Chapter Text
Expectations. It weighs him down. But it’s not like he has a choice. He has made it this far. Might as well get through the rest.
But this is just Uchiha Sasuke's view on life, in general. And this will never change; not that he specifically wants it to.
“Good luck!” Someone tells him from across the street.
“Sasuke,” his mother's voice, so subtle and soothing, resonates in his head.
“What?” He had replied, running his hands through the contents of the bag he has packed, barely holding in the excitement, for the first day of school. When Okaasan didn’t answer, Sasuke stopped what he was doing, took a deep breath, and looked at her to which she laughed at, thinking about how much her son knew her. “just- remember to be nice.” He remembers her smile widening.
Perhaps, that’s why Sasuke, for a change, nods at his well-wisher. It’s another first day after all.
But this doesn’t stay on his mind for long. It disappears at once, as he perceives the sight of the plain white building in front of him. There’s nothing really particular about it if you look at it like everyone else. But if you ask Sasuke, he would give you half a smile which would translate into something... good.
Good. What does it mean? Is that how you describe someone useful to you? Is that someone you would want to save your life? Is that a feeling you get? Is good, ever enough ?
“Okay, so any questions?” Sasuke is never the person to answer when he is in a room full of people and the question is not exactly directed at him. But strange enough, no one seems to answer here. Is everyone like him too?
No, no way .
“I need an answer.” The brown-haired guy Sasuke doesn’t remember the name of forces his words on them.
“The batches get weirder and weirder as the years go by,” he says disapprovingly. “And someone hasn’t even reached for the first day of college. I really don’t know how all of you will manage here. You have no idea-”
The door slams open and a girl walks in. Pink-haired, flushed face, stethoscope dangling from her hand. The type of person people make fun of for no reason. But surprisingly no one giggles secretly or bursts out into laughter. But look at her, they do.
“...umm...I got lost...” she mumbles as she moves away from the door.
“Name?” he already knows her name, Sasuke can tell, but he asks anyway.
“Haruno Sakura.”
“So any questions?” he asks the rest of them, without a care about the girl who walked in late.
“No.” All of them answer this time; all of them except Sasuke.
“Take these to the reception, you two,” Sasuke notices how he speaks as if he knows what his next line will be and it’s annoying; annoying than the late girl. “The one who came in late and the brat who didn't answer. Run.” He extends the paperwork in his hands to Sasuke. But he already knew it would be towards him. It’s always him. Always - the power that word holds.
Once he grabs his share of paperwork, he is standing in the hallway outside the door with the late girl. She looks at him for a while and takes a deep breath before saying “Hi, I’m Sakura!” Sasuke is surprised at how easily she can smile for a stranger. But it doesn’t show on his face. Nothing ever does.
Sasuke watches how the late girl (he doesn’t want to call her Sakura or whatever it is yet) attempts to transfer the papers she had been hugging with both hands to one, single hand, barely keeping the balance. She extends her shaking hand to him, her eyes fixed on the set of parchment hardly holding up.
Expectations. It’s like the stack paper they’re holding, but on your shoulders.
Does she expect him to give her his hand?
Does she expect him to talk to her tomorrow because he gave her his hand today?
Did she expect him to offer to hold her share of paperwork when she had already taken more than half, leaving him the smaller heap?
The bundle doesn’t balance well on one hand and it’s leaning forward perilously, about to hit the ground and shatter into too many single sheets which they would have to pick up. The late girl eyes it dangerously as she retrieves her extended hand.
Sasuke sighs - annoyed or not, he hasn’t decided yet but she doesn’t catch it anyway – as he lifts the majority of the papers in her hand and places it on top of his stack. “Uchiha Sasuke,” he sighs again as he turns his back on her and walks away as quickly as he can.
Did she expect him to take all of the sheets in her hand instead of the amount he actually took?
She didn’t. But Sasuke doesn’t know that. At least not yet.
Expectations; weightless as a single sheet of paper, but just enough to weigh him down. Just enough.
--
“It can’t be that bad, Sakura. Half of it must be in your head.”
“What!? I wish it was.” She scoffs into her phone.
“Okay, so where are you?”
“In the bathroom.”
“Neji, did you hear that? She is in the bathroom.”
“Seriously, this is a nightmare.”
“Then I leave you to it.”
“What-”
Tenten’s voice disappears as she hangs up. Sakura is alone in the bathroom again. She looks at the mirror and sees herself and she hates it so she looks away. She is here to save lives. She cannot afford to call herself a failure when she has to not be one for the people that come to her. Or so she tells herself. Maybe that’s a lie. A lie she tells herself, knowing that it is one. Why was she taught that no one can be perfect when she is taught how to be the very next moment? You don’t have to run. But why are you taught to do so? Is it to learn to stop?
