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There’s a painfully familiar ache in your chest when you sit up in bed and realize that you're not sure you can bear being here any longer. There’s sweat practically dripping from your skin, you're quite literally ready to explode any moment. You’ve just woken up from a nightmare, the same one that you’ve had every so often for the past almost two years now.
… Has it really been that long since everything happened with the slime villain? It feels simultaneously like it was a lifetime ago and as if it were just yesterday. Regardless of how long ago it was, you’re still having these stupid dreams. It’s not like it was even that bad, and it was your fault anyway- at least, that’s what your mom says.
Right… Your mom. For a second there you almost forgot. You’re stuck at home for the holidays right now, if you were in the dorms you could shake off this feeling easily. There always seems to be someone awake in Heights Alliance, you would trudge downstairs in your pajamas and All Might socks, and there’d be some extra standing in the kitchen to get a snack, or sitting in the common room and studying their ass off. You’d make small talk with them despite your annoyance until you no longer felt like something was covering your mouth and nose, turning everything spotty and dark. Instead you’re here, where everyone is asleep and even if they weren’t you wouldn’t seek out their company if your life depended on it.
You rise to your feet shakily, letting out a trembling breath and mentally berating yourself for being so stupid and weak. You reach up and touch your cheek, realizing your face is stained with tears. You wipe your hand off on your shirt, scowling and trying to shake off the shame that begins to weigh down on you.
Moonlight shines through your window, casting light upon all the little trinkets on your desk. You haven’t seen anything here since you moved into the dorms, ever since then you’ve been avoiding coming back here like the plague. As soon as it was announced that everyone was going to be moving on campus you packed your shit and got out of here, leaving a lot of your things behind. You wander over to your dresser and trail your fingers across the wooden surface, gazing at all the little things you collected over the years. All Might figures, weirdly shaped rocks, old birthday cards…
Your eyes wander over to the corner of the dresser where a framed photo sits. It was professionally taken, just a few weeks after you started at UA. You can still feel the stuffy atmosphere of the photo studio, the way the neck of the sweater they made you wear squeezed your neck and made you feel like you couldn’t breathe. Your parents are smiling. You swallow thickly and pick up the photo staring down at it with gritted teeth, then place it back on your dresser, this time face down against the wood.
This place is suffocating, being here any longer is going to drive you insane. You snatch the UA hoodie draped over your bed's headboard and throw it on, then quietly head downstairs and out the front door.
The wind whistles softly through the trees lining the street you grew up on, making everything feel oddly serene. You know this place like the back of your hand, every nook and cranny and hidden spot you used to play in, and yet, everything feels foreign now. You shakily take your phone out of your pocket and stare down at the time. It’s one AM, no one is going to be awake now. What did you even expect to do once you left the house? You could call Eijirou, but he’s a whole train ride away, and that train isn’t going to be running at this hour. So what are you going to do?
You scroll through your contacts, your eyes wandering over all your options. You don’t even remember who half the people here are, you don’t care about any of them, and they don’t care about you and your dumb problems. Your eyes settle on one of your contacts. You can’t seriously be considering calling him , can you? He’s the worst person you could possibly call, not just in this situation but in any, really. You don’t want to see him. You don’t want to even hear him. But… You’re running out of options. You take a shaky breath and tap the call button, raising the phone up to your ear.
This is stupid. He’s not going to answer, it’s late and that idiot is sure to be asleep by now. And besides, what sixteen year old boy wakes up crying from some stupid fucking nightmare? You’re stupid. And weak. And mom was right and everyone is going to-
“... Kacchan?” a groggy voice asks from your phone's speaker.
Your breath hitches in your throat. “Deku-” you swallow, shutting your eyes tightly and regaining your composure before you continue. “I’m coming over. You better be awake to open the damn door for me.” Your voice sounds off-kilter and hoarse, this was an idiotic idea.
There’s the sound of rustling on the other line, then a soft clunk . “Uh- are you-? Is everything okay Kacchan? Are you hurt? Did- oh no- did something-”
“Shut up! Just… Wait for me, got it? I’ll be there in a few minutes.” you say.
“Right, okay, I’ll come and wait by the door. Um, please be careful, Ka-”
Click.
You shove the phone back into your pocket and groan, vigorously rubbing your face with your palms. Stupid, Stupid, stupid! As soon as you get there he’s going to pelt you with all his dumb questions and pry into your life just like he did Icy Hot and every other loser he thinks is sad! It’s none of his business why you don’t want to be at home. You won’t tell him anything.
