Work Text:
It was love. It was always love. But there was no way in hell you could ever say it out loud, even when your throat burned as sticky sap and soft petals forced their way up your esophagus. Even when the hacking and wrenching kept you awake at night. Even when…
Gods… his eyes were beautiful. So deep, so lush, so green. And the way they were looking at you now, full of worry and concern, as if he wasn’t the one doing this to you, sent sickly sweet nectar mixed with blood coated petals hurling out of your mouth and onto the dirt. The mixture was beautiful, in a way. Soft pink florals were only complimented by the shockingly bright shade of crimson, and dewy with the sap that accompanied them.
You wanted to look up into his face, but his proximity and the weight of his palm on your shoulder sent another wave of coughs rocking your body. You almost double over before having the wherewithal to smack his hand away and fall back a few steps, clutching your chest with one hand and covering your mouth with the other.
Your throat felt like razorblades, your chest like hellfire, and the taste of copper and syrup stained your tongue in the most delightfully unpleasant way.
Izuku knew that sometimes the best way to help was to not interfere, but this was you he was dealing with. This was his best friend in the entire world, and here you were: spitting up blood and petals and God knows what else. He never wanted to see you in pain, he never wanted to see anyone in pain, but especially you.
And he knew. Fuck, did he know what this meant the moment those petals fell from your lips. He knew what it was and his heart ached for you.
And he wanted desperately to help, but you smacked him away and recoiled as if his very presence were a burden to you. That in itsself hurt, but now wasn’t the time for those feelings. He needed to get you to the infirmary and if you wouldn’t let him help you, then he’d have to go find someone who could.
You barely noticed his absence, the episode just subsiding by the time he returned. You’d collapsed in a heap, blood and petals and….fuck those were some entire flowers….surrounding your legs and spilling around you, fluttering in the late autumn breeze.
You supported your weight on both of your arms, staring down at your knees and thighs which were spattered with crimson and pink. You felt sick, the taste of blood and nectar and pollen thick in your throat and coating your mouth. You wretched up bile, adding it to the collection of things no healthy person should ever expell from their body. But you weren’t healthy, you were lovesick.
Flowers bloomed in your lungs, climbing their roots and branches up your esophagus, causing violent coughing fits. Hanahaki.
Somehow you knew it would happen to you. Even if it was rare, even if the chances were so low you’d only heard of the disease in passing. Still, you always knew you’d be the one inflicted.
Because, well, you’d always had a penchant for unrequited love stories, didn’t you? Ravenously reading novel after novel, voraciously consuming any media that held a bittersweet romance. You were in love with love, and this wasn’t the first time you’d held feelings for someone who didn’t return them.
The difference was that this wasn’t just some crush. This wasn’t just you making eyes at the pretty orange haired volleyball player, or blushing when your math tutor accidentally brushed their fingers against yours. No, this was your best friend. This was the boy you’d spent the last three years getting to know-learning to love.
And gods you had it bad.
The way his smile lit up the room, sending butterflies swimming in your guts. His obvious care and adoration for everyone around him. How his laugh was infectious and just hearing it could lift your spirits. The warmth of his arms around you after a particularly grueling and hard day. There was so much to love about Izuku.
And it was because you loved him that you’d developed this. It was because you loved him that it would kill you, because as stupid and immature as it was, you couldn’t go through with the surgery. You couldn’t forget him. And you couldn’t-you wouldn’t-confess either.
Because you knew that in all of his life, despite being his best friend, you were the least important. His dreams of becoming a hero came first, his love and adoration of All Might, his devotion to his mother, his reverence for Bakugou, even the other 1-A students, and every citizen in Japan came before you. Because you made sure of it. Because you made sure that no matter what happened, you would never get in the way of his dreams.
You worked extra hard so that he knew you were dependable and able to take care of yourself. You studied rigorously so that he’d never feel the need to tutor you. You trained and sparred with him, giving him feedback and keeping your own little notebook just about him. You did everything you could to empower and uplift him, and to make sure you would never be a burden on him.
Because you love him. Because those feelings would only get in the way and serve as a distraction. Because you knew that he could have anyone in all the world, so there was no possible way he could ever feel the same way towards you.
From the moment you woke up to flower petals lodged between your teeth, you knew it was him. Because it had always been him. Because you’d spent the last three years of your life only focusing on what would be best for him, how you could make things easier on him.
Sure, you had goals. You wanted to be a hero just as anyone else, and you were well on your way to achieve that goal just like the rest of your class. But you were stupidly, hopelessly, irreversibly in love with Midoriya Izuku. And it was going to kill you. And you were going to let it.
Because you would rather die than get in the way of his dream.
And in that way, you let yourself love him even more. You let yourself revel in the blissful, heady feeling of being in love. Because you could never act on it, so you might as well enjoy it. That’s what you thought, at least, until today.