She grabs the coat she had set down and wears it, for the first time from a hospital, instead of her home where she likes to turn herself around wearing it in front of the mirror. But it’s time she understands that the mirror back at home and the one here are two completely different ones. Because when she stares at it, she finds different people staring back.
“First year, come here,” she quickly turns to the person. The owner of the voice is a lady. “Run and get these scans for me.”
“You’re late again,” Hideki says, amused (she knows his name from his name tag. She always reads them).
“Dr. Anko asked me to-”
“She reminds me of Kakashi.” There’s a new guy with Hideki and he laughs at his own words. She wonders what his name is.
“We will be assigning you to your doctors. You are supposed to wait here.” Hideki announces and he leaves the room with the new guy. No name, then.
Sakura scans the room and finds Ino. She knew Ino had gotten in but wished she read it wrong. And for all this time, she never looked at the list of participants just in case she finds Ino’s name and forgets to celebrate herself getting in. But she couldn’t hide now. When Ino notices her (Sakura strongly believes Ino had noticed her before because of her being late) she smiles at her too, and waves. But doesn’t walk to her.
“I’m sure I will do just fine because this is what I want to do ‘ttebayo” someone shouts into the void and when Sakura turns to look at the one causing the noise, she finds a blonde-haired, extremely excited guy, punching fists into the air, as bright as the star outside the small window next to him. She looks at him, like everyone else in the room. And while she thinks he is slightly annoying, she is secretly in awe of him.
How does he believe in himself like that?
Sakura silently wishes he was her friend and closes her eyes.
“Annoying.” it’s barely a murmur. But Sakura is sharp enough to catch it and also realize that she has heard this voice before. Once she opens her eyes to satisfy her curiosity, she finds him. The only person she knows the name of except Dr. Hideki and Dr. Anko (and Ino, but she doesn’t think about that) - Uchiha Sasuke.
“The Uchiha guy’s a brat,” she had heard someone say on her way to get scans for Dr.Anko. “But he’s Itachi’s brother. He’ll be skilled, brat or not.” she didn’t process it back then because she was in a hurry but now she does.
“What?” it’s his same voice again.
Sakura realizes that she is looking at him, without context, for no reason. She quickly nods and looks away, wordlessly apologizing to him. Sasuke doesn’t get it. But then again, neither does Sakura.
“Yamanaka Ino, Akimichi Choji and Nara Shikamaru?” Hideki doesn’t wait for them to respond. But they never planned to. “You’re with Dr. Sarutobi Asuma.”
“And as for Haruno Sakura, Uchiha Sasuke, and Uzumaki Naruto, you have Dr. Hatake Kakashi. And you already know this but these are not the only doctors you will be working with.”
And Hideki continues, stressing how hard it will be for them, and tells them some of his own edited-to-match-the-occasion experiences. Then he moves on to something about how the one moment where it all matters will arrive one day - graduation. Sakura knows because she constantly keeps hearing the combination of words that include “all these bad years will be worth it”. She wonders how they are sure so sure that their upcoming years will be bad but leaves that thought when she realizes that Uzumaki Naruto is the guy who threw punches into the air before.
“Hi, I’m Uzumaki Naruto. You can call me by my first name. Can I call you Sakura?” the excited voice says and now she knows who it is. Hideki had just exited the room after wishing them luck and her ears filled with whispers. Everyone too scared to talk louder than the other. And then there’s Naruto. Blue eyes sparkling with enthusiasm.
“...yes!” She gives him a smile.
“Do you know who Uchiha Sasuke is?” He looks around, his facial expressions changing in seconds, Sakura notices.
“Yes, actually I do.” She says, letting her hands fall into the pockets of her white coat. Naruto looks back at her and smiles.
“You know, I’m applying for General Surgery for sure, dattebayo.” They are walking to the doctor they will be working under. They got lost twice but are now on the right path. Naruto cannot stand silence and Sakura knows this by now. Neither Sasuke nor Sakura says anything but he continues, not discouraged or bothered by their silence in the slightest.
“Sakura-chan, have you chosen a specialty yet?” Sakura is surprised at how easily it comes out of his mouth - a name he has never called before.
“No, I haven’t.” She says. Sakura doesn’t get close to people. Although they might think she does.
“This is the room.” That’s the first thing Sasuke says to both of them after “We have to find Hatake Kakashi.”
“I’m nervous,” Naruto says, but it’s kind of obvious he isn’t. He doesn’t open the door, however.
To Sakura’s surprise, Sasuke is not the one opening the door either. It’s herself.
They see a silver-haired man sitting behind the computer.
