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Suguru was always so beautiful, so precious, that it felt like touching him could never be allowed for fear of corruption. But Satoru did. He'd touched every inch of Suguru's body so many times the memories were no longer separate. All of that preternatural beauty that made Suguru Suguru was gone. No more than a whisper of light in a world of darkness. Satoru missed the feeling that Suguru's light brought. He missed feeling anything at all. Just knowing something as special as Suguru was his and always would be made Satoru feel as if he were a cloud finally ascending and regaining its clarity after so long of being fog. Satoru would give anything to feel that again. He would have done anything, everything, for Suguru, for the stars in his eyes. If only...if only... Satoru had given up trying to figure out where it all went wrong a long time ago. There was no point. Pacing the bedroom that used to be theirs at night would do nothing towards changing the past, tragic as it was.
Satoru spent most nights lying awake in their bed feeling the ghost of Suguru's loving embrace grace his skin, sweat-slicked from nightmares of Suguru's final moments. He only wished that they could have had just one more peaceful night worrying about nothing more than what they were going to have for breakfast the next morning. He only wished that he could have been blessed with Suguru's unwavering beauty just once more. Just once more and he would be content to live his life as if lidocaine ran through his veins instead of blood. All he wanted was to feel his soulmate's love sanctify him anew. But life's not exactly fair, is it?