Truthfully when the first few petals had appeared you didn’t think much of it, which was probably because you had expected it. You brushed it off and kept your head held high and trucked on. But after a few weeks it got harder to focus amidst the constant pain in your throat and your chest. Exercising left you too winded, the taste of blood and syrup left you too nauseous to eat, and as the flowers grew, it became more and more difficult to hide them. And to hide your horrible coughing fits, which kept you up early into the morning most nights.
And your peers had noticed. Oh, had they noticed. You were wasting away in front of them, and it took Izuku and Tenya bringing it up to Aizawa for you to visit the infirmary.
That was a month ago. Aizawa and Recocery Girl were the only two who knew, and you’d keep it that way as long as you could. Because despite all of your efforts, you knew that eventually Izuku would worry over you. You knew you’d be a distraction, but you prayed that once the final stages hit, death would follow swiftly and you’d be just an unpleasant memory to him.
You were okay with that, because these feelings you felt for him, this love that was slowly drowning you in beautiful bouquets, was just for you. You got to feel it in all of its power for the first and only time in your life and you were so stupidly happy to finally understand all those sappy poems and love songs and movies and books you’d insatiably consumed. You finally understood the rush of heat to your cheeks at his touch, the racing of your heart at his voice, the warmth that radiated from your soul at his smile. These feelings were yours, and you were elated that they existed because of him.
You had spent your whole life being in love with love, and now you got to experience it for yourself. So how could you give all of that away? How could you go through with the surgery, knowing that you’d forget all about it. All of these wonderful emotions, this abundance of bliss…how could you throw that away?
And you were no stranger to Izuku’s history. You knew that for most of his life, people were cruel. And, well, he deserved love, too, didn’t he? Even if that love was one-sided. Even if you’d never truly tell him.
You blinked slowly, bright fluorescent lights humming above you, and you knew exactly where you were.
The infirmary was quiet, you seemed to be the only patient here, and when you lulled your head over to glance out the window you were greeted with the inky black of night.
Your throat burned, but the urge to cough was gone for now. As you stared out of the window, mind numb, you became aware of a soft snoring to your left. You inwardly grimaced, praying that it wasn’t who you thought it was. You couldn’t handle seeing him right now, you’d just coughed out so many flowers, you didn’t want to go through it again so soon.
Flowers. Full flowers. Fuck. But that wasn’t the worst part, because you knew what those flowers were. Small and pink, four petals each, they were hydrangeas. Which only made you worry more because you knew that hydrangeas grew in great mounds. Which meant that soon you’d be hacking up large compounds of tiny flowers attached to branches. And that scared you.
Slowly you rolled your head to the side to see who had stayed with you, and much to your relief it was Aizawa. He lounged back in the chair, legs crossed at the ankles with his arms crossed on his chest. His chin dipped down to his chest and he snored quietly. He must have fallen asleep waiting on you. You were grateful that he was here, and even moreso that it wasn’t the boy of your dreams. Just thinking about Izuku made your lungs seize and a cough rattle you to your bones.
It was enough to wake your teacher, and he eyed you carefully until the moment passed. Both of you grateful when no petals fell from your lips, though that too-familiar taste of nectar and blood filled your mouth. You swallowed hard and struggled to sit upright, and Aizawa was immediately at your side, supporting your back with a large hand.
“S-sensei….” you managed to croak. Your throat was raw and torn, and talking was not only painful but your voice was strained and raspy.
“Easy there, kid,” he hummed, his voice was low and comforting.
He eyed you for a moment, working out what exactly he wanted to say to you. You were not the first student he’d had with Hanahaki, and you wouldn’t be the last. However, you were the only one stupid enough to let it kill you.
“Listen, I’m going to need you to explain to me who, how long, and exactly why you won’t take the measures to save your life.” His dark eyes bore into your own and you inhaled deeply. You’d intentionally left those details out before, after all those feelings, this love, was yours. It was yours to hold and to share only when you were ready.
But…as you lay here in the infirmary, chest and throat on fire, the sickeningly sweet taste of copper and syrup in your mouth, and flowers in your lungs, you figured you owed it to him. Your teacher who had, at times, been more of a father figure to you. Who had worried over you, took care of you, and fostered your growth as a hero thus far.
You cleared your throat, the action just irritating it further, and spilled it all.
“It’s…it’s Midoriya.” You started, staring intently at the sheet that covered your legs, “and…I’ve loved him since our first year, though I’ve only had Hanahaki for about 2 months, like I said before.
"But as for…as for why I won’t confess, and why I refuse the surgery…it’s complicated.”
“I have time,” his stern gaze never left you, and you knew he had no intention of leaving until you gave him answers.
You swallowed the lump in your throat. Laying this out there…it was scary. You’d never told a soul about why and now faced with the truth of it, the potential flaws in your own justifications, you were on the verge of tears.
