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It had all started around a month ago, Chan had been alone in the dorm for the first time in a long time. He hadn't planned to slip but an advert on the tv showing a couple of cute kittens and he was gone. The man trusted his little side, he knew he wouldn't dare touch kitchen appliances while regressed, wouldn't go out into the big wide world and most certainly won't let anyone know about his little secret.
He never wanted anyone to find out, he'd be humiliated. Sometimes he wonders what the other members would think if they knew, he's supposed to be a leader but what type of leader regresses to the headspace of a child? Chan repeated this mantra in his head a good five times a day, nobody was there to tell him otherwise so the thoughts simply continued. He'd tried suppressing his need to regress but it only came back harder making him slip into a younger headspace, so he decided he would just enjoy it while feeling guilty about it.
"Wolfie~" He called out searching for his missing plushie, he was sure he'd had it the other day when he last slipped. The boy pouts as he lifts up the grey pillow on his bed but all he saw was the sheets, he figured he may have left it in someone else's room. He pushes open his bedroom door making sure the coast is clear even though he knew nobody else was in, he wasn't particularly sure where they had all gone off to. Little Chan didn't really remember too much about big Chan's life and vice versa, it was sort of like looking through a fog of hazy memories.
His feet padded through the hallway until he reached the first door, Jeongin's and Jisung's room. Chan tiptoed inside peeking around, his eyes landed on his plushie lying idly on the floor by the closet, he doesn't recall taking it in here but that didn't seem to matter to him.
He gasps picking him up and pouting, "Channie thought Wolfie ran 'way," He says while plopping down onto the carpeted floor, his previous worries about being caught long gone now that he had found his favourite plushie. He continues to play around with the plushie for a while, talking and giggling in his little world inside his head.
"Wolfie wan' snack?" He asks as he nods at the imaginary answer, the little shuffles around ready to stand up but freezes as he sees someone hovering in the doorway, jaw hung low with wide eyes. The little scoots back into the corner burying his head in his knees, his breathing picking up alongside his heartbeat at the panic coursing through his veins. Jeongin stands in the doorway clearing his throat as he slowly stepped into the bedroom.
The younger kneels down in front of Chan trying to make sense of the situation, "Hyung, are you alright?" His voice was full of concern, eyebrows knitted together in confusion at the older man who was curled up cowering in the corner.
"Innie go 'way," He whimpers in an attempt to get the boy to leave him alone, maybe if he got Jeongin to leave he would forget about this whole incident. With the fear present, forcing himself to be big was out of the question making the issue more prominent.
"I'm not leaving you, what's going on?" He questions the leader as he settles down next to him on the floor, Chan looks up with red teary eyes shuffling closer to Jeongin.
The worries of Jeongin not accepting him seeped away for a moment, "Channie wan' hug," He sniffed trying not to break down into a mass load of tears, Jeongin slowly nods opening up his arms for Chan to slot into. The little clambered onto his lap snuggling close to his body, it was something the little had never felt before, the warm feeling of being embraced by someone.
Jeongin sat there on the ground with the added weight of Chan clinging to him, he was beyond confused at what was going on given it had never happened before. Well, not that he was aware of anyway. The first thought he had was that Chan could have been drunk despite the absence of alcohol and the man didn't smell like liquor at all so that was rather unlikely, plus it was only around lunchtime.
He listened to the boy in his arms sniffle, his shaking decreasing as he ran his hand up and down the little's back. He'd never seen Chan cry before, he'd heard stories though. He knew that Minho had once had to calm him down after the leader had worked himself to exhaustion and broke down one night, he knew Felix had seen the man cry a few tears when he'd whacked his head on the top of the bunk with a migraine present. But he himself had never been alone with Chan while he was crying, of course, there had been times on stage where a few members got teary-eyed but that was different.
Yet, right now, he was sure that this was not Chan. Well, not the Chan he’s used to. He had come back to grab his wallet but instead got caught in the doorway watching the eldest talking to a plushie in a higher-pitched voice, giggling and genuinely having a fun time. He seemed so carefree, like it didn’t matter that they had an album coming up, didn’t matter that the dorm needed cleaning before Seungmin saw the state of it, didn’t matter that his laptop had started running slow and it didn’t matter that their company’s wifi was absolutely terrible.
Point aside, nothing seemed to matter to Chan. It was mesmerising watching him play alone having fun, referring to himself in the third person.