“Hi, hello.” he throws words around lazily. “Well, it looks like I have a job for you guys.”
Naruto almost screams, Sakura grabs a hair tie from her pocket and plays with it using her fingers, and then stretches it ready to tie her hair up, and when she looks at Sasuke, she swears she saw him shift weight to his other leg as he takes his hands out from the pocket. But rest of his body, expressionless.
“Write patient notes.”
--
“If this is what it means to be a doctor-”
“Don’t say it,” Sakura says quickly. Scared of her own mind more than Naruto’s words.
“Yeah.” Naruto looks down at the library floor. The sun is setting, they could see the golden light, almost as golden as Naruto’s hair flooding the library. “But I thought it would be emergencies and ACTION, you know?” Sakura smiles at his innocence and continues flipping pages, her eyes now rest on Sasuke who said nothing except page article numbers. They had finished writing the patient notes they were asked to write. Now they find themselves researching for Kakashi’s upcoming presentation.
“I’m going to the washroom. That ought to be more fun than this, dattebayo.” Naruto says as he pushes away heavy books from his lap and gets up and disappears in a second. Without Naruto, Sakura realizes how silent it is. But as much as she hates silences, she actually enjoys this one. With the evening wind slowly playing with her hair every few minutes.
--
“Did you hear? The Uchiha kid is here, apparently.” Sasuke hears it and for some reason, he doesn’t wish he hadn’t. Today, he wanted to hear what they would talk about.
“I hear he is handsome.”
“He is a brat, I’ll tell you that. Probably spoiled with all the glory that comes with his family name. I mean, it’s like he has a free pass to everything.” Sakura looks at him now but he avoids her eyes. He can only make out what she is thinking. Poor guy, I can help him and tell him everything will be okay even when I know nothing about him or his life. He is so sure of her thoughts.
“To girls, for sure.” someone else says.
“Sasuke…” Sakura whispers so that only he can hear her. Sasuke wonders why she does that. Is she ashamed? Even if she is, he cannot care less.
“God, I wish I was an Uchiha. Military Commanders for centuries with all that money and fame. I wonder why they didn’t force him to join the military.”
Sasuke has heard this before. This same conversation, just a different place, different time. Itachi took him away from those people back then. “Why didn’t you fight them?” He had asked his brother.
“Because people die for peace.” his brother had replied, placing the tip of his two fingers on Sasuke’s forehead. That answer didn’t satisfy Sasuke back then. He doesn’t know if it does, now.
“But I wouldn’t want to go to the army though, I don’t want to end up dead like his parents.”
Sasuke is suddenly on his feet but to his surprise so is Sakura. And again, before Sasuke moves, Sakura does. But she doesn’t shout at them like he thought she would and act all tough and annoying for a guy she barely knew. Instead, she bends down and picks up some books they might need and balances all of them perfectly in one hand, and grabs his with her free one, and marches out of the library.
“Let’s go, Sasuke-Kun .”
For the first time in a while, Sasuke is surprised and it inevitably shows on his face. They walk out of the block and into the garden in front of it. Sakura searches, for a second or two, for something in this unfamiliar place but leads him anyway, to a bench. She drops all the books at once and sits down next to them, sparing just enough space for him. Sasuke doesn’t know what makes him sit down on the other side of the heap of books.
“Are you okay?” she asks.
A question he hates but he replies anyway. “Hn.”
For some reason, Sakura doesn’t talk about anything from then on. They sit there, on the bench, now able to see the sun setting behind the big buildings of the hospital. The full view is beautiful and far better than the ones from the small windows of the library. But Sasuke was never someone who noticed these things, unlike Sakura. When Sasuke looks at Sakura (sometimes consciously, sometimes unconsciously), he finds that she is not looking at him or the book kept open in her hand. But at the faraway horizon. And sometimes, she closes her eyes, sometimes she doesn’t. Sometimes, she takes a breath, sometimes she doesn’t. But it’s beautiful.
--
Naruto is genuinely confused when he finds that Sakura-chan and Sasuke are not where he last saw them. Where the hell they go!? He checks the whole library, asks the librarian (who is now a fan of him and his bright smile), and when he doesn’t find them there, he realizes that he doesn’t have their number. Naruto, only a bit annoyed at the people he now considered his friends, walks out of the building. He stretches his hands, yawning loudly.
And then he finds them. On a bench not too far from him. Sakura-chan is reading something aloud from a book and Sasuke is nodding silently. He walks to them quickly.
“Guys, I need your phone numbers for real if you are just going to leave me out like that, dattebayo.” he announces to which Sakura-chan laughs.
But there’s something different about Sasuke. He can’t seem to look at Naruto or at the book lying open in front.
Or at anything else, besides Sakura.