“He deserves to be loved. He deserves to have someone out that there truly sees him for himself, flaws in all, and loves him. I know how hard his life was, I know how far he’s come and how hard he’s worked. I know he’s got the biggest dreams. And he’s so amazing, he manages to still worry about others, to help others improve, to uplift and inspire everyone around him.
"He deserves to be loved because he has so much love to give.”
“If you feel that way, shouldn’t you tell him? Don’t you want him to know?”
“I do…but the thought of burdening him with my feelings outweighs that need. The thought that…that he’d start to worry over me, or stress over me, or let his feelings cloud his judgement because of me. If I ever got in the way of his dream, if I was ever a distraction, I couldn’t live with myself.
"And besides, I’m not blind. I see the way he looks at Uraraka, I see the way he is with her. I know I will never be on the receiving end of that. And that’s okay! I’m okay with all of this. If I can die in exchange for his dreams, in exchange for his success and happiness. Then it will have been worth it.”
Aizawa knitted his brows together, a flurry of emotions crossing his face as you continued, a few tears managing to escape.
“I…this whole time, my entire time at UA here, has been spent doing my absolute best to make sure I only ever help him. I study extra late so he’ll never have to tutor me, I train extra hard so he’ll never have to protect me, I watch him closely and give him advice when I can, I take over his cooking duty so that he has more time for himself. I do everything in my power for him.”
“I…” Your voice breaks as you choke out the next few words, “I love him so much, Sensei. I always have. And if I have to die for him, I will in a heartbeat.”
“You’ve been working so hard, all this time, and you never once thought that Midoriya might return your feelings? He’s a smart kid, he’s incredibly observant and keen. Do you really think he hasn’t put two and two together?
Doesn’t he deserve to know that he’s the one doing this to you? That cats out of the bag now, it’s not like you can hide it anymore. Eventually he’s going to ask who it is, what will you do then?”
You considered it, “I’ll lie. I’ll ask him to respect my wishes to keep it to myself.”
“And if I tell him? What will you do then?”
You gasped, your head whipping around to face your teacher, “You wouldn’t!”
“If it would save your life, I would. You are one of my precious students, did you never stop to consider your own future? What about your ambitions? Your dreams? Don’t you want to become a hero? What of the people who will die without you there to save them? And you talk about being a distraction to him, being a burden on him, but won’t the loss of a fellow classmate- someone he could have saved - crush him?”
You were shocked at his speech, and you spent the next few moments wiping tears away as you considered his words once again.
Had you ever stopped long enough to think about yourself? Did you have aspirations other than seeing Izuku happy and successful? Seeing Izuku’s beautifully bright smile? Seeing Izuku…
Flowers crept up your esophagus and you swallowed hard, suppressing the urge to cough. Once you started it was hard to stop as the sticky petals longed to be free.
“I…I want to become a hero,” You choked out between tears and the tightness in your throat. “But…Izuku will become a better hero than I ever could. It’s a bigger service to society for me to be-”
You didn’t get to finish the thought as Aizawa cut you off.
“You don’t know that. The future is not concrete, and do not sell yourself short. You will be an amazing hero who can stand beside Midoriya, who can work with him and who can save people together. But only if you let yourself live.”
Aizawa wasn’t the type of person to beg. He wasn’t the type to pleading with someone, especially someone so much younger than him, for anything. But you were his student. He spent time with you, on you. Cultivating your quirk, training your mind and body, all for the betterment of society. He cared, in his way, about you and your life, and it’d be a disservice to everything you’d been through and accomplished so far to just throw it away.
But he so dearly wanted you to understand your own worth. He was willing to put aside his pride for just a moment, to try and get you to see reason.
“I….I can’t,” you whispered, shoulders shaking with the effort to stop both the coughs and the sobs.
“Then I’ll tell him. I’ll tell him and take away all of your autonomy in the situation, because your life is just as important as his.”
Panic slithered ice cold through your veins, your heart thrumming in your chest and the increased fear and anxiety sent you over the edge as wet coughs doubled you over. The stark white linnen of the hospital blanket tainted with a spray of blood, nectar, and tiny petals as you hacked and sputtered so hard, you barely had a moment to breathe.
Your life wasn’t as important, you mused as your body heaved. Not nearly. Even if Izuku made you feel like the most important person in the world. Even if the way he looked at you made you feel as if everything around you disappeared, and the earth revolved around the two of you. Even if his smile made your stomach flip and your heart hammer and your knees weak.
Even if…
Even if despite your best efforts, he still would stay up late and study with you. Even if he’d pulled you out of harms way more than once. Even if he prioritized your safety over his own as the bones in his arms shattered. As long as you were okay.