You turn on your heel and start heading down the street. Deku only lives a few blocks away, but the walk is tedious nevertheless. With every step you take you remember how idiotic you must’ve sounded, how the nerd must be jumping to all the wrong conclusions, probably excited that you’re about to have a fun sleepover or something.
Or maybe he jumped to the right conclusion. Maybe he could tell by the sound of your voice that you’re just a pathetic wannabe hero who can’t even sleep through a little nightmare. Maybe he knows that you couldn’t stand even being in the same building as your mom for another second and you got so desperate that you called him of all people.
It’s not like it’s that hard to figure out. He’s met your mom, spent time with her, even slept in the same house as her a few times when you were kids. It wouldn’t be that big a leap to make for him to realize what was happening behind the scenes, based on everything he’s witnessed.
You trudge along down the sidewalk, your hands shoved deep into the pocket of your hoodie. There’s no one around to look at you or ask what you’re doing awake at this hour, thankfully. Not that any shitty extra would dare ask you a question like that, not with the air you’re hopefully giving off right now. At least while you walk you have time to quit being so self pitying and fragile, you have to pick up the pieces of whatever the hell broke in your brain to make you feel like this and glue them back together before you reach your destination, even if that seems like an insurmountable task.
After what feels like forever, Deku's building finally comes into view. It doesn’t take you long to hike up the stairs to his floor, eventually stopping in front of his door and staring it down like it’s challenged you to a fight. You’re going to have to knock eventually. You raise your fist, about to hit your knuckles against the door when it swings open. Deku takes a brief look at you before his eyes quickly wander over to your fist.
“Uh,” he says, that annoying nervous smile appearing on his face.
You scowl, lowering your hand and shoving it back into your pocket with the other one. You look at each other for a painful few seconds until you finally get fed up with his staring and push him aside, walking past him into his apartment.
“R- right,” he mutters, shutting the door behind you.
You glance around the room. Seems like nothing’s really changed since you were last here, there’s the beat up couch you and Deku used to make forts with, and the kitchen table where Auntie Inko would serve you the best damn curry anyones ever given you. Everyone else was always a coward who refused to give a little kid all the spice their tiny body could handle, but not her. She always knew how to make it.
There’s a wall of photos near the door that you absentmindedly wander over to. This has always been here, but there are some new additions now. Pictures of Deku and people from UA, one of him after he found out he was first accepted, and then there’s one at the bottom… You peer at it, narrowing your eyes as you realize that you’re in this one. It’s a picture from one of Deku’s birthdays, the last one you ever attended, if you’re identifying it correctly.
You sit at the very same table as the one in this room, holding a green present bag and sitting beside Deku, smiling at the camera while you wait for him to blow out the candles on the All Might cake in front of him. You look happy…
“Kacchan…? Is everything okay? You’re not hurt, are you?” Deku asks.
You jump slightly, you almost forgot where you were for a second there. You straighten up and turn back to the nerd, who peers at you with a look of concern. “Tch, I’m not hurt, moron.” you say, rubbing the back of your neck. “I’m fine. Ain’t that fuckin’ obvious?”
Deku gives you a skeptical look. “I wouldn’t say it’s obvious…”
you say nothing, frowning and averting your eyes to gaze over at the kitchen sink. Water drips from it rhythmically, the only sound in the room is the droplets hitting the metal of the drain.
Deku clears his throat quietly and speaks again. “I uh, I didn’t really know why you were coming over but I set you up a sleeping bag in my room, if you need to stay here for the night. Um, I guess you could also sleep on the couch but I kinda forgot that was an option, ha…” he shifts nervously. “If you’d rather sleep there I can get you a blanket, or maybe-”
“Can you quit your rambling?” You snap. Deku looks at you like you just kicked a puppy, his eyes wide as he turns his eyes back towards you. You sigh and push your fingers through your hair, averting your eyes.
“Sorry… Um, we can just go to my room since I have it set up already…” he says, beckoning for you to follow him. “You remember where my room is, right Kacchan?”
You scoff. “Your apartment isn’t that big, nerd. ‘Course I remember where it is, I’m not Dunce Face, he’s got the memory of a goldfish.”
He chuckles nervously. “Yeah, I guess Kaminari does forget things a lot, huh?”
You silently follow Deku to his room. He still has the same All Might themed name plate hanging on his door, he’s had that since he picked out the name Izuku. He pushes it open and you step inside after him. His room hasn’t changed much, either. Obviously he has a bigger bed now, given that he isn’t some puny little kid anymore. You could still beat him up if you felt like it, though. He’s got posters all over his walls, almost all of them All Might themed but there are a couple smaller ones dedicated to other heroes. His laptop sits open on his desk, a webpage with a compilation of clips from the sports festival is displayed on the screen, and his notebook is open beside it. It looks like he’s been analyzing the fighting styles of class 1-B.
