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“good work, everyone~ i’ll be performing tomorrow at livehouse red, if you’re interested.”
arata ran a hand through his hair, the cool autumn breeze brushing through it as he made casual conversation with various spectators that had attended that night’s live. he was fresh out of one of his many street performances, and as usual, a crowd had gathered around him to ask him questions. of course, he was happy to answer.
eventually, the questions began to get repetitive, as they usually did with a crowd of this size. the atmosphere was beginning to get overwhelming as well, so he found a way to politely excuse himself.
“aah, sorry, i can’t go out tonight. i have other plans. i’m sure you all understand.”
after giving his audience some final goodbyes, he strolled off towards his apartment, humming the songs he had sung at that night’s performance. midway through his walk, however, he noticed two familiar faces chatting in the distance - ah, it was those two boys again, shinonome-kun and aoyagi-kun, if he remembered correctly. arata usually wasn’t one to eavesdrop, but he found himself listening into his rivals’ conversations anyways.
“argh, that damn touno. how’d he beat us again…” akito sighed, kicking the dirt.
arata grimaced. perhaps he had been a little too tough towards that boy… but he had to show his competition that they couldn’t just slack off against him somehow, right? sure, the advice he gave may have been too blunt at the time, but his opponents had proved to him that they could take those seemingly harsh words and turn them into motivation. a capable bunch, they were.
“akito... we’ll beat him someday, i promise.” toya’s steady voice rang through the alleyway, a concerned look on his face. “don’t get down on yourself. even though we lost today, if we pick ourselves back up and keep trying, we’ll beat him someday.”
despite toya’s gentle words of encouragement, akito’s anger only seemed to grow. “i know, you always tell me that, but… nothing changes! we keep getting defeated, over and over… are we ever gonna get any closer to putting on a show better than rad weekend? are we even moving forward at all? tell me that, toya!”
toya stares back in shock, unsure of what to say in response to that. akito’s eyes go wide, realizing what he had just said, and he sighs, squatting near the wall.
“i… i’m sorry, toya, i didn’t mean to snap… i just. i dunno. i feel like we’re lost or somethin’…”
toya is silent for some time, expression remaining the same, before eventually it curls up into a soft smile. he slowly walks over to akito and crouches next to him, placing a hand on his shoulder. “you know… i’ve been scared of that, too. of us getting lost in reaching our goal somehow. but then i remember all the effort we’ve put in - i remember kohane’s determination to get stronger even though she has less experience, i remember an’s passion to pass her father up and make us the best team we can be, and most importantly, i remember how much dedication and time you’ve put into this goal. you’re always so sure of where we’re going on our path to surpass rad weekend that it eases my fears as well.”
“don’t you get it? akito, i’m not afraid of getting lost because i’m with you.”
the words toya uttered caught arata completely off guard, to the point that he staggered backwards. it was a simple sentence, really, but the words pierced through his heart like a knife, digging deeper and twisting until he could hardly bear it anymore.
“i’m not afraid of getting lost because i’m with you.”
though unintentionally, toya’s reassurance had made him once again remember the very same words his old partner uttered to him on their final night of performing together.
a younger arata sat dejectedly on a park bench after a long night of performing that only resulted in defeat. the sun was setting in the background, ending another day’s worth of work for him and his partner.
personally, arata was feeling rather pessimistic about the whole situation - they had faced this group a couple times in the past, but had yet to emerge victorious against them. but when he saw an obstacle in their path with no chance to work around it, his partner saw a minor setback that could easily be improved upon and fixed.
“we’re not getting any better… are you sure passing rad weekend is a goal we can achieve?”
his partner only laughed, a determined smile on his face. “of course it is, arata! it may seem like a long way away, but one day we’re gonna get there! you and me, together! i promise!”
arata sighed, still not very convinced by his partner’s confident words.
“we’re not winning many of our lives, though. we’re trying to get to rad weekend’s level, sure, but are we even going down the right path…? it seems to me like we’re lost.”
his partner’s bright grin wavered, and he looked up at the sunset for a moment before speaking.
“rad weekend isn’t something that can be surpassed this easily, arata. i was there — trust me on this. i know plenty of others who have tried to get to where rad weekend was and stopped because they thought it was too much effort. but!”
his partner leapt to his feet, his previous wide grin back on his face as if nothing had ever happened.
“i think — no, i know that the two of us can make it there together! there’s so many others who are afraid of getting lost, but-”
he whirled around to face arata.
“i’m not afraid of getting lost because i’m with you, arata! you’re the best partner i could have ever asked for! so keep your head up and let’s meet up tomorrow to practice for the next live, yeah?”
he extended a fist.
arata found a small smile slowly spreading across his face before he realized it. his partner had always been contagiously optimistic, and now was no different. arata stood up, lightly bumping their fists together.
“yes. let’s.”
arata headed home that night with a determined look in his eyes, more determined to surpass rad weekend than he had been before.
him and his partner. together, they would be the ones destined to surpass rad weekend.
that is, until they weren’t.
he woke up late that night to a phone call - his partner had been hit by a car on the way home from the park, and he was in the hospital under emergency care. there was a chance he might not make it.
his heartbeat drummed loudly in his head, his vision fading in and out. the siren he had heard on his way home yet paid no mind to now echoed loudly in his head, as well as the painstakingly slow heartbeat of his partner, now hooked up to several machines in order to even live on.
if only he could’ve done something to save him. anything.
he could have stalled at that park for a little longer; maybe if they had gone to buy drinks, he wouldn’t have been hit. he could have invited him over to dinner. he could’ve offered to walk home with him and take the scenic route.
and yet, arata did none of this.
it was his fault, and his only.
his phone clattered to the ground with a soft thud, but it was loud enough to alert the other two boys of his presence.
akito scowled. “touno. what brings you out here at this time of night?”
toya, however, looked more concerned, as he had picked up on arata’s unstable appearance. “...touno-san? are you alright?”
arata was much too occupied with his own thoughts to hear either of them. it felt like he was back when the accident originally happened - his breathing was ragged and unsteady, his hands shaking, his vision blurring in and out, and no matter how hard he tried not to, all he could hear was sirens and the heartbeat moniter that had tormented him all those years ago. it felt like his mind was being ripped apart, slowly and painfully.
and so arata ran.
he ran away from his past and his partner, whose dreams he had abandoned years ago on a park bench.
he ran from the near overwhelming fear that consumed him every day, wondering if his partner would make it another day in his condition.
he ran from rad weekend, vivid bad squad, street performing - all of it.
he ran until he could no longer stand, and when he could no longer stand, he collapsed on the ground in an alleyway, chest heaving with attempted breaths.
as he lay on the pavement, his entire body shaking with heavy sobs, he felt just like the same young boy who had lost his partner years in the past. in arata’s mind, he was acting just as weak and pathetic right now as he was back then.
but no matter how much he told himself he should be better than that, that he should have moved on from the accident because it was years ago, the pain he felt in his heart remained there. it always had been there, no matter how much he tried to push it down or ignore it.
because truth be told, arata was still just as afraid of getting lost as he was back then. now, the cost for failure was shattering two people’s dreams instead of one, and the pressure to stay on track made him more afraid than he’d ever been.
an empty laugh left his throat. if only he still had someone to reassure him, to tell him that there was no reason to be afraid.