Even if… whenever your shoulders would brush, a deep blush would paint his freckled cheeks. Or when you’d broken your leg and couldn’t walk, how he carried you to the infirmary with his strong arms wrapped around you, and he was so focused on being your hero that he didn’t realize how intimate the act was until Monoma made a snide comment in passing. It left him a mumbling, embarrassed mess.
And there was that time earlier this year at New Year’s.
When the entirety of your class gathered on the roof to watch the fireworks and a gentle flurry of snow drifted slowly around you. You were so excited when a big one went off that you turned to Izuku, only to catch him staring at you. His eyes softer than you’d ever seen, looking completely content and happy just to be with you. A cutting wind Whipped your hair into your face and sent a chill to your bones, but you found warmth in the hand that brushed your hair behind your ear, and lingered for just a moment too long. Eyes gazing into each other as you absorbed every sparkling explosion reflected in those beautiful greens. The two of you lost in each other while the rest of your class were enraptured with the show. The gentle stroking of his calloused thumb across your wind-bitten cheek as he cupped your face so tenderly, too lost in the moment to be shy or embarrassed.
How you’d both leaned in, your eyes flitting down to his lips that looked so, so soft and warm.
But how that moment was ruined as Uraraka, her face flushed and annoyed, slung an arm around both of you with a teasing remark to watch the fireworks.
Your ears were ringing as you finally-finally- stopped coughing. You sucked in as much air as you could, gasping and panting as spots clouded your vision from the lack of oxygen. Hot tears flowing freely down your flushed cheeks and plopping pitifully onto the ruined blanket.
As your senses slowly returned, the sight before you leadened your gut. So many tiny flowers littered the bed. Hundreds. Some of them attached together in small clusters on the tips of hardened twigs. All of them coated in blood, bile, saliva, and syrup. God, there was so much blood that it pooled in the dip of the blanket between your knees.
A cup of water was thrust into your hands, and you drank it down in few gulps. The cool liquid provided much needed relief.
“You have three options,” Aizawa spoke up once you’d steadied yourself. One of his large hands supported your back, warm against you. You were….cold. freezing, even despite the thin slick of sweat that coated your skin.
“Option number one is me telling Midoriya about this, telling him everything you just confessed to me.”
“Option number two is you write him a letter, confess everything you need to say to him, tell him exactly how you feel. And when he graduates I will give it to him. That way it won’t get in the way of his studies, and he’ll still know that he was loved.”
“Option number three is you tell him yourself, before your time is up. I promise you, kiddo, that you’re making a mountain out of a molehill here. Did you ever consider that it might be a good distraction? A reprieve from his work, his duty, his studies?”
“Since you’re too stubborn to get the procedure, those are your options, if you choose to do nothing then I’m telling him. I’m not letting you throw your life and your potential away.”
He plucked a cluster of flowers from beside you and held it out, “I don’t have to tell you that you’re not leaving this hospital bed.”
You eyed his offering. A letter? It sounded…suspicious. He’d made such a point of trying to save your life, that that option seemed too easy. You’d get to keep your love, your memories, and eventually Izuku would understand everything. To know that even when he felt completely alone, you were in his corner? It sounded too good to be true, but your head pounded along with your heart, and your hands were shaking so hard you had to fist the blanket to calm them.
“A letter…” you whispered, your voice was so hoarse from all of the trauma that it was all you could muster.
“Then I’ll bring you supplies. Time is of the essence, now that you’re in the final stages. I’ll bring them tomorrow, but until then you need to save your strength and rest. It’s only going to get worse from here. I’ll see if Recovery Girl can’t give you some cough suppressants and pain medication, so try and get some sleep.”
He then set about helping you change the bedding that you’d ruined, insisting you sit while he did the job of a nurse. You were so grateful to him for just this one small act. Sleeping in a pool of your own blood, amongst the flowers that were slowly killing you, with that sickly sweet smell of nectar and bile didn’t sound pleasant.
As you drifted off to sleep, finally, your thoughts lingered on the object of your affections, formulating what you’d write in this letter.
What you couldn’t figure out, was that Aizawa knew you’d choose that option. He knew you’d give the letter to him for safekeeping, under the guise that he’d wait until graduation to give it to Izuku. You didn’t know that it was his way of getting your confession to the boy, without taking away your right to do it yourself. Once he got his hands on the letter, he’d immediately meet with Izuku and have him read it.
He only hoped what happened next would save you. That betraying your trust would be the catalyst to keeping you alive. He would gladly have you never trust him again, even if you felt the need to change classes, if it meant you got to get through this and make it to the other side.
Your classmates were worried sick, none morso than one Midoriya Izuku. He paced around his dorm room, mind running a thousand miles a minute as he tried to piece the puzzle together.
You had Hanahaki, he saw the flowers and the blood, he smelled the ichor. But who was the cause?
Could he manage to get them to you? To get you to confess to them? Could he figure it out in time?
