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“Please… I… I can’t…” The boy’s voice shakes and he swallows against the pain. He closes his eyes and grimaces until it passes. He lays there, so still, until he can breathe again. He gasps and reaches out to clutch at the man leaning over him. “Fin! Give me my seax! I will do it myself.”
There are tears in Finan’s eyes as he reaches out and touches the boy’s face. “Shhhh. Don’t say such things.”
“Fin, please.” The boy begs. “If you love me…”
“I do!” The man insists. “But you cannot ask this of me.”
“Sihtric.” Uhtred presses closer and leans over him. “Are you satisfied now? Fin gave you the same answer I did. We will not let you kill yourself. Now, drink this.” He tips the cup to the boy’s lips and Sihtric drinks slowly. He pulls back and coughs after a moment and Uhtred pauses. When the boy can drink again, they continue until it has drained the cup. Uhtred smiles and runs his fingers through the boy’s hair. “Close your eyes, love.”
Sihtric breathes out and nods. “I’m sorry.” He says slowly, a grimace on his face, and he closes his eyes. The sickness had gripped him months ago. Something unlike any that had been seen by any of the healers. Uhtred had called everyone he could, from far and wide. But nothing they had tried had driven the unknown curse from their once strong and bright boy. He was far from the boy he had been once when Uhtred had first met him but the endearment had stuck over the countless years. And now, he is a shell of his former self, unable to do little more than just lie on their bed.
Uhtred leans closer and touches his lips to the boy’s forehead. Then he lays down beside him and motions for Finan to do the same. They both curl their bodies as close to their dying boy as they can. Uhtred smiles sadly as he reaches up and touches the boy’s forehead. “Do you remember… when we met?”
Sihtric breathes out and nods, the movement so slight that neither man would have seen it if they weren’t paying such close attention. “I do… when I was sent to attack you.” Finan wipes at his eyes and leans his head down to rest his chin gently against the boy’s shoulder. Then he seeks out the boy’s hand and twines their fingers together. Sihtric hums and tries to tighten his fingers with Finan’s but his strength is gone.
Uhtred nods as he runs his fingers through the boy’s curls. “And I told Clapa I needed one alive. I saw the way you fought, I saw the fire in you, I knew there was something about you. And then when you swore yourself to me and I looked in your eyes, I saw it again. I think I loved you from that first moment.”
Sihtric opens his eyes and turns his head towards Uhtred. He smiles sadly and nods. “I knew that moment, too. I knew I wanted to be yours in every way.” Uhtred leans forward and places a chaste kiss to the boy’s lips and Sihtric sighs against him. “I wish you wouldn’t do that.” He says softly, his voice cracking.
Uhtred smiles and kisses him again before pulling away, his fingers still tangled in the boy’s hair. “Sihtric, Fin and I would have known long ago if this sickness could be passed. Do not worry for us.”
“I will always worry for you.” Sihtric says softly. “Until my last breath.” His breathing slows and he licks his lips. “I…” He pauses and swallows. “I have loved every moment of my life since I met you… both of you.” He slowly turns his head and blinks at Finan. There are more tears in those lovely brown eyes and Sihtric tries to smile. “I know our beginning was rocky.” He breathes out, sounding close to a laugh, as much as he could.
Finan nods, his beard scratching against the boy’s shoulder. He wipes at his eyes and squeezes the boy’s hand in his other. “Both jealous of the other’s involvement with this one.” He says, nodding towards Uhtred.
Uhtred smiles. “I couldn’t choose. I wanted you both.”
Finan nods and looks into Sihtric’s eyes. “I never once regretted opening my heart to you, Sitty. I have loved you all these years happily and I will love you forever.”
Sihtric smiles, a real, genuine, wide smile. Then he closes his eyes.
Finan’s eyes widen. “Sihtric?” He pushes himself up and leans over him. “Sihtric!”
Uhtred leans over and grabs the small knife they’ve kept close but just out of the boy’s reach. He grabs the boy’s hand and presses the handle of his beloved seax into his palm. “Wait for us in Valhalla.” Sihtric’s fingers tighten around the pommel before his chest stops moving. Uhtred leans closer to kiss his check.
Finan watches Uhtred’s demeanor and his eyes widen. “Uhtred… what did you do?”
Uhtred continues running his hands through the boy’s curls and doesn’t look at Finan. “You heard him, Fin. He’s been asking us both for weeks to let him do it himself. I couldn’t let him kill himself.”
Finan opens his mouth slowly. “The water…”
Uhtred nods his head. “This way… I’ve killed him and he’s died with his seax. He will be welcomed into Valhalla.” Finan leans his head back on the boy’s shoulder and cries more. This time, he lets the tears come and doesn’t try to calm them. Uhtred watches him and he bites his lip against his own tears. “Will you hate me now?” He asks, his voice barely a breath. “I already hate myself… I couldn’t bear it if you hated me as well.”
“I could never hate you.” Finan says softly. “You brought us together. You brought me to him.” He sighs and lifts himself from the dead boy’s body. “In the end… you love him enough to let him go. I couldn’t do that.”
Uhtred leans closer, over the boy’s body, and grabs Finan’s neck. He pulls the man closer until he can touch his forehead against his. “You love him enough, Fin. And I love you enough to carry this burden.”
Finan reaches up and weaves his fingers into Uhtred’s hair. “I love you.” He says as he cries more.
“I love you, too.”