Chapter Text
I lay on my bed looking up at the ceiling. I’ve been trying to keep myself busy, so I wouldn’t think about everything. But right now, I’m all alone in my room, and I can’t stop my mind from running.
The monsters are still coming.
We still haven’t found another way to stop it. The people I love are in danger.
I can stop it.
I know I’m being selfish. Cleo was right. And although I’m absolutely terrified, there’s no other reason not to become a full Tribrid. To stop Malivore. No one needs me. I’m a monster. That’s why Landon left.
Landon. He said he would fight for us. But he left. I’m not worth staying for. And while that kills me, I don’t blame him.
I feel a tear fall down my cheek.
I miss him.
I feel more alone than I ever have. I know Lizzie and Josie are there for me, but I feel so guilty dragging them into this. Too many people have been hurt. Everyone I love either dies or decides I’m not worth it. I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to them.
I tried to ignore how much Cleo’s betrayal affected me, but it really hurt.
I thought she was my friend.
She used me.
A sob shakes my body.
I know what I need to do.
I get up on shaky legs and go out of my room. It’s very early so the halls are empty. I get a knife from the kitchen and quickly make my way deep into the woods. I stand alone in the forest, listening to the birds and feeling the breeze blow across my skin. I try to prepare myself, but I can feel the fear rising in me. I inhale deeply. I bring the knife up to my heart. I press it against my chest slowly.
“Hope?”
I quickly bring my hand down to my side.
“Hi Jo” my voice wasn’t as steady as I’d hoped. I hear two sets of footsteps walking closer to me, and I slowly turn around. I see Finch and Josie hand in hand in front of me.
“Are you okay?” She looks kind of concerned and I wonder if my face is still red from crying. I give her a forced smile.
“Yes! Of course! What are you two doing out here” I reply quickly.
“We were just going on a walk” Finch answers, while Josie stares at my face.
“Well, I should be heading back.” I tell them, desperately trying to get out of this conversation.
“Okay…..well I’ll see you la-“ she stops talking. I follow her eyes and realize she’s looking at the knife in my hand. I quickly put it behind my back but Josie already saw it. She looks almost angry.
“Hope.” She’s says seriously. “What were you doing out here?”
“Nothing” I spit out. “I’m going back inside now.” I start to walk back towards the school.
“Hope!” Josie yells at me and takes two steps forward.
“Because of Landon?” She asks angrily.
“No! Because I can’t be selfish any longer.” I say as I turn around.
“What?” She exclaims.
“Jo, I have to face the truth! Cleo was right. I can’t let anyone else get hurt, when I can stop it.” I can feel the tears burning my eyes.
“Hope, no. You don’t have to do this. We will find another way!”
“When!?!” I yell, as a tear falls down my cheek. “How many more people have to die!?” I whisper. I slowly bring the knife back up to my heart. I can feel my emotions losing control and wind starts blowing wildly around us. I try to regain control but I don’t have much luck.
“Hope. Calm down. Just wait. We can talk about this.” She takes a slow step forward.
“I have to” I whisper with tears streaming down my face. I notice Finch is no longer behind Josie. She probably went to get help, I need to hurry.
“No you don’t. This isn’t on you!” Josie says
“Yes it is! I always thought I was a mistake, but this is my purpose! I am the loophole. I have to stop being so selfish.”
I remember back to what the Golem said back at the Old mill. “You can actually be important!” He’d yelled. I know it wasn’t really Landon, but seeing it come out of his face really hurt.
“I can actually be important.” I whisper as I push the knife harder against my skin, drawing blood.
The bursts of magic and wind around us get wilder as I lose control more.
“You are important! You help the school so much, and everyone here needs you. You don’t have to do this. And you don’t even know if you will come back! This isn’t worth the risk!” Josie argued.
“Well, I better. Because if I don’t you are all screwed.” I whispered with a sad smile, attempting to make her feel better.
“I’m sorry.” I whisper.
“Hope!” Josie yells and takes another step forward.
“Ad somnum” I say and Josie falls to the ground, unconscious.
I take a deep breath and push the fear down. This is for the people I love. I plunge the knife into my heart, and welcome the pain. I do it a couple more times to make sure I don’t heal. Then everything goes black.