He ran over the possibilities. You were close with Shinsou, other than him you’d considered Shinsou one of your best friends. But he never saw the two of you acting in a way that would insinuate this kind of affection.
And besides, Shinsou was more like the moon.
And you’d said…
“Is there someone you like?” Mina had excitedly asked before movie night one week.
“E-ehhh???” You sputtered, face flushing a deep red. Your reaction was enough to confirm her suspicions, and Izuku had tried to listen in on the conversation without being conspicuous.
“OH MY god who is it!?” She squealed.
“I-I…I can’t say it….” you muttered, clasping your hands over your face.
You were so cute like that, shy and embarrassed that he couldn’t stop the smile that spread across his face. Even if the one you like didn’t end up being him, he was just happy that you had someone to be interested in. Izuku knew about your penchant for love stories, how you’d fantasized about falling in love yourself.
“Then give me a hint!” She pleaded.
You considered it for a moment, forefinger tapping on your chin the way it always did when you were deep in thought. It was one of the little things you did that he just adored.
“He…he’s like the sun. His smile shines so brightly it could blind you.”
He had to find someone who fit that description, and Shinsou, despite being a good guy, wasn’t it. Like the sun? Next he thought about Mirio, but he’d already graduated and you didn’t seem to be close to him at all. Naturally the next in line was Tamaki, but, again, you and him didn’t associate outside of school and business.
He considered in this order: Kirishima, Kaminari, Sero, Iida, and Bakugo.
But…none of them seemed to fit the bill. His mind wondered briefly to Uraraka, whose smile had this way of brightening up the room, but you’d explicitly said it was a “he”.
How could he fix this if he couldn’t figure out the object of your love? His fingers tugged idly at his bottom lip as he continued pacing, not getting a single wink of sleep the entire night.
You got just a few hours of sleep before Recovery Girl stirred you with gifts of pain medication and cough suppressants. You took them both, hoping that your morning ritual of hacking up flowers would at least hold off long enough for you to write out your confession.
Aizawa must have returned during your slumber, because everything you needed to pen the words that swirled in your mind were neatly placed on a table beside you.
Rolling the table over and taking inventory of your supplies you smiled softly to yourself. Aizawa really went above and beyond, getting different types of paper, pencils and pens, even some cute washi tape and heart stickers.
After drinking down an entire glass of water to soothe your still raw throat, you set about writing.
Before you knew it, lunchtime had arrived and you’d just sealed the letter up in a mint green envelope with a pink heart sticker when nurses rolled in with food. It smelled horrible, but most food did these days. You were unable to get past the taste of blood and nectar and pollen to truly eat anything substantial.
You picked at some rice, which was bland enough to not assault your senses, but swallowing was painful and after a while you gave up. Leaving the majority of your meal untouched.
The cough suppressants must be working because you hadn’t had an episode all day, though you could feel flowers and branches just below the surface, desperate for escape. You wanted to hold out just a little longer so a nap could be had.
Sleep came easily, until you were awoken harshly by the pain and coughing again. It hurt so much worse than before, and there werent as many flowers as last night’s episode, so why were you struggling so much? You coughed and hacked, retching and choking, gasping for air until you felt something solid and sharp poke the roof of your mouth.
All of the commotion had drawn a bit of a crowd, unbeknownst to you. Recovery Girl, Aizawa, as well as a small group of your classmates were around you, faces drawn with worry and fear.
You didn’t get to process this fact as tentatively you reached two fingers into the back of your throat to prod at whatever it was. Ice ran through your veins and your peers watched in horror as you grasped the object, holding your breath as you tugged it partially forward and out of your lips.
You had to pause halfway to gag, throwing up bile and blood and more petals, before grasping it again. This time you had a better grip on the branch, and you couldn’t help the pitiful whine that escaped as you drew it out of you. The buds and ends of the assaulting thing scratching and cutting your esophagus and tongue on the way out.
You were vaguely aware of curses, gasps, whispers your name, and even some sobs as you threw the branch at your feet. It was as long as your torso, with several bunches of pink hydrangeas mounded at the end. Covered in the all-too-familiar fluids.
You didn’t get a moment to assess the room as removing this branch opened the flood gates. Doubling over, you gasped for air as a flurry of flowers and petals forced themselves out of you, followed by far too much blood. It was so hard to breathe, you felt your consciousness fading and before you knew it you were out.
“OH MY god,” Mina sobbed into Kirishima’s shoulder, unable to continue watching the horrible sight. He bit the inside of his cheek so hard it drew blood, he owed it to you not to look away, to remember the pain you were going through when you were finally gone. To remember the love that killed you.
Uraraka had one hand plastered over her mouth while the other clenched at her gut, she looked as if she were about to hurl on the spot.
