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“Absolutely not, Mazikeen! I can’t believe you think I’d even consider it,” Lucifer protested.
“Come on! The producer has already reached out three times, I don’t think he’s going to ask again,” Maze said.
“Good, then they can find someone else.”
“But they really want you!” Maze protested.
“I’m not going to be on their bloody TV show! You know how I feel about ‘reality’ TV,” Lucifer said using air quotes around ‘reality’. “It’s drivel manufactured to create conflict amongst the contestants and drive up the ratings. Nothing about it is real and I detest lies. It’s complete rubbish. I can’t understand why anyone would want to watch it. Besides, it’s not even the original, I’ve never even heard of The Bachelor: LA’s Most Eligible.”
“It’s an incredibly successful spinoff! Millions of people from all over the world watch it every week! They don’t care if it’s real or not, it’s entertaining,” Maze said defensively.
“Oh, don’t tell me you’re a fan, Maze?”
“I may have seen a few episodes,” Maze admitted with a shrug, “it reminds me of hell. All the crying and emotional torture makes me feel like I’m back home.”
“I suppose that could be funny for a while, but I still don’t see the appeal of being on it,” Lucifer poured himself a glass of whiskey and took a sip.
“Come on, Lucifer, just think about it. All the booze you can drink, all-expense paid vacations, and 15 beautiful women throwing themselves at you, vying for your attention.”
“I have that now. Why should I subject myself to their stupid rules?”
“Look,” Maze said, taking a deep breath before getting serious, “I didn’t want to tell you this but Lux is in trouble. We’ve been bleeding money for months now and if you want to maintain the lifestyle that you and I have grown accustomed to, then we need to increase our revenue. We need to attract new customers, not just keep our old ones, and being on the show would be a great way to get some free advertising for Lux. I really think you should do it. Besides, it’s only for three months.”
Lucifer took another sip of his whiskey, mulling over the idea. As abhorrent as he found reality TV, he would do anything to save Lux from bankruptcy, and three months wasn’t even a blink of the eye in the lifespan of an immortal archangel.
“You don’t even have to propose at the end. You can just drink and party for the next 3 months and then send all the women home. Lux will get some free advertising and hopefully some new customers and you’ll be no worse for the wear. Come on, Lucifer, what do you say?”
“Mmm all right,” Lucifer conceded. “I’ll do it on one condition.”
“What’s that?”
“You have to be one of the contestants. If I’m going to have to suffer through 3 months of reality TV drama, I want my right-hand demon by my side.”
“Fine. If that’s what it takes, then I’m in.”
“All right then. Let’s do this. But let the record show that I’m doing this for Lux and only Lux and I in no way condone reality TV or their deceptive practices.”
Maze rolled her eyes, “I’ll go give the producer a call.”
Maze quickly whipped out her phone and dialed the number.
“Go for Jason,” the producer answered after the second ring.
“Jason, it’s Maze. He’s in. Lucifer will do your show as long as I can be one of the contestants.”
“Not a problem, you’re in! We’ll start selecting the other contestants right away. Does Lucifer have a type? Blondes, redheads, tall, short? Anything to help us narrow it down?”
Maze considered the question for a moment before saying, “hot as fuck and down to fuck.”
“All right, we can work with that. I’ll email you the information with the location and time to meet us on Friday. Thanks again for getting back to me and we can’t wait to have you both on LA’s Most Eligible.
After Maze hung up the phone, she checked her email and saw that Jason had already sent over the instructions for Friday. She forwarded the email to Lucifer and quickly got to work stocking the bar to be ready in time for opening.
They had a decent crowd that night but there was no denying it, Lux’s customers were dwindling thanks to increasing competition from other clubs in the area.
She only hoped that Lucifer starring on LA’s Most Eligible would be enough to save the club. Maze might be a demon but she didn’t relish the thought of having to layoff Lux’s staff.
When Friday finally rolled around, Lucifer and Maze took the Corvette high up into the Hollywood Hills to the mansion where the show filmed.
