Chapter Text
Spring was usually the best season in Snowchester.
It was the time of year when the days weren’t unreasonably dark, when it wasn’t snowing every day, and when you could go outside without spending twenty minutes bundling clothes beforehand. It was the time of year where mornings were filled with small chirpings of birds and a gentle breeze that painted a peaceful scene.
It was the time of year where dawn was quiet and calm.
“CELEBI IS NOT REAL, BITCH, AND I WILL FUCKING CLART YOU.”
Unless you lived in a house with a certain insufferable child.
Wilbur groaned as he opened his eyes and let the light flood his vision.
Another voice muttered something, to which Tommy immediately slammed the table.
“I WILL NOT TAKE A DETOUR ON MY EPIC POKEMON JOURNEY-”
The voice that followed didn’t share the same amount of irritation, it was more upset than anything.
“Why not? Maybe it is real!” the voice protested, Wilbur soon connected the voice to the other child that lived with him and Tommy. The kid’s name was Tubbo, and despite him and Tommy not being all that alike, they were inseparable.
“WELL IF IT ISN’T-”
These children were going to be the death of him; they would definitely be yelling at each other all morning if Wilbur didn’t attempt to stop them. As much as he would have loved to stay in bed until he didn’t feel like he was about to collapse from sleep deprivation, he also did not want to listen to Tommy and Tubbo scream at each other for hours.
He glared at his clock, and to no one’s surprise, it was still way too early in the morning to be dealing with this shit.
How did Phil ever deal with this?
It took exactly five minutes for him to roll out of bed and get dressed, and an extra three to get downstairs, where the argument seemingly had progressed to something close to a knife fight without the knives.
“It’d only take a day to go to Kinoko! And then-”
“A DAY I WON’T BE SPENDING BEATING UP THAT FUCKING PIG!”
Wilbur ignored them and headed straight for the coffee machine, where the third child who lived in his house stood.
“Good morning,” Fundy said, handing him a cup.
“Hello son,” Wilbur replied in a completely deadpan voice.
The other’s ears turned a little red. “I’m not your-”
“Yeah yeah.” He filled his cup before turning his attention back to the screaming match across the room. “How long do you think it’ll be before they notice I’m here?”
“Give it a few hours.”
A Pokeball flew by the two, landing on the opposing wall and summoning a Zigzagoon in a flash of light.
“YEAH!” Tommy turned to look at Tubbo in triumph. “Fight me bitch! I have a racoon!”
A second flash of light appeared, revealing Tubbo with a Combee fluttering by him. “Yeah let’s go! We can fight!”
Ah fuck. They shouldn’t be fighting, Wilbur thought with an internal sigh, savoring his last moment of peace, before unenthusiastically raising his voice. “Please don’t actually fight. You might break down the house.”
Both children turned to look at him.
“Big dubs!” Tommy walked past him to go and pick up his Zigzagoon. “How are you, my friend?”
“I would be better if you haven’t woken me up a the fucking crack of dawn.”
“It’s 9 am.” Tubbo joined him by the coffee machine, his Combee following him. “It’s not that early.”
“Any time has been too early ever since Phil abandoned me to make sure you two don’t blow up the house, kill each other, and run off. In that order.” Wilbur reached to refill his cup.
“We would never run off.” Tommy walked back to him, Zigzagoon in his arms. “I would never go on my epic Pokemon journey without you!”
“Good.”
“Buuuuuuut.” An evil smile spread across that fucking gremlin’s face. “If you take us-”
“No.” Wilbur reached out to scratch the Zigzagoon’s head. “Stop asking me.”
“But why nottt?”
“Because I don’t have time for it. How many times do I have to tell you-”
“But whyy?”
“No.”
Tommy pulled back from him. “Fine, dickhead. I can convince you some other way then.”
Wilbur watched as he moved back to Tubbo, who was now flipping through some of the papers that were on the dining table. “Are you going to threaten me? Because-”
“No, no, but I do have a gun!” Tommy picked up one of the papers.
“No, you don’t.”
His brother ignored him and whispered something to Tubbo, to which Tubbo whispered back, to which Tommy whispered back in an even more aggressive tone.
“What do you think they’re gonna do this time?” Fundy asked as the other two continued their conversation.
“Dunno. I’ll give it until next month till they start threatening me.” God, if he had to go until next month with these two asking him every hour to go on this fucking “adventure.”
“At this point it might just be better to give in.”
Wilbur glared at him. “Not you too.”
Fundy shrugged. “I dunno man. What’s the worst that can happen anyways? You turn back early and everyone comes home?”
No, the worst thing that can happen is that I lose to Phil during the Elite 4. Or lose to any of the gym leaders. Or literally anyone on the journey. He was far from the best trainer in Snowchester, let alone in the best trainer in the Dream SMP, so of course the only other two people he knew(outside of the three children in his house) were an Elite 4 member and the fucking champion of the region.
“That’d be a waste of time. I have better things to be doing.”
“You do?”
Wilbur chose to ignore the other and turned his attention back to the other two. “Are you two just going to talk to each other for the next hour? Can I go?”
“No!” Tommy snatched something from Tubbo’s hand. “Right! Here’s our presentation on why you should let us go on our journey!”
“Number 1!”
He fumbled with the papers for a bit, leaving Tubbo to snatch one from him and take over. “Uhh. Phil gave us Pokemon for a reason. He wants us to go.”
“Give that back, you bitch.” Tommy took the pile back. “Yeah! You don’t just get Pokemon and not go be the very best! Number 2!”
At that moment, Wilbur noticed Fundy casually heading back upstairs, and every part of him wanted to follow him.
“-and we are just great that way! Number 5!”
“You skipped 4!”
“Four is a bitch! Number 5! I am a big man and I don’t need you anyways, but it would be nice if you did come- Wil where are you going?”
“Anywhere not here.” He opened the front door.
“You haven’t even heart number 6 y-”
Wilbur slammed the door.
Peace. I’ve reached peace.
It was still rather cold, as it usually was in the Antarctic Circle. The light breeze was nice, and the quiet chirping of the birds helped calm his mind as well.
It was the few calm moments he managed to steal away from his younger brothers and not-son that his anger towards Phil for leaving him alone in favor of being an Elite 4 trainer hit him in full force.
Are we really worth that little to him? That he can just leave us on a whim for the fucking Elite 4?
And he’d encouraged Tommy to go on his fucking journey, and now he was spending every day listening to why it would be beneficial to everyone if they went and decided to spend a few months failing at “being the very best.”
I want Phil back.
And I also want to kill him.
The duality of man.
And then the door flew open, and the last person he wanted to see right now poked his head through.
“HEY, WIL-”
I’m going to have a fucking headache.