Chapter Text
Tobio envied his members.
He envied the late nights with them in the practice room, sweaty backs pressed against the studio floor as he listened to them exchange stories from their pre-trainee days. He envied hearing how fondly they spoke of home - how they missed their family and friends but still kept in touch with them. He envied how Sugawara’s mom would drop by the dorm every so often to deliver home-cooked dishes or how comfortable Oikawa was with one of their dance trainers, a guy with spiky black hair that was apparently a childhood friend. Even the way he could easily spot Tsukishima’s brother in the crowd at their concerts, always cheering the loudest without fail whether the blonde liked it or not.
Tobio knew he drove a wedge between him and any concept of home the day he left for Tokyo, but that didn’t stop him from spending most of his trainee days dwelling on the past. It always started with him remembering his fondest memories of Miyagi, and it always ended with a painful clench at his heart when he realized he had no one to blame for what he left behind but himself.
(He knows better than to let his mind drift now. It’d only hurt him in the end.)
—
Sendai is colder than he remembers, the harsh autumn air like a slap to the face.
Tobio fumbles with his phone, fingers numb from the frigid wind as he tries to finish typing his response to Miwa. She had offered to come pick him up from the station but he had assured there was no need. It wasn’t like he could forget his way around town.
It’s rare that Tobio comes back to the city as himself, not as Kageyama the idol, and maybe he liked to keep it that way. But out of all people, he’s not surprised it’s Miwa who convinces him to visit once again. She’s never forced him back, always opting to visit him in Tokyo instead, but she moves to Europe in a week and fuck, he’d feel like a pretty shitty brother if he made her trek to the city in the midst of her packing.
He doesn't really pay attention to his surroundings on the walk to Miwa's, the all-too familiar streets embedded so deep into his memory that it's like his feet move themselves. It allows his mind to wander, from the thought of how much packing Miwa's probably going to make him help with to the choreography he promised his manager he'd go over during his break. It was a pure coincidence that he didn't happen to have any schedules for the week, Sugawara all but pushed him out of the dorm to spend these last few days with his sister. That didn't mean he was going to slack on practice though; there's nothing Tobio hated more than falling behind.
Not much has changed, Tobio remarks to himself as he stares at the façade of Miwa's apartment - the apartment they used to share. The stairwell still has that eerie hum to it, and the floorboards still creek with every step as he approaches Miwa’s door. Tobio barely gets two knocks in before the door swings open.
“Nee-san.”
Tobio knows Miwa's always been the cooler one out of the both of them, the way she was a headstrong kid who always knew what she wanted. Even now with her blunt bob and cold gaze, and the way she was preparing to move continents to pursue her passion, she always exuded the natural confidence Tobio admired.
Though whatever coldness fades away as soon as she reaches her hand out and up to the top of his head, eyes crinkling as she ruffles his hair.
"Tobio! Took you long enough," she says as her ruffling gets more aggressive, obviously messing up his hair on purpose now. Tobio grunts as he dodges her hand's next movement.
"Cut it out." Evidently, Miwa's never found him intimidating no matter how hard he's tried. She simply chuckles as she steps aside to let him through the door, satisfied with her teasing.
"Your hair feels much healthier than the last time. Thank god they stopped bleaching it," she comments as she leads him into the apartment, prompting him to run a hand through his fringe.
"The company wanted me to go natural for the next album," he mumbles, pushing aside a few boxes so he can make room for himself on the couch. "This place is a mess."
"Good thing you're here to help me clean up then," Miwa states rather matter-of-factly, the corner of her lip quirking up into a smirk that makes Tobio want to quip back. But that's exactly why he's here, and they both know that, so he holds his tongue.
"I can't believe you're really leaving," he says after a brief lull, the only sound filling the silence being Miwa rustling cardboard. In the sea of boxes and scattered items, Tobio suddenly feels small. It suddenly becomes too apparent to him that his sister is very much leaving in a week and even if they don't see each other too often now, there's something about her being in a completely different continent that eats at him.
Sensing his panic (because she always sees through him), Miwa puts down the box she's fiddling with and moves to lean her body on the side of the couch. "It won't be forever," she says with a soft smile. "I'll be back, I promise."
(He never said those words to her when he left for Tokyo - he didn't think he had to. He always thought of his sister as strong, but he starts to wonder if Miwa ever needed the reassurance he never gave her.)
Tobio simply nods.