“Lucifer! Maze! It’s so great to finally meet you! I’m Jason Carlisle, the producer of The Bachelor: LA’s Most Eligible. We’re so excited to have you both on the show. Before the first limo arrives, we wanted to introduce you to the crew.”
Jason led them to where a short blonde woman with glasses was getting her makeup done.
“Lucifer, Maze, this is Doctor Linda Martin. She’s a licensed therapist and our host. She’s going to be facilitating dates and rose ceremonies and is here to help you and the contestants tap into your emotions.”
“Well, hello, Doctor,” Lucifer greeted with a handshake, “it is a pleasure to meet you,” he said with a wink, causing Linda to be overcome by a fit of giggles.
“Okay, that’s enough, come on, Lucifer. Nice to meet you, Doc,” Maze said, tearing Lucifer away from the attractive therapist before things went any further.
Jason introduced Lucifer and Maze to the rest of the crew and Lucifer tried to keep track of them all but lost track somewhere around the sound guy named Hector and the camera man named Mark???
“All right, Miss Smith, now it’s time for you to join the other contestants. Mr. Morningstar, follow me this way to the green room.”
Maze and Lucifer split up, Maze following another producer to the makeup trailer and Lucifer following Jason to the green room.
“Right this way,” Jason said. He opened a set of heavy doors to reveal a room inside the mansion with a buffet full of food, extra lights and camera equipment, and an attractive blonde with a clipboard and an earpiece sitting on one of the couches.
“Well, hello, and who might this be?” Lucifer asked, taken aback by her beauty. He hoped that Jason would say that she was one of the contestants.
“This is our lead production assistant, Chloe Decker. She’s here to make sure that everything is running smoothly and to help out with any issues that might come up. She can provide you with anything that you might need. Food, water, cigarettes, you name it and Chloe is on it.”
Chloe gave a tight-lipped smile but didn’t respond verbally.
“I see,” Lucifer responded, licking his lips before swallowing hard enough to make his Adam’s apple bob.
“All right, I’m needed outside but Chloe will give you the cue when it’s time to come out and meet the women.”
Jason left the two of them alone and Lucifer made his move.
“Hello,” he drawled, “allow me to introduce myself, I’m—”
“Lucifer Morningstar, yeah I know,” Chloe finished for him, cutting to the chase, “one second,” she said, holding up her finger to shush him with one hand and tapping her earpiece with the other, “all set in the green room.”
Lucifer was a bit surprised by her coarseness with him but plodded forward nevertheless with his smooth as silk playboy voice, “Mister Carlisle mentioned that you’re here to fulfill any needs of mine that might arise,” Lucifer said suggestively.
“I don’t know what part of the look on my face gave you the impression that I was interested in you, but you’re sorely mistaken. I’m here to do a job for the next three months and then move on with my life. I’m not here for fun, I’m here for a paycheck and, in case I haven’t made myself abundantly clear, I will never, ever, ever sleep with you. Ever.”
“Very well,” Lucifer said, trying to shake off her rejection, “if you don’t want to sleep with me, then what is it that you desire?”
Lucifer looked directly into her eyes to activate his mojo and smirked.
When he looked at her closely, he felt like he recognized her from somewhere but couldn’t quite place where he knew her from.
Chloe stared at him for a moment before realizing he actually expected an answer.
“What the hell kind of question is that?”
“I…I don’t understand,” Lucifer stammered in surprise, “you don’t feel an inescapable urge to pour out your heart’s deepest desires to me?”
“What? No! Jeez. Just my luck to get stuck with a weirdo. 3 more months, Chloe,” she muttered to herself.
“You’re human, how are you immune to my charms? You are human, right?” Lucifer questioned, fascinated by the woman in front of him.
Chloe rolled her eyes but before she could respond, another crew member told her that they were ready for Lucifer to come out over her earpiece.
“Come on, Mister Morningstar, they’re ready for you,” she stood up and ushered him out the greenroom doors towards the opulent grounds. “Stand here,” she instructed and guided him into position in front of a gorgeous fountain near the driveway where the limos would arrive.
“Right here? Is this the spot where you want me, darling?” Lucifer teased suggestively, only serving to annoy Chloe even more.
