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Crying was one thing Minho was accustomed to, the feeling of being alone, no one to watch over him as he clumsily rolls off the bed again and onto the floor. There had been times when he'd been seconds away from telling someone about him being a little, that he wanted a caregiver so he didn't have to be so on edge every time he regressed but whatever he thought was always pushed back with the same old line.
Stop being immature and grow up.
He knows he can't go around acting like a child, crying out for attention and love when he was meant to be the mature one of the group making sure everyone was okay and how were the other members supposed to take him seriously if they knew about his secret. He sighs staring back at himself in the mirror, those stupid thoughts plaguing his mind again like every other time he'd regressed in the past, these thoughts were always waiting for him when he came back. In the past, it had actually stopped him from giving in to his little side for a good 6 months but after one very stressful day of dance practice, it had all came crashing back down on him.
Minho groans leaning his head against his reflection staring back at him, the bathroom door was cracked open given he had only gone in there to take a breather, he couldn't regress, not today. They had things to do, more practising for hours on end with hardly any breaks so, to say the least, Minho felt like calling in sick or just slumping down in the corner and cry himself to sleep.
A knock sounds at the door, Chan's head poking through to stare at Minho, "We're leaving in five," He says before turning back noticing the obvious attempt of a fake smile plastered across his face contrasting with the almost distant look glazing over his eyes, "What's up?" Chan worries pushing the door closed until the familiar click sounds in the small bathroom, for a moment the leader thinks he sees tears brimming in his eyes but as fast as he noticed, they were gone.
"What do you mean, I'm fine," Minho says playing it off as he fixes his hair, swallowing down the lump in his throat at the unwanted attention on him, "Seriously, I'm fine," He laughs trying to prove his point as he pushes past Chan and back into the hallway trying to ignore the eyes on him while he slips his shoes on. The dancer feels his heart hammering away in his chest, nervous at almost being caught but, at the same, almost mad he didn't tell Chan.
For most of the day he just pushes through with minimal effort, it didn't go unnoticed by the others but no one said anything about it. Not to Minho anyway. They were on their third break of the day, Minho having gone off to the bathroom a few moments ago leaving the other seven to silently watch the door he'd just through.
"Hyung," Jeongin starts, breaking in the silence, "Did something happen this morning or something?" The question brings Chan's mind back to the scene in the bathroom, he wonders if he hadn't said anything if he would have watched Minho do something other than fixing his hair.
Jisung tilts his head at the concentrated yet concerned expression on the man's face, "Should I go and make sure he's alright?" He doesn't wait for an answer as he jogs off in the same direction as the latter had gone just minutes before.
"Nothing happened this morning," He finally answers, "At least, I think so," Muttering the last part leaving Jeongin even more confused than he was when he'd asked the question in the first place.
Jisung walks the familiar route down to the bathrooms, the hallways were mostly empty, not a soul around unless they were just passing through. The man slips inside the restroom quietly listening out for Minho, nobody seemed to be in there and it was dead silent. Just as he goes to leave, he hears the sound of whispering. It had made his heart jump, it felt like a scene in a horror movie with ghosts all around him that he couldn't see. Jisung strains trying to make out the words, but it was more or less useless given how low the voice was, it was no doubt Minho, which caused the younger to become even more confused just like Jeongin had been with Chan's answer.
He clears his throat walking towards the stall, "Hyung?" He knocks but as his hand made contact with the door it just creaked open, not even having been locked in the first place. Minho sits there, wide-eyed, quickly stuffing something back into his pocket hoping that Jisung wouldn't question it or, even better, notice it.
"Yes?" He puts on an irritated face as if he hadn't been sucking on a pacifier just seconds before someone had entered the room, the stress was picking up and he wasn't sure how long he could really go without regressing and making a fool out of himself.
Jisung awkwardly stands half in and half out, "Just thought I'd come and check up on you," He internally cringes at how weird that sounds like he'd gone out of his way to stalk the man who was going to the toilet, "You seemed out of it," He quickly rushes out at the slightly disgusted look on the man's face.
"Thank you for checking," He mutters pushing his way past Jisung, no bite to his words just a genuine response, "Just not feeling too good," He wasn't particularly lying, his head felt like it was splitting in two and he knew deep inside that the only way to relieve that was to just slip and let everything go.
Jisung frowns holding up his hand to Minho's head who attempted to swat it away, "You don't have a temperature," He observes taking the back of his hand away from his forehead much to Minho's liking, "I'm sure if you ask Chan Hyung he'll let you go home and rest,"
Minho shakes his head, "No, it's not that bad," He wasn't about to let a personal battle between staying big and being little put the members at a disadvantage, he was supposed to be helping them not being a hinderance. Jisung sighs, loud enough for Minho to hear. His lips quiver under the disappointing tone to the sigh, he was far too gone to stay big yet he wasn't exactly regressed either. It was something he'd never felt before and, honestly, he didn't like it one bit.
