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ibara's not one to show affection or make his feelings open for all to know, definitely not in public and typically, not even within the confines of his own home. of course, bogie time was a (distasteful) exception, forcing ibara to spew sugary fallacies through gritted teeth whenever he was directed to do so. as his gaze falls to his lover, soft blue hair sprawled across the pillow with beams of sunlight forming bright lines across his relaxed face as he sleeps, ibara begins to realize that they were no longer fake.
no longer could he pretend that his beloved jimenyan wasn't cute, as ibara's fingers mindlessly find their way to brush through the silky blue locks. no longer could he pretend that he felt no affection for the bunny sleeping next to him, his lavender eyes blinking slowly as he woke. "good morning, ibanyan," he says sluggishly, voice muffled as he shoves his face into ibara's thigh. "you should lay down," he decides. "i can't give you a proper good morning kiss if you're sitting up like that,"
"oh?" ibara laughs, and it's so clear and so nice, hajime thinks, feeling his heart spin at the sound. he wants to hear it more. he'll make ibara laugh more, if that's what it takes. ibara may not be able to hide a lot of things, anymore, but for the sake of his blue bunny's pride (or is it his own?), he can overlook the way he feels hajime smile against his thigh whenever his tone of voice goes playful. "i think you should get up instead," he says, poking lightly at hajime's side. "that way, i can kiss you,"
"oh dear," hajime giggles, rolling onto his back. "i suppose i can't say no to that, can i?" he first shifts onto his elbows, then sits up so that his weight rests on his calves. he looks expectantly at ibara, mischievously puckering his lips while (poorly holding back a laugh.
"indeed you can't," ibara replies simply, bringing a hand to rest comfortably against hajime's cheek. he leans forward slowly, taking his time and enjoying the way hajime slowly closes his eyes, lashes fluttering against his round cheeks. he's so pretty, ibara thinks. he's so pretty, and he's his, just as ibara wants to be hajime's. he's trying, and he has to be getting better, if the way he initiates such a sweet kiss says anything about it. his lips rest delicately against hajime's, treating him as if he were a porcelain doll that would fall apart at the slightest touch.
hajime wants to be closer, though, reaching for ibara's shirt and holding it tightly within his palm. his other arm finds purchase around ibara's neck, leaning closer, closer, until they find a mellow rhythm at which their lips could dance. the contact is alleviating, and as ibara always finds to be the case whenever he's with hajime, his worries melt away. he cares not about whatever meeting he's supposed to be at in the next fifteen minutes, or what request nagisa had made of him the day before. his world consisted of hajime, hajime's arm around his neck, hand resting comfortably against his back, hajime's hand fidgeting with his shirt, hajime's thighs wrapped around his waist, and hajime's lips against his own.
he feels a lump trying to wrestle its way into his throat at hajime's closeness, both physically and emotionally. ibara prided himself on being a well-oiled machine, tailoring himself to fit the needs of those around him while sneakily using them to his advantage. perfectly crafted walls blocked anyone and everyone from seeing what he wished to keep hidden, or so he thought until the sweet boy sitting on his lap clumsily found his way into his life. hajime's kind disposition and attentiveness to even the smallest changes in ibara's behavior made it so hard to keep up his act, moments of weakness spilling through the cracks that hajime would gather up and fill with genuine love.
authenticity. this, of course, was something ibara struggled with as someone who shoved away anything he deemed to be a show of weakness. hajime, however, was never afraid to show unadulterated concern for others. never did he shy away from telling those close to him how much he loved and cared for them, and the claims he asserted were always true. how could ibara ever hope to compete? he had no choice but to fall victim to the tears of consideration hajime would shed for him, to the soothing hugs he would grace ibara with whenever he felt that "you looked lonely, ibanyan!"
despite his troubles, despite how firmly he had he felt that he was undesirable, that hajime deserved someone who could reciprocate all the affection he so freely gave, hajime somehow managed to turn the fine-tuned robot that was ibara saegusa into an instrument of beauty, played ever so perfectly by hajime's fingers and his alone.
"you should sing me a lullaby," ibara says decisively as he pulls away, enough to let hajime catch his breath. he didn't want to stray too far from his lover, though, moving back only so that their noses touched if he leaned forward slightly.
"hm?" hajime titters. "weren't you just trying to wake me up?" he moves the hand twisting ibara's shirt within its fist up to card through ibara's hair, and hajime shyly notes how the faint scent of his lavender shampoo wafts from it.
"maybe so," ibara sighs contentedly, leaning into hajime's touch. he used to pull away, hajime notes, a feeling so big and bright he can't even begin to describe bubbling up in his chest. "but your voice is so lovely, i wish to hear it all the time. is it a crime for me to want to spend more time with my lover?" ibara says, a playful smile going so far as to crinkle his beautiful blue eyes as he looks up to gauge hajime's reaction.
upon discovering the aflush complexion he adored so much, he places a hand against hajime's back to pull him back down onto the bed, then moving to bring hajime's hand up to his lips. he presses a gentle kiss to each of his knuckles, then flips his hand over to scatter kisses to his palm. when his eyes meet hajime's, they're wide, blinking frantically as if he can't believe what's happening before him.
