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It's a miracle they find him. Howard had been determined and had himself a fortune to fund the project, but actually finding the wreckage of the plane is a one in a million chance. Peggy sits for a long while when they tell her the news, strangely numb. It's overwhelming surely. Jarvis hovers while waiting on her to react to the news besides to stare at him dumbly. Howard is with Steve's body, along to escort his remains for a proper burial. It's been years now.
She still passes by the front where The Stork Club used to be, since closed and turned into storefront. She remembers a promise for a dance she never had, mostly on nights when she is just drifting off to sleep. Her dreams are bittersweet those nights - sometimes a happy ending and others the truth that came instead. The old photo of Steve before the procedure was long ago kept and framed, it sits in her bedroom now on the dresser. Peg passes the photo each morning. It reminds her to stay the course, it helps some days more than others.
Howard's search had been something she couldn't talk him out of but she honestly never thought he'd find anything. The odds had been too great and her heart had been so heavy with her loss. She'd never asked about the progress of the search. Howard had never forced the information upon her either.
Save now in the form of Jarvis. He'd had the mind to tell her to sit before explaining what Howard had found in his annual trip.
Looking up at Jarvis she can see his hair is graying and the lines at the corners of his eyes pinch as he looks at her with sympathy.
"Oh Ms. Carter." Is all he says when she feels her eyes flood with warm tears.
He presses a handkerchief into her palm as a stuttered hiccup escapes her. After that he steps away to let her have a few moments to herself, aware that she is human but frustrates to what others would accuse of being feminine weakness. But the tears are nothing she can help after years of dealing with the loss of a man she loved if only for such a short time. For months she'd been in denial Steve had been gone. Denial had given way to anger, something she had in spades to share. Steve had a little of her ire even to have sacrificed himself, but mostly she had blamed the war and Red Skull. She had prayed some but that particular phase had been short-lived. Peggy was a woman who believed in what she could do not what could be done for her. The loss had never fully gone away, but the crushing feeling of it lessened with time. At first it had been oppressive and now it was a familiar weight on her heart. She'd taken the photo of Steve when she'd accepted his passing. The reminder hadn't hurt only kept him in her memory as if she could have forgotten him.
Whether it was relief that was so choking or the hope of some closure, a chance to say goodbye, she did not know.
She thought she heard the sound of a telephone but she was too drawn inwards to care so much.
Howard would likely insist on burying a national hero or some nonsense but she'd give him the best fight she had to handle it modestly, was way Steve would have wanted. It will be quite the argument but she'd more than prepared for it. Howard never was the type to offer an easy victory.
A clatter made her look up, eyes still overly warm but dabbing at the dampness on her face. Shortly after Jarvis appeared looks more startled than she's seen him since Tony was born.
"He's-"
Peggy is beginning to rise worried something has happened with Steve's body. The serum would attract attention and Howard was always a showboat and had likely been calling on insecure lines.
Jarvis shook his head, looking directly at Peggy. "He's alive."
Nothing could have prepared her for that.
There is a fragility to Steve that had never been there, even when the war had raged on. The closest Peggy had ever seen to this was the aftermath of the operation that had killed Agent Barnes. Steve looks lost. Things have changed, moved on, while he had been in a forced sort of hibernation as Howard has explained. No one truthfully knows how Steve survived other than the coverall explanation of the serum.
Peggy has been his anchor to the present. It's Peggy who tries everything she can think of to try and draw him out.
But the truth is Steve never had the time before to mourn Bucky and he's taking it now. It was only yesterday to him not the years that they've all had to help ease their pain. No one had been as close to Bucky as Steve either. Still Peggy is there. Howard tries to help but it's clear he isn't the most able of persons to offer comfort to another man. They call everyone from the Howling Commandos and they visit. Steve cries when he sees them, pulling each and every one of them into a crushing hug that is returned. The reunion helps. They talk well into the night and past dawn, drinking and remembering. They toast to the ones lost, the ones returned. It's familiar in its own way.
Since they started drinking one glass sits untouched before an empty chair. No one asks because they all know why it's there.