She ignored his innuendo and tapped on her earpiece “he’s in position. Ready for the first limo.”
The camera and boom mic operators strolled up and Chloe backed up out of their shot, waiting in the wings just in case anything went wrong.
Before the first limo arrived, Linda walked down from the mansion to greet Lucifer.
“Hi, Lucifer, welcome to The Bachelor: LA’s Most Eligible, we’re so happy to have you. In just a few moments, limos full of 15 beautiful women will arrive. Three months from now, one of these women could be your wife.”
Lucifer held back a chuckle at the thought of him ever getting married, much less to a woman he met on a reality TV show, and let Linda continue.
“First impressions aren’t everything, but it’s important to trust your gut, so after you’ve had a chance to meet all the women, you’ll have the opportunity to offer one of them the first impression rose. The lucky recipient of the first impression rose will be immediately safe from elimination and will not have to endure the stress of the first rose ceremony, so choose wisely. I think I see the first limo pulling up now so good luck and don’t forget to have some fun! I’ll check in with you all at the cocktail party later on,” Linda finished her speech and excused herself, walking back up to the mansion.
Just then, the first limo pulled into view. Lucifer watched with bated breath as the first woman opened the door and stepped out. She was a short blonde woman with pink highlights and massive breasts.
“Well, hello, who do we have here?” Lucifer greeted, trying not to stare at her breasts for too long.
“Hiiii,” she chuckled nervously, “I’m Candy.”
“Tell me, darling, are you as sweet as your name implies?” Lucifer flirted, sending Candy into a fit of giggles, “where are you from, Candy?”
“Vegas,” she answered, “I’m a singer at my dad’s bar, Fletcher’s.”
“A singer? You know I like to sing myself. Maybe we could do a duet later.”
“I’d like that,” she answered, but before they could talk further, the producer gave a signal to wrap it up and bring in the next limo.
The next woman that greeted Lucifer was gorgeous with jet black hair and big brown eyes.
“Hello,” Lucifer greeted.
“Hi, I’m Jana.”
“Nice to meet you, Jana, what do you do for work?”
“I’m a flight attendant.”
“Really?” Lucifer flirted, looking her up and down, “perhaps we could rack up some miles together.”
“I would definitely be up for an extended layover, captain,” Jana kissed Lucifer on his cheek and then surprised him by nibbling on his earlobe before strutting up the walk towards the mansion.
The next woman was named Veronica and when Lucifer used his mojo on her, she revealed that her greatest desire was to be tied up, gagged, and blindfolded in bed and left alone for hours before Lucifer fucked her senseless. Lucifer whispered in her ear that that could be arranged before the next limo pulled up.
A surly woman with dark hair and a nose ring got out of the next limo. Marla was a bassist in a band and her bandmates entered her into the show as a prank. She thought Lucifer was hot though so she went through with it. Lucifer gave her a kiss on the cheek before the next limo arrived.
A Hollywood actress named Erika Dunlap was next. Lucifer didn’t even have to mojo her before she was whispering all the dirty things she wanted to do to him and how she was flexible enough to fit her ankles around his neck. Lucifer grinned and gave her a teasing kiss before sending her up to the mansion.
Lucifer straightened his cufflinks while waiting for the next woman to arrive.
“Howdy, partner,” she greeted in a southern accent. She was wearing matching cowboy boots and a hat to go with her accent.
“Hello there, what’s your name?” Lucifer said in a dulcet voice, even though he was starting to get tired of playing the charming playboy for every new woman he met.
“Odessa,” she replied, thrusting her hand into his.
Lucifer kissed the back of her hand and asked, “and where are you from?”
“Odessa, Texas,” she said with a grin.
“Well, that certainly makes things easier to remember,” Lucifer said with a chuckle.
“Do you want to know what my favorite sex position is?” she whispered in his ear.
“Well, if your getup is any indication, I would hazard a guess that it’s…”
“Reverse cowgirl,” she cut him off before he could answer.
“All right then, partner, why don’t you giddy on up to the mansion?” Lucifer thought that Odessa was hot but her cowgirl theme was a little much for him and he was eager to get through the rest of the women.
