, for you are being an utter closet case!
Everybody was shocked at the new boldness that the normally socially-awkward Maya Yamato is using, for her boldness is normally reserved for talking about music equipment.
Maya: (proudly) I am the one she’s seeing, no matter what she says! I swear she’d never, ever, ever, swing the other way!
With each lyric, Maya got closer and closer to the taller girl, until their noses are touching.
Maya: (getting closer to Eve) You are so gay! You eat parfait! You flaming Finnish caberet!
Eve: (attempting to be bold) I’m straight!
Maya: (whispering to Eve’s ear) You sure weren’t yesterday...
That comment caused Eve’s face to turn ten brand-new shades of red, upon remembering last night’s escapade with Maya.
Maya: (singing) So if I may, I’m proud to say, she’s gay!
Everyone: (happy that they now have the answer) And European!
Maya: She’s gay!
Everyone: And European!
Maya: She’s gay!
Everyone: And European! And GAAAAAAY!
All it took was one question from Eve to dissipate the proud atmosphere and leave everybody feeling awkward.
Eve: (confused) Aren’t you all gay?
Everyone: (shocked and embarrassed at being called out by Eve, singing) Okaaay....
As if nothing every happened, Eve and Tsugumi went back to serving, and now everybody is at a table eating in peace, much to the relief of Tsugumi and Misaki, who were still wondering what the hell all that was. At least, they got some new knowledge out of that total chaos.
And it was all thanks to the curiousity and eccentric attitude of one Hina Hikawa.