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“Come. We have to talk.”
The words hung in the air like swords. Alberto followed Massimo to the man’s bedroom, but he did so hesitantly, bracing himself for the worst. His fingers dug into his pockets awkwardly.
“Sit down.” Massimo pat the spot next to him on the bed with his hand.
“Am… am I in trouble?” Alberto asked. “I really didn’t try to do anything bad, I-”
Thoughts flashed through his head, thinking of how many ways there were that he could have screwed up.
“No, no…” the man interrupted him. “You have done nothing wrong.”
Alberto sighed in relief.
“Then what is it?” he asked.
“Sit first. Then we talk.” Massimo looked straight at his face.
Alberto sat down. Massimo put his arm around the boy’s shoulders. It was something he made a point of doing often, but that still caught Alberto a little off guard. He was not used to physical affection. It was nice. Nice, but a little startling.
“I have noticed that you don’t eat as much.” The man looked down at him with worry in his eyes. “Do you not like my food anymore?”
Alberto smiled at him.
“No, your food is amazing.”
This time it was Massimo who sighed a little in relief.
“Then what is the problem?” he asked.
Alberto looked away.
“There is no problem. I’m just… not as hungry.”
Massimo sighed.
“Today, I saw how much you struggled on the boat.”
Alberto didn’t answer, so Massimo continued.
“You were unfocused, and you were weak.”
Still no answer. Just awkward silence.
“If you can not work, I can not take you with me when I go out.”
Finally Alberto spoke.
“I can work, I just had a bad day today.”
“Alberto, don’t lie to me. I know what it looks like when somebody didn’t eat and is trying to work anyway. I know what it is like to work hungry. I know what it is like to step on the boat, already sick from hunger and I am not going to let you do that. Either you eat, or you stay home.”
Alberto looked away.
“I know how much it means to you to help me. I don’t want to leave you home. And I can really use your help. You’re strong. And you’re capable. You have good hands and a lot of knowledge on the sea. So what is wrong?”
Absolute silence crept between them. Massimo looked at the boy with warmth in his eyes, but Alberto couldn’t bring himself to look back at him.
Eventually, he broke the silence.
“My pants don’t fit anymore. They hurt to wear.”
“We will go out and buy new pants tomorrow morning then.”
“It’s not the pants… It’s me…” Alberto whispered, barely audible. “I am getting too big for them.”
Understanding dawned on Massimo’s face.
“So you stop eating?”
“Yes…” Alberto nodded.
“What do you think will happen if you eat every day until you’re full?” Massimo asked.
Alberto was still hesitant to talk about it. He’d actually prefer to just disappear and not have to ever have this conversation again.
“Isn’t that obvious?” he asked.
“So you’re afraid of putting on more weight?”
Alberto nodded.
Massimo nodded, as well.
“What is your plan? You stop eating and your pants fit again?” he asked.
Alberto nodded again.
“Then what? You go hungry. You can’t work. You can’t enjoy your life because you don’t eat. You get sick.”
“But otherwise I get fat.”
“Is that so bad?” Massimo asked.
Alberto thought for a moment.
“Isn’t it?”
Massimo sighed.
“Alberto,” he began. “How long did you live alone?”
“I don’t know.”
“How much did you eat when you lived alone? Not much, no?”
“No…”
Massimo moved his hand to rub Alberto’s back.
“You go hungry for a long time and your body will put on whatever it gets to make sure you don’t starve. Your body cares for you. It wants you to feel happy. It wants to make sure you have everything you need. So it puts on weight.”
“So what?” Alberto asked. “I can choose between being skinny and feeling bad and being fat and unhealthy and ugly?”
“Alberto, look at me,” Massimo said.
The boy hesitantly moved his head to face him.
“You look dashing and you will always do so. Even if you put on weight, you won’t be ugly. You’re a beautiful young man. Don’t forget that.”
Alberto smiled for the first time during their talk.
After a couple of seconds Massimo looked away. Recollection flashed in his eyes.
“I will tell you a story, yes?” he said.
“Uh… sure?” Alberto didn’t know what to expect.
“When I was a child, everybody made fun of me because of my arm. And because I didn’t know what to do, I ate. And I grew big. Very big. I was the tallest boy in my class and I was the fattest. And so they started to make fun of that, too. I hated it. But I never did anything about it. Until I was around sixteen, or seventeen. I started working with my father. And it was hard work. But it made me strong. Very strong. Ma it didn’t make me skinny. I was as big as ever.