It felt like he was on a tightrope, if he were to fall one side he'd be sucked into the land of plushies, blankets, cartoons and make-belief but if he were to tip the other way he'd be stuck in the world of reality, dancing, practising, adulthood and working. Right now he was in neither, he felt like he was balancing with factors from both ends flowing into his brain. Part of his head was pestering him about staying focused, nailing that stupid move that he kept messing up and assisting Felix with the turn he'd requested help for all while the other part of his mind was talking in the third person, a higher octave pulling him into a much more floaty pleasant feeling.
True to Jisung's word, Chan lets him go home, or a more accurate term would be forced. No matter how much he tried to argue with the elder, he ended up being made to go back to the dorms to sleep it off. He found himself dragging his feet up to the door fiddling around trying to fish out his keys from his hoodie pocket, eventually, he finds them after dropping about five hundred things on the floor. He picks everything up in a rush to get inside, his wallet, another set of keys, mask, loose coins and that damned pacifier that Jisung had almost caught him with earlier. Part of him believes Jisung did see it but chose to not question it.
It doesn't take long for him to unwind, throw on some comfy clothes, turning the tv onto the kid's channel with his favourite kitten plushie tucked safely under his arm with a blanket draped over himself. Some would say that it was rather risky but after all the hell he endured today, he couldn't have cared less. He finally slips, the comforting aura surrounding his body as he feels all his worries float away into the abyss while he lays there occasionally sucking on the paci he'd bought himself before he had decided to not regress again. Look where that got him.
He giggles at the animated animals on the screen clapping his hands when they've solved the mystery and gasping when the stereotypical villain appears to wreak havoc, throughout this entire programme he doesn't say a word, he doesn't often feel the need to speak when little. When regressed he found himself around the age of 1, if that, there had been the odd occasion where he'd been a bit older but it was beyond rare. It made him feel even more insecure about this whole age regressor thing, feeding into the mature part of his beliefs.
It doesn't take long for the little to find himself growing tired, he knows better than to sleep out in the open where anyone could just walk in but, in this headspace, none of those concerns was on his mind. With two hands, he holds the remote with too many weird buttons and presses the big red one turning the screen to black again. Satisfied with his work, he curls up in a tight ball wrapping the yellow blanket tighter around him and drifts off to sleep.
The dorm was lifeless, no one inside but Minho snoring quietly and the members wasn't due back for another few hours so there was no problem with sleeping out in the open with a blanket, plushie and paci in. Well, his paci had slipped out of his mouth swallowed by the couch never to be found again. He remains sleeping through his phone ringing, through the bins falling over outside from the harsh weather and through Chan opening up the door-
Chan was back.
Even then, he remained deep in his dreams, Minho was a very deep sleeper and today was no exception. The man neatly leaves his shoes by the door knowing he was only back for a bit just to check up on the younger, he goes to walk down to his bedroom but stops in his tracks hearing the familiar snores coming from the couch. Chan softly smiles at the fact Minho genuinely listened to him and decided to get some sleep, what he didn't expect were the blanket and plushie.
"Min-" He stops himself from talking knowing if he were to wake him up Minho would just break down into a mess of stuttering and blushing, he doesn't think too much of the blanket since it was a chilly day today but the kitten plushie was something he'd never seen before. It was one with those disturbing huge stary eyed plushies that all kids would beg their parents for and they were always way overpriced for what they were.
Chan almost laughs in awe, he knows that the members might come back before Minho would be aware so he carefully decides to take the kitten from him and moves it onto Minho's bed behind that black curtain he still hasn't taken down. He leaves the blanket on, it wasn't unusual for someone to sleep with an extra layer of warmth. The whole scene replayed in his mind as he walks back to the company building, he has suspicions but nothing much to act on.
☆☆☆
Later, when Minho wakes up, he is being stared at by Hyunjin and Changbin who both seemed to be almost examining him...Maybe evaluating him? Straight away his mind goes to the plushie he has under his arm...Or had. His eyes snap up to the two who had no plushie on them, just a bottle of water and a packet of biscuits.
"Here," Hyunjin hands the bottle with the cap already off, "Drink up," He chirps playfully, Minho whines up at him not wanting the water but rather wanting his little kitten plush. Hyunjin and Changbin gawk at him in utter shock at the babyish noise that slipped out of his mouth, the dancer goes beet red brushing it off with a cough. So much for being mature, he tells himself.
