Archive of Our Own

Being the dance leader of BTS and someone with a naturally meticulous personality means that sometimes you will be off alone from everyone else, reviewing footage of choreography from months (sometimes even years) passed to see what could have been done better - what can be improved upon.  This is what Hoseok finds himself doing today.  The group has a showcase coming up soon where they’ll be revisiting some songs that they haven’t performed in a very long time (and, in Hoseok’s opinion, never entirely got down perfectly to begin with).  So it’s important that Hoseok gives this his careful attention.

That’s why he doesn’t even look up when he hears a knock at the bedroom door.  He stays, resting against the headboard with his legs curled up, brows furrowed as his eyes focus on the footage in front of him.  “Come in.”  The words are said with no proper care to pronunciation - all of his attention is on the video footage.

Fancy luxury apartment in the most affluent apartment complex in the country or not, there’s still the slightest domestic creek to the door hinge.  “Hyung?” Jungkook’s voice is light and gentle, the same way it was when he entered their group all those years ago now.  The slow tentativeness he acts with, in this moment, is the same that inhabited his entire core back then.

It’s not about fear or nerves or shyness now, though. Jungkook is just respectful.  “Are you busy?” he asks.

“Oh!” Hoseok is never too busy for Jungkook.  He puts down his phone, fixes his posture.  “What’s the matter, Jungkook-ah?”  He pats the bedspread.  “Come in.”  

There’s an air of solemness to Jungkook.  Once his hands leave the door frame, they’re held in front of him like he’s about to deliver bad news. He’s silent from the entire walk over to when he sits down on Hoseok’s bed.

Hoseok can’t help but giggle at the tension.  “Yah, why are you being so timid?”

This causes Jungkook to crack a smile and laugh too.  “I just have something to ask you but I don’t want to bother you.”

“You’re not bothering me,” Hoseok assures with a shake of his head.  “Look, I put my phone down.”  He gestures to it, where it lays, face-down on the bedspread and out of his hand.  “See?" Jungkook’s eyes follow the movement.  “So what’s up?”

“I wanted to ask you…” Jungkook begins, gaze still locked on the phone.  Then, sheepishly, it shifts back to Hoseok.  “...if you’ll help me learn English.”

What?

A few seconds pass filled only with Hoseok blinking and Jungkook waiting with baited breath.  Hoseok waits for- He doesn’t really know what he’s waiting for.  This to make sense to him? For Jungkook to reveal that he’s kidding and tell Hoseok the real reason he’s here? To wake up from a coma after hitting his head too hard into his headboard while reviewing choreographies and trying to figure out just what his eyes were spying that wasn’t perfect? 

Regardless, Hoseok isn’t finding any of these things.  So to make sure Jungkook doesn’t suffocate from holding his own breath, he supplies, “Jungkookie, did you hit your head?”

“Huh?”

“Do you maybe not know which hyung you’re talking to?”

Jungkook looks taken aback at the suggestion.  “Hyung, I know who you are!”

That doesn’t really clarify anything, though.  “Say my name, Jungkookie.”

“ Hobi-hyung !” It’s more of a complaint than compliance.  Still, yes, it does solidify that Jungkook does, in fact, know which hyung he’s talking to.  “I’m serious!” He seems to think he’s being joked around with.

Hoseok rushes to placate him, his hands out in a gesture of peace.  “I’m sorry, Jungkookie, I just-” Honestly, he’s quite confused.  It takes him a second to be able to verbalize this.  “I just don’t understand why you’re coming to me with this when you live under the same roof as Kim Namjoon.”

Jungkook seems ready for this question, though.  He’s already waving his hands at the older.  “Namjoon-hyung is too good.”

…

He was ready, but not with a good answer.

See, now, Hoseok knows how that sounded.  But he gives Jungkook some time to really feel the meaning of his words before he responds.  “ Wow .”  Even so, he giggles.

Jungkook scrambles to right his wrong.  “Ah, no, he’s j-just got an intimidating authority!”

“ Wow !” His laughter becomes more raucous.  Jungkook is trying, but his words aren’t really any less insulting.

“O-On the subject! Just-”

“Yah, our ace Jungkookie is proving to be an ace in digging his own grave right now, huh?”  Hoseok hasn’t stopped laughing.  Even now, he giggles into his hand, before presenting his bedspread to the younger facetiously.  “Would you like to lie down in it?”

“Hoseokie-hyung.”  Jungkook’s face is a desperate pout, his voice a whine. 