He hurries forward and snatches up some dirty clothes from the floor, setting them on top of his hamper. “Sorry about the mess, I didn’t expect to have anyone over.”
“Whatever, not like I care.” You shrug, your eyes wandering down to the sleeping bag on the floor. Of course it’s All Might themed, just like everything else in this room. Not that you really mind all that much. There’s also a pillow patterned with little rabbits, it tugs at a memory you haven’t touched in a long time.
You wander over and sit down on top of it, crossing your legs and staring down at your pajama pants. Deku makes himself busy shutting off his laptop and closing his notebook, then switches off the overhead light, leaving the only thing illuminating the room a little moon shaped night light attached to the outlet by his door. He hops onto his bed, crawling up to the top by his pillows and gazes at the little moon made of frosted yellow glass, his body stiff and apprehensive.
“Sorry if the nightlight bothers you, my mom got it for me when I was having trouble sleeping after everything that happened at the USJ, I feel bad taking it down.” he says sheepishly.
You stare at it for a few seconds before looking over at him. He had trouble sleeping after the USJ…? And he’s admitting to it? Just like that? What kind of idiot just admits to that kind of thing?
“Tch, what, you have nightmares or something?” you ask scornfully, but your tone isn’t totally in it. Instead of coming off as mocking like you intend it sounds genuinely inquisitive.
“Sometimes.” he shrugs, lying down and looking up at the ceiling. “I’d be surprised if anyone in our class didn’t, we have been through a lot.”
You watch him for a moment before lying down as well, focusing all your attention on a small water stain on the ceiling.
“... Don’t you have nightmares, Kacchan? I remember when we were kids you would-”
“Shut your damn mouth, Deku.” You command, your voice trembling. What the hell…? You’re not supposed to sound like that. You’re supposed to sound intimidating. There’s a moment of deafening silence before you speak again, your voice strained. “I don’t get nightmares. I’m stronger than that, that shit is for stupid little kids and weak nerds like you.”
You grit your teeth and force your eyes to stay where they are. You know exactly how Deku will be looking at you if you turn your head. That pitying expression. Just like the one he gave you just before the League of Scumbags took you. Just like the one he gave you when you fell into that river all those years ago…
“It’s okay to get nightmares…” Deku says slowly, as if he’s thinking through every word. “Everyone gets them sometimes. Even All Might probably gets nightmares, and he’s the strongest hero ever . But when bad things happen sometimes they turn up in your dreams. And that's normal, I think.” You hear him shift slightly and you take a very brief glance in his direction to see he’s rolled over onto his side to face you. “Um… Did someone tell you getting nightmares makes you weak?”
You know he’s not just asking a general question. He knows exactly who told you that. Who told you you were weak for ending up in the situations that caused those nightmares in the first place. He also knows if he gets anymore specific you’ll crush him like the ant he is.
“Damn nerd.” you say hoarsely. “Nobody tells me shit , got that?”
“Right…” Deku murmurs.
You climb into the sleeping bag, pulling the cover up to your chest and try not to think. If you keep your mind blank, you’ll fall asleep faster, and your thoughts might not leak into your dreams like they always seem to. A few minutes tick by. You keep your eyes trained on the nightlight, counting all the little indents in the moon, meant to look like craters.
“Kacchan?” Deku says hesitantly.
You turn to look at him and find his hand outstretched towards you, he looks at you with an expression you can’t really describe. “I don’t need your fucking hand, I’ll crush all the bones in your shitty fingers. I told you, I don’t have nightmares .”
“No, I know you don’t. But I do. And maybe it’ll help them not be so bad… Uh, for me.” he says, his lips forming a slight smile.
You stare up at his hand like you’re tempted to bite it. “Get your damn hand away from me.”
He starts to retract his hand but your own darts forward against your wishes and grabs a hold of his, gripping it like a vice. You stare at him with wide eyes, waiting for him to make fun of you, or rip his hand away, maybe tell you he’s going to tell everyone in class that you’re dumb and weak . But he doesn’t do any of those things.
He squeezes your hand back lightly and shuts his eyes, settling in against his pillows. “G’night, Kacchan.”
You grumble out some sort of insult, even you’re not entirely sure what you’re trying to say, and you’re too tired to care. You shut your eyes. Maybe in the morning his mom can cook you something like she used to after sleepovers…