Todoroki had both fists clenched tightly at his side, his expression stoic though his brow knitted. He was of a similar mindset as Kirishima. That he owed it to you to acknowledge your suffering.
And beside them all, there he was.
Watching with eyes brimmed with tears as you disgustingly wrenched the branch out of your lungs. His hands were shaking so badly, cheeks wet, body trembling as the first time in his life he was paralyzed with fear. He didn’t want to lose you. Not like this. Gods, not like this.
And after all his thinking and theorizing last night? He was no closer to figuring out who it was than before.
He wanted to hold you, to rub your back and placate you. To do anything- God he would do ANYTHING - to stop this.
When you fainted, Izuku’s legs crumpled beneath him, his arms drawn tightly around his middle though he couldn’t pull his eyes away from you. A team of nurses flooded the scene, shutting the curtains and working on you. He didn’t know what to do, were you alive? Had it killed you before he could save you?
Aizawa planted a firm hand on the boy’s shoulder, stunning him out of his swirling thoughts and back into reality.
“We need to talk.”
Izuku,
I hope this letter finds you well. It’s been a whole, hasn’t it? If everything goes to plan, you’ll have graduated by now. I wish I could be there to see it. I wish I could be there to watch you climb the ranks and become number one. I know you will, you are amazing, after all.
But, that isn’t the point of this letter, though I could sing your praises for weeks and still find new and wonderful things about you. No, by now I should be gone. And I only hope that my leaving won’t have impacted you too greatly.
You must be angry, Izuku, knowing that you were powerless against this. I know you well enough to know that you’ve been beating yourself up. But you have to know: I never wanted to be saved. I never wanted you to fix this because feeling this way was the most amazing experience of my life.
Loving you was worth every petal.
And this is my confession, finally. It was you, Izuku. It was always you. Since the first time we stayed up late talking about our favorite pro heroes, up until my very last breath. I have loved you.
And I have spent the last three years trying as hard as I can to never be a burden to you. To never get in the way of you and your dream. This is why I could not confess properly. My feelings would just weigh you down, and I couldn’t live with myself knowing I prioritized myself over you.
I have always loved love, and being in love with you was everything I wanted it to be. From the way my heart would pound at your smiling face, or the butterflies that filled my stomach just hearing your voice. Every moment was so wonderful. I never wanted to forget this feeling. I couldn’t let myself…
And I never want to forget you, Izuku.
You have been everything to me. You were my sunshine. You were the reason I got out of bed every morning, the reason I worked my hardest, the reason I did what I did. Because I love you. And even now, I will be loving you.
Please don’t hate yourself. You couldn’t have known. Please understand that not telling you, that not getting the surgery, were my choices. I don’t regret a single thing, even as these flowers slowly kill me, I don’t regret it.
How could I regret falling for someone like you? Someone who shines so brightly, someone who is like like sun? I love you, and I always, always will.
Thank you for letting me be a part of your life, no matter how insignificant.
With Love,
Izuku’s fingers traced over the impression of your name. Tears flowed freely, and he didn’t hold back the heart crushing sob that echoed throughout his teacher’s office.
“There’s still time,” Aizawa said softly, though a dark shadow crossed his features.
His body moved on its own, as it has done time and time again. Shoving the letter into his backpack as he ran, he didn’t bother to wipe his face. A new look of determination swimming in his eyes.
You were awake finally, curled in on yourself in an upright position, a bed pan cradled between your knees as your head rested on your arms. A small pool of blood and petals swam at the bottom of the vessel as you spit more into it.
You were spitting out petals and blood and nectar every few minutes now, and like clockwork every hour brought worse and worse episodes. This would probably be your last day on this earth, and you were just glad that you could finish your letter.
Stupidly you wanted to see him again, just one last time. You wanted him to smile brightly at you and comfort you, but that would literally be the death of you as just the thought of him made your throat itch. You wanted to be alone when you went.
You didn’t want him to see that.
It was hard to breathe, your lungs burned with each inhale. Your bleeding and cut up esophagus felt like you were swallowing needles with every sip of water. The metallic taste of copper overtook any sweetness left from the syrup.
You silently wished it could just be over already. It hurt. You were exhausted. Your body was frail and weak from malnutrition and blood loss, and your heart ached. Ached for the one-sidedness of your love.
After all this time of telling yourself you were okay with this, that it was worth it, as you sat on death’s doorstep, your mind was cruel to you, allowing you to fantasize. Of all things.
What a life with Izuku could have been like. Standing beside him as fellow heroes, saving people, helping society. How soft his lips would feel against your own as you finally unleashed all of the love you held for him. What being intimate would be like, if he would be as gentle a lover as you thought. How your wedding would go; Bakugo as the best man and Mina as the Maid of Honor. Who your children would favor, and how his mother would make such a doting grandma.