Hoseok’s laughter trails off right away.  He isn’t trying to be mean or hurt Jungkook’s feelings.  “I’m not upset, I’m not upset,” he assures.

He’s silent for a moment, allowing the mood to relax. He’s still curious, though - that part was genuine enough.  After that time has passed, Hoseok asks, “But really, though, why not study with your Namjoonie-hyung, eh? You used to all the time.”  This is the part that’s puzzling for Hoseok.

“Well, yeah, but.”  Jungkook sighs along with his words, his shoulders dropping with his exhale.  “It’s been a long time,” he confesses.  “And I really don’t feel like I’ve learned a lot since then, so… I’m embarrassed.”

Hoseok looks onto his dongsaeng with sympathy and tenderness.  “Jungkookie,” he says, eventually, voice soft.  He pats at his lap, intending for the younger to move to sit closer to him.

Jungkook misinterprets this and moves so that he’s laying his head in Hoseok’s lap.  Which, honestly, is just fine too.  Hoseok takes the opportunity to begin gently carding through his hair.

“You know Namjoon won’t judge you.”  Conveniently, there’s no way for Jungkook to meet Hoseok’s gaze right now, not in a comfortable position.  Hoseok has a feeling that even if there were, Jungkook wouldn’t.  He continues.  “We’ve all been so busy for what feels like so long.  And you’re always trying to learn new things… It’s really commendable.”

As if he was incapable of hearing anything that Hoseok said after the first sentence, after a moment, Jungkook replies, “ I judge me.”

Hoseok frowns.  He doesn’t like seeing Jungkook feel low.  “You’ve got nothing to judge,” he insists.

Jungkook doesn’t really seem to be in a mental or emotional place to hear it, though.  Sometimes people aren’t.  One usually needs to be in a place to be receptive to cheering up in order to be able to.  But sometimes that’s not what people need.  Sometimes they just need the comfort.  Hoseok takes some more time to run his fingers through Jungkook’s hair, careful to be extra gentle if they near the area of his sensitive new piercing.

Maybe, to an outside observer, this is a funny image - Jungkook, now a full-grown man and covered in tattoos, with a brand new brow piercing to boot, seeking solace curled up on Hoseok’s bed with his head in his hyung’s lap.  Hoseok doesn’t particularly care if it is.  Jungkook is Jungkook and Hoseok will always take care of him.  Even if Jungkook’s face were so full of metal that it alone would light up a detector at an airport security check like a Christmas tree.

It’s all why, though silent, Hoseok doesn’t have to give what he says a second thought.  “Hyung will do it for you, Jungkookie.”  He gives a little tickle to Jungkook’s cheek with a fingertip.  

Jungkook’s face whips up to face him, his expression teasingly skeptical, with narrowed eyes and all.  “ Which hyung?” he asks, a mirror of Hoseok’s playful questioning from before.  “Say your name.”  He even points an indignant finger up at Hoseok.

Hoseok just smiles brightly, fondly.  “Your Hobi-hyung ,” he answers, giving Jungkook’s cheek another tickle.  ““Even though I think you’re really underestimating your own skills and overestimating mine.”

“Mm-mm.”  Jungkook refuses to hear this argument, shaking his head.  He only settles in a bit more from there.

“Hey, wait.”  Hoseok delivers a poke to Jungkook’s shoulder.  “How are you expecting to study any English from there? You gotta sit up!”

“Don’t want to do it now,” Jungkook says, snuggling in further.  “ I’m too comfortable ,” he adds in English.

“What?” Hoseok asks, feigning not understanding.  “See, I’m telling you, Jungkook, you’re asking the wrong hyung.”

Jungkook responds with a gesture of absolute petulence, throwing his arm over his face and muffling out what sounds like a whined, “Hyuuuuuung.”

Hoseok can’t resist snickering.  “Fine, fine.  We’ll start later.”

--

As the days go by, Hoseok can't help but feel like the words he'd originally said teasingly, that Jungkook was asking the wrong hyung to learn English from, are actually seriously genuine.  He doesn't feel like he's being much of a help to Jungkook at all.  Most of what they go over, Jungkook already knows.  And when they do free-speaking sessions, where they practice conversing, more often than not, while Jungkook answers quickly and fluidly (some pronunciation issues aside, but who is Hoseok to talk about English pronunciation?) Hoseok needs to take time between his responses to translate what Jungkook has said in his head before speaking.  If he can even figure it out.