“But I brought my lasso, I was gonna hogtie you,” she protested.
“Ohh, maybe later. Bye bye now.” Lucifer shooed her along but not before she smacked his ass and shouted ‘yah’ like she was spurring on a horse.
Just when Lucifer was starting to get bored, the next woman who stepped out of a limo needed no introduction.
“Helloooo,” she greeted as she approached Lucifer.
“Oh my gosh, you’re… you’re Misty Canyons!” Lucifer exclaimed, “Ahhhh,” he squealed in happiness like the fanboy he was.
“It’s nice to meet you, Lucifer.”
“I am such a huge fan of your work,” he gushed. “You’re truly one of the most underrated adult film actresses in the biz.”
“Thank you,” Misty flashed a warm smile and touched Lucifer’s arm, “you know, most people don’t realize how much hard work it takes to be a porn star.”
“Very hard,” Lucifer said, his eyes glued to her massive breasts, “the work, I mean.”
“All right, it looks like they’re giving me the boot but I do hope that we can talk later,” she said, noticing the signal Jason was giving her from behind the cameraman.
“Count on it, darling,” Lucifer gave her a quick peck on each cheek before sending her off.
The next woman was short with huge glasses and wore her straight black hair in pigtails.
“Finally!” she greeted, “I’ve been waiting for this moment my entire life!”
“Uh, hello, who might you be?” Lucifer asked, slightly confused by her over excited reaction to meeting him.
“I’m Suki Price and I’m your biggest fan. I have loved you from afar for years. I go to Lux every night just to catch a glimpse of you. All this time I never thought you were interested in finding love, but now that you’re on LA’s Most Eligible, my time has come to lay a claim on your heart.”
“Uhhh all right then,” Lucifer said awkwardly, unsure of how else to respond. He usually remembered his regular clients but he didn’t recall ever seeing her at Lux.
“I made you something!” Suki announced, pulling out what looked like a tiny voodoo doll of Lucifer. “See, it’s your new suit! I even made the little French cuffs with the tiny buttons,” she pointed out.
“I see that. Excellent attention to detail,” he complimented, looking over at Jason who just shrugged and motioned for Lucifer to just roll with it.
“You smell even better up close,” Suki wrapped her arms around his waist in a tight hug, clinging to him like a koala.
“Oh, would you look at the time, the next limo will be arriving soon, you’d better go on up to the mansion.”
“I love you!” she screamed as she pulled herself away and blew kisses at him on her way out.
The next three women were all named Brittany and they were all exceedingly sexy. Brittany S was a waitress, Brittany T was a runway model, and Brittany D was a backup dancer.
Lucifer was already imagining a foursome with the Brittanys but there were so many other hot women here, he didn’t know who to have sex with first! Maybe an orgy was in order…
Maze showed up next and Lucifer was genuinely happy to see a familiar face.
“Well, hello, what’s your name?” Lucifer jokingly asked.
“I’m Mazikeen but I guess you can call me Maze.”
“That’s a peculiar name, you’ll have to tell me the story of how you got it,” Lucifer teased. “And what do you do for work, Maze?”
“I’m a bartender,” she answered sharply, starting to grow tired of his dumb playboy routine.
“All right, I’ll see you inside, Maze,” Lucifer said, dismissing his demon.
By Lucifer’s calculations there were only three women left to meet. He was anxious to go inside and mingle with all the ladies so he hoped that they didn’t take too long to arrive.
“Hi, Lucifer,” the next woman greeted, “I’m Delilah.”
“Nice to meet you, Delilah, what do you do for work?”
“Well, I’m currently a waitress but I want to be a singer.”
“You’ll have to sing with me later, if you’re any good then perhaps I could make a few introductions and get you started in the industry.”
“Really? That would be amazing!”
“Just remember to thank me in your acceptance speech at the Grammy’s,” Lucifer said with a wink and sent her away with a big smile on her face.
The penultimate woman was another singer named Axara. She was a bit of a diva but Lucifer liked her confidence and she was easy on the eyes just like all the other women.