You didn’t even try to keep the tears from rolling down your cheeks. Why would you? Completely alone, only dreaming about the boy you loved, with the inevitable end slowly creeping towards you.
Izuku panted heavily, his chest was on fire not just from running all the way here, but from the weight of this entire situation. You loved him. HIM of all people. And it was killing you.
How you couldn’t see he’d always felt the same way was beyond his comprehension. Didn’t he make it obvious enough when he tried to kiss you on New Year’s ? All the late nights he spent in your dorm under the guise of studying, when you’d eventually just end up chatting about anything and everything?
How he made any and every excuse to be as close as physically possible with you? How he was always the one who offered to walk you to and from classes or the infirmary or wherever you needed to go.
Wasn’t it obvious?
Your eyes widened in shock at the boy in front of you, your heart caught in your throat, too surprised to notice the fluttering of petals on your tongue.
“I-” he started, gasping for air and lurching towards you. Izuku collapsed in a heap beside you, the bed dipping under his weight. It took him a moment to calm his breathing, but before he could speak, you were coughing again.
And despite everything, all you could think about was the warmth of his palm on your shoulder.
Izuku watched in horror as you expelled all that was in your lungs, hands shaking and tears flowing at the sight of you.
After a while your episode ended, the bedpan now full of blood and flowers. When your gaze met the lush green of his eyes, you melted. Here he was in all his glory: Midoriya Izuku. The love of your life. The cause of your death.
And he was looking at you with so much emotion, searching your face for…what exactly?
“I got your letter,” he said so softly you almost didn’t hear.
“Wh-”
“Tell me.” His voice was event and calm even as tears still flowed freely down his freckled cheeks, and even as his hands shakily took yours, and even as a hit blush warmed his features.
“Confess to me. Right now. That’s how this works, isn’t it? You have to say it.”
Words lodged themselves amongst the hydrangeas, unable to escape. Ice ran through your veins and your pulse raced.
He knew. Aizawa had given him the letter, and now he knew. You ruined everything. You’d tried so hard for so long to keep this from him, to not burden him with your feelings. To not distract him. And now that was ruined.
You knew the letter was too good to be true. Of course Aizawa had intended this result from the start.
You drew a trembling hand to your mouth as a pitiful sob left your body.
“I’m so sorry-” You choked out, cut off by a combination sob and wet cough.
“Say it. Please. Please, just say it. I need to hear it in your own voice, from your own mouth. I need to know it’s real. That it’s…me.” insecurity laced his voice, but his eyes never left you.
“I-…” you met his gaze once more, “I love you.”
“God, Izuku. I’ve loved you since I met you! It was always you! But…but I’m not stupid or selfish enough to even consider that you’d feel the same.” You chuckled bitterly, “how could you? Everyone adores you, you could be with anyone in the school, there is no way you’d ever even look at me.”
You broke the contact, drawing away from him and swallowing hard not only to keep the flowers at bay, but also to coat your very sore throat with saliva.
“And…I know how you are with others. The blush you can never hide when you’re around Uraraka, or how your gaze lingers whenever Hatsume walks by. The closeness you share with Tsu, and even Todoroki and Bakugo. They all adore you, they all love you. You could be with any of them, and I know for a fact that Uraraka has always liked you.
"I never stood a chance. They are all so wonderful, such fantastic people and heroes. And I-….I’m just….”
“You.” He finished. “You’re you, and that’s why for me it’s always been you, too.”
Your mind went blank, you couldn’t process the words he just said. He felt the same…? No, surely he meant something different. Surely-
“T-to say it was love at first sight is so cheesy but…but if being cheesy is what it takes then I don’t care! When you came into my life I was nobody! Just some loser with a quirk he had no control over! No friends, nobody in my life who cared about me except for my mom!
"But then there was you! You rocketed into my life like an asteroid, all brilliant and bright and beautiful. You lit up my world just by being you!
"When I first saw you at the entrance exams, how confident and strong you were as you fearlessly took on challenge after challenge. How beautiful you were in the sunlight, even amongst the chaos. I couldn’t look away from you!
"I knew in that moment that I would be the luckiest guy ever if you so much as talked to me! And then, during the first semester you managed to find your way into my life. You helped me open up and make friends with the rest of the class. Even with people outside of it!
"You came to me and opened my eyes and I fell for you so hard and so fast that it made me dizzy. Just being around you, hearing your laugh or seeing you smile, was enough to make me whole day better!
"Time and time again you were there to uplift me, to ease the burden on me. When things got too much I could always come to you and you would never fail to make me feel better. When All Might fell. After I fought Overhaul. Every time I broke my body trying to get used to this quirk. When I thought I would suffocate under the pressure of One for All. After the fight with the Liberation Army and Shigaraki, and everything after after in between. You have always been the only true constant in my life.
"You were always the distraction I needed, the breath of fresh air, the rainbow after rain. Always. And after a while I thought…maybe you started feeling the same way?
