Work Text:
“Say, Shinji-kun,” Kaworu said one afternoon as they were innocuously hanging out in his room. “I heard about something the other day, and I was curious to see if you had any wisdom to impart on the topic.”
Shinji barely glanced up from the book in his hands. “Hm? What is it?”
“It was something the other students were talking about at school,” Kaworu explained. “It was your friend, actually — the Second — who mentioned it to me, telling me that it would be in my best interest to ask another boy for help with it.”
Shinji raised an eyebrow. Asuka had given Kaworu advice? That didn’t sound like her.
“Uh, okay,” Shinji said, wary. “Can you tell me what it is?”
“She said it was something you Lilin call ‘kissing,’” Kaworu said, saying the word like he was unsure of the pronunciation. “I reasoned that I ought to ask you for a demonstration.”
Shinji blinked, processing what he was hearing, feeling his cheeks heating up. “I-I think Asuka was just poking fun at you when she told you to ask a boy,” he said with a nervous laugh. “That’s the kind of thing you only do with someone really special.”
Kaworu cocked his head to the side, brow furrowing with worry. “Am I not special to you?”
“W-Well, sure you are, b-but…” Shinji struggled to explain it in a way that wouldn’t make his stammering worse. “Kissing is something you do when you…like someone. You know?”
Kaworu looked at him seriously. “I like you, Shinji-kun.”
“I know! I know!” Shinji lifted the book he was holding to cover his burning face. “You’ve told me!”
“I just don’t see what the problem is,” Kaworu said with confusion evident in his voice. “You haven’t even explained to me what ‘kissing’ means.”
Shinji lowered the book slightly after a moment, peeking over it as he ran through the options in his head. If he refused to address the topic with him, then Kaworu might decide to go to someone else for advice instead, and that might not go well. And even if it did, he’d clearly never kissed anyone before, and he likely wouldn’t understand the importance of a first kiss until he had already made the mistake of doing it with the first person who offered.
Perhaps this was Shinji’s duty to fulfill. It wasn’t every day that someone requested to kiss him, after all, and…maybe he wanted to see what it would be like to kiss another boy. Just out of curiosity.
“I-I guess I could…show you,” he mumbled. “I’ve done it before, and I think it’d make more sense if I actually show you what it’s like instead of just explaining it to you. But you have to know that I’m only doing this because you asked, okay?”
Kaworu nodded, eyes wide with anticipation. “How do we proceed?”
Shinji set his book down, shuffling across the floor on his knees until they were within reach of each other. “So, um, if we’re gonna do this right, I think we’re supposed to, like, look into each other’s eyes first.”
“I can do that,” Kaworu said with a smile. “I like looking at you.”
Swallowing his anxiety, Shinji stared into Kaworu’s vibrant red eyes, seeing the pure openness present in them. His pulse quickened as he watched Kaworu’s irises barely move, shifting focus from one of Shinji’s eyes to the other. He felt like Kaworu could see into his soul, but he wasn’t fearful of it; if Shinji could trust anyone with his fragile heart, it was him.
“What’s the next step, Shinji-kun?” Kaworu asked like a diligent student.
“Um…” Shinji’s palms were getting clammy, so he wiped them on his uniform pants. “Well, I think we’re supposed to like…touch each other?” He realized how that had sounded and quickly added, “L-Like, you should put your hands on my waist, or something.”
“Alright,” Kaworu said, voice soft. He placed his hands around Shinji’s middle, holding him firmly. “Like that?”
Shinji’s breath fluttered. He felt so small with Kaworu’s hands on him; they were bigger than Asuka’s, or Rei’s, or even Misato’s. He knew that all three of them probably would have thought he was weird for being in this situation with another boy, but to his own surprise, Shinji didn’t let that stop him.
“Y-Yeah,” Shinji whispered. He had to swallow before saying, “And, um, I’ll p-put my hands on your shoulders, I guess.”
He reached up and let his hands rest on either side of Kaworu’s neck, feeling the jut of his collarbones through the thin fabric of his school shirt. Kaworu was so pale that Shinji had half-expected him to be cold, but he could feel the heat emanating from his body, enticing him to get closer.
“What now?” Kaworu barely whispered.
Shinji’s own voice was weak, too, as it came out. “Close your eyes.”