When the final limo showed up and Lucifer caught sight of the woman stepping out of it, time seemed to slow down around him. It was impossible. She should be dead. He hadn’t seen her in eons, and yet, here she was, just as gorgeous as the first time he saw her.
“Eve?” Lucifer asked as his old flame walked up the drive towards him.
Eve squealed with glee as she greeted her dumbstruck former lover with a kiss on each cheek.
“Hey, Luce, long time no see!”
“Eve… how… what are you doing here?”
“So there I was, just chilling in the Silver City, watching TV when I see a commercial for The Bachelor: LA’s Most Eligible and I see you on it! The man on the voiceover said that you were looking for love and well, you see, things with Adam haven’t been great lately so I slipped back into my old bones, called the producer and demanded to be a contestant, and took the first plane to LA.”
“You left heaven for… for me?” Lucifer said softly.
“Well yeah, I mean, we’re clearly meant to be together. It can’t be a coincidence that right when Adam and I decide to officially break things off I see a commercial about my ex looking for love.”
Lucifer wanted to tell Eve that he wasn’t actually looking for love and he was just doing this show to get some publicity for Lux but the cameras were still rolling so he just smiled and held her hands in his.
“We have so much to catch up on, Luce, I know I haven’t seen you in ages but you look just the same as you did back then,” she beamed before muttering under her breath, “better, even.”
“Thanks, so do you,” Lucifer complimented.
Before their lovefest could continue, Jason started giving the signal to wrap it up from off camera.
“How about we catch up over drinks inside. I’ll catch up with you in a bit, yeah?” Lucifer offered, gently dismissing Eve.
“Okay, I’ll see you inside,” Eve pressed a kiss to Lucifer’s lips and it was nice but it didn’t carry the same spark that he remembered from back in the garden.
Once Eve was out of sight, Linda Martin approached to ask him a few questions.
“Well, Lucifer, you just met 15 beautiful women, what are your first impressions?” Linda asked.
“Like you said, they’re all incredibly beautiful and sexy women.”
“Could you see yourself ending up with any of them?”
“Oh, come now, Doctor. Isn’t it a little early to be talking about endgame?”
“I’m just trying to get your honest gut reaction to the fifteen women,” Linda said with a chuckle, raising her hands in surrender, “did any of them stand out to you?”
“Well, there certainly were a lot of singers so I’m curious to see which one is the best,” Lucifer offered truthfully.
“What about Eve? Linda probed, “were you surprised to see your old girlfriend?”
“Yeah, I suppose I was,” Lucifer admitted, “I didn’t expect to ever see her again. It has, quite literally, been ages since I saw her last.”
After his admission, Linda turned and looked directly into the camera and said, “America, you’ve had a chance to meet the women, hop on social media and let us know who you think Lucifer should end up with. We’ll be right back with more The Bachelor: LA’s Most Eligible after this commercial break.”
Jason clapped his hands together and walked up to Lucifer and Linda. “That was great, guys, seriously. Okay, Linda, let’s touch up your makeup before you make your appearance at the cocktail party and Lucifer, we’re ditching the boom mics since we’re going to be indoors so please follow Miss Decker to get fitted with a lav mic in the green room before going to meet with the ladies.”
Jason and Linda went off in one direction and the camera and sound crew dispersed, leaving Lucifer and Chloe alone.
“So,” Lucifer probed as they walked up the drive together, “what did you think of the women?”
“They all are very attractive but…” Chloe cut herself off before she could go further. She wasn’t getting paid to offer her opinions so she should probably just keep her mouth shut.
“But?” Lucifer questioned.
“It’s nothing, I just didn’t think that you were the type of guy to settle down. I kinda got an eternal bachelor vibe from what I’ve heard about you.”
“Perhaps I just haven’t met the right woman yet,” Lucifer said, the two of them briefly locking eyes before looking away, “can I let you in on a secret?” he said after a beat.
“Uh, sure?” Chloe said nervously, unsure of what he was about to say.