Jeongin stops thinking when he hears a quiet snore, he must have fallen asleep after all the crying. He wasn’t sure how to go about this, does he wake him up or carry him?
One look at his soft face, lips parted ever so slightly, lose arms still hugging around his torso and Jeongin had made up his mind, there was no way he would wake him up. Since he’d been working out a lot more, picking Chan up didn’t really affect him as he manoeuvred him over to his bed. He tucks him in, makes sure to give the wolf plushie to him and just takes a moment to consider his next moves.
“Sleep well, Channie,” He says quietly, grinning at the fact he’s actually sleeping for once. Maybe that’s why he was acting different, he could have been sleep-deprived, that would explain a lot. He walks away taking a glance back before grabbing his phone and telling the others that he'd be staying in and not re-joining them, he doesn't care if they'll be annoyed or not.
Around an hour later, Jeongin hears the faint sound of shuffling coming from his bedroom, he goes to turn around but sees Chan awkwardly standing in the doorway twiddling his thumbs and avoiding eye contact. It was rare to see the man so nervous, he was usually well put together and ready to deal with anything that stepped in his path.
He clears his throat attempting to seem a little more confident, "Jeongin, I'm sorry," He quietly laughs, not a laugh that portrayed humour rather humiliation covered up with such a sound.
"Why are you apologising? You did nothing wrong..." Jeongin frowns hoping that Chan wasn't being serious, he watches as the older rounds the couch sitting next to him with a gap left between them.
"I'm not a kid," He says out of the blue, Jeongin just sits listening knowing he hadn't finished talking, "Don't tell anyone, please?" His plea is desperate as if he were scared for such a big secret to getting out, the younger wasn't even sure what the secret was.
Jeongin nods, "I won't tell anyone Hyung," He promises, "But, what exactly was that?" Chan visibly stiffens not wanting to explain his inner self, he'd never had to tell anyone about his big dark secret, let alone the maknae of the group.
"I-" It was as if Chan had no clue what to say like his tongue was tied and his mouth was zipped shut, "Here," He says almost silently as he hands over his phone open on a website. He takes it sparing a look at Chan while scrolling through the page, whatever he thought about this was a mystery to Chan. Jeongin's face remained the same expressionless image, occasionally he'd hum but, other than that, he was being really cryptic.
Chan sits there fiddling with his fingers once the phone had been handed back to him, he felt like he was balancing on a tightrope not knowing if his world was about to fall down or if he had someone to support him on the harsh rope of reality.
"That's cute," He finally says, his lips breaking into a wide smile, "Our Channie is so cute~" Chan groans at the nickname coming from Jeongin with the context, Jeongin laughs loudly at his embarrassment.
"Don't worry Hyung, I won't tell anyone," At the corner of his eyes, he sees the man relax a little more, "Does anyone else know about this?"
Chan shakes his head, "No, nobody was supposed to ever find out," He says as if he were telling himself off for getting caught red-handed, "What type of leader regresses?" He mutters not expecting Jeongin to acknowledge it too much.
Much to his surprise, he does hear it, "A leader who cares about his members, a leader who cares for his wellbeing, don't put yourself down because of this," He says while frowning a little, "This doesn't make you a bad leader, if anything, it makes you a great leader who puts his stress first,"
Chan nods dumbly taking in all the words being thrown at him, he doesn't know what will happen now but he could only hope for the best.
☆☆☆
The next week flew by fairly quickly, Jeongin hadn't treated Chan any differently than he usually would which he was beyond grateful for. Currently, it was nearing 3 AM and everyone was sleeping. The wind was strong outside, the rustling of the bushes apparent in the dead silent room alongside branches hollering in the breeze casting shadows into the bedroom he shared with Changbin and Felix.
He felt his little side clawing its way out, the fear consuming his body until he was outright shaking from the panic and trying to calm himself down which wasn't very successful.
"Innie," He whimpers, not loud enough to wake anyone up. Chan grips his blanket close to him as he gets up on jelly-like legs taking quiet steps out of the room and down to the next door, he pushes it open seeing Jisung fast asleep, earphones in with his laptop playing some anime. His eyes scanned the room and eventually landed on the other bed where the boy laid fast asleep, his chest rising and falling with occasional snores.