Kaworu let his eyelids flutter shut. Shinji leaned in, pausing and taking the opportunity to study Kaworu’s face up close. He was just barely on the cusp of looking unnatural, but Shinji thought that only made him more intriguing. He was beautiful in a way that made Shinji find him equally intimidating and attractive, like Rei, but Shinji’s feelings for Rei weren’t like this. Nobody had made Shinji feel this exhilarated before.
Kaworu peeked an eye open, sensing Shinji’s hesitation. “You should do it like this,” he murmured.
“Huh?”
One of Kaworu’s hands came up, fingers burrowing in Shinji’s hair as he adjusted the angle of his head. A second later, his lips were on Shinji’s, warm and wet and passionate, making Shinji forget what the point of this had been in the first place. He slid his hands over Kaworu’s shoulders, down his back, holding on as tightly as he could while his mind tried to catch up with his body. Where had Kaworu learned how to do this?
Kaworu’s arm wrapped itself around Shinji’s waist as he leaned into it more, pushing Shinji back against the foot of his bed. Shinji had no idea how long this was supposed to go on for — Asuka would have long since pulled away with disgust by this point — but when the tip of Kaworu’s tongue swiped at his lower lip, he was no longer concerned with the proper timeline.
What he was concerned with, though, was how the feeling of excitement in his stomach was spreading to somewhere a little less discrete. He moved his hands back around to Kaworu’s front and pushed at his chest, trying to push him off before he got too close and discovered what was happening.
Taking the signal, Kaworu pulled back, panting and red-faced as he stared at an equally-flustered Shinji. Both were at a loss for words.
“…That answered my question,” Kaworu eventually said, still breathing harder than normal. “I think I understand it now.”
Shinji wiped his mouth with the back of his hand out of embarrassment. “I-I think you already understood it…!” He tried to slow his heart rate, willing his body to calm down, but it was hard — Kaworu was still so close.
Kaworu chuckled under his breath. “I may have had some familiarity with it in theory, but the emotions associated with the act were totally foreign to me. Thank you for teaching me.” He stroked Shinji’s cheek. “It was breathtaking.”
“I-I’m glad I could help, I guess,” Shinji mumbled. “It was…pretty good. How did you know what to do?”
Kaworu hummed noncommittally, looking off in thought. “I’ve read a lot of books, so I understand what it takes to communicate your feelings to someone through physical contact.” He met Shinji’s eyes again. “I’ve never felt the desire to do so until I met you, though.”
Shinji’s voice stuck in his throat, but he powered through it. “Did you really mean what you said?” He asked, timid.
It took a moment for Kaworu to catch on to what he was talking about. “When I told you that I loved you?”
Shinji forced himself to speak again. “Y-Yeah.”
“Yes, Shinji-kun. I meant it.” He took Shinji’s hand into his own, squeezing it softly. “I still do.”
“T-That’s good, b-because I, well, um…” Shinji ducked his head. “M-Maybe I love you, too.”
Kaworu’s eyebrows raised in shock, but he smiled widely a second later. “Oh, Shinji-kun… That makes me so happy. You couldn’t begin to imagine.” He leaned in, resting his forehead against Shinji’s for a moment. “Thank you.” He laughed softly. “Thank you so much.”
Shinji felt bashful. “You don’t need to thank me…”
Kaworu tilted his head away to look at him again, though he stayed close. “I’m glad my first kiss was with you.”
“I-I’m…sorry mine wasn’t,” Shinji confessed. “Although you definitely upstaged it.”
Kaworu smiled. “I’m happy to be your second.” He leaned in, pressing one more kiss to Shinji’s lips, softer this time. “And your third.”
Shinji’s eyes widened, taken aback by the sudden gesture. “K-Kaworu-kun—”
Another kiss stifled Shinji’s words. “And your fourth.”
“Hey, wait a—”
Another one. “Your fifth.”
Shinji laughed. “I said—”
Another. “Sixth.”
“You—”
Another. “Seventh.”
Shinji put a hand over his own mouth to stop him while he caught his breath, giggling too hard at Kaworu’s antics to properly reciprocate. Kaworu continued to kiss Shinji’s hand a few more times before backing off, overcome with laughter himself. Shinji had never been so happy; he had never felt so close to another person, and he never wanted to let him go. He hoped Kaworu would be around to give him every one of his remaining kisses, all the way to infinity.