“I’m not really doing this show to find love. I just want to get some good PR for my club Lux so we don’t go under. I know it’s a bit duplicitous and I normally wouldn’t do something like this, but Maze told me that if we don’t get some new clientele soon, we’ll have to start laying off our staff, and I don’t want to do that.”
Chloe could tell that he genuinely cared for his employees and she actually kind of liked him a bit more now that she knew he wasn’t some sap that actually believed in finding true love on a reality TV show.
“Wait, Maze is…” Chloe said when she made the connection.
“A plant, yes. She’s my bartender and right-hand demon. I told her that if I was going to have to muddle through this insufferable process I wanted her there with me.”
Chloe chuckled at his obvious disdain for reality TV and opened the doors to the green room, ushering him inside.
“All right, so I’m just gonna put this lav mic on you and then you can get back to the party. It looks better if the wires aren’t sticking out so I’m just gonna clip the battery pack to your belt and run the wire up your shirt so that the mic clips to your shirt’s collar,” Chloe explained the process.
“I’m at your disposal, Miss Decker, do whatever you’d like to me,” he winked and held out his arms at his sides in submission.
Chloe tried to drop the battery pack down his shirt but it got stuck on his pec so she had to retrieve it. Lucifer’s breath hitched when she put her cold hand down his shirt, her fingertips grazing the hard planes of his chest as she grabbed the battery pack and guided it down his torso and over his abs.
“Fuck,” Chloe breathed.
“I was thinking the same thing, darling,” Lucifer said, already feeling himself getting aroused from just the lightest of touches on his chest.
“What? No, I didn’t notice that you had your shirt tucked it, the battery pack is going to get stuck.”
“Right, would it help if I took off my shirt?”
“Yeah, we have to get it out somehow. I’m so sorry, Lucifer, I should’ve noticed. I can stand over there if you want some privacy.”
“Nonsense, darling. You deserve a front row seat to the show,” Lucifer unbuttoned his shirt, revealing his bare chest to Chloe. He could tell that she wanted to look away but she just couldn’t tear her eyes away from him. Lucifer smirked, glad to know that Chloe was still a red-blooded female, even if she was immune to his supernatural charms.
When Lucifer untucked the bottom of his shirt, Chloe caught the battery pack and clipped it to his belt, out of the way so it wouldn’t bother him when he sat down. She ran the wire up his chest and finally clipped the mic to his shirt collar.
Chloe cleared her throat and said, “okay, you can button your shirt back up now.”
“You sure? Because I can stay like this all night if you’d prefer. I’m sure the other ladies would appreciate the view almost as much as you,” he teased.
Chloe shook her head slightly to try to clear her thoughts and regain some professionalism.
“Right this way, Mr. Morningstar,” she led him out of the green room and towards the lounge area where 15 beautiful women were anxiously waiting to pounce on Lucifer like jungle cats.
“Lucifer!” the women screamed in unison when Lucifer walked into view.
“Lucifer, come sit with me!”
“Lucifer, drink this, I mixed it especially for you!”
“Lucifer! Lucifer! Over here!”
The man of the hour looked every which way as the women swarmed him, trying to get his attention.
“Ladies, ladies, you’ll all have your turn, one at a time,” he said, trying to gain some semblance of control over the chaos before him. He didn’t expect being on a reality TV show to remind him so much of hell but he was honestly starting to prefer the demons. At least they listened to him.
Speaking of demons, Lucifer found Maze’s familiar face in the crowd and sought her out.
“Hello, Mazikeen, what are you drinking tonight?”
“Vodka,” Maze responded, holding up her clear drink for emphasis.
“Are you enjoying yourself?”
“I’ll admit, the view isn’t bad,” Maze said, looking out over the mansion’s expansive grounds, “but the alcohol isn’t nearly as good as what they serve at Lux Piano Bar and Nightclub, located just off Sunset Drive,” Maze looked directly into the camera, delivering the line like a commercial.
“Agreed. The liquor at my club is far superior and the atmosphere is less chaotic.”
“You’ve heard it here first, folks,” Maze awkwardly continued to plug the club, “Lux Piano Bar and Nightclub is the place to be for the best alcohol and nightlife in the city.”