"The way you’d look at me with stars in your eyes, or the gentle way you’d hold my hand when I started to spiral. How you would hold me so softly when I thought I was going to crumble… and then at New Year’s. I was going to confess to you then, under the fireworks. I tried to kiss you! But…”
Izuku shook his head, not giving you a chance to speak, “I love you. I’ve always loved you, and I am so stupid for not realizing that it was me earlier.”
You opened your mouth to respond, but were once again cut off by a flurry of flower petals. They ejected from you in a cloud that caused the small pink flowers to litter the area around you, including Izuku. You didn’t get a moment to be thankful that there was no blood before the coughing started.
Wet, painful, deep coughs shook your body as you doubled over again. Izuku was quick to support you, but the sensation was overwhelming. Your chest burned, ached, and stung all at once as the fully formed flowers, bloom heads and twigs struggled to break free.
In desperation, you crawled on your hands and knees to the side of the bed, and amongst the slurry of flowers, leaves, blood, pollen, and sap, you felt the familiar scraping of an entire branch work its way up your esophagus. Izuku watched in horror once again as you reached fingers into your mouth to pull the entire thing out.
It scratched your throat even more and a rush of blood followed. Izuku gently called your name, but you were much too busy and focused on the next branch that was slowly easing put of you.
This continued for a few moments more: you expelling every foreign object from your body, and the boy you loved softly comforting you while you did so. He wanted to run and find Aizawa, or Recovery Girl, or somebody! But the thought of leaving you right now was too much. There was no way he could just abandon you while you were suffering so greatly, even in the guise of finding help, and so he stayed. Whispering comforting words to you and rubbing up and down your spine as you hacked and wretched and cried.
He wanted to be strong for you, but seeing you like this broke his heart and he sobbed alongside you.
“I’m so sorry, sweetheart, ” he cooed, hand still slowly rubbing your back, “this is all my fault, I should have realized sooner. I am so sorry. You’re doing so good, my love, just hang in there. It’s almost out, don’t give up, darling.”
Finally, finally after what felt like hours, the episode ceased. The floor beneath you littered with a menagerie of everything that had been killing you just moments ago. Red and pink, metallic and sweet yet acrid. Beautiful and deadly.
Pink Hydrangea; heartfelt emotion, romance, true love.
With shaking arms, and with Izuku’s help, you managed to push yourself back onto the bed to rest. The room was silent, save for your heavy breathing as you attempted to steady yourself after the trauma. Izuku fretted over you, giving you water, cleaning your face, pushing your hair back, changing your sheets. Anything he could think of to make things easier for you. He was careful to step around the mess, unwilling to trek bile, nectar and blood further around the room.
Once he settled, and you’d gathered yourself; and once you’d downed three cups of water and suckled a throat lozenge, Izuku finally spoke up.
“I am so s-sorry,” his voice broke on the last word, but he clenched his fists and grit his teeth to stymy the tears. “You went through so much because of me, some hero I am.”
Before he could continue, you cut him off. Your own voice coming out hoarse and breathy, “I don’t regret it. Not one single bit. You are worth every petal, Izuku.” You reminded him, citing what you’d written in the love letter.
That was enough for the dam to break, huge, hot tears flooded down his freckled cheeks. Izuku leaned forward, crossing his arms on the side of your bed, and laid his head on them, too overcome with emotion to do anything else but sob.
You really meant it. You loved him. You loved him. And you went through hell, you almost died, and you said that he was worth it. Him. The quirkless kid who got lucky, who still sometimes breaks his bones, who acts without thinking. The ‘problem child’ according to Aizawa. Who, time after time after time had barely scraped by by the skin of his teeth. Him, who felt so inferior standing next to his classmates, his mentor, his hero. You loved him, and as you ran your fingers through his fluffy, wild hair, he swore to himself that he would make you proud. That he would be someone worth everything you went through. That he would be your hero.
Because you were his.
Gently, you lifted his face to look at you, eyes soft and clouded with the heady feeling of love. Izuku hiccuped, and leaned into your touch, gaze never leaving your face. His hands were shaking as he reached up to cup your own face too.
Was it too soon to kiss you? Did you even want that?
“Izuku…” you whispered and, once again, he couldn’t hold himself back. Surging forward, he pressed his lips to yours. The kiss was messy, full of desperation and emotion, years of pent up feelings and fear. Teeth clattered, he almost slipped in his fervor, but it was magical.
He pulled away, mostly to gauge your reaction, but you pulled him back by his tie. This kiss was much, much different. It was gentle and full of love, passionate and slow. His lips worked against yours as fireworks exploded in your mind. This felt right. The world felt right.
Breathless, you separated and Izuku’s forehead rested softly on yours.
“I love you,” he whispered.
“I love you, too.”