—
He’s unable to shift his gaze away from the campus entrance. He never actually noticed how beautiful the area was, the way the gates framed the setting sun up the hill. He was always in some rush to get to class that he never really stopped to observe; only now did he have the luxury.
Tobio curses his feet for bringing him to this place. He just wanted to take a walk around the neighbourhood and get some fresh air before dinner, not stew in his memories like he's told himself not to do time after time.
The sun has almost completely set by the time he finally shakes out of his thoughts and turns to leave. There aren't many people around, just the last few stray students leaving campus for the day, but Tobio still instinctively pulls down at the brim of his cap. He hates calling himself famous even if he knows that's what he is. He spends so much of his life now being watched and for now, he just doesn't want to be seen.
It's not that far of a walk from campus back to the apartment, which was the whole original appeal of moving in with his sister in the first place. Compared to how much he's changed in the past year, the path back home has stayed relatively the same. The family ramen place and local laundromat are still in their same places, while the neon sign of the convenience store still shines in its window.
He stops in front of it, the brightness of it hard to ignore. He remembers how often he'd stop by after class, probably spending way more money on snacks than he should've. He'd get things for Miwa too, of course, because he was a good brother.
Getting some snacks for his sister for nostalgia's sake before she moves away - that's the thought that gets Tobio's feet through the door and into the store. There aren't really any people inside at this hour, an all the more better environment for him to get his reminiscing over with.
He zeros in on the candy aisle where he knows the sweets Miwa likes so much are probably located, but among the sea of multicoloured packages, it takes him a moment to find what he's looking for.
"Excuse me, would you mind getting that for me?"
His members have always told him that he's practically dead to the world when he's concentrating on something, no matter how small or stupid the task may be. Which is probably why Tobio doesn't register the question he's being asked, only that there's a voice behind him.
He turns to the voice, taking a second to peel his eyes away from the shelf. "Hm? Sorry, I didn't catch..."
The words die in his throat.
"S-shouyou..."
It's the fact that out of all the people he could run into, it has to be the unmistakable orange hair, the wide brown eyes that stare at him in shock, then the look of disdain that slowly shifts onto the other boy's face.
Tobio's chest clenches. The universe is a cruel place.
"No, no..." he hears the other boy - Shouyou - mumble under his breath. He wants to say something, anything, but it's like his mouth is dried shut. Instead, he watches in silence as Shouyou takes a few steps back, throwing whatever was in his hands onto the nearby shelf.
It’s funny, Tobio thinks bitterly. There are hundreds of thousands of people who love him, some that even adore him. He should be content that he’s living his dream. He should be happy.
Yet watching the blur of orange walk out the door, Tobio never felt more alone.
—
Today is not Shouyou's day.
He knew it wasn't going to be when he slept through his morning alarm. Luckily he still made it to his morning lecture on time, but then there was the surprise quiz from his professor that he's pretty sure he failed. He wished he had said no to staying late because the last thing he wanted to do after class was haul around audio equipment, but it was for Daichi, and Daichi was always so nice to him that he couldn't say no.
It's pretty much dark out by the time he finally leaves campus, Shouyou's mind already drifting to what quick thing he can make for dinner when he hears the chime of a phone notification in his pocket.
yamaguchi: hinata!! are u still on campus??
hinata: unfortunately (￣︿￣)
hinata: i'm just about to leave tho
yachi: （〃・ω・〃）
hinata: …
hinata: what do u want
yachi: i didn't say anything!
hinata: yes u did
hinata: that's the face u make when u want something from me
He knows his friends well because they do, in fact, end up wanting something from him. A plea for a snack run and promises of making it up to him are enough to get him typing back a haste yes in reply. Shouyou huffs. As much as he wants to be annoyed, he has too much of a soft spot for his friends to turn them down. It's not like it'd be much of a detour anyways, only taking him a few minutes to reach the convenience store near campus.
This will be quick, he tells himself as he beelines to the back of the store to where he knows the chips Yamaguchi requested are. There's barely anyone in here with him, just the odd other person, which is a nice change of pace from when the store is crowded with students during the day.
Shouyou hums, a little more relaxed as he wanders into the sweets aisle with Yamaguchi's chips in hand. Hey, maybe he can pick up some extra snacks for himself too. However, the contentedness doesn't last long as his eyes skim the rows of chocolate for Yachi's favourite, gaze stopping on the brand that just so happens to be blocked by the one other person in the store.
