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Wookjin is beautiful.
Jisung has sort of always known that, living with him for all of these years. Seeing him grow from a chubby cheeked high schooler to the slim, toned, muscled man that he is today.
Somewhere along the way, it had begun to be more than just a simple appreciation for the other’s looks. He didn’t think of Yongsoo the same way, of Taeyeob. No, this was something purely Wookjin.
It took him around 3 years to admit he was in love with him.
But not to anyone else, not to any of the members. He would never dare. It could make or break them. And Jisung isn’t willing to risk the breaking. Not when he feels so safe here, so happy. When this is his home.
But Jisung has never been good at subtlety.
It starts with Kyubin.
The older sits him down one day after practice, a concerned look furrowing his eyebrows. Jisung is oblivious, sipping away happily at his tea, a content hum filling the air.
“What’s up with you and Wookjin?” Jisung inhales too much of his drink, sputtering and gasping for air as he nearly chokes. Kyubin hurriedly pats his back, eyes wide.
“Fuck, warn a guy!” Jisung snaps, coughing a few more times. He wipes tears out of his eyes, breathing deeply. Kyubin just hums, leaning back in the studio chair, observing Jisung with the watchful eye of someone older. “What do you mean, what’s up with me and Wookjin?”
“It’s painful watching you follow him around like a lost puppy dog.” Jisung frowns, eyebrows creasing. “It’s painfully obvious, Jisung. Like seriously.” Jisung shakes, his head, moving to get up out of the chair.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Kyubin. I’m gonna make some food.” Kyubin makes to grab his wrist, but Jisung is too quick, turning out of the room before Kyubin can stop him.
Junhyung has always been too observant for his own good, Jisung muses. He sees the watchful eyes of the other, the way he turns his head to whisper quietly to Sungho who is crunching away on a piece of toast.
He doesn’t like the way that Sungho’s eyes widen, blinking innocently up at Junhyung. He doesn’t like the fact that he knows what they are talking about, since Wookjin is currently curled into his side, happily chatting away with Yongsoo about the drama they had been watching recently.
He feels like he’s under a microscope, that all of the members are judging every move he makes, every second his fingers tangle in Wookjin’s dark hair, every glance and word out of his mouth. It’s suffocating.
He’s drawn out of his thoughts by a nudge to his side, and he glances down, eyes meeting Wookjin’s dark ones. He blinks a few times, losing his train of thought for a second.
“What do you think? Should we?” Wookjin repeats, and Jisung smiles wryly.
“Sorry, I didn’t hear the question..” Wookjin whines, playfully batting Jisung’s shoulder, going on about how he should be listening to him when he’s right there. “Just ask me again, Wookjin.” Jisung laughs softly.
“Yongsoo said we should sneak ice cream into the dorms, fuck the diets!” Jisung knows that he should say no, that he should put on his leader hat. But the way Wookjin is looking up at him, like that one animated cat from Shrek (what its name is, Jisung can’t recall) makes him weak.
He’s too weak for Wookjin.
“Just don’t get caught..” He barely has time to finish his statement before Wookjin is tackling him into a bone crushing hug and running out the door with Yongsoo on his heels. Jisung watches them go before he sighs and leans back against the couch cushions, closing his eyes.
“Just tell him, hyung.” Taeyeob says softly, looking up at Jisung from his phone, deep eyes a bit sad.
“I can’t.” He whispers, not only for Taeyeob, but also for himself. He can’t.
It all spills over a few weeks later.
Jisung watches Wookjin’s deft fingers move over the keyboard as he works on a song, his tongue poking out between his plump lips in concentration. He’s ethereal like this, Jisung swears. An angel. Not that he will ever admit that.
Wookjin asks from time to time his opinion on a section, tweaking it here and there to what Jisung suggests. He likes watching Wookjin work, seeing his hands flex in frustration or the quick intake of breath when he likes something.
“Is there something on my face?” Wookjin asks, and Jisung furrows his eyebrows. What?