Before Maze and Lucifer could continue their conversation/Lux infomercial, Odessa barged in and stole Lucifer away.
Lucifer entertained the brash and bold cowgirl for a few minutes before moving on to mingle with Jana, followed by Brittany S and Candy.
Meanwhile, Chloe stood in the corner of the room doing her best to stay out of the way. She would occasionally get orders barked at her through the earpiece about how she needed to move a plant out of the camera shot or go refill one of the women’s drinks, which she followed without complaint.
While Lucifer and Axara were in the middle of a conversation about music theory, Chloe went to refill Erika’s drink, unwittingly putting a spotlight on herself.
“Oh my God, Chloe? Chloe Decker?” Erika exclaimed when she finally noticed the production assistant.
“Hey, Erika,” Chloe said, exchanging faux pleasantries, “I didn’t think you would remember me, we only did the one project together.”
By now, their conversation had drawn Lucifer’s focus and he wasn’t paying a lick of attention to what Axara was saying.
“How could I forget the star of Hot Tub High School? I had so much fun doing that movie! Yeah it was kinda cheesy and the writing was atrocious but you acted the hell out of that role.”
“Aww, thanks, I…” Chloe blushed at the compliment but was interrupted.
“Hot Tub High School!” Lucifer exclaimed, “that’s where I know you from!”
Chloe blushed even harder as Lucifer dedicated all his focus on her, much to the ire of the other women in the room.
“The one with the famous nude scene coming out of the hot tub! You were like the new Phoebe Kates! That was quite a nude scene!” Lucifer gushed. Now that he could finally place where he knew her from, he was a little star struck.
Hot Tub High School was one of the first movies Lucifer watched when he decided to make his retirement from hell permanent and live in Los Angeles. He loved the cheesy storyline and he’s not ashamed to say that he jerked off to the sight of Chloe’s breasts.
“Can I talk to you in private for a sec?” Chloe asked but she was already pulling Lucifer aside by the elbow.
“Anything for my celebrity crush,” Lucifer teased, delighted by this new information.
“What the hell are you doing?” Chloe whisper yelled at him, “there are 15 beautiful women in this room vying for your attention but I am not one of them! So stop fanboying over my boobies and go talk to the women who actually want to sleep with you.”
“Are you sure I can’t get an autograph?” Lucifer asked, only half joking.
“Go!” Chloe ordered, and Lucifer had to admit he was turned on by her commanding tone.
Lucifer made small talk with the ladies for another half hour or so before getting bored and allowing his thoughts to drift back to Chloe.
He scanned the room for her before finding her in the far corner, surreptitiously checking the time. Lucifer was willing to wager that she was just as bored as he was so instead of listening to Suki drone on about her doll collection, he flagged down Chloe.
“Pardon me, Miss Decker, could you refill my drink? Whiskey, neat?”
Chloe wanted to tell him to go pour his own damn drink but it was technically her job to be at his beck and call so she just gave him a tight-lipped smile and took his empty glass.
“Excellent, thank you ever so kindly,” Lucifer beamed when she came back with a full drink. “Oh, could we get some napkins too? Condensation,” Lucifer said with a casual shrug, sending Britany D into a fit of giggles.
Chloe was on the verge of telling him to fuck off but Jason was watching them so she wordlessly obliged.
When she came back with a big wad of napkins, Lucifer had yet another request for her.
“Could you adjust my microphone, I seem to have dislodged it,” Lucifer pointed at the dangling cord near the opening of his shirt.
“You’re getting your rocks off ordering me around huh?” Chloe muttered as she reattached his lav mic to his shirt collar.
“Actually darling, I prefer it when you order me around, but I do love the way your brow furrows when you’re annoyed. Just like that!” Lucifer grinned and pointed at her irritated expression.
“If that’s all you need, Mr. Morningstar, I’ll be on my way,” Chloe declared sternly.
“What, back to your dark corner so soon? Why don’t you sit down and take a load off? You could tell me about all your shenanigans on set, I’m sure you have more than a few stories,” Lucifer said, slapping the empty couch seat next to him for her to join him. As much fun as he was having getting under her skin, he was also genuinely curious about her and wanted to get to know her better.