The guy is considerably tall, his back hunched over as he observes what's in front of him and his hat pulled down so far that Shouyou can't make out a face. He could probably just reach around him, but the guy seems so deep in thought that he probably doesn't even realize Shouyou is standing behind him.
For a split second, Shouyou contemplates getting another brand of chocolates and calling it a day, not wanting to disturb the guy. But Yachi deserves the best, he resolves with a huff - guy be damned.
"Excuse me, would you mind getting that for me?" Shouyou steps a little closer to the guy, craning his neck slightly as he tries to get his attention. The guy finally seems to snap out of whatever trance he's in, his attention shifting away from the shelf.
"Hm? Sorry, I didn't catch..."
Shouyou had never been one for cliches - never really did well in his literature classes either - but when his eyes meet an all too familiar gaze, he swears time stops.
It's a gaze that pierces right through him, steely blue eyes that was a source of comfort for so long now making his stomach twist.
"S-shouyou..." he hears Tobi- no, Kageyama, manage to get out. His name, once coming so natural to him now sounding so foreign coming out of his mouth, and Shouyou thinks he'd like to keep it that way.
"No, no..." he mutters, body suddenly moving too fast for his brain to really comprehend. He feels himself take a few steps back, feels himself let go of the bag of chips in his hands before swiftly turning away from the situation and bolting for the door.
Today is not Shouyou's day, and he's not about to have it be made worse.
—
He probably shouldn't have scared Yachi and Yamaguchi the way that he does, slamming the front door behind him as he makes an uncharacteristic brooding entrance into their shared apartment. Yamaguchi's eyes go wide and Yachi's jaw drops as both gazes land on him, the lack of promised snacks in Shouyou's hands now the least of their worries.
"H-hinata-kun, are you okay?!" He hears Yachi ask tepidly as he wordlessly makes his way to the couch, but he can't find it in him to respond as he flops down. The long groan he lets out is muffled by the pillow he buries his face into, heels kicking into the seats of the couch until he finally wears himself out.
He realizes how quiet it is once he's calmed down, and Shouyou slightly peels the pillow off of his face to peek a glance at his surroundings. Yachi and Yamaguchi are still there, albeit at a distance, looks of half worry, half confusion staring at him.
"No, the universe hates me," Shouyou mumbles as he sits himself up straight. "Ran into someone I don't like."
Yamaguchi takes a step towards him, hand tapping his chin like he's really giving it some thought. "Oh no. Was it that blonde kid with the tongue piercing from first year? We never get good vibes from him..."
Yachi scrunches her nose in agreement. "He is a bit...rowdy..."
"Oh! Or maybe it's that super tall guy wit-"
"Kageyama," Shouyou suddenly says, effectively putting a halt to the conversation that's going on. "I ran into Kageyama."
The weight of the name is almost unbearable; the sudden silence in the room is deafening. Shouyou sees how tense Yamaguchi and Yachi have both gotten from the mere mention of him and for a split second, he feels bad for bringing it up.
"I'm fine, it was j-"
"What's he doing back in town?" The stiff yet calm tone of Yamaguchi's voice always scares Shouyou more than any time he's heard him yell. He can only weakly shrug at the question - now that he thinks about it, Kageyama seemed to be laying low with the way he was dressed. It didn't seem like he was here for anything work related, but then again, maybe he was just off from his sche-
No, it doesn't matter what he's here for, he stops himself. Stop thinking too much into it.
"I'm sorry, Hinata-kun, it probably wasn't a pleasant experience," Yachi's gentle hand on his shoulder bringing him back to the conversation. "Do...you want to talk about it?"
But he doesn't know what to say. He can't pull out any coherent thoughts from the muddle of emotions he's feeling. There's pure frustration, enough of it to make his fists clench. Yet there's also a looming force pushing down on his chest, a weight that he's worked so hard to repress, to forget.
"Maybe tomorrow. Kinda just want to forget about it for now..." Shouyou decides, waving his hand dismissively with a nervous chuckle. “Hey! Let’s get on with movie night, yeah?”
It's a 180 degree turn that he knows Yachi and Yamaguchi see right through, but he also knows they're nice enough not to push any further. Yachi goes back to preparing the popcorn in the kitchen and Yamaguchi continues scrolling through the movie selections on the TV, though Shouyou doesn't miss the wary looks they both keep sneaking his way
He lets himself sink further into the couch when the lights go off and the movie starts, lets the explosions on screen ring through his ears and the bright colours fall onto glazed over eyes. It's all enough distraction, at least for now.