Seungmin appears from the kitchen chucking at the two boys, "Why are you looking at Minho Hyung like he just confessed to a murder?" He muses while slumping back on the chair across from them, Hyunjin goes to tell him but with one glare from the older, he stops himself. Changbin just brushes it off scampering off to annoy Felix or Jeongin for his own entertainment.
Minho too stands up dismissing himself from the silent stares, the blanket lays vacant on the couch like evidence of his regression staring at the oblivious boys. Rushing into the room, he leans against the closed door cursing himself for being so careless. After the initial shock dies down, he pulls back the black sheet covering the entrance to his bed and stares in complete mortification at his plushie innocently sitting there as it had been all along.
The silence of the room put him off, either he had unknowingly put his plushie back himself or...Someone else had seen him. He sincerely hoped it wasn't the latter, in fact, he begged it wasn't.
That evening, or morning since it was nearing 4 AM, the leader laid on the couch trying to find his phone which had become dislodged in the gap between the headrest of the couch and the cushion. He almost gives up, almost.
"Aha!" He pulls out his phone, joy written all over his face before his eyes land on the pacifier resting on the seat, with furrowed eyebrows he picks it up examining the design. It was white for the most part but in the middle was a sleeping kitten, if Chan was drinking right now he would have been choking.
☆☆☆
The morning, Chan keeps the pacifier tucked away in his pocket out of sight of any members or cameras and a lollypop for safety measures. Today they had plans to film the beginning of a new 4 episode series for stay, everyone seemed to be quite lively including Minho who was the complete opposite of yesterday. The maknae line and Hyunjin all run ahead tackling Changbin and Minho who were simply minding their own business. Chan watches carefully at the boy's reaction, he just turned around and started chasing them back. Nothing out of the ordinary, yesterday must have paid off for him.
Moments later, the staff lead them down to a building and then they all huddled into an elevator rising right to the top much to Minho's distance. Noticing his sudden silence, Felix takes it upon himself to cuddle up to his side like the cuddle bug he is. Any other day Minho would have pushed him away but it was a well-known fact that he hates heights more than he hates physical contact.
The doors open, they all flood out onto the roof of the building because, for some stupid reason, this is where they'd be filming. A rooftop of all places. Reluctantly, he steps out watching as the doors close leaving him standing as close to the wall as possible. The staff hadn't come up yet, they'd be up in around ten minutes to start recording. Jisung wasn't the biggest fan of heights either so he decides to hang with Minho looping his arm through his own.
"What're you doing?" Minho mutters, his voice shaking a little and hands trembling as he looked up seeing just how high up they were. Jisung goes to move his arm but was stopped by a hand, Minho's hand, keeping it in place. At this, Jisung smiles in victory.
"Keeping you sane," He simply reasons, Minho doesn't say anything back knowing that if he did his voice would betray him. He can already feel the slight sting in his eyes as the tears start to well up despite all his efforts to prevent them. Chan calls them all over to double-check everyone knew what was going on, there were no safety walls around him to keep him safe and balanced. His legs felt like jelly as he shuffled over to the huddle putting in all his efforts to not look up again, it would be far worse now.
The panic clouded his head, he couldn't pay attention to anything else no matter how hard he tried. Next to him was Seungmin who was kicking his foot against the floor, his foot accidentally slips ever so slightly kicking into Minho's own shoe causing him to lose balance on his already crappy standing skills on top of a huge building that felt like a whole skyscraper.
He lands on the floor with a thud, everyone gasps lending hands and apologies from the man who caused him to fall in the first place. At first, he stayed silent like a dam holding back water before a flood. Chan sees the signs, the quivering bottom lip, teary eyes, harsh breathing and this was it. He had never regressed faster in his life, spiralling into the midset of a baby as he lets out a sharp cry followed by loud wailing.
"Hyung, I'm sorry!" Seungmin panics thinking it was all his fault when it wasn't, the little keeps crying his eyes out as everyone looks at him absolutely dumbfounded.
Chan was the first to break out of the trance moving to kneel next to him, "Shh shh, you're alright, you're safe here," He says while manoeuvring him into his arms rocking him softly, he continues to sob but, thankfully, not as much as before.
"Does someone want to explain what is going on?"
It wasn't the easiest thing to explain, Chan found that trying to tell them what little space was is the same as trying to wrap your head around the concept of trigonometry in one day. With some further explaining, a lot of questions and confusion, Chan had managed to get across the general things when it came to age regression.
Changbin steps towards Chan with Minho cuddled up in his arms, his head tucked into the man's neck not daring to look back out into the world, "So he's not his usual self right now?" He asks finally wrapping his head around the concept, everyone seemed to be fascinated with the whole prospect of regressing into another headspace to relieve stress and all of them were beyond whipped.