Steve hears them all talk about their families. Dum Dum is particularly animated and shows him photos of his own, clearly their father's with that red hair. Morita talks a little about things with his sister and doesn't have a family to brag of just yet. Falsworth talks about how he's taken up with this lovely librarian and it's clear he's quite smitten. Gabe has gone back to his neighborhood and doesn't have anyone special at the moment, but he's happy enough to see his family still alive and well. Steve listens and listens to the stories, asking questions and offering congratulations.
Things feel more real after that.
Nothing magically changes overnight, he still has his days where he feels like this is all some kind of purgatory. The world has improved since he was gone but its got a ways to go. Slowly Steve integrates and orients once more.
Peggy tries to encourage him to go out so they have dinner with the Starks. Steve has heard about Howard settling down but he doesn't know if he believes it. Still he has read a little about Maria Stark but it doesn't answer any of the questions he has. Peggy discretely explains that it was more a match of the moment than anything else. Steve isn't strictly surprised but he is a little sad. Then he finds out about Tony, only three now, who is stuck with two parents who are not the darlings the media paints them to be. Steve hopes it's something that just needs time.
But he sees it firsthand when they visit the manor. Jarvis is there of course and Steve is pleased to see him, asks how his wife is. They make small talk but Jarvis excuses himself when Howard makes his way to them.
Howard shakes his hand with a grip that might hurt an average man. Steve goes through the motions and thanks him for the hospitality. It's only at dinner itself he even meets Maria.
To be fair she is a lovely woman, dark hair, an olive tone to her skin, and fierce eyes. She doesn't giggle and bow her head at him, she meets his eyes and smiles coyly instead. Howard explains how he met Maria in Italy, the entire story makes Steve think it's a pity they act so distant. Maria doesn't reach for her husband, they don't hold hands or kiss at all on their visits. Steve thinks of banquet tables between them each at the head and foot of the table like some kind of nobility. It strikes Steve as a lonely kind of relationship. Yet he can respect a woman like Maria who doesn't bow to any of the men around her, but she isn't the same strength that Peggy is.
The one Stark Steve is nervous about meeting shows up not long after the introduction when his nanny brings him. Tony is a little wriggling bundle of energy. Dark eyes that look around at everything. Steve thinks something in him warms when Tony positively squeals when he spots Peggy, hands out and fluttering at her. Steve is struck by the image when Peggy gladly takes Tony onto her own hip with a smile.
"Auntie!" Tony is clearly attached to Peggy as he clings onto her, eager for the affection she provides.
Peggy doesn't seem to have the slightest bit of trouble with a child who looks reminds Steve of the friendly strays on the streets that, wagging their tails so hard their whole body shook. Instead she nuzzles him back with. "Hello ducky."
Steve's completely charmed by the display. Howard looks a little put out at the whole thing but resigned at the same time. Maria just is cooly distant about the whole affair, but that seems fairly par for the course. His nervousness has eased somewhat.
Tony doesn't take long to settle in with Peg, legs on either side of her and dangling what little ways they reach. He's still got his baby fat which with the wide, dark eyes he got from his mother make him look like almost innocent. A mass of dark hair on his head that is long enough the ends curl reminds Steve a little of cherubs in some of the classic religious artwork he's seen. One of his hands is firmly fisted in Peggy's blouse, unlikely to be removed easily.
"I'd like you to meet someone Tony." Peggy says.
It's foolish, but Steve feels some butterflies in his stomach. Tony's eyes turn to him as Peggy points and Tony stares.
"This is Steve. You remember I've told you about Steve before?" Peggy urges gently.
Tony doesn't say anything and turns his face away shyly.
"Do you remember Tony?" The lilt in her voice is faintly teasing.
"Uh huh." Tony has his face hidden against Peggy's blouse.
"He's a little shy with strangers." Maria pipes up from where she's taken a seat.
Steve just nods, watching Tony rather than saying anything. He's peeking over at Steve, curious despite the anxiousness that comes with strangers it appears. Steve smiles at him and Tony ducks back away. It's almost like a game and Steve just feels his smile grow without his saying so. He hasn't had much exposure to kids save from the orphanage but that had been different. Tony Stark was a whole other kind of child than the ones years ago living in Brooklyn in poverty. Or the babies he saw on the USO tour to sell bonds.
"Hope she said some nice things." Because well Steve would like the kid to not hate him.
Peggy gives him an amused look and edges closer. "Worried I may have been telling tales?"
"Not really. But I would like to be friends."