"my apologies, jimenyan," ibara says, lips gently lifting from hajime's hand. "it seems i've startled you. understandably so, as i am acting rather odd today, aren't i.." he mumbles sheepishly, releasing his hold to let hajime's hand fall lightly to rest on the mattress.
"oh, ibanyan, i don't mind it at all! in fact it's... it's rather cute.. you seem comfortable, and happy, and that's all i ever hope for you to be," hajime immediately reaches to bring ibara's hand up to his heart, holding in place with both of his own. "i... i'm very thankful to get to be with you like this," he confesses, leaning forward to press his flushed face into the fabric of ibara's shirt.
"is that so?" ibara asks, a gentle smile bracing his lips. as he wraps an arm around hajime's waist, he says, "it's thanks to you, though. it's hard not to be comfortable when i have you with me,"
"ibanyan," hajime gasps, lifting his face ever so slightly to peek up at ibara. the moment his soft, lavender eyes meet ibara's clear blue ones, he thinks he might burst into tears. ibara looks so genuine, and the cute smile he almost always has to coax out of his boyfriend only serves to make his heart thump faster. ibara's hand slips out from under hajime's, bringing it up to brush at the pale blue strands of hair littered across hajime's forehead. he makes just enough space between them to press a sweet kiss to hajime's forehead, and he knows exactly what ibara is trying to convey. "it's ok to be selfish, ibanyan," he says, reaching up to intertwine their hands once more. "it wouldn't be selfish of you, because i'm more than willing to provide you with what will make you happy,"
ibara chuckles at this, leaning down just enough for their foreheads to touch. "i'm selfish because i want you all to myself, jimenyan. just the other day, i fell asleep at a meeting in the hopes of dreaming of you.. ♪"
"ibanyaaaan," hajime whines, dragging out the last syllable of the foolish nickname the two have come to know and love. he tightly squeezes his pretty eyes shut, free hand coming to grab a a fistful of ibara's shirt to fiddle with as he huffs, "now that's just cheesy... i didn't think you to be the type..!" but the sweet giggles that spill from hajime's lips (despite his efforts to hold them back by worrying his bottom lip between his teeth) and the rosy pink color rising to his cheeks tell ibara all he needs to know. he's already late to that meeting, so what's the harm in staying in a bit longer? perhaps he can even take hajime to that patisserie they looked at together the other day.
he smiles down at the boy resting on his chest, little laughs still slipping past his mouth. he wants to see him laugh more, he decides, harmlessly placing his hands upon hajime's hips. he doesn't react, so ibara takes this as his cue to slip his fingertips underneath hajime's (well, ibara's, if he wants to get technical) shirt to tickle at the skin there. at this, hajime shoots up with a squeak, before bursting into peals of laughter that grace ibara's ears like christmas bells on a snowy winter night. it's soft, and it's so cute, and ibara is suddenly struck with the realization that he's in love. he may not notice the way his fingers pause their assault on hajime's sides, but he does notice the way his boyfriends lovely lavender eyes re-open from their crinkled smile, and the soft breath of relief he lets out at being spared from the (usually) relentless tickling ibara likes to inflict.
he catches himself staring far too late- hajime already rewarding him with a knowing smile and his own fingers sneaking over to pinch at ibara's waist. "jimenyan, that's pointless, for i am not tickl-" ibara attempts, before cutting himself off with something akin to a scream, much to hajime's delight. ibara's palms are slapping gently at hajime's back, enough for him to notice but nowhere near close enough to hurt, and hajime thinks it's really cute how his beloved ibanyan is trying so hard to appear like the unfazed, stoic senior he presents himself as.
"you don't have to hold back, ibanyan," hajime giggles. ibara doesn't miss how devious those laughs (closer to snickers) sound now, his boyfriend's lips curled into a grin that tells him he won't let up until ibara lets his walls down.
"i suppose," he gets out (rather painstakingly), "that i'm in no position to decline," each word punctuated by a huff barely concealing the laugh beneath it. at hajime's nod, he finally lets himself loose, peals of laughter slipping past his lips, sounding to hajime like bells rung by angels. when hajime eventually tears himself away, giving ibara a moment to catch his breath, he looks at hajime with the most genuine expression he's seen on his face before.
it's breathtaking. is hajime breathing? he doesn't know. he's not focused on that right now, not when his boyfriend is fixing him with a look that says 'you're the most important person in the world to me,' a sentiment that he most definitely reciprocates.
"hajime," ibara says, still slightly breathless from their earlier tickling escapade. no cheesy "nyan" tacked to the end of his name. just hajime. "i love you,"
hajime thinks his heart just burst. if he was breathing earlier, he definitely isn't right now. from ibara's lips, it sounds so sweet and genuine and loving and it means everything to him. he's so happy he might just start floating— but he has to respond, first, of course.
"i love you, i-ibara!" he squeaks out, hands gripping tightly at the sheets below him as he squeezes his eyes shut, flustered well beyond belief.
ibara's still smiling, and now his smile is even wider. how is hajime supposed to make eye contact!? "thank you, jimenyan," ibara says. his voice is still as gentle as it was when he first professed his love to hajime (professed his love to him!), but the nickname tells hajime that this little crack in the machinery that is ibara saegusa has now been mended.
but it's a start, he assures himself. they have one another, and that's all that matters to him. no matter how long it takes, he'll stay by ibara's side until he's ready.