He tiptoes over, looking at the man before bringing his hands up to shake at his shoulders, Jeongin wasn't particularly a deep sleeper so it only took a few judges before his eyes began to flutter open. He was a bit confused at first but when he saw Chan standing there, blanket clutched to his chest, teary eyes, trembling bottom lip and quivering hands, he knew what was going on.
"Come here sweetheart, I've got you," He shuffles along making space for Chan to climb in, the second he was lying beside him, the two snuggle up close to one another savouring in each other's warmth. He feels the little sigh against his neck, one tear strolling down his face from the initial fear but Jeongin had him now, he was safe and content for the time being.
Just as he was about to drift off to sleep, he murmurs something against his skin, "Innie stay with Channie?"
"Innie will always stay with Channie,"
☆☆☆
That's how it all started, from that day onwards when Chan felt the need to regress he would seek out Jeongin and they'd disappear for a couple of hours out of sight of anyone else and do whatever it was that the little wanted to do that day. Sometimes they'd play, other times they might colour and on the occasion, they'd just cuddle until Chan would eventually fall asleep.
Thankfully, every time the eldest felt like he needed to relieve his stress, Jeongin had always been there ready to take care of him. Chan was beyond grateful to him, at first he had been reluctant to put all this weight on his shoulders but he'd reassured him that he truly didn't mind looking after him when regressed. Now, Chan would be lost without having Jeongin as a caregiver.
It was only around a week later when everyone else found out, they'd all been sat watching a movie when Chan had suddenly started balling his eyes out at one of the scenes shown on the screen. Everyone was very confused and worried but with a quick explanation from Jeongin they had all immediately fallen in love with the prospect. Minho seemed to enjoy playing peek-a-boo whereas Hyunjin found his amusement in tickling the poor boy into a fit of giggles.
Despite all of this, Chan remained to cling to Jeongin even after adding six new caregivers to the mix. He didn't mind, the youngest found pride and joy in being the chosen one, that's how Felix had described it the other day around the dinner table. He had thought it might have been because he got a headstart when it came to meeting little Channie but it soon became apparent that that wasn't the case, the little just simply gravitated towards him.
None of the members minded, they were all happy to see Chan having the time of his life. Sure, it wasn't always smiles and rainbows, there had been a few crying spells and one or two tantrums but he was usually a well-behaved boy. Chan seemed to feed on praise as any kid would, he was always happy to assist with anything, especially helping Seungmin prepare dinner or getting Jisung a new glass of water when he asked.
Changbin had been one of the firsts to be left alone with Chan without the care of Jeongin there, it had been a bumpy start but Chan eventually settled down. The rapper knew it must have been hard for him to be away from his primary caregiver for a few hours so he made it his mission to humour the little until he got back. When Jeongin had come back that day, he was greeted with a few drawings and a batch of freshly baked cakes sat on the kitchen table which had been decorated with one too many sprinkles.
Right now, Chan found himself sitting on the floor playing with a small red car that Hyunjin had sought out after watching Cars with the little. Minho was sat idly on the couch scrolling through his phone making sure to check on Chan every now and then, Jisung was fast asleep on the other end of the couch with his legs propped up on the dancer's lap. Jeongin had left the room a while ago to take a phone call from his mother leaving Chan to pout alone on the floor, it wasn't as if Minho nor Jisung hadn't offered to play with him because they had but the little had shaken his head waiting for Jeongin to come back.
Noticing his pouting, Minho shuts off his phone, "What's up petal?" He asks beckoning him over, he abandons the car letting Minho lift him off of the ground and into his lap after having shoved the pair of legs off belonging to Jisung who had grunted in response.
Chan leans against his chest, his head perched on his shoulder watching the doorway, "Innie still gone," He whines, his eyes never once leaving the doorway in hopes he'd miraculously walk through any second now.
Minho brings a hand up brushing through his hair, "He'll be back soon," He says softly as he continued to brush his hair with his fingers, it calmed Chan down a significant amount resulting in him nodding off on the man's lap.
A couple of minutes later, Jeongin walks through the doorway noticing Minho singing a lullaby to a sleeping Chan, he pulls out his phone making sure to record it. Not letting Minho know what he'd recorded, he rounds the couch carefully freeing Minho of Chan. He slumps back onto the couch letting the little snuggle into his chest, his arms instinctively wrapped around his torso tightly gripping his shirt at the back. It was as if he knew just who he was, even if he was asleep.
Chan knew.
Jeongin huffed out a quiet laugh, beaming ear to ear at the little who was beyond adorable.