"Something like that, yeah," Chan answers, "They're called littles," He says watching as Jeongin brings a hand up to stroke the little's hair in awe, Minho let out a content sigh at the affection causing a wide smile to break across the youngest's face.
"How old is he then?" Jisung wonders out loud, Seungmin also nodding along at the question.
Chan shrugs the best he can with Minho wrapped around him, "I'm not sure, it can range, we won't know until we ask or at least observe him for a bit," With that being said, the leader takes them all back down telling the staff some lie which they weren't too happy about but, then again, there was nothing they could do about it. The journey home was easy given Minho was fast asleep leaning against Felix's shoulder, the driver didn't suspect a thing, not even when Chan picked the boy up again to take him back inside.
"Hyunjin," The boy turns his attention to Chan who was trying to sit down as slowly as possible as to not disturb the little, "On his bed, there should be a kitten plushie, could you grab it for me, please?" At the request, Hyunjin immediately runs off down to his bedroom to grab the animal, cooing over how sweet his once scary Hyung actually was.
"How come you know about all of this?" Seungmin questions once Hyunjin had returned with the plushie, Chan just smiles not giving them much of an answer.
After some whining, mostly from Changbin and Jisung, he tells them, "The other month I was doing some research and found out about it, I didn't think the information would be useful to me until I started noticing all the little things he does, no pun intended,"
Everyone understood, they'd all noticed a few things too but never pieced any of it together as Chan had.
A quiet whimper stopped the chatter in the room, the little flickers his eyes open landing on Chan. For a moment, as Minho remains cuddled up against him, Chan thinks he's big again but the soft look in his eyes said otherwise.
Everyone let go of the breath they were holding as Minho smiled moving his head again to rest against his shoulder, this time not tucked away. Jisung quickly claims the spot next to Chan on the couch ignoring the whining from Jeongin and Felix.
"Hello, baby," He coos watching the way Minho giggles, he giggles and Jisung thinks he's lost every brain cell in his head. He's gone, someone else can suffer the attack of absolute cuteness from Minho.
Minho takes the hand that Jisung rests on his lap, at first he had been confused at what the little wanted to do with his hands until he found his thumb being sucked on, his saliva coating his thumb. He grimaces wanting nothing more than to take it out, that he does and wipes it off on Chan's hoodie laughing at the older's groan. Minho didn't laugh however, he cried out extending his hands out for Jisung's again.
"Why'd you take your hand away when he wanted it, meanie!" Hyunjin scolds Jisung, the two of them soon bickering in the background not noticing the pacifier that Chan pulls out of his hoodie and slips into Minho's mouth. The tears and cries come to a halt, the little finding peace in the comforter.
"That's too cute," Changbin breathes, Felix making sure to snap about twenty pictures of the boy.
Chan rolls his eyes setting the little down on the ground, his legs had gone dead from the lack of movement. Minho pouts crawling across the ground to Changbin who held his arms open letting him nestle himself happily in his hug, the kitten plushie gets chucked at his head making Minho squeal. This time, not only was Jisung overwhelmed, so was everyone else.
"Can we do this every day?" Jeongin says; a rhetorical question that everyone agreed on.
Minho soon found himself wrapped up in Seungmin's arms, Jisung stroking his hair with Chan sat on his other side while watching cartoons. He had never felt more content, there was no need to talk, no need to cry and no need to feel alone anymore.
The nighttime rolled around faster than anyone would like to admit, the question floated around in the air waiting to be asked.
Minho had dozed off a good five times before Chan had made the announcement of putting him to bed, nobody had complained after such a long day.
Felix walks over to the couch cooing at the sleepy boy, "Do you reckon he'll be happy sleeping alone?" It seemed unlikely, he hadn't really been out of someone's arms the whole evening finding security in being in someone's embrace.
"Sweetheart, would you like to sleep alone or with one of us?" Felix says while brushing the little's hair back, his eyes snapped open at the word alone, he shook his head, hugging Seungmin tighter than before.
"That's okay baby, who would you like, hm?" Chan asks softly, Minho looks around at everyone who was staring back at him hoping it would be them. And if it wasn't them, they had forever to spend with him now.
Minho makes grabby hands over at Hyunjin, "Jinnie," He whispers, the first word he had spoken since he slipped and the boy had never run over to Minho faster in his entire life. Hyunjin and Minho lay in his bed snuggled up fast asleep wrapped up in all the covers, it did occur to them that Minho might not be comfortable waking up cuddled against someone when big but that was a problem for the morning...
For now, they were just happy to be able to spoil Minho rotten and give him all the love and attention he deserves.