Work Text:
Come back as soon as you can. Auntie Raan misses you and your expertise is needed aboard the flotilla. If you’ve secured a gift then I see no reason for you to prolong your travels with this human. The Geth will be back again soon with or without Saren Aterius’s help.
No “I miss you.” No, “Good job kid.” Tali shook her head and closed the email from her father going back to work with engineer Adams. The Normandy was one of the sleekest and modern ships in the galaxy. It made most of the Flotilla ships look like floating scrap heaps. Tali’s obvious biases towards her home fleet aside however, the Normandy still needed cleaning out and regular maintenance. Perhaps more than your average Quarian ship due to its specialised design. It seemed like there was always something to be done which was just the way Tali liked it. It distracted her from her insecurities, from her overthinking what the existence of the Reapers meant for the galaxy and from her overthinking her feelings for Shepard.
She was ready for him to be mistrustful and suspicious of her. Perhaps because Humans were new to the Galaxy and had less negative (or any for that matter) exposure to Quarians. She had managed to slowly win over the trust of the rest of the crew. Garrus and Ashley were particularly difficult to get along with in the beginning but Shepard had been curious about her (and in a polite way) from the get go. He regularly came down to visit her at her station and chat to her. She was happily surprised to discover his genuine interest in Quarian society and culture. She often felt she rambled a lot beyond the scope of what he was probably interested in but he always came back for more, interested to hear about her family and friends as well. Eventually, they’d gotten talking outside her station in the mess hall or even on the Citadel during downtime. It was probably sometime between Noveria and Feros that she realised she was beginning to develop feelings for him which she immediately tried to suppress. I mean Keehlah he’s an alien! He can’t even eat the same food as you!
So she tried to bury it. She had to remain as focussed on the mission as he was. Pragmatic concerns aside such as the fact that she couldn’t even safely be out of her suit around him, Shepard himself was laser focussed on stopping Saren and Tali actually watched him politely let down Liara, Ashley and even Kaidan all one after the other. She didn’t feel like putting herself in that position herself preferring to hold onto what little dignity she had being a Quarian in a hostile galaxy though she suspected Liara knew how she was feeling from the wry looks she would shoot as she walked past the two talking. For his part, Shepard never seemed to notice.
Unfortunately, whilst he had no time for romance, Shepard’s secondary priority seemed to be befriending everyone serving on board the ship. Not only was he dropping everything to try and help Garrus and Wrex solve personal issues, he gave her valuable Geth data that would allow her to complete her Pilgrimage. Then, he went further asking what sort of media Quarians enjoyed, taking an interest when she mentioned dancing and vids. He asked if Quarians had much in the way of a film industry and she was honest and upfront that no, they lacked the space and resources for large scale productions of that nature though smaller scale drama and comedy was occasionally broadcast to the fleet.
At some point, she accidentally mentioned that she was a fan of Fleet and Flotilla which mortified her. Garrus had been standing nearby and had loudly chuckled. Shepard was his usual self politely inquiring about it which made her have to admit that it was complete exploitationist, juvenile space trash and that her teenage self had fallen in love with it. Shepard must have sensed her embarrassment because he added that he understood. It was here that she learned that without fail since he had left earth, he had somehow always arranged his leave to be whenever a new Blasto movie premiered. He loved Blasto. He actually showed her his cabin where he kept a plushie from Blasto 2 holding a pistol under his bed. He also met one of the Hanar to play the fictional Spectre at a Premier after his heroics in the Skyllian Blitz. It was quite uncharacteristic of the Commander to be this obsessive about something that wasn’t the mission. It seemed like he was opening up something he himself had long repressed. This wasn’t just a private exchange between them of course. It quickly became apparent that Shepard being a Blasto fanboy was the worst kept secret on board the Normandy.
“Yeah, I casually brought up a time I brought my sister Sol to see one when we were kids and his face lit up. It was like I’d flipped a switch.” Garrus chuckled. “Kind of endearing if you ask me.”
Garrus, Liara, Joker and Tali were all having a break in the mess hall around the same time discussing the Commander’s odd tastes.
“Yes it didn’t take long for me to discover his affiliation when I brought up the Hanar’s worship of The Protheans.” Liara interjected. “He seemed to instinctively mutter ‘enkindle this’ under his breath.”
“Yeah you’d almost wonder if he's the head of a Blasto fanclub or something.” Joker put in. “Maybe he uses an alias. Like his first name.”
“Shepard isn’t his first name? By the goddess! I feel like a fool!” Liara jumped up and hurried back to her lab. Probably to look it up and work off the embarrassment. Just as well for Tali. Now she wouldn’t have to admit that she’d forgotten his first name even though he’d told her. It was difficult to pronounce ok?
Whilst she’d forgotten the Commander’s birth name, she did know about another one of his hobbies. She’d found him one day in the mess building a model ship. To her surprise it was of a ship that was intimately familiar to her.
“Is that the Rayya?” She asked.
He looked up at her and smiled nodding. “Hi Tali. Yeah. Talking to you, I realized I didn’t have any Quarian ships. Uh… I collect model ships in my spare time. Gives me something to do with my hands.” Conversely, compared to his unabashed love of an objectively bad film series, this creative and introspective hobby left him looking bashful.