“I’ll pass, thanks.”
“Oh, come on,” he cajoled.
“Lucifer,” she said simply, “literally every woman in this room wants to sleep with you except for me so I suggest you pick someone else to cuddle with.”
Chloe excused herself, leaving Lucifer to sulk on the couch. He didn’t sulk long because the next minute, he was swarmed with three women who all wanted a piece of him.
When the night was finally winding down, Chloe guided all the women to their rooms.
Since Chloe’s job description included around the clock assistance, she had to sleep at the mansion too in case Lucifer or one of the contestants needed something during the night.
Chloe groaned when she looked at her clipboard to see which room she was assigned. Of course the producers gave her a room that shared a wall with Lucifer’s.
“No way,” Lucifer exclaimed in glee when he saw where Chloe was staying, “gosh, we’re practically roomies!”
“Don’t call us that. Ever,” Chloe scolded before inhaling and letting out a deep sigh. She had a feeling that Lucifer would have lots of annoying requests for her throughout the night.
“Goodnight, darling. Sweet dreams,” he called out, causing Chloe to roll her eyes and slam the door to her bedroom.
Chloe managed to change into some pajamas and get snuggled into bed without Lucifer calling for her.
Just when she thought she was in the clear, she heard Lucifer’s bedroom door open and close and she internally groaned in preparation for him knocking on her door.
The knock on her door never came but what she heard next was even more horrifying.
Brittany S had decided to sneak into Lucifer’s bedroom to see if Lucifer’s reputation in bed lived up to the hype.
Given how loudly Brittany S was screaming his name, Chloe guessed that the rumors were true.
Chloe rolled over and put a pillow over her head to try to drown out the moaning but Lucifer calling out her name got her attention.
“Chloe! Chloe! Chloe!” he called out. For a moment, he thought that he was screaming her name out in ecstasy instead of Brittany’s, but she soon realized that he was screaming her name to get her attention.
“What?” she screamed through the mansion’s thin walls.
“Chloe, I need condoms! Lots of condoms, right now!”
Chloe could feel the heat rising up in her cheeks but she pushed down her embarrassment. She had a job to do and she was going to do it to the best of her abilities dammit! She would not let that arrogant, narcissistic asshole win.
Chloe rolled out of bed, abandoning the warmth of her covers and walked into her bathroom. Thankfully, the medicine cabinet in every bathroom in the mansion was stocked with condoms so she didn’t have to look very far. Chloe ripped off a few before wavering and going back for half the roll.
Chloe knocked on Lucifer’s door but knew better than to open the door to see what was going on the other side.
“Uhh, I’m just gonna slide them under the door,” Chloe declared. She heard a grunt on the other side of the door but wasn’t sure if it was a grunt of acknowledgement or something else entirely…
Chloe retreated back to her bedroom in search of sleep but the rhythmic sound of Lucifer’s headboard banging against their shared wall made it nearly impossible to get even a wink of sleep.
Chloe rolled onto her back and looked upwards at the ceiling, letting out a frustrated sigh. It was going to be a long summer of filming.
Finally, after hours of banging and screaming, Chloe heard Brittany open and close Lucifer’s door, probably to sneak back into her own room.
Not long after Chloe finally fell asleep, she was woken up by a very different kind of screaming.
She jolted awake as screams of horror filled the mansion. She sprang out of bed and went to investigate.
Once Chloe pushed her way through the crowd of women to see what they were looking at, she felt a chill go through her veins as her blood turned ice cold.
Lying in a pool of her own blood was Brittany S.
“Oh my God!” Axara exclaimed.
“Is she really dead? Are we sure she’s not faking it? Is this part of the show?” Candy asked, unable to comprehend that the gruesome scene before her was real.
“Do you think it could’ve been an accident or suicide?” Eve asked, looking up to the balcony where the body seemed to have fallen from.
Chloe’s detective instincts took over as she assessed the scene.
“No,” Chloe declared, all eyes on her as she commanded the room’s attention, “this was a murder.”