"With me?" When Tony asks that Steve thinks even if the kid demands he sell bonds again he probably would. It's so tentative and disbelieving Steve just wants him to believe it.
"Yeah kiddo."
That is when Tony's head picks up and he looks at Steve fully. What Steve doesn't anticipate with for him to hold out his hands to Steve. Steve has a moment of something that he would deny was panic then. Peggy isn't letting him skate by either she's foisting Tony into his arms. Argument is out of the question and he ends up with the three year-old in his arms, mindful to be gentle. Steve is a little amazed how something so tiny can be that energetic. Tony feels fragile, precious.
Peg seems pleased to see them getting along, or she's just enjoying seeing him squirm a little bit.
Still a little shy Tony is looking up at him but not saying much. Steve would speak but he isn't sure what to do and looks to Peggy for a little guidance on the matter.
"Talk to him like you would anyone else."
That isn't as helpful as she might think it is. Steve's never had a smooth manner with strangers which Peggy has to know by now.
"Uh..it's nice to meet you Tony." Not so surprisingly the three year-old doesn't look overly impressed with his manners. "I hope Peggy's told you nice things about me if she's been telling you anything." Steve thinks he'd make more progress by actually putting his foot in his mouth by now. Tony is just peeking up at him through his lashes.
Steve is struggling but Tony seems comfortable where he is. It's the sour look on Howard's face that makes something in Steve turn back to Tony with a new level of determination.
"Did...Peggy ever tell you any stories about Bucky, Tony?" Where he got the idea to ask he isn't sure but Steve would prefer to tell stories about his friends than about himself. He's never seen what he's done as anything but what decency would demand, nothing special so he isn't about to toot his own horn.
His head shakes more exaggerated than necessary.
It's easier with a direction and Steve just shifts Tony slightly and starts in on his story. It's about a place that existed years ago and Tony is listening to him, eyes big and attention focused on Steve. Howard's expression doesn't change until Peggy drifts away from Steve's side to talk to him about some kind of SHIELD business. By then Steve's moving, not keeping in one place while he talks about two boys who walked the streets of Brooklyn together on their own adventures. No one stops or bothers him while he's wanders around the room with his company, shifted to rest on his hip comfortably. By the time Steve is working up to when his mother had gotten sick Tony is leaning against his side with his thumb in his mouth. Dark eyes are still focused up on him and he looks pretty comfortable.
Distantly he can hear Peggy and Howard talking across the room about something, though it sounds less conversation and slowly more argument.
"You tired?" Steve asks because no one else is paying Tony any mind which doesn't seem right.
"No." Tony shakes his head too as if it makes it more clear.
The sounds of Peggy and Howard's conversation turning into more or an argument reaches Steve. Tony's head is lifting up and thumb slipping out of his mouth to watch. Without much thought to it Steve is already on his way out of the room, Tony carefully balanced on his hip weighing nothing. It's not something a child needs to be privy to so he just leads him away from it. Or maybe that wasn't Peggy's voice but Maria's he heard. The way the hairs on the back of his neck stand make him think he knows that wasn't Peggy, who has the sense not to fight around Tony. It doesn't remind him of his own parents so long ago.
He walks without direction and ends up a little turned around for it. Tony just continues to look up at him guileless. There is still an edge of discomfort to have Tony because he feels too big, too awkward with someone so small. Then there's the worry he must be doing something wrong because Tony isn't obviously happy. Steve thinks of his mother in that moment and is all the more awed by her.
Yet he also feels strangely choked up to think of his own mother then. Grief is strange like that creeping up on you in moments to steal away a piece of you when you thought it was gone. Steve doesn't know he's quite that upset until he feels a soft patting on his cheek. Blinking his watering eyes he looks down at Tony, who is patting at his cheek with the open palm of his hand lightly like it will make things better. It's enough to startle a laugh out of him, the stern, serious lines on a toddlers face and the attempt to comfort him. Somehow it's terribly endearing just how honest and earnest the gesture is.
"Thank you Tony." Steve's aware his voice sounds slightly strangled with the mix of emotions he's feeling. But Tony doesn't seem to mind he just leaves his hand on Steve's cheek looking accomplished.
It's easy to see why Peggy is so taken with Tony, Steve thinks he's no better off and it's only day one.