She sat down across from him. “It's really detailed.” She said admiring the model. “That bit there.” She pointed to the part in his hands where she knew the clean rooms where. “That’s where I was born.”
“Is this one up to date?” He asked.
She tilted her head at him. “How do you mean?”
“Uh… I mean that is to say, ships go through a lot of design changes in their time. Has the Rayya changed much since you were born?”
Instinctively, Tali laughed. It was an innocent enough question from a human’s viewpoint. Shepard himself was Commander of a brand new ship that had just finished construction and the Alliance was constantly decommissioning its older ships in favour of making room for ones like The Normandy. Quarians however couldn’t afford to be so casual. The Rayya had been with the fleet since it left Rannoch. It was well over three hundred years old and would likely be around for three hundred more. This, she explained to him.
“I sometimes forget how your people really can’t afford to be frugal.” Shepard said. “We must seem incredibly privileged to you with how much we take for granted.”
“Yes.” She admitted. “It must be nice growing up on your homeworld.” She said.
His face soured and with mounting horror, she remembered he’d grown up a destitute orphan on earth without a family. She might have offended him.
“I’m sorry Shepard! I didn’t mean- I heard it wasn’t easy for you- when we met that man in Flux-”
He put up his hands with a softened expression.
“It’s ok Tali. I know you didn’t mean any offence by it and I haven’t taken any. I just… have a negative association with earth. There’s a reason I’m up here instead of down there. The spacer life suited me better but I do come from an advantaged position of knowing what Earth is like and I must be in an enviable position to you. It’s just… Earth’s....” He glanced down at the model ship and back up at her. “A bit of a shithole.”
“It always seems nice in the vids.” She said, “I considered heading to Earth for my pilgrimage briefly. It’s comparatively new after all.”
“Well I’m glad you didn’t.” Shepard said. “We wouldn’t have met for one thing,” Tali ignored the rapid acceleration of her heartbeat “And you wouldn’t have found anything of value there. There was certainly nothing there for me. That’s why I left.”
Here she realized was the real human being that Commander Shepard actually was beneath the image of a stoic and implacable man. Behind the heroic imagery, was a desperate, lonely child who went on to be a successful, lonely man but rather than let the loneliness make him bitter, he went out of his way to try to improve the galaxy around him and be kind and helpful to everyone he met. Within reason of course. She realized that he was so nice to everyone on the ship because they were all probably the first friends he ever had.
It was at this point much to her disappointment with herself, that she fell in love with him.
“You’re sure you have everything?” He asked for the third time as they headed for the shuttle parked nearby. They wandered down the ramp of the Normandy side by side with the rest of the crew onto Benning’s surface. The Alliance had provided her a shuttle to be dropped off to the fleet as it was passing through the system. Though Shepard had offered to have the Normandy take her there directly, she politely declined. It was a waste of resources when they had to be off fighting the Geth. Everyone was slowly leaving. First to go was Wrex. She was next. Garrus was planning to head back to the Citadel after her. Liara might stick around for a while longer but even she had to get back to her work. It was more important now than ever before..
“Oh before you go, I have something important to give you,” Shepard said, activating his Omni-Tool.
“Shepard, you’ve already given me so much…” She protested.
“It’s nothing dramatic, don’t worry.” He waved his free hand dismissively. “Let me sync up with you.”
She begrudgingly did and saw hundreds of files were being transferred. “What’s all this?” She asked.
“It’s a collection of human media I thought you might like that I own. Movies, books, games, jokes, music, don’t keep it all to yourself. Share it all with the people you meet on your new ship!”
“Shepard I-” She looked down at all of the files coming through. “Is this… legal?”
He put on a faux-guilty expression. “We’d wanna be careful alright. There’s a cop standing right there.” He nodded his head at Garrus nearby. The Turian snorted and went back to check on the Mako one last time.
She smiled seeing one of the last folders to go through. The extended, uncut versions of all five Blasto movies.
“Here,” She transferred a file over to him. “It’s not much but let me return the favour.” He checked the file and grinned. “Fleet and Flotilla! I’ll have to give it a look! Finally see what Quarians look like!”
“She doesn’t look real. She’s not actually taking her helmet off in the movie. It’s all CGI and by someone who hasn’t seen us in 300 years in person. Just so you know.” She absentmindedly flexed her shoulders as she tended to when she was nervous. “Maybe I’ll send you a picture of myself sometime.”
He smiled. “That’d be great! In any case, make sure to stay in contact. I hope this isn’t the last time we meet.”
“Shepard, just one last thing.” She shifted awkwardly. “Uh… can I give you a hug?”
“If that’s safe for you?”
“It is as long as the suit is on.”
He moved closer and embraced her. She was expecting to feel turned on. Aroused by the muscles and so on but she actually felt quite snug and safe as she wrapped her arms around his back. He squeezed her tight.
“Good luck Tali.” He said when they parted.
“I should be saying that to you.” She replied.
“I don’t need luck. I have the Normandy. I have my crew.”
He stood and watched her waving until the doors of the shuttle closed.
That was the last time she saw him alive.