“What do you mean?” He asks, crossing his arms from his place on the couch in the back of the room. Wookjin saves his work and then turns his chair around to look Jisung in the eye, one eyebrow raised.
“You’ve been staring all night.” Jisung can feel his face burn scarlet at the statement. Shit, had he? He barely notices when he’s been staring at Wookjin for too long these days.
“Sorry, I, like, zoned out. I was thinking.” He makes up an excuse, hoping Wookjin won’t ask further. But he knows Wookjin, and he knows what he’s about to say.
“Thinking about what?” Jisung sighs, running a hand through his newly dyed hair, the black strands falling into his face slightly. He doesn’t want to talk about it, especially with Wookjin.
“It’s nothing, Wookjin, really.” The younger frowns and turns off the monitor, crossing over to the couch where Jisung is sitting. He sits down next to him, crossing his legs and turning to face Jisung fully.
“It’s not nothing if it keeps bothering you.” Wookjin points out, a slight pout appearing on his pink lips. Jisung just looks at Wookjin for a long minute, the younger looking back at him expectantly.
“It’s not easy to say, Wookjin.” The younger tilts his head slightly, his frown deepening. Jisung doesn’t like seeing him look at him like that. It bores straight into his heart.
“But you can always tell me anything. We promised each other that we would, remember?” Jisung does remember. A late night conversation when they were trainees, whispered promises from their bunk beds, trying not to wake up the other members. Jisung can feel the tears threatening to spill, and he presses his palms to his eyes in exasperation.
Wookjin sighs, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. “Well, if you really don’t want to-”
“I’m in love with you.” Wookjin’s head snaps up, brown eyes wide. Jisung doesn’t remove his hands from his face, choosing to not see the emotions on Wookjin’s face. “It’s been three years. Three long fucking years.” He can hear a slight rustling, and then Wookjin takes his wrists to gently move Jisung’s hands from his face.
Wookjin’s eyes are kind, gentle, like Jisung is going to break. Which he very well could, at this point. Jisung tries his best to avoid eye contact with Wookjin, but the younger grabs his chin, forcing Jisung to look him in the eye.
“Did you think I didn’t know?” Jisung’s heart sinks to the bottom of his stomach. He knew? And he didn’t say anything? He tries to wriggle out of Wookjin’s grasp, but the other boy is strong.
“But-” Wookjin just shakes his head and waits for a second, eyes expectant, like he’s waiting for something. Jisung quiets down, deflating against the cushions. Wookjin eyes him, waiting for Jisung to okay it. The older waves his hand, and Wookjin sighs.
“I wanted you to come to terms with it first, and tell me when you were ready.” Wookjin says softly. “I didn’t want to push you and risk pushing you away.”
“Wait.” Wookjin stops talking as Jisung interrupts him. “What do you mean push me and push me away?” Jisung’s heart feels like it’s beating at a mile a minute. He clamps down on his lower lip after speaking, already beating himself up about it.
Wookjin’s hand moves up to brush against the side of his face gently, and Jisung blinks, just staring at the younger. “I’m in love with you too.” Wookjin says, barely loud enough for Jisung to hear, but just enough that he can.
Jisung just stares at him, Wookjin looking back at him with warmth and adoration. He can’t believe this. “So all this time-”
“I was just waiting for you to finally grow the balls to do it yourself.” Wookjin teases, and Jisung punches him in the arm lightly. Wookjin fakes being hurt, a pout forming on his lips. “That hurt! Kiss it better?” Jisung makes a face, and shoves Wookjin away so the younger can’t feel how fast his heart is beating.
Wookjin just laughs and curls up at his side, doe eyes looking up at Jisung like he normally does. “Let’s just take this one day at a time okay?” He says, intertwining his and Jisung’s fingers. The older man looks down and smiles, squeezing their interlocked hands.
“That sounds nice, Wook.” He gets brave for a second and presses a kiss to the top of Wookjin’s head, making the younger squirm a little bit.
“I really have to get back to that song…” Wookjin sighs, standing up. He crosses over to his computer before looking back at Jisung. “Stay?”
“Always will.”