And they kept laughing at me until… Marco was his name. The most handsome boy in class. The one who controlled everyone. Like Ercole. I broke his nose. The fat boy with only one hand broke his nose with one punch. And I didn’t even use a lot of force.”
He chuckled.
“Nobody laughed at me after that.”
Alberto couldn’t help but smile.
“Couldn’t you have broken Ercole’s nose, too?”
Massimo laughed.
“People see it differently when you’re an adult and you hurt a kid.”
Now Alberto laughed, too.
“Yeah right… ‘kid’…” He did air quotes with his hands.
“He is more or less…” Massimo said.
“You don’t look like you used to be fat,” Alberto said after a little while.
Massimo laughed.
“I am fat.”
“No you’re not!” Alberto said.
“Ma sì, I am. Just look at my belly.”
Alberto looked down to the ground, thinking.
“Would you say I don’t look good? Or do you think I am unhealthy?” the man asked.
“No, of course not.”
“And neither will you.”
“My arms aren’t nearly as big as yours and I’m not nearly as strong. I’d just get… chubbier, not strong.”
“Cocco, you already are strong. That’s why you’re such a help at work. Gaining weight won’t change that.”
Alberto wasn’t convinced, so Massimo continued.
“Do you want to build more muscle?”
“Yeah, I’d love to.”
“Then keep eating, and keep working. And give yourself time. You’re fourteen. Your body isn’t even done growing. In a couple years, if you feed your body, you can get really strong. But until then there is absolutely nothing wrong with you, no matter how chubby you may get.”
“Huh…” Alberto nodded.
“But you will always have a belly. And that’s good. Your body wants to have one. It protects all your vulnerable parts. And it makes sure you have reserves of energy when you need them. And you probably will need them eventually. When you get really sick and won’t eat for days, even weeks. And your body needs all the strength it can get to fight off the illness.”
“Why do you know so much about this?” Alberto asked.
“I have lived a long life,” Massimo said. “I had to find out a lot on my own. But that makes me want to make sure you and Giulia will have somebody to teach you.”
“What if I get too fat?” Alberto asked. “So much I can’t work?”
“You won’t.” Massimo looked straight at him again. “Your body will adjust. You will gain some fat and then you will stabilize. Your body is figuring itself out. More or less. And when it stabilizes and you keep working and eating well, you won’t have problems. I can’t tell you how much weight you may gain, but in a couple years, when you’re grown up you can turn the weight you have then to muscle mass. That’s how muscle are built.”
“But…” Alberto seemed confused. “All the people on TV and in magazines never seem to get chubby and they’re jacked.”
Massimo shook his head.
“TV lies to you. They starve themselves. They refuse to even drink enough water. That’s why they look like that. It’s not a good way of living.”
Alberto put his hand to his belly. His fingertips rested where the pants dug into it.
A comfortable silence spread between the two. Then the man broke it.
“Ma this, caro,” he looked straight at the hand resting on the boy’s belly. “Is what makes sure you can work and grow strong and not fall off our boat half dead afterwards. And a reminder that you will never have to go hungry again.”
Alberto looked up at the man’s eyes. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but no words came out.
“I will make sure that you never go hungry again. I promise,” Massimo said. “I will house you and feed you. And you will never have to live like you did before again. Alone, hungry, without a family.”
Alberto found himself chocking back tears. He still said nothing.
“You deserve so much better than living alone in that old tower. You’re an amazing young man. You’re strong, you’re handsome, and you’re a boy every father could only wish for. Caro, I couldn’t bear to see you starve yourself out of fear of getting chubby. So please give your body and yourself a chance to grow and heal. And don’t do to it what Bruno’s absence did to you for so long.”
Something clicked when Massimo just referred to his father as Bruno. Because he was right. He wasn’t his father anymore. Just a man named Bruno.
“Sì, papà,” Alberto said finally, now crying. “Thank you, papà.”
It was the first time Alberto had called him that. The first time he had referred to him as a father at all.
Massimo pulled him into a tight hug, the boy’s face pressed against his chest and arms wrapped around him. The man was crying now as well.
And they sat there, arm in arm, in silence. When Alberto looked up at Massimo he smiled. The man wiped a tear off the boy’s face with his calloused thumb.
“And tomorrow, cocco mio, we’ll go out and shop for some new clothes for you. Some that fit and you will see how much that matters.”
“Sì papà.” Alberto nodded.