Most times, his responses come out in broken sentences as well, or in the wrong sentence structure.

Hoseok’s honestly pretty sure that this whole thing is playing out antithetical towards Jungkook’s goal, and he wonders, worries if the younger is even gaining anything from this at all.

That's why he has a conversation with one of the wisest people he knows.

Hoseok gives a heavy exhale as he takes to leaning against the wall of Namjoon’s studio.  He does his best to be discreet about the issue he's having.  He doesn't want to rat out Jungkook, after all.

Ultimately, however, Namjoon somehow figures it out anyway.

Hoseok is wide-eyed and stunned when Namjoon, smilingly, asks if this is all about Hoseok teaching Jungkook English.  It takes a full second or so before Hoseok can respond, “No! No - where did-?”

“Jimin told me,” Namjoon reveals, still smiling, not buying the denial.  He chuckles, recalling the event.  “He was complaining about how Jungkook is in your room all the time now and he can never get any privacy anymore.”

Hoseok doesn’t join Namjoon in the laughter.  He just frowns more deeply, something feeling like it sinks unpleasantly in his stomach, like accidentally swallowing chewing gum.  “I don’t think Jungkook really wanted you to know about this…” To someone looking in, Hoseok might seem uncharacteristically serious about this, pensive and introspective.

To Kim Namjoon, this is nothing out of the norm.  Hoseok is the type to think deeply on things.  He waves off his friend’s concern right away.  “Hey, it’s alright.  I’m not offended that he went to you instead.”

But despite the reassurance, Hoseok’s demeanor stays bleak.  “But that’s the thing, though,” he says.  “I can’t understand why he came to me.  And-” Hoseok’s frown deepens still.  There’s a moment where his gaze, fallen to the floor, simply stays there for a moment before it rises back up.  He shakes his head, looking somewhat desperate to be understood.  “To be honest, I really don’t think that I’m helping him as much as he could be helped.  I don’t think I’m the right person for this.”  And that’s the truth of things.  Something he’s felt all this time.

It started out as a distant whistle on the wind of his thoughts and it’s a fact that’s only been getting louder in his head and self-conscious since.  Now it sounds-off like a blaring horn in the fog.  Obvious to anyone.  Hoseok feels like an absolute hack, even if the only one looking up to him in this aspect is Jungkook.

Really it’s especially because it’s Jungkook looking up to him for this that makes it feel so particularly bad.

Namjoon picks up on the negativity.  “You seem kind of sad about that,” he observes.  He’s stopped working now, opting to face Hoseok as he sits in his swivel chair.  His position is relaxed, slouched comfortably against the backrest.  But he’s got one leg thrown over another and is minutely swaying in his spot like a metronome, ticking away like his thoughts always are.

Hoseok doesn’t know why, but he gulps.  Again he needs to look down before he faces Namjoon.  “I’ve always wished I was better with English, you know?” he admits, nodding.  “That way I could help out more when it comes to interviews.  But it’s just never totally clicked with me and I feel bad about that.”  And now? Now it’s even worse.  “And now Jungkook is looking to me for help and I can’t do that either.”

It’s quiet for a second.  Namjoon brings his hand up to rub at his chin.  He studies Hoseok for a time, but then says, “I think you may be disregarding Jungkook’s view of things here, Hoseok-ah.”

And that really takes Hoseok aback.  “What?” he asks, eyes wide.

Namjoon gives a quick point of his finger, endeavoring to demonstrate.  “Look at the whole picture,” he says.  “There’s six of us that Jungkook could’ve gone to for this-”

“He felt pressured about the idea of going to you when-”

“Then there were five.”  There’s a point that Namjoon is looking to make here.  He doesn’t want Hoseok brushing this off before he’s even gotten started.  His tone is kind but stern, heeding to be listened to.  “But he didn’t go to Jin-hyung, even though he knows he’s spent time abroad, did he? Or Taehyung or Jimin, even though he knows that they’re also trying their hardest to study and learn when they have the time.  And he didn’t go to Yoongi-hyung, even though he has for other things.  He went to you, Hoseok.”

Hoseok’s brows furrow despite the fact that he feels his face heat inexplicably.  “Yeah, but I don’t get why.”

And this, Namjoon states simply - earnest and blunt.  “Jungkook has always gone to you when he’s needed comfort.  He trusts you with himself in a way that he doesn’t the rest of us.”

