Chapter Text
It could have been a very pleasant time, it really could. But your father wide smile as he pushed the shack door, it trembled dangerously and thumped on the ground, “welcome home!”, he cheered brightly. With a heavy sigh, your hands clutched your robes as you judged the tall man expression, “home?” you repeated just to make sure he wasn’t bluffing.
“Yes! Home!” with a movement of his wand your trunks lifted and floated inside the run-down shack. Whether you like it or not, this was home. With careful footsteps you followed him inside as you made sure not to step on the broken glasses or the shards of wood.
You weren’t excited to go to Hogwarts but after witnessing the state of your new home you wanted to leave it as soon as possible, even if it meant walking to Hogwarts as the transfer student.
A thick dust layer coated everything in your viewpoint, the shack was small, dusty, and wild plants infiltrated the inside. Grass between the cracks of the wooden floor or between the cobbled walls, it was everywhere.
Zane, your father had worked very hard to make ends meet. According to him you had lived in your grandmother’s home and studied in Uagadou, he had informed you that you were very unhappy and so he brought you here. You believed everything he had said about you, frankly, you couldn’t remember anything prior to the moment you opened your eyes and you found yourself sitting next to him on a ship taking you to London.
Not one memory was in your head, and when you think of your grandma you can’t match a name to a face or a title to a name. Like your father liked to say, your head was an empty slate now. Because unfortunately, when you study in Hogwarts you have to prepare for O.W.L.s.
Conflicted about your surroundings you sat on the now clean bed, and sat there trying to understand everything happening to you.
Your name is (Y/N), you are fifteen years old and you used to live with your grandmother until few days ago. Your father is named Zane and he works as an Auror. He didn’t say anything about your mother just like when you asked about why you left your grandmother’s home. Like he said, “ignorance is a bless”. So you left it at that.
That night, after an awkward dinner with your dad whom you truly felt was a stranger. A stranger who made you feel safe. You laid in your bed staring at the ceiling, feeling strange and out of place. Just like a foreign puzzle in a full picture. Hoping to find one answer to your questions, or to feel more comfortable in your own skin. You wanted a meaning to this name you were called by.
Maybe you were asking for the stars, but you never got an answer to your wish. Not all wishes are granted after all.
The following morning, you watched your father run straight into a wall as he claimed it was the only way to the train that will take your train. You were cautious, but you trusted him anyway and you were met with a bright scarlet train. The other side of the wall was buzzing with energy and high feelings, even you felt very happy seeing all the smiley faces and cheerful students.
“Let’s find you a place” he said and you followed him blindly as your eyes were excitedly tracing all the new faces. He levitated your trunks inside the window, and you clutched on your messenger bag that had a worn-out copy of Alice in wonderland, your wand, and few revision papers that your father insisted on reading.
“Write to me weekly, and make lots of friends also study for your O.W.L tests” he said, with a nod of your head and a short wave you entered the train. Unlike most students that stayed behind conversing with their families. You wanted to stand behind as well an talk with Zane, but it was already awkward enough to both of you.
How can it not be? You were a shell of what was once his beloved daughter.
With a sigh, you sat inside an empty compartment as most students clustered either outside or inside in their designated groups. You opened the first chapter in your Alice in wonderland book, you read it loudly inside your head to gather all your senses and attention in the book: Down the rabbit hole.
Before you could read why Alice felt tired of sitting next to her sister, the compartment door slid open heavily with a loud thud. Jumping as you watched a tall girl with a tight bun on top of her head, she glared at you for a short moment. She wore red lined robes with a badge of a lion, and a small silver badge was on her chest “Hello miss (L/N), I’m the head girl Minerva McGonagall”, she nodded sharply at you with a polite smile.
“I was told about your arrival and I wish to be helpful to you, as a new student you may feel lost but please do approach me if you do have concerns at any time”.
Minerva had a certain charisma around her, you couldn’t pin point if it was her calculated movement or the silver badge in her chest that gave her the authority aura. “When the train arrives you will accompany me to headmaster Dippet office to be sorted in your house, then we will walk to the great hall and you will sit in your designated house table and you will follow the first years to the dorms”, as she finished she discreetly inhaled.
“Do you mind?!”, a second voice called, a blonde girl behind McGonagall stood with a hand on her hip and raised eyebrow, she wore the same robes Minerva had. The head girl gave her a scowl before giving way to the blonde to stagger inside.
The blonde glared at you shortly before slumping down on the opposite couch, Minerva gave her one last look before staring at you again and saying, “Welcome to Hogwarts, miss (L/N)”, you politely nodded and grinned at her.
Finally, she left and you returned your attention to your book, rereading the previous line; Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister-
“Are you the new girl?”, the girl asked.
You looked up at her as you nodded at her, once again looking down at your book. Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister-
“So you studied in Uagadou?”.
“Yes”, you responded. Returning your attention to your book. Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister-
“I heard most students in Uagadou are animagi, are you one? What’s your animagi?”.
You shut the book in your hands and looked up at the blonde. Her eyes hazel as her long locks were curled beautifully, you shifted your attention to the wall as her hazel eyes sunk deep in your thoughts and made you nervous, “I’m not sure, I lost my memories”.
With your words she bounced closer to you in amazement, “What?! I have never met someone with a lost memory before! That’s so crazy!”, her light eyes scanned you very well, feeling under a lot of pressure you shifted in your seat uncomfortably.
“How does it feel having no memories? I bet everything feels new and weird- Oh my name is Elizabeth Potter what’s your name?”.
Needles to say, you were not able to know why Alice grown tired of sitting by her sister.
The moldy hat over your head felt very hot and uncomfortable, just it touching you for those long moments you wanted to run and scrub your head with soap. “Slytherin, seems fitting to you… but I have to say Hufflepuff is more fitting”.
You wondered if you could be placed in Gryffindor and hopefully you would at least be in a house with someone you knew. Plus from the description of Elizabeth it seemed like a wonderful house.
“No your moods and traits don’t suit a Gryffindor”, it said and you wanted to jump out of your skin. You didn’t have expectations of the hat being able to read your registering thoughts. But your thoughts were cut as the Hat screamed, “Hufflepuff!”.
Headmaster Dippet took off the hat from your head and you lightly scratched your head. “Very well! A nice addition to Hufflepuff”, he said as he sat in his seat. “It’s very good to have you here miss (L/N)”.
“Thank you, sir.” you said.
Then Minerva walked you out and towards the great hall. It was a silent walk and you were thankful that she didn’t start any conversation, you were too drowned in observing the castle that you almost bumped in her.
When you two reached there, she walked you to a table with students wearing yellow and black lined robes. Reaching to the head of the table with two prefects, she pointed at a brunette girl with a friendly smile, “this is Ariadne Meadowes, she is in your dorm and will be your guide around campus”.
You sat next to Ariadne that forced your hand in a violent shake, “Hi! I’m Ariadne, it’s very good havin’ you here! Uagadou seems like a very pleasant school please do tell me about it when you have the time! Oh- Oh! This is Sally, she is in our dorm too! Isn’t it great to have only three people in one room instead of being packed like sardines-“.
A short man jogged inside the great hall with the sorting hat over a stool, Ariadne stifled a chuckle at him and you had to give her that. The way he ran was humorous. But you couldn’t find it in your heart to laugh, not because it was not funny or because it felt rude. You simply felt too mentally exhausted at everything happening so quickly. From the way he ran to the way all the students were hissing and pointing at you.
Everything was overwhelming. The great hall enchanted ceiling to look like a sparkling night sky and to the different faces, you could spot Elizabeth eyeing you with slight disappointment. You felt very out of place, like an empty body with no thoughts or feelings and your heart beat resonated to every part of your body, your hands trembling.