Hoseok really feels his face heat now.  He’s never been good at dealing with compliments or praise.  He rubs awkwardly at the back of his neck, voice a little strained.  “Yah, our Jungkookie loves all of us,” Hoseok argues.  “Jin-hyung spent years driving him to school and making up his lunches and he was the first of us to show him around Seoul when he got here.”

Namjoon nods, not disagreeing with this.  “He does love and trust all of us,” he says.  “Just every relationship is different.”

He lets that digest for a moment, thinking a bit more on how best to articulate it before he continues.  “With you, he's not afraid to show his vulnerabilities.  And he feels like he can learn from and with you in a way that he can't with anyone else.  That's very important.  So, even if you think you're not the best man for the job, Jungkook surely does.”

--

Namjoon’s words stay with Hoseok, combating the fog horn of insecurity in some strange, unknowable way.

In fact, it's so persistent that Hoseok is prompted to ask about it during his and Jungkook’s free speaking session.  “Jungkook,” Hoseok starts tentatively.  “ Does this...help you? ”

Jungkook gives a little tilt of his head, brows furrowed and raised as he waits for more elaboration.

“The lessons,” Hoseok supplements.  They both try their best not to lapse into Korean during these moments, but sometimes it's hard not to.

“Oh! Yeah! Of course! ” Jungkook responds with enthusiasm, giggling at himself and his pronunciation afterwards.  He nods, though, taking a second to think through the next response.  “ It helps me. ”

Now it's Hoseok’s turn to nod, silently taking this in.

“ Why...brother? ” Jungkook giggles immediately after asking his question.  ‘Hyung’ has never really corresponded to any English translation just right.  It always sounds a little funny.

It's more than thinking through word choice and order that has Hoseok stalling this time.  “ I don't...know...uh… a lot. ”

Jungkook’s smile dissolves some, replaced by shock.  “ No, no! You know a lot! ” Though eager to reassure, Hoseok’s sudden self-consciousness prompts Jungkook to wonder if maybe he has misunderstood what Hoseok was trying to say.  “Why, hyung?”

Hoseok sighs and leans back.  When he does, he gets that smile on his face.  That one that isn't really much of a smile at all, despite how it looks like one.  It's tired and sad and maybe defeated.  It usually means he's going to say something teasing towards himself.  “You can talk circles around me.  You could even when we started.”

Jungkook’s shoulders drop, some of the glee from earlier escaping him.  “No, hyung.”

“You even know English slang,” he says with a laugh.  “Just hooked into some mental international ‘young people’ network.”

“You know slang too,” Jungkook defends.

Hoseok is silent for a second, just gives another sigh.

“Hyung, you really do know more than you think you do.  You're just a perfectionist.”

“Yah, you.”  Hoseok reaches out and shoves, scoldingly, at Jungkook’s shoulder.

Jungkook laughs, his smile hesitantly returning some, as if wary it could break the potential lightness of the coming moment.  “I say this because I'm a perfectionist too.” 

And everyone in the group knows that.

That is continued proof of how highly Jungkook sees Hoseok.

Jungkook doesn't let the silence linger long enough for Hoseok’s heart to sink at the idea.  “And besides, a big reason I came to you is that I'm not afraid of making mistakes around you.  And I think that was what I was really missing in trying to learn before.”

Hoseok’s heart does sink at that, but for a different reason.  He's not crestfallen.  He's touched.  He's reminded of what Namjoon told him.  His smile fades into something more introspective.  And yet the look is warmer than the previous smile.

“ You help me a lot in everything, hyung. ”  And Hoseok can definitely understand that.

And if Jungkook can relax with him, can be unafraid of being imperfect with him...maybe Hoseok can also ease up (for once in his life), just a little bit.

“ You help me too, JK. ”

Jungkook smiles big and bright at that.  Hoseok lives within that smile - feels like he's under the sun’s warm rays, feels comfortable and admired and at peace and so, so fond.  Jungkook giggles - a prelude to: “I love you, J-Hoooope.”

Smiling himself, Hoseok closes his eyes and waves a hand at Jungkook, chastising.  “ English please, bro. ”

Jungkook’s hands tighten on his crossed legs and he scrunches in on himself in a way that says he's gotten a burst of energy, adrenaline.  His smile is closed-mouthed now, but somehow even bigger and warmer than before.  “ I love you, hyungie. ”

Hoseok doesn't know why a giddy giggle breaks free of his lips, but it does.  He feels that pleasant rush too.  Like what he's heard roller coasters are for people who like them.  “ I love you too, JayKaaaay. ”