You weren’t scared, just very overwhelmed with all your surroundings. You couldn’t breathe very well, but you still forced a smile when Ariadne turned to face you and pointed at the funny looking first years.
With everything happening so quickly, you rested your heavy head on the table and attempted to stabilize your breathing. It worked a bit. Your body faintly began to respond to your actions. Your hands still shaking and your heart beating sharply but it wasn’t as bad.
Soon the sorting ceremony ended, and the same man holding the stool with the sorting hat over it jogged out. Ariadne giggled at him again, slapping your arm as she pointed at him. The plates in front of you bloomed with food. You were reminded of how hungry you were but you felt too nauseous to eat or even move. So you sat in your seat rocking your body back and forth.
“Does your stomach hurt you?” Ariadne asked with a mouthful.
You gave her a short nod, she said, “Hey, maybe you should go to the loo”.
It was a good idea you wanted to be alone for a second and stabilize your mood swings, “I want to take you, but I really have to finish eating quickly because I have to leave dinner early since I have prefect duties”.
“It’s alright”, you said.
She gave an empathetic smile, “Alright, the closest loo is on the second floor right above the great hall, it’s only one flight of stairs so you will get there quickly”.
Standing up and strolling out of the great hall was an exhausting task. All eyes were on you, and the judgements behind those looks were as clear as day. It made you nervous and overthink about falling in front of everyone and being the laughing stock instead of the man that brought the sorting hat earlier.
Luckily, and with your careful eyes glued to the floor you exited the great hall in one peace and without any embarrassment. You eyed the stairs on your left, you took them. Feeling your heart detach when you sensed the stairs move and change from it’s previous direction. Still, you were glad that it gave you the shortest direction to the loo.
It was simple to spot the restroom. It was in a long corridor with only one door. You opened the door, the hall curved, and your vision was switched from darkness to blinding bright lights. Your tummy grumbling as if it felt that you were in a safe setting.
You wanted to throw up, you wanted to empty your nauseous stomach from all it’s contents-
A tall boy back faced you and you wanted to scream, but the sign outside said ladies rest room. But as he shifted a bit further you could see a large scaly tail slithering inside a hole in the middle of the grouped sinks.
Ignorance is a bliss.
Your father’s words resonated in your head, you were going to move your legs and redirect yourself to a different loo, puke, wash your moth very well form bile then lastly ask for help to reach to the Hufflepuff dorms, and finally you were going to sleep and pretend you didn’t just witness a giant scaly tail; which meant it’s a beast’s tail.
You wanted to do all of that, you really did.
But just like how you wished for your memories to return the previous night, your wishes weren’t granted. And your legs couldn’t obey you just like how you attempted to stop the shaking in your body in the great hall.
Nothing was going your way, your legs planted on the bathroom tiles. Time is relative and by the time you registered everything happening the tall boy turned around and faced you.
Your eyes in his captivating dark ones, your system was crashing, and you could think one thing before you lost your conscious and your body dropping.
“Oh my god”.
Empty head spinning in large circles, eyes very heavy and your body feeling very sore. You were in pain and this current feeling is something you don’t want to remember ever. With a deep sigh you slowly opened your eyes to the comfortable warm toned light emitting from the floating candles.
You were in a sturdy white metal bed, surrounded with many similar beds with barriers in between them. Your bed side table had few revision papers. It was nighttime, and the large clock was ticking loudly whilst loud clicking heels were heard walking around.
The clicking noise became closer until the nurse reached to stand right by your bed, “You’re awake! Very well”, she walked over to you holding a small potion vial, she handed it to you and responded to your silent question, “for your headache”.
Gladly, you downed the bitter potion and the water she handed you. After few seconds, the spinning in your head stopped as well as your heart that’s been drumming in your head. You felt much better.
“Poor girl, you were found right by the library with revision papers in your hand. Your studies are important but don’t exhaust your body”.
She handed you the revision papers, you glanced at them. This was not your hand writing.
Which reminded you; the last thing you remember before the drumming headache was that you were in a restroom with a tall boy and a scaly large tail. You recall seeing captivating dark eyes and very handsome sharp features before you dropped to the ground.
So why was the nurse saying you were found by the library with those revision papers with very different hand writing from yours?
The thought of everything made the last fading effects of your headache threaten to come back, so you dropped the papers and rested your head back on the pillow. “How long have I been sleeping?”.
“Five days”.
You shot up from your bed quickly as your head drummed again with a cruel headache, “Five days?!”, you repeated in shock. The nurse nodded sadly as she said, “you must have exhausted your body”.
Five days is simply a classes week. By now you could’ve settled and probably made few friends. Fate truly was using everything in it’s might to make you hate yourself. With difficulty you stood up from the bed, clutching the revision papers.
“Please don’t tell me you’re going back to the dorms, look at yourself!”.
You exhaled tiredly and whispered, “I have to”.
She shook her head in disbelief, watching you struggle to take steady steps outside the hospital wing. The more you used your legs was the more you slowly regained your power, it wasn’t as much as you wanted but it felt better to have some power rather than none.
You hated feeling weak, but again, who liked feeling that way? Weak, lost, and breathless you were lost in the complicated castle of Hogwarts. Because it was so late at night, you couldn’t even ask for help.
Too exhausted to look any further you rested your back on the cobble stoned wall, head throbbing with pain and your previous nausea returned. You hated this and hated everything in this moment. You wished to be anywhere or anyone rather than in this weak body of yours or this uncomfortable and painful moment.
“What are you doing here?”.
Tilting your head to the side, it was the same boy from before -or five days ago-. He scowled at you, probably to make sure you open your mouth and to threaten you not to tell anyone. You felt disgusting and you were in pain. You wanted to end everything with this boy quickly. He screamed trouble, whilst you wanted to live your next two years in Hogwarts in peace.
“Look, I didn’t see anything and I don’t care. Leave me alone I’m too sick to even talk to you”, you said slowly, bringing your hands that held the papers in your hands, “I was found in the library with those papers in my hand, leave me alone now”.
He pursed his lips, tightened his gaze at you with judging looks, he took out his wand and said, “Not good enough”, he swished his wand and said harshly, “Obliviate”.
Ignorance is a bliss, ignorance is a bliss, ignorance is a bliss-
Strangely even with him doing his spell, you could still remember everything vividly. But his judgmental looks told you he wasn’t going to stop until he erased your memories. Too exhausted to deal with him. You groaned dramatically and shut your eyes before you opened them again and asked in a low dramatic tone, “Where am I?”.
He grinned pridefully and you almost cracked your act with a snort, you added with the same manner, “I think I was heading somewhere… excuse me but can you show me to- uh-“.
“Hufflepuff dorms?”.
“Yes, Yes”.
Thankfully, he showed you to the whole way and you tried your best to keep your act. But his ego was making it hard to make it possible. The way he walked with a straight back and his hands clutching his wand behind his back. He would turn and give you a critical look each time he wished. You allowed him. It was humorous seeing him like that, it was funnier than seeing the caretaker jog with the sorting hat.
He took you to a cluster of barrels and said, “this is the Hufflepuff dorm, wait here and a prefect will come here soon”.
His words were true, after waiting for almost ten minutes by the barrels a Hufflepuff prefect helped you come inside, and helped you find your designated room. Ariadne and Sally were sleeping in their beds, and you assumed the empty one was yours, especially with your messenger bag resting on it.
You quickly got ready, slipped in your sleeping gown and sat on your bed with light emitting from your wand. As you finally found out what happened to Alice. Your eyes growing slightly heavy as you read the first lines in your book.
Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the bank, and of having nothing to do: once or twice she had peeped into the book her sister was reading, but it had no pictures or conversations in it, “and what is the use of a book,” thought